boyfriend of two years says he needs time to figure himself out

Hello all,
My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me on sunday. We are best friends. He is romantic, considerate, loving, caring, and an overall amazing person and boyfriend, no one makes me happier. We have been getting in a lot of little fights lately and we have almost broken up before. He always says that he feels trapped someitmes, like his life is set out, and he doesn't know what he wants. We went on a break about 4 months ago and he lasted a week and was a mess we got back together and he was sure I was the one he wanted. Now he is having these thoughts of wanting to be alone to figure out what he needs, and so he left this time. He usually doesn't leave he will cry and then say he loves me and can't be without me.

We actually broke up this time, he left. We have talked on the phone and online every day includng the night he broke it off, I can't just stop talking to my best friend, we see each other almost everyday. He can't get these thoughts out of his head, he says he doesn't feel content with anything in his life, but he is happy when he is with me, but he wants to stop hurting me and dragging me down while he figures this out. He wants to talk to me and said I will always be his best friend, and hopes we can hang out. He said he loves me and if he could snap his finers and get rid of his doubts he would to be with me. He told me that he just wants to be single he isn't going to be with anyone else. But he doesn't know what the future holds and can't say that we will ever get back together. Then he says that he is going to do everything he can to figure this out before it is too late for me, and says he will be extremely jealous if anyone else goes out with me, but tells me not to wait around for him.

I dont understand this, he is so confused and he knows it. He wants to fix this but will it continue to come back? How will he know if he is just missing me like crazy or his doubts and unsureness and confusions are actually gone?

I told him we need to stop talking, he needs to deal with this and miss me. I need to be gone for him to realise what he lost. He is going to call me next week to let me know how he is feeling.

I don't know what to make of this situation. He says I am the best thing he has ever had and will never foget his feelings for me, and right now he wants me back but doesn't want to hurt me anymore.

Any advice would help, thoughts, etc.

Thanks

hey,i decide to reply,coz im exactly in the same situation with my ex gf whic we broke up 7 weeks befrore.look,i ve got a very good exprience in relationship,and i would say to be honest with you,ur ex boyfriend is sleeping with someone else girl,so he loves you,but he cant be with you,strange,if u are enough intelligent u have to understand that,im not sure i can not accuse him or someone else,because i dont know exactly how the situation is,but to me seems like he meet someone new,when people say i love you but we cant be together,means im with someone else ,but thei want to make sure to keep you as well if something goes wrong in current relationship to have u back. f..that then. my advice is do not call him,text him,or plead beag him to be with you,if he crying he probably he feels guilt what he is doing,trust me,but i,d say move on,let him to come back,noone is better then others,he is the one he was walking out from ur relationship and he is the one he has to come back.thats what i told my ex gf.remember,do not ask him to be with you,plead or beg trust me he will treat you like shit then,dont feel sorry if he crying,is his problem not yours,he is guilty that,s y.if he loves you he would never do that,to ask for space and shit like that.remember if is meant to be ur bf he will,if not means he never was. good luck and take my advice, make sure dont call,text or email him,if u want him for good,if u want this shit to happen agai then up to you girl.good luck

I just want to say that I know he is not cheating on me. He doesn't want to be with anyone, he needs to be alone to fix himself, and he plans to get back together with me right now, but he needs to figure stuff out. Did you read what I wrote?

ONE MORE THING,DO NOT ANSWER HIS PHONE CALLS,OR TEXT PLEASE,HE IS PLAYING WITH YOU TRUST ME,HE KNOWS HE CAN HAVE YOU WHENEVER HE WANTS,YOU DONT WANT THAT I THINK.LET HIM AT LEAST ONE MONTH THINKING OF YOU,MAKE SURE HE WONT PLAY THE SAME GAMES WITH YOU IN FUTURE.LET HIM MISSING YOU IF YOU WANT HIM FOR EVER.I MEAN IT DO NOT CONTACT HIM,LET HIM TO COME BACK.OK

