boyfriend dumped me, I want him back but...

Okay, so after being dumped by my seven month long boyfriend, I took it hard. Very hard to be honest and I thought it was the end of the world. I gave it a few days, almost a week now and I am okay, emotionally, I just want him back. Sadly there are some awkward situations and some issues...

1. he said he wanted to be friends, but he wont talk to me at all! -- Ive come to terms with being friends. I dont want him out of my life. Infact by being friends maybe we could have a second chance...he just wont talk to me though! It seems he even avoids me. We were in a LDR and now he moved servers on WoW, and logs off facebook when I get on. I asked his brother [who is discussed in my awkward situation below] if he hated me now and his response was that Josh [ex boyfriend] didnt hate me, he was frustrated and afriad I was still super emo.

2. his 30 year old brother, and one of his best friends talk to me, a lot. -- I thought when you got dumped the contact with family stopped too? It went opposite with us, his brother talks to me all the time, I mean, every day so far. Some of my friends say he is coming on to me, [ew Im only 19 hes 30!]. But Josh wont talk to me at all. ever.

I know I sometimes came off as needy in our relationship, but I realized my huge mistake, I dont need him...but I want him. I am my own person, with my own choices, and my choice is Josh, aswell with not losing myself, so how do I go about getting him back if he wont even talk to me? But his family and friends will? I mean they adore me, am I always going to be the girl that they like better than anyone else? Awkward! His brother even said he embraced me as part of the family and hopes I will visit again? Even if Josh and I are just friends?

On top of that his brother says Josh is doing great and is already over it and we should just be friends saying `friendships are indefinatly better`? I am so confused! I need guidance.

This is tough..
Im going through the same sort of thing.
I would say cut the ties with him/his family for a while. Give yourself some time to heal (im still in this stage.. its been about a week) and try to figure your life without him.
I want my bf back too, but one thing everyones told me is guys want what they cant have.
By being his friend, he still has you.
By you trying to contact him/talk to him - he knows you still want him.

So do yourself a huge favour and just try to pick up the peices and move on. That game is a hard one, and eventually once you start healing maybe then try friends. but I know from how I feel right now (which is probably very close to how you feel) being friends is probably going to be too tough right now.

I think youre probably right, if I just live normally again, then perhaps he will think I dont want him and come running back. Its still weird though and still hurts a lot...because even as friends how am I supposed to forget all the..stuff we did? I would think that just makes friendship awkward. I half wonder why he can be so wonderful now too. ><.

I agree! You must distance yourself from his family. It may be hard but you must find things that make you happy!!

Same here, going through a break up. Its been a week since he broke up with me, and we were together for 7 months. It's extremely hard and painful, that i drive myself nutts for a moment. I have a friend who i look up too and respect, who's married now. She told me time will make things better and will tell, i mean easy to say than done ofcourse. But you know what, if you give time and he doesnt come back and doesnt realizes what he's missing, than he's not even worth to keep. You'd be better off with someone who knows youre worth and knows that you're the one for him and will never let go, and put you through this pain. A person once told me.
"No asshole deserves your tears, but the one who does will never make you cry" and its true. Im not trying to be a slut and all, but many say that sleeping with another person helps to get over feelings, and its true i think.

oh my God!! i can t believe this.. i am going through the same photocopy situation as you are mysterematinee, but the difference is that i am on a divorce process with my husband and i am staying at my boyfriend's house with him and his family.. his family has accepted me as either their daughter or daughter - in - law despite knowing my past. well i think give it space like i am trying, its really difficult but i guess thats the best way to know if he really values you or not!! or am i wrong???

