|
It's been 2 months since the break up and I'm still feeling very emotionally drained.
I had some classes with him in high school but really didn't start to know him until we started dating in my 2nd year of college (last year). I'm going through that transition in life from child to adult and for once had been in a REAL relationship and know it was my first love. It's easy to find someone to fit certain personality trait criteria. Before, I just wanted someone nice and funny, etc, and never understood why it didn't work. Now I was with someone who fit the basic personality profile I had always wanted but there was something more-- the way his mind worked, his thoughts, passions, philosophies....I love HIM. Everything that is him...especially his "weird" ways about him that no one seems to "get". I have my "weird" things too that no one understands and we "get" eachother on a very intimate level. We worked harmoniously sexually, intellectually, immaturely and seriously. He gave himself completely to me and I to him; we both became completely vulnerable to eachother yet our trust never allowed us to be worried of our vulerabilities.
After several months, I told him I love him. He didn't say anything back until 1 month later. He broke up with me for the weekend and got back with me by monday and expressed that he did love me too and it seemed like he was just very freaked out. After that break up we got back and verything went back to normal. 1 1/2 months went by and he broke up with me for a week. That week we remained best friends and by the end of that week we got back together. However, this time, he started to pull himself away and gain more "control" of "us". Before, everything seemed really balanced, but this time he called the shots. I was ok with it bc I knew he was probably uncomfortable with putting himself out there and figured that in due time he would be willing to let himself go with me again. Besides that, I was still very happy and here were days where he wouldn't hold himself back.
Finals week he had me spend the night to study every night together. We drove back home together for a week and returned back to school for summer session. The minute we got back, things changed dramactically. We would drive to class in the mornings (I'm his next door neighbor) but that was it. No dates, no hanging out, no kissing, no sex, no phone conversations...nothing. I don't doubt his loyalties to me, but I just was very hurt. He broke up with me 2 months later. So, although we've only been broken up for 2months, it seems like 4 since the last 2 months of our relationship were very hard and lonely. However, during the last 2 weeks of our relationship he began calling me again regularly and would talk for hours. It seemed like he was coming around, but then things just ended. I know he's not dating anyone or anything for a fact.
Since we broke up, we drove home (9 hrs away from school) and back and we spent the car ride talking about our break up. I cried, we said EVERYTHING we've ever needed to say and the last 2 hours of the car ride was spent in wonderful conversation-- that converstation depicted the epitome of why we were ever together in the first place. Since we've been back at school he will pick me up if he sees me walking (since we are still neighbors and all) and he seems friendly. I have all my classes with his friends and everything seems ok. But, the other day I messaged him over Facebook to ask him about volunteering (since we have the same major and are in the same student organizations) and he blocked me online. I'm offended just because it was so unexpected. I miss him.
I'm not fully over the break up and I'm no where NEAR over him. It's hard to see him down the street from my apartment and my room has the same layout as his. I still have his pictures up. How do people get over these things? When he broke up with me he said "I was someone that wanted to marry you." I'm not saying I'm looking for marriage right NOW, but with him, I know there's potential. comments please.
|
He broke up with you and is serious about it. It's terribly hard still seeing him of course, but the best thing you could do is very very hard try to ignore him as well. I know it seems impossible to you and maybe it is, but there are just no words against heartaches - no remedies other than being hard as steel for yourself as well...