You are really no help, did you read anything that I said

GIRL,IM TRYING TO HELP YOU,IF U ASK FOR HELP U SHOULD APPRECIATE THAT,I READ EVERYTHING,BUT ASK ANYONE WHAT THEI GONNA TELL YOU?,SEEMS LIKE TO ME, I SAID I CANT ACCUSE ANYONE BUT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING WRONG,LOOK IF HE HOVES YOU THAT MUCH WHY HE NEEDS SPACE,HE SHOULD HAVE YOU CLOSER IN THE SAME SITUATIOS,THAT,S THE GAME WHAT PEOPLE SAYING,THEI NOT GONNA TELL YOU,I NEED SPACE COZ IM BORED OR I VE GOT SOMEONE ELSE.SO I REALLY WANT YOU TO BE HIM,BUT U WANT HIM FOR GOOD YOU DONT WANT THE SAME SHIT TO HAPPEN AGAIN IN THREE WEEKS OR LONGER,REMEMBER,IS RUBBISH WHEN THEI SAYING I NEED SPACE AND SHIT LIKE THAT,IF SOMEONE LOVES YOU HE OR SHE SHOULD BE CLOSE TO YOU NOT FAR AWAY, LOOK U GOT UR CHOICE,I WAS TRYING TO GIVE YOU SOME GOOD ADVICE,TO WIN HIM FOR GOOD AND TO FIX UR RELATIONSHIP FOR EVER,BUT IF U WANT TO GO IN UR WAY THEN GOOD LUCK TO YOU, U LL FIND OUT IN WEEKS OR MONTHS WHEN HE WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY THE SAME THING I NEED SPACE AGAIN,AND U LL BE HURT AGAIN BY HIM.GOOD LUCK NOW.

I am not going to call him, I said in my first post that I told him we can't talk anymore. He will call me if he is ready. But I am saying he isn't cheating on me, no where in my note did I insinuate that was my point.

LOOK IM NOT INTERESTING TO WASTE TIME WITH YOU,I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU.I CAN NOT ANSWER YOU FOR EVERYTHING WHAT YOU WAS WRITING IN HERE,BUT YOU WROTE HERE THE MAIN THING [MY BF BROKE UP WITH ME]NOT I BROKE UP WITH HIM,SO I SHOULDNT WASTE TIME WITH YOU,U DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POINT IS I THINK.HOW OLD ARE YOU? U WANT HIM FOR GOOD, GOOD LUCK NOW DO WHAT YOU LIKE NOT MY PROBLEM

I think you need a bit of advice. Cheating is not the only reason people break up, and people break up and get back together all the time. I am sorry if you experienced this but jumping to such drastic conclusions about a situation you won't even take the time to understand is rediculous.
thanks for your advice.

IN HERE ALL PEOPLE HAVE SOME EXPRIENCE IN RELATIONSHIP,U MUST LISTEN,NOT TO TRY AND WORK IN UR HEAD IF U WANT TO FIX UR RELATIONSHIP WELL.LOOK I WAS WITH MY EX GF THREE YEARS,SHE BROKE UP WITH ME THRE TIMES AND THREE TIMES SHE COMES BACK,IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS TIME EACH TIME WHEN SHE BROKE UP,THIS IS 4TH TIME,IS BEEN NEARLY 2 MONTHS I HAVENT TALK TO HER,AND I WONT,TALK TO HER,WHY?COZ ONCE IF I RUN AFTER HER SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN,THAT,S THE WAHY HOW YOU HAVE TO ACT WTH UR EX BF OR GF IF U WANT THEM FOR GOOD,PLEADING,BEGING,CRYING,WILL NOT WORK FOR LONG TIME.THEI WILL COME AND GO BACK,IF U SHOW THEM THEI CAN NOT HAVE YOU WHEN THEI WANT,THEI WONT BE IN THE RUSH TO COME BACK TO YOU,

OK.THAT,S ME THEN WHAT I TOLD ONE OF MY EX GIRLFRIEND 4 YEARS AGO,EXACTLY,JUST 2 WEEKS BEFORE I SPLIT UP WITH HER,I SWEAR TO GOD,EXACTLY THE SAME THING WHAT HE TOLD YOU,I NEED SPACE,I VE GOT THINGS TO SORT OUT,SO MUCH SHIT IS GOING ON MY LIFE,I NEED TO BE SINGLE AT THE MOMENT,WE CAN BE FRIENDS,AND I WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE,I WAS TRYING TO AVOID HER,TO JUMP TO THE OTHER ONE.U DONT UNDERSTAND F.. ALL ABOUT MAN,U TRUST HIM SO MUCH THAT,U NEED TO GROW UP GIRL.

