Been dating for a long time.

Hey folks,

Part I:

Thanks for reading. I should start off by saying that I started dating a girl halfway through sophomore year of high school (she's in the same grade, about 6 weeks older than I). We're now about to hit the summer before senior year of college. We dated exclusively until fall of freshmen year, broke up for a couple of months, then were back together until last May when we were both out of the country. I got back from abroad in February and she invited me to come out and stay with her for a couple of days in early March. We talk a couple of times a week and are the only serious, long-term relationships that either of us have ever had.

Part II:

Her and I have not been in an official relationship for quite some time, but neither of us have really been dating other people. A couple of weeks ago I met a nice girl in one of my classes and we've been hanging out on the weekends. I like this other girl, but have no idea whether there is anything but physical attraction there yet. We didn't quite sleep together last weekend, but it wouldn't be out of the question if we spent some more time together sometime soon.

On to the question(s):

1. I love my ex. There is no question in my mind. She's practically my best friend and a blast to hang out with. Should I tell her that something is going on with this other girl?

2. What should I do about the other girl? I mean I see her every week and would feel really shitty if I just didn't talk to her anymore. I want to see if there is more there, but I don't know what to do.

3. I talked to my ex yesterday - she's coming home from school this weekend before leaving for the summer - and she says she wants to spend a lot of time with me! How does that play in?

Once again, thanks for reading and any and all advice that you might have would be much appreciated. Best of luck to all of you out there!

1. Yes, you should, although it you do so, she may ask if you're more interested in her (the ex) or the other girl. What would your answer be? You're getting into a sticky situation with these two.

2. You'll have to choose between your ex and this girl at some point unless they're all right with the situation. Keep your distance from both of them until you're sure which one you want to be closer to. Otherwise, the pace will escalate and you may have to decide before you're ready.

3. This is the pace that I was referring to in #2. It could be that she is interested in being serious with you, or it could be another "on" moment that you've had with these monthly chunks. What has stopped you two from either staying together or not?

Well it's more of a logistics thing...she goes to school several hundred miles away and isn't home very often or during the summer (to be fair neither am I). Also, we had at one point talked about if we were just together when we were home because we were comfortable with that, but later decided (due to a lot of time away from one another and still having strong feelings), that that was probably not the case.

What about my question from #1?
I think that it would be risky to continue seeing both, especially because there is the chance that you would have to choose between the two at some point.

If I were to have to choose today, I would definitely choose my ex. The thing is I feel like I really haven't done any other dating outside of this relationship. Again, the ex and I are not dating now, but I don't want to hurt her. That's the last thing I want. I'm not dating this new girl either by any means. I don't really even know her that well. I just kinda want to see where it goes. Trying to keep my options open or something like that. Thoughts?

The safe thing to do is to stop seeing the other girl, but if you still insist on seeing what it could lead to, at least try to keep things slow. I'm not sure where things are headed with the ex, but you should make a decision soon, or the ex could get in the way of knowing the other girl.