courtesy of Instant Vantage
The drumming of my fingers on the table to exemplify the frustrated stare into space that’s on my face.
“i don’t like this... I don’t like this at all...” are the words kicking the back of my skull and match the heated feeling in my chest I get with every breath.
“but its part of the dating game...” I try to reason... Unsuccessfully.
This anger is there, and as much as I would like to just say ‘coincidence’...coincidence went out the window after the first time. It stuck to the next “first” time. What is it now that I’m supposed to learn? What is it that I’m supposed to sort out? Why the anger?
Hmmmm... I’ll tell you what happened.
First I want to say that I’m just working out some feelings and that’s it. Once written down, its in the past and over with. I hold no animosity whatsoever but I work out my feelings through writing. Some think them, some talk them... I do this.
Back to what happened.
Or should I say lack thereof.
Or rather, how about a big build up... For nothing.
Whatever vibe I’m throwing out into the universe, its sending me back some funky funky stuff. Let me give you the run down of events...
Seems there’s a bug in the air, or water...
So, after moving to my new place on the coast almost a year ago, and still in a state of disrepair, I was trying to date. Was actually kinda successful with too, but what I learned was that I most assuredly not ready for something remotely resembling a romantic type relationship.
So I swore off the dating kick to focus on me for awhile. I needed to be fixed before I inflicted my semi-morose anxiety on unsuspecting lovelorn interests.
I did, I felt better and so I decided to send out the message again that I was fit, able, stable and looking for partner in crime for the few hours a week I had to start with. You see I’m a single dad, with a fulltime job... Setting up meets and coffee dates is a juggling act as my social itinerary is pretty much with my kids and their activities when I’m not working.
So those who are interested, please apply within.
Seeing as how I don’t get out much and when I do its usually the odd night where I hit my local pub to write, I decided to throw myself to the mercy of the ebbs and flows of the universe instead... and elected to fire up a profile on one dating site and concentrate on that one only.
...And let the magic of the internet dating gods do their magical dating uh...magic.
I had to redo some of what I had from before, tweaked a little here, add a little there, change this, and bolster that. In the end I had a killer profile worked out, now all I needed was for someone to see it.
This means sending emails! (can’t leave everything up to chance! lol!)
I found what worked, got tons of visitors, some replies and a few just sayin what a great profile I had written. I was in high hopes! Things were working out perfectly, more perfectly that I had thought because I got emailed from an interested lady that I had shown interest in, but hadn’t sent an email expressing my...interest.
Tally-**** and on we go! she was nervous but excited, I was nervous and excited, but a bunch of emails later and a night of happy chit-chat was set up.
Come the evening of the happy chit chat, as I was on my way... I get the dreaded text: Sorry I’m sick... And don’t want to get you sick too, I’ll make it up to you....
Alright no problem, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt...no matter how doubtful I really feel. But I’m a stand up guy... And... Well, never heard from again... I sat that night and worked out a great evening by myself and my phone.
It took me awhile to work this out in my head, mostly because I’m just getting back in the game and rather than sitting around waititng for something, I felt that I had to get back on that horse! This cowboy is looking for a new rodeo to ride in!
The emails I began to get after this were from people further and further away from my city more like off island. I’m not lookin to spend the little time I have on a ferry just to sit and chat for an hour or so, then head back on another ferry, I can’t float that kind of loot nor time. I’m lookin local...
I fired up an old blog I had let stagnate over the winter. In keeping it up, I would also send out the odd email... Never hurts, but I also knew I was off my “one site only rule”.
But it worked.
I got a reply and after a few of those, she moved to offnsite email, and then to texting because we were working out a time and place to meet... As I made the arrangements again, and was sitting in my car driving to the destination, I get another text saying “sorry...not feeling good, I have to cancel”.
I get that its completely different people, I get that its plausable, I get that $#@% happens....
Why am I so angry about it then? two in a row, the same thing both times.... I hit the pub. I wrote... I went down to the water to write some more...
Why am I so angry?
What were my expectations?
I could see if I was flying by the seat of my pants as usual, but no, I planned, made time...etc. Then I reminded myself that this is the dating game and deep down inside, I know this kind of thing happens... So even though I go with full intentions to show and put my best foot forward in the dating dance, I still keep a backup plan... And the back up plan is about being stood up and last minute cancelations.
I’ve been a business owner. I’ve taken resumes and I terviews from people who want a job from me. If you are a now show for an interview... You are cut from the list. I have no time in business for people whobdont show up when you need them to be there... I forgot how many people don’t know that the best and easiest part of working is just showing up!
This isn’t working though... This is dating. I have a bad aftertaste in my mouth after the no-shows even though I’m dealing with people who aren’t required to fill a position. lol! I have to give the benefit of the doubt, and be a stand up guy right?
Scratch one, scratch two.... maybe not just yet...
I think I’m going to send out a couple of emails to a couple of people and give them the benefit of the doubt...
And see what happens.
Who knows, maybe I’ll grow up?