He deleted me off facebook! A petty gesture, but its the emotion behind it that hurt. So I texted and was like ` I thought we were friends, friends have eachothers facebooks.` hahaha! I didnt expect him to text back, but he did! He said he didnt hate me and needed time...so I..well I sort of suprised myself, I said ` Alright, I respect your choice.` And that was it. I decided Ill avoid his family and friends and maybe Ill make them all wonder about me. If he really loved/loves me he will come back to me, and if not...well to bad! Guess he missed out. A part of me is screaming that he misses me and is trying to cover it up by not having contact with me. I mean I got my tattoo last night, have been chatting and updating like normal and Im well, okay. Im my happy, funny self, I think seeing me laugh without him is to much and thats why he deleted me. He needs time to convince himself that he doesnt want me, or put on his big boy pants and realize he does. I wont wait for him, but ill take him back should the time arise...and im not already happily taken, cause then I know its meant to be.

Hunni i am going through a situation like you but he told me we need to be friends and I was started to like him.....and hunni if he's worth your time make him but if he's not don't make it

I was doing so well too! no contact with his family or friends until tonight on facebook his best guy friend randomly started a chat with me! Mind you I havent talked to the kid more than once ever in the whole 7 months, but he just just starts a normal, everyday conversation with me. Sure I wanted to ask how Josh was, but I didnt. I told him I had added to my minor and picked a plan of study and focus, he asked how school was going and I said it was fantastic. Etc. etc. I think its weird..I mean do guys do the whole spying thing for their friends? Could he be seeing how I was doing since I havent been around Josh or his brother at all?

I knew it was to good! Brother contacted me today...he says Josh has completely moved on. He goes on to explain that when he told Josh I was sick, Josh flinched and shrunk into his shell...he still refuses to play WoW too, so is that really moved on? I went off on the brother saying I am not giving up, and I dont believe anything unless Josh tells me himself. The brother said `that was valid...but he wont talk to you!` Then I told him that I sent josh and text to which he responded, brother didnt know this and simply said `ah I see` then had to abruptly log offline...

Do you honestly think he is twisting stuff arounf? That Josh doesnt want me...Im so confused, should I text him tomorrow and see if Josh will talk, or wait until my birthday which is in...5 days? What if he forgets me by then? Help! Im losing it!

I knwo how u feel i am only 16 but i was in love before , i ws so scared to get back into it , then i met this guy , we had been friends before for a while then we decided to give it a try and he was amazinggg soo understanding and CARED soo much , then i was still unsure m, i aghve hinm my virginity tht meant alottt to me but i never realyl told him how great he was insead i picked at all his flwas makin hi feel bad cuz i was insecure too
he tried to do everything for mee , took me to guyana with all his family to meet and took me places tht he never took a girl before , invited me to family dinners and everything he careed soo much, we told eachother i love you and stuff altho it seemes quick i felt soo close to him , it was only like 1 month 2 weeks b4 he dumped me, he said he felt so unappreciated and as if i took him for granted , he was sick of me not trusting him and said all i did was fight with him in guyana he felt like my personal slave i stood there bawlingg and i did wat i shudnt have i beggedd!! sayin i wud change basically handing him the upper hand to control me abnd he did .... he sed ok i dunno jus give me time and then i didnt i jus continued too begg then tht samee nite i went out got drunk and kissed soemone else somoen he hated!! so at tht point he sed nahh he is off me , he doesnt wana be with me ever again!! , the for tht week i wen off cfrazy he sed mean thigns aboout me and i jus kapt callin and crying and beggin! i lost weight i didnt eat , its been a month since we ended things but i still thinka about him everyday ! i still miss him and in a way i think a little part of me wants him back , then he doesnt talk to me at all!! he locked me off , juss topped talkin has kissed 3 diff girls and i ahev kissed 2 , but he cant look at me , cant say hi nothing ... does that mean he isnt over me to? , how is it possible for someon who cared tht much to jus stop caring? he is soo mean , makes me feel as if i meant nothing , part of me thinks he is doing it just to hurt me , he talks to all my frens and family but recently i aske dhim to stop talkin to him cuz iw ant to try move on lock him off , i took him off facebooka nd msn cuz i was soo hurt by everything , he sed horrible thigns to me , wont answer my calls and wen he sees me he cant even look at me , altho i looks very sad , i ahve tried this new attitude and it deef helps , wen i saw him sat nite he was just lookin at me i walked rite pass him and he would be in the party lookin soo sad and bummy! he saw me and he looked as if he wanted to come where i was then he saw me tlakin to my ex and looked hurt and made a 360 turn wat does tht mean??? if he is sooo over mee and i told him i sju wanted to be frens then why cant he talk to me??? wat is he afraid of??
he also left early the party and is now on this new girl who is a childdd and he wil prob hurt me but he makes me feel so shitty he told me wen we were fightin like last week ( i text him first) how his life is soo great and this girl is fun smart and great! and it hurt me then he tagged her in a pic of 2 monkeys huggin up of both of them
wat to do? he is takin her grad all iw ant is to have the upper hand i want him to realise wat he had and beggggg back for mee and feel how i did
help
?

