As The Stomach Churns — Second Episode

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Sick Day--Daily Image 2011--December 13Creative Commons License courtesy of Rochelle, just rochelle

Welcome to the second episode of “As the Stomach Churns”, a nonexistent soap opera I created for all of you who are having relationship issues. Obviously, I paraphrased the name of a well-known soap opera in order to create this blog. It just seemed to be an appropriate name for my blog. I’m hoping you’ll see humor, the irony, the confusion and the sadness which make up the series of events which I call my life.

This morning, I woke up with a stomach ache, as my stomach was still churning from yesterday’s activities. At the moment, I am housebound because I’m having a love affair with the toilet, better known as the “runs” to people from the USA or the “trots” to people from the UK.

Please note that ALL names in my blog have been changed to protect the innocent or the guilty - lol.

Yesterday, after finding my husband oogling lesbian ***** and chatting with his ex, I wished him a good day. Not that he was going to have one, since he was off to the oral surgeon to have some teeth pulled. I had to see my doctor in order to pick up a thyroid prescription, and I ran into my friend Kathy at the drug store.

Did you ever see that movie.. oh gosh, I just can’t think of the name of it where a woman decides to become a sleuth in order to find out if her husband is cheating on her and she does such a good job of it that she gets a job as a private eye and manages to help both herself and other women who had similar experiences?

Well, I felt like a character in that movie yesterday as Kathy started describing to me all the things her new husband Ben has been up to ever since they got married not too long ago. She was telling me that, when she married Ben, he still had a girlfriend down south. Not only that. She logged onto her computer and noticed that he was still active on a dating site. So, I told her how my new husband had tried to sign us up for a swingers’ site before we married and how he’s still seeing his ex from time to time. I told her I’m still in contact with my ex and that MY husband keeps getting messages from women on a dating site too. We decided to keep each other posted on our respective husbands’ escapades. Misery sure loves company!

This morning, my husband Gerry got a message entitled “deliberating” from some woman named Liz. The message said she wanted to give him love but she was deliberating because she hasn’t heard from him for a while. I never even heard of a woman named Liz.. I only know about my husband’s ex, Sara. My husband also got a message from a dating site on which he is allegedly active. Of course, he denies everything, which at this point is ludicrous. It’s not that I’m Miss Innocence either, but the only male person who ever sends me suggestive messages is MY ex, the lascivious Lothario. Sure, I have male friends, but they came to our wedding and have no interest in me and vice versa. I unsubscribed from the few dating sites I used to frequent. But, as I said before, my husband must have joined at least 20, if not 40 dating sites prior to meeting me, and some of them continue to contact him with matches.

Call me cynical. Call me naive, but I’m coming to believe that marriage nowadays has nothing sacred about it. It seems to be more like an institution which provides its partners with some semblance of security, sex if you’re lucky and companionship, again, if you’re lucky. Back in the Dark Ages, when I first married my late husband, marriage meant something. People didn’t stray from their marriages unless they were totally and irrevocably incompatible with their mates. Nowadays, it’s almost as if practically anything goes until one partner gets sick of all the BS and bolts.

So, why do people still get married? I think it’s because many of us are social creatures who still believe in the tooth fairy. I have to admit that ever since Gerry moved in I no longer feel lonely and I enjoy his company very much. We do a lot of things together and we also pool our resources and plan for the future.

But, do we trust each other? Most definitely not. He knows I’m not going back to my ex, and I know he’s not going back to his ex. But, we both are still in regular contact with our ex’s. And, I suspect he has other women waiting in the wings. I have no one waiting in the wings by choice. When I decided to marry, I decided my dating days were over and I’m so happy not to have to go on meaningless blind dates with all kinds of weirdos. On the other hand, I thought my new husband would be less of an enigma than he is. And, you know what’s funny about it? Every time I confront him about this or that, he bursts out crying. That must be his MO because he cries so easily. And, oddly enough, he never confronts me about my ex, in spite of the fact that my ex contacts me pretty regularly. I guess on some level Gerry realizes I would never leave him for my ex. And, he’s right about that. But, will I ever see my ex again? The way things are going, I wonder if I even should refer to my last beau as an ex!

