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Well, this is my first time on anything like this but I thought it would be helpful! Alright my "break up" story....
We are 4 years apart. I'm nearly done with college, he is just beginning. We met at work back at home, and instantly I knew we connected.It's something you feel not only in your heart, but when you look into their eyes, you can feel it in you soul...He was the center of attention type, football player, made everyone laugh till we cried, but secretly really just wanted someone to be with and relate to. He pretty much shattered my idea of those "jocks" that didn't care and were full of themselves, because he was just the opposite. It was like finding your dream guy. After being treating so many times like a piece of meat in high school, he realized how old it got.
We met, and I was the opposite of any girl he had ever known. We talked a lot, became great friends, and he was very flirty with everyone. I had a bf, but it was a relationship that was going stale. And he ignited those butterflies, curiousity, and that natural sense of adventure that I hadn't felt in such a long time. Follow the butterflies my heart said! So I did. We went out together, and it felt like a fairy tale. He was such a gentleman, incredibly good looking, and amazing personality, a wonderful heart, and everything I have always wanted in someone...I found in him. We had a rocky start, my parents didn't want us together with the "age gap", though his parents, family, and everyone else I knew didn't see a problem. I wrecked my car last year...sneaking to see him. We went through A LOT to be together, believe me.
Things were perfect between us. But we knew he would be starting college, so we made plans to think of things to help us out. I bought a web cam, did all those little things to keep communication open. I even changed my cell phone company, so we could talk for free.He was completely excited and reassured me we would be fine. I told him how I was so scared that he would meet someone, and he said no, I love you so much. I told him about how I was scared he would change, and he said not to worry, we would be fine. We had such a strong relationship, he became my family in a way. Our families fell in love with us, he fit in perfectly.....
So college begins. First week, he is overwhelmed. First week happened to be our one year anniversary and I went to see him at his school, and that's when he blurted out the most horrible words you can even imagine in a relationship, "We can't be together anymore."
I stood there in disbelief, couldn't believe what I was hearing. I just stood there. I asked him what he was talking about, whys, all those questions you think of. I cried, I got angry. He saw I wasn't giving up and then threw in "I already cheated on you twice this week." I looked at him and asked if it was sex, and he said no. But he made out with a girl twice. Details were vague... He told me he can't be in a relationship at college, that (even though I'm in college for a few years now) that he is surrounded by drugs, alcohol, and sex everywhere and told me I didn't understand. That it was different for guys at college than girls.
He broke my heart. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I saw this person, as my future. He saw me. We went on vacation this past summer, went para sailing together, we have such a history. A strong one. There were no warning signs. And as I asked him how he could do this, he looked at me and said "I'm not doing this right now. I'm going. I'm about to cry. I'm going back into the building right now." He could barely stand there.
It was hard for him to do this. I know it was. I saw it was. But how do you lose love for someone so quickly? I don't think it is humanly possible.
I guess part of me wonders, if he is telling me the truth. Does he still have feelings and just won't show it? Is it easier to ignore something to make it go away? He admits he bottles things up and keeps them inside. Will he eventually explode one day and no longer be able to keep it in? I don't want him to forget about us......
I guess what I am lacking is a male perspective on things, I'm surrounded by girls everywhere and a lot of them I know have been hurt a lot so obviously will have a negative outlook on their opinions to me. I'm always that down to earth girl, 100% truthful honest gf, that will do anything for people she loves, and I put 200% into a relationship. Even though he told me it wasn't about me...that it really was him....this hurts. Like I was not enough for him....I did everything I could. We matched each other so well, people even thought he was older than me. I still look like I'm in high school, and get mistaken all the time.
Now its been a month, yesterday. We don't talk a whole lot, but last week he messaged me like so many days in a row. Its just random talk but its awkward. I love him with all my heart and its ripping me into pieces to even think about him with other girls. He already told me he may or may not have made out with this one girl, since he was drinking....and details are fuzzy. Don't tell me crap like.....what do you expect me to say? My friends took me out to the bar, to have some fun and just forget things, but it ended up being horrible, I went home crying, and all I could think about was him.....after telling him I went to the bar he asked me...."Did any guys hit on you?" Now why would he care?
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If anyone could give me any advice on how to get over this, if you've been there and how to feel better I would love that. He means so much to me.....I don't know which direction to go. Cut someone that is practically family out of my life? I'm scared he might forget me forever.....
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