boyfriend is obsessed with his 19 yr old son

My boyfriend is obsessed with his 19 yr old son He runs over there almost daily to go and get him take out food and a variety of other useless jaunts. He cannot say no to him no matter what he wants, money, food cigarettes etc.
The kid is nineteen doesnt work and has his father wrapped around his finger
I am getting sick of it
I no sooner get home from work and he is running over there
We only have one car so he has to wait for me to get home and since its my car I am getting a little tired of it all
We recently planned a weekend away but I deceided to stay home after he invited the son and the sons girlfriend, without even asking me
What now

Have you talked with him about how his son is interfering with your relationship? If so, what has he said about making any changes?

I try not to go on about it and all he says is "Its my baby"
I really think its out of control
I have two sons of my own and I understand
how much you love them
But it just seems like its an obsession with him
Whenever i try to reign thing in and say no not tonight he is mad

He seems to put his son before you.
Would you be ok with that?

I realize that i will always be second to his son. I just dont think that it needs to be an everyday thing.
I just feel that these little trips are not necessary on a daily basis
I have tried saying why dont you get what he needs for a few days and then he wont have to run over there
He even picks up the girlfriend from work and she expects it
I am tired of being the bad guy in this situation
How can i make him realize that his son loves him and that he doesnt have to cost money
He goes on about how much his son loves him
but all I see is a spoiled brat who needs to grow up and a father who is putting everything at risk with our relationship to kiss his ass

That's probably a position he will continue to take. You should sit with your boyfriend soon to discuss things, or else you will be constantly waiting while he may think that there is no problem.

It would be diffrent if i thought his son appreciated anything he is doing but he doesnt

the kid needs to grow up and his father isnt helping at all

he is like a 2 yr old

never happy and his father keeps trying

spoiled brat

there has already been several discussions

he knows my opinion on the topic and yet he does nothing about it

i continue to sit home alone while he is gone for hours

i guess the kid wins

So what will you do?

what do you suggest?

Are you happy enough to stay?

Boy this sounds too familiar but my bf's son is only 12 now.
I feel like nothing matters to him unless he does it with his son.
I don't feel our time together is as valuable to him.

run, run fast, run far. there is something radically wrong with a man who puts his 19 year old ADULT son before a relationship. I only found that out after I already got married. It's not good! and resentment will build. It's not right

continuing with resentment will turn to poison. Sometimes issues need to be brought up repeatedly. Keep trying to talk about it.

Hi. My heart goes out to you. Your BF is clearly showing you where his priorities are...and they are not you. This is not really about your boyfriend. It is about you and your sense of self-worth and what you think you deserve. The fact that you are staying in the relationship where you are clearly not appreciated very much at all shows how low your level of self-respect and self-worth is. Every time you give up your car to him and sit home alone for hours, you say to him, "I'm not worthy. I don't value myself and you shouldn't value me either." Ask yourself some questions: Why doesn't my BF have a car of his own to drive over to his son's? Is he fifteen? Any grown man should have a car of his own. Why do I believe I don't deserve to be first in my man's life? What has happened to me in my childhood that gave the script "I'm not worthy?"

Then, decide to take control of your life. Tell him that you will not tell him what to do, but you will tell him what you are going to do. You are not going to allow him to take the car to leave you to go spend time with someone else. If he wants to do that, that is his choice and he can purchase a car to do it with. I hope the car is in your name. If not, then that is the first thing that needs to be straightened out. You do not want any financial entanglements with this man. No joint credit cards. No jointly held property. Protect your money. This man does not appreciate or respect you, so you do not want him near your money.

Get some counseling. The fact that you have tolerated this intolerable behavior shows deep rooted "I'm not worthy" script. Our scripts develop in childhood. This man is showing you what your script is so you can get help understanding how it began, working thru it and discarding that self-defeating script and writing a new script for your life. You will need help with this. Ask your women friends for a good female counselor.

Begin participating in and enjoying your own activities without him. Do Not Sit Home Alone while he is at his son's house. Got to the gym, meet your friend for dinner, take an evening class in art, poetry, yoga, anything that will nurture your soul. You deserve to be first. And it starts with YOU putting yourself first.

Read about Narcissism. Your BF shows signs of being a Narcissist. He has no regard for your feelings and wishes; classic Narcissist traits. You may discover that one or both of your parents is a Narcissist, which would explain how the "I'm not worthy" script came to be.

Look at this as the time of your Awakening.
It is an opportunity to see your patterns and replace patterns that no longer serve you for better, self-affirming ones.

Good luck. This WILL improve your life. Any time our self-awareness grows, our life improves.

You are Worthy. You have Immense Value. You are a piece of God.
With Much Love,
Vicki