Boyfriend cheated 3 months ago, tried to get through it but finding it hard

Me and my current boyfriend were unofficial for a while after we met because he had a very bad relationship in the past which resulted in him OD-ing, but we were falling inlove and said we both felt comitted. About a month after we met he started University and a week later he had been asked by a friend to go on a double date as a favour so his friend could date this girl he liked, and my boyfriend ended up sleeping with the girl he was supposedly "dating" that night despite me sending him texts that he replied to. I did have a feeling that night that something was going to happen.
He told me a week later when he came back to visit me and I could tell he was really sorry and was really beating himself up about it, crying and everything.
We are now official and have just had our 5th month anniversary and every now and again i do bring it up as I still have questions to ask like were you drunk? and small things like that, like I want to find all the peices to the puzzle as to why he did it, because I can easily promise that I would never cheat on him.
But every time I think about it I want to put him through the same pain I felt, but without being a hypocrite. It hurts more and more as time goes by
but at the same time I'm falling more and more inlove with him all the time, which also for me comes with pain, as i see him less and less as the sort of person who would have done such a thing so I don't really know what to think of him.
Also I don't think he quite understands that when someone cheats on someone, it takes a while for that trust to be regained. He saw me crying because of it about a week ago, and said things like "if this is how what i did is going to make you feel all the time, this isnt going to work" and "whats a relationship without trust?", but i just think we can pick up the peices.
But my real question is, am I milking it? Should I have forgotten about it by now? Or is this totally normal for a girl when her boyfriend's cheated on her?

My bf cheated on me with his ex. but he kept telling me all along that they were broken up. I was the fool b/c I fell in love with him. He said he loves me and made a mistake going back to her but the trust is not thre anymore and although I do still love him, I have to think about me and my heart and realize that I am the better person. This went on for 3 months and I finally found out at the end that he never broke up wtih his ex. It doesn't get any better, but you have to decide what is a good healthy relationship. I am finally moving on and we will be meeting back up at school on Monday, but he knows I am done now. It hurts, but I think you have a trust issue that you can't let goof here and I know caue I have cried, but you finally have to see for yourself that you deserve better.

Everbody makes mistakes and we learn from them most of the time. But if he constantly feels like he has his mistake held over his head eventually he will mess up again. Usually thats the way it goes. I was married to man that cheated on me and I know how it feels. I constantly compared myself to the other girl.

Thankyou, this is quite a boost in help

i just found out my bf cheated on me and didnt tell me cuz he thought i was ok with it since it was my friend and i let them do stuff when we were all together and drunk i know hes sorry and upset with him self but i still cant stop imaging and wondering why he did it and what he was thinking i keep replaying all the things he said before and how ther were so many times should of been thinking about it and shouldve told me i just hope it does go away soon i feel like im making a big deal out of it too but i think its normal anybody else have any experience/suggestions?

yeah. I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me, a year after it happenned because i realised that there was just no way i was going to get over it, even after a year it was still playing on my mind constantly, so in the end, even though i still loved him ALOT, i just had to end it because i knew i would need a clean fresh start, with no hang ups like that. so personally, speaking from experience, i say dump him, because those thoughts will never go away, no matter how hard you try.

I am a guy and I had the same thoughts running through my head.. its been about a year after she cheated on me...I trusted her with my life at the time..I took her back...To me it was a mistake now because I ended it last week. I felt like she did not appreciate me especially after taking her back. I treated her like a queen. I am glad i ended it now. This is from my experience. It was very hard on me though

I know this feeling, my ex cheated on me and after we got back, I was always having a doubt that he is going to do it again... he also got upset because I did not trust him, and also sth like "what is love without trust"... and I found that is very selfish

I mean, he was the one who cheated on you so that is his job to take your trust back...

Now, you decide if you can forgive him and be with him or just forget about him... a cheater never deserve to have a right to make the choice, you will have to make the choice and he will have to learn a lesson when he lost you...

My boyfriend and I were together about eight months before we decided to move cross country together. I was nervous because I am very social and was moving to a remote region, and due to our profession, we could not see each other during the week.

Long story short, after feeling so far removed from my family, friends, heck, even scoiety, he betrayed me.

I guess it was like this. He ex dumped him five years ago and refused to speak to him. One week after moving out of state she called him. Why - because she saw he was dating someone on facebook. Though they both venemently deny that she new about me.

Two month later, he told me he was going on a "vacation", which killed me enough because I felt so alone out there.

He wasn't honest about his intentions, but obviously he was going to be with her. I begged for him to stay because I new he would cheat on me if he went. He went, and I was right. He then flew off to be with her a month later.

Three months after that he came back for me, and I was in glee cause I loved him, and he was mine again. But like other people on this page have said, I don't think I can get over it.

I am so angry, depressed, hurt, and he just won't give me closure. WHen I ask about the infidelity, he is "at loss for words."

I feel like I know I should dump him, but I can't because I love him.

I don't understand why some people think it is OK to mark the lives of others like this. He knows I had a very tough life. Why couldn't he have dumped me and gone and did it. F.

I don't want to leave him, but I also don't know if I will ever get over it if he won't even talk to me about it. Damn it.

I've personally never cheated and I couldn't see myself doing it for the pain and guilt I would feel, but I have to be honest, and I do hate to generalize:

From a guy's perspective, if he cheats, it's because he feels the need for variety, he just wants more or better sex. It is nothing personal most of the time, he wishes (or idiotically thinks) that no one will be hurt by it, it's just something he wants to do. Perhaps this is genetic from ages past where men were far more commonly polygamous. Most of the time, when he says it's nothing, he really means it (unless it is ongoing, like an affair).

When a girl cheats, in my experience (I know a few girls who have and have read countless stories about it happening) it's actually for the PURPOSE of getting back at their partner, revenge, or just to cause drama because their life is boring.

Not that I'm excusing ANY cheating whatsoever, but just to give you some perspective on COMMON forms of cheating. If it is the regular kind of one-off cheating, a guy should be hauled over the coals, but it should be forgivable long term if you are willing to more openly discuss your sex life.