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a


  • gummybears: I want to say something after reading both of these...but I don’t know what to say...
    as to the ***** thing he did, it was his private thing, and probably knows that you don’t like it so he did it away from you in his little bit of private time... so in a way, he is looking after your best interest, but just not they way you want him too... and there’s a thing about *****; it changes your brain if you watch it too much. and getting off the ***** is tantamount to taking a heroine addict off of drugs. there’s a big pandoras box if you want to nip that in the bud.
    I feel for you that this all happened on your post wedding day and can only imagine how much it hurt for you to find this out then.
    However, I also see you catastrophizing a bit of I can be that open here about this... I’m sure he wouldn’t have married you if he didn’t feel it was important to him and to you, and again: he’s just not handling it the way you might want him to, or see it exactly the way you do.
    to me, this is just a "relationship" that’s in the making, and they come with problems between two crazy people that are together because they dig the crazy they see in each other.
    you had a wonderful day with a wonderful man, and he had a wonderful day with a wonderful woman. you got what you wanted, which was marriage to another person, a person who comes with all kinds of faults and deficiencies....
    for someone who didn’t know what to write, insure wrote a lot... and I hope I didn’t hurt any feelings... but this, that and the other thing are part and parcel of being a union of two, isn’t it? and there should be some "happy" in there somewhere shouldn’t there be? its what you wanted isn’t it? :)
  • Genieinabottle: gummybears: Did I ever tell you my late husband’s favorite candy were gummybears? Anyway, I think men enjoy watching ***** in private, and that’s fine with me. What upset me more was the TYPE of ***** he was watching, namely lesbian *****, which is what my ex used to watch. My ex literally became addicted to lesbian ***** and this is what led him to want FMF ***** with me, which led to our breakup. If my husband had been watching regular *****, it wouldn’t have upset me at all. I agree with you that watching too much ***** can alter a person’s brain in the same way an addiction to drugs or alcohol does. This is exactly what happened to my ex BTW. He is really a ***** addict.. probably because he doesn’t get regular sex. And, I’ll freely admit all of this business with the *****, the mystery lady and the ex were a bit too much to handle on the day right after our wedding. Had it been on another day, it might not have hit me full force. I think you’re correct in surmising that, if he didn’t feel it was an important thing to do, he wouldn’t have married me... And, yes, our relationship is still a work in progress. We have some very exciting times together which is what makes it all so special and worthwhile... yet, we have to understand that everyone my age comes with some "baggage" as people call it and that hopefully we will grow together in spite of or maybe even because of the baggage which had peppered our lives thus far. There is a lot of happy time in between the sad moments and I need to focus on that whenever my stomach churns.. Thanks for the pep talk!
  • Sigi: The fact that he doesn’t say anything about you being in contact with your ex can be because he trust you. I’m sure more happy moments are waiting for you in this marriage, and it is still sacred to some people it’s just harder these days.
  • Genieinabottle: Sigi,
    I believe he trusts me, and I definitely trust him with his ex, even though one of my girlfriends is suspicious. I saw his ex last week and she gave us a wedding present and said she would like us to get together with her and her new beau some time soon. I thought it was a nice gesture on her part, but my skeptical girlfriend said, that if she were I, she wouldn’t have anything to do with the ex. I disagree. I got a very good, positive feeling when I saw her face to face. I’m not saying we’re going to ever be bosom buddies, but she is a fun person and she no longer seems to be insanely jealous. My new hubby and I kissed in front of her and she had no problem at all with this. I think she finally accepts that we’re a couple. As far as my ex goes, although he is having a harder time with this than my husband’s ex, he seems to have thrown himself into his work and he contacts me a lot less frequently. You’re right, though... with everything that’s out there and with the change in attitudes towards marriage, it is harder these days to keep things together.
  • Sigi: It sounds like she finally understood your husband is not going back to her...
    that’s nice you can hang out together and it doesn’t feel awkward.
  • Genieinabottle: Sigi,
    It is really nice that she knows he’s not going back to her and that she and I feel comfortable with each other. I doubt this will ever happen with my hubby and my ex - lol!

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