Being a people pleaser

I must start by saying that I am one of those people who just likes to please. People often around me classify me as a people pleaser and no matter how much I change that about me, it always seem to come back because that's who I am deep down. I think it all stems from my childhood being raised by a mom who always complained about everything I do. She never thought I did anything right and the more she yelled at me, the harder I tried to please her and it created the person I am today. I spend countless days and nights trying to help people all the time to the point where some people would try to take advantage of my good will and some even thinking it's too good to be true. It doesn't sound like it's a huge problem but it does when after some time, the energy you release doesn't return.

I am generally a very independent person: stable, almost a perfect credit score and always on his feet. I am able to withstand a huge amount of responsibility without a sweat. But I make the friends the wrong way, which is by helping people too much. Before other people even have a chance to help me, I've already helped them again. You can say I always seem to give more than taking in.

So what brought me on here to write about this and telling the world that I still have this huge problem. I think after tonight of helping this one person who I really do care about, I realize that she has nothing that she can really offer me to return the energy and it's hurting me that I give so much to try to win some affection when that is the wrong way to do it. There is something as helping out too much and I didn't see it until tonight. I was bummed because I gave up so much positive energy to make somebody happy but was left isolated because that person didn't know how to return that. She was the complete opposite of who I was as she was someone who wasn't able to help anyone including herself.

As I continue this blog, I probably should take tomorrow off from work to work on myself. It's not surprising that I have tons of vacation days stacked because I spend so much time trying to please my boss that it's healthier that I fail more on a general basis because seriously, there's so little appreciation these days.

Thank you for reading. For those whose lives resemble a bit like mine, say hi as I will feel better that I'm not alone because tonight, I sure did feel like I was the only people pleaser around.

Hi. Yeah, it can seem almost wrong to please yourself when helping others gets you a nice word or two, right? Well, the side effect of helping someone who doesn't return that effort (or even punish you by taking advantage of you, as you mentioned) is that you may connect negative effects with your positive intention. Now cutting back on helping is not going to make you feel better, because you'll probably still want to help, but instead, I think that finding rewarding methods will be both satisfying and encouraging. So yeah, working on yourself sounds good. A happy helper is a helpful helper.

I am new to this site. I am still looking around the different topics. I am the same person as you. I do help anyone, even if I dont know hem and know I wont see them again. lately, I have been tired of helping people, because in the end lately, I am home alone and no one to talk to lately. I jump to help people move, I help set up pools at the beginning of the summer, which was actually very benificial, because i went swimming alot. On the other hand, I helped someone the other day at the grocery store carry her bags. I felt almost insulted when i didnt even get a thank you. I dont ask for anything in return, but being grateful for the help is nice sometimes.

I also have been there and helping someone I really care about. I do everything for her. She always says that I dont have to work to see her. I see now that i havent seen her in several days, that everything that I had done to make her happy didnt mean anything. I am finding that this is true with my family and friends as well. I am still alone all the time. I have decided lately to just focus my energy on my son and redirect my negative engergy towards those who are ungrateful.

i do see where you are coming from.. i am almost the same way. it has pushed some people away because i help them too much and dont get anything in return.. it may feel amazing to see someone smile because of you but it sucks just as much to be used...

I'm 50 years old and I just discovered that I am a people pleaser. I have been reading so many sites on this topic and found your. I feel exactly the way you feel. But it has to stop. I see so much help out there and I will go seek it. I'm a good person and I know now that I have to control my people pleaser patterns. It won't be easy but I've got to stop doing that because I hurt myself too many times and lost to many friends and family about this people pleasing thing. I'm sick of it!