its hard, yeah. my ex started talking to me again, and told me he still loved me and always would. it sucks to know that and is nice too. I text him every night, all I say is goodnight, and sometimes he responds, sometimes not. it hard, Im trying to just work on myself, be happy, be causal with him and maybe we can rebuild our relationship from the ground up...esp. since he hinted at maybe trying again in the future. I dont know though, hes too awesome to stay single in college, and I feel that ill turn into the girl who lived 2000 miles away... So thats why i continue to try and talk to him...bad idea?

im only 12 years old and he dumped me for my best friend its hard but just go on, things WILL work out whether it just you 2 being friends or getting back together again, good luck!!!!

mysterematinee

Timing can be a tough lesson to learn. Its one of those things that's always there.

As long as it does not bother you too much then I don't think maintaining a casual communication window with him should be a problem. We all know the future is uncertain and your actions, or lack there of, can affect that.

same thing but it was the other way around and ito took a year he was mad and he loved me still, and still i loved him deep down


just tell him you have a hole in your heart, and so do i so can you for give me, i young and i had this happen to me! hope it works

Amazing. Isn't it? How everyone seems to go through the same situation? I say amazing because people are ill informed about what a relationship actually is or rather means.

Mysterematinee, you want your ex back. Your plea for help has made that perfectly clear. Do you want your ex back because you truly love him? Or do you simply just miss the idea of him?

There is absolutely a difference between these two. "Needs", and wants also fall under such understanding.

Your decision should be one that takes careful thought and consideration. Your answer will revile the outcome of your situation.

So on so forth.. You probably feel that you've asked and answered these questions a million times. However, how to win back your ex lover is my field of expertise and I will give you undoubtedly all the information and answers that you seek. =D

Its been 4 months since I talked to him last anyway, and every once in awhile I hear things, but I dont seem to care that much. I havenew friends, etc. but then a few days ago a friend that used to be hated by my ex, told me they were not friends. He told me my ex called me controling and said I made him miserable and he hated me. I havent talked to him in 4 months, nor about him! I havent belittled him, or anything, so why is he being a jerk to me now? Apparently my ex has a new gf, and yet he still continues to talk about me and how much I suck. Is it just because she cant move on so he resorts to belittling me to make himself feel better? Thats what it sounds like to me!

I have to say I know how you guys feel, im in the same situation right now. I fell in love with my ex instantly..we were together for more than two years and he even proposed a year ago, we were to get married next year. The break up came as a news flash to me because i was unaware. i was soo hurt. we used to solve everything, but this one idk. its been two weeks, i am still crushed because i loved this man. he wouldnt tell me why in the beginning but i finally got answers after a week. i know why and i wish i could take it back, but i cant. he told me he needed time, and then he called me and invited me to a movie...so i went cuz of course i still love him and want to be with him. it was nice, and then two days later we hung out..we talked. and again he said he needed time... he told me he misses me and still loves me, that his love will never change for me, but he wants time to think. so the only thing i can do is give it to him. i dont plan on contacting him..he will talk to me if he wants this to work. its hard because im following my heart, and simply even tho i believe he is still the one for me..he may think im not the one for him. it hurts, yes but all i can do is wait. but i know i wont wait too long. i just hope he decides he wants to marry me like before.

I can understand the situation your in. Sometimes we need to show others that we dont 'need' them. Let them have their space and work on your own life/goals etc. Let him know you repsect his decision and leave it at that. The person that needs the relationship the most has the least control.

Its a lot more attractive to see that someone can survive no matter what comes their way and when they have a mission to fulfill their lifes goals they really come across as strong, confident and attractive...

You deserve the best, treat yourself that way...

Lee

you are not supposed to be in this site. You are too young to have a boyfriend,,,,go do your homework and focus on sports, and school....have a good day!!!

Ok so heres a question of my own, so im waiting for my ex to call since he said he needs time, its been 4 days since we talked last. If he loves me like he says then how long would it normally take to decide what he wants?

True love does not come from the mind. You know where it comes from. Time is a limitation of the mind not the heart. Whats happened is the right thing because it has already happened. Only our thinking/our minds make it into a strssful drama.

Lee

Simpley Hurt wrote:

Ok so heres a question of my own, so im waiting for my ex to call since he said he needs time, its been 4 days since we talked last. If he loves me like he says then how long would it normally take to decide what he wants?

As much as it pains me to say this: It's BS.

I was in the same boat. GF of a few years kept telling me everyday that she loved me. One day, I ask if it's true for my own peace of mind. I get told that it wasn't true.

Sometimes people say things that are so commonplace that they don't realize they are saying it until its too late.

Vegasvargas.. i think i have to disagree with with what you are saying. i mean yes ppl do say "i love you" and not really mean it, or have no sense of the feeling love. But that was a big thing with us. We never said it unless we truly meant it. So i feel he truly does love me but from what i gather, he feels he is in so much pain he doesnt know whether the problem can be solved and he doesnt want to feel that way ever again..same for me. And who knows maybe i am so blinded because i love him that im making excuses. i really dont know. but i do want him back. im trying my hardest not to talk to him to give him his time and space, unless he calls me of course, but i just wonder..if after like 2 weeks or longer and he never calls me..does that mean he doesnt want it to work? I keep telling myself give it a month, if he doesnt call me at all...then i will move on. and if he does..well idk . i get butterflies when he called the week before, and i felt like a little kid again.

I am not saying this person even thought twice about it. In my case, me and her seperated, and for two weeks afterwards she said it everyday. Until I asked if it was really true, and she said she didn't know.

Don't talk to his family yet. Give yourself time to be at peace about your situation with him. It is not easy to let go the person once you loved. It takes time to heal.

How do you get over a guy who dumped you just before your two month anaversery??? this only happened to me 4 hours ago

What was the reason for dumping you?

hey. so i know you posted this months ago but i just came across it. me & my boyfriend of 4 YEARS! broke up. its been a month & I just can't get over him. he was my everything & I still love him & always will..he still stays in contact with me but I think that's the worst thing because I am the one initiating the calls & texts.. I keep telling myself to stop texting & calling him & make him miss you & feel miserable the way you do but its soooo hard. I've went thru my sad & depressed stage when all I did was cry & reminice & now altho I'm still sad I'm angry & think that I'm ready to ignore him for awhile, give him his space & make him come back to me!! has anything changed with you??

to be honest, nothing changed, he was still mean, and ignored me, and its been four months. . . Now we ran into eachother, he has a new gf. He talked to me like we were normal. I apologized for handleing things wrong, and I dont know why I apologized, but after I did he freaked saying ` you dont have feelings for me still do you? you better not` now I got defensive and said `of course not!` which I dont know if its true or not...few days ago i got a text from a mutual friend saying that my ex was happy that me and him talked and forgave eachother. whut?