Hi,
I was reading the post and it is EXACTLY what happened to me and my boyfriend of 2yrs. We were amazing together, I loved him, he loved me, we really had a good relationship. We started fighting at the beginning of 08 and he seemed to always be a little annoyed... well one night he finally said he needed a break. He told me he needed "time" to figure things out, he loved me, hadn't loved any girl the way he loved me, I was close w his fam, they even felt bad for me. So I tried the friend thing but I was always crying hurting and sad. I will tell you after a super long, dragged out 9 months of my life.... NOTHING changed! He was still confused, he still didn't know what he wanted, he would still cry, he would still be dating girls!!!!! Your boyfriend, sweetheart, has met someone else. He feels guilt, he doesn't want to hurt you and he will continue to cause pain. The guy who responded is so correct. Take it from someone that honestly w/ all her heart could not believe her boyfriend of 2 yrs could do all the things he did in the end. Now in 09 I have only cried twice but the moving on is the hardest part...

He would be with you if he wanted to... he doesn't know because he wants something else! He doesn't know how to tell you but eventually he will if u stick around and it will hurt because he will have removed himself before you did.

Mine always said, we have 60 yrs+ to be married... I just need to figure things out right now! (They're just figuring out who they want next but its not us and they will miss the comfort and come back when stuff bad has happened then leave again when they've been fulfilled that someone loves them)

God I feel so bad for all the girls that went through what I have... its lesson learned. LISTEN to "Breathe" by Taylor Swift.

Unfortunately, I agree with both people who posted answers here.

I have made the mistake in the past of chasing, waiting and trying to understand guys who need time to figure themselves out. It has always been my experience that there was another girl involved. Whether the guy would have eventually come back if I had handled things differently, I'll never know because they never did. I can say that the more I tried to hold on and be available, the worse their behavior toward me became and as a result the distance became even greater.

Recently, I was in a situation where I unintentionally became emotionally involved with a guy who has a girlfriend he claimed he no longer loved the way he used to. He and I had become friends and things became very intense between us. Then as things were going really well, he suddenly had a fight with his girlfriend. I asked him to explain his sudden disappearance, and he was kind enough to do so thru email. He had decided he needed to figure things out with her and told me not to wait because he wasn't 100% sure what was going to happen and didn't want me to be influenced by his decisions. I then replied that I respected his decision and let him go. He has not returned to me yet, and I don't know if he will, but I feel better knowing that I handled it better this time, regardless of what may or may not happen.

I have researched advice on here quite a bit, and the consensus on every site seems to be that no contact and living life is the best chance you have of getting a guy back. He will certainly respect you more if you do this, whether he decides he wants the relationship or not. The biggest red flag in your story is the fact that he told you not to wait. When a guy says don't wait for me...there is a reason. What that reason is doesn't matter so much as what you do about it.

Sorry i gotta say different. I can say i feel exactly the same way her man is feeling right now. Thats how i landed in this forum thing whatever this is.
I'd say if you really loved him you would wait.. not neccessarily wait around for him. But he does have alot of thinking to do. LIke i can say i feeeel exacccctly word for word what he's feeling.
Just give him space.
He needs time to grow. Even if it means without you.
and trust me when hes saying that he loves you but cant be with you right now, it doesnt mean hes seeing someone else.
Dont be afraid to test your guys love.
Some people cant do the school thing, plus be with their family and friends, maybe he realized a serious relationship is not what hes looking for right now;
i mean its going to be hard but try to understand that he needs to look out for himself first, and thats what hes doing, he feels there is something wrong but cant really pinpoint it out. he knows hes not gonna be all there while hes having these thoughts, thats why he doesnt wnana bring you down, while hes all confused you know what i mean? i can put my self in his shoes cause i feel we can relateeee.. i feel the same way with my boyfriend right now. its not that ive met anybody else. but i feel like i need to move on. dont take it the wrong way girl. id say having him as a friend (if you truly loved him) would be the best, in the end he'll learn to trust you. because you understood. but i cant understand that being only'friends' with someone is not enough and hurts if you can't have all of him.

And might i add, i just read what you wrote over again, and its kind of a relief to find out that im not in the wrong for feeling the way i feel. and that there is somebody that feels the exact same way i do. (talking about your man) and to see it from the partners view (You..)Trust me, he is not cheating on you, sounds alot like my relationship, i broke up with him for a week, but i really dont feel like myself with any other person. I love him, so i went back to him.
Maybe he feels like he's holdin back on his dreams and his needs because he's been really busy trying to deal with yours and satisfy your needs. then again i dont you like that but i know thats how i feel when i broke up with him.
But i also felt like it wasnt fair to him because i didnt want him being around a confused girl, who doesnt even know what she wants, and didnt want him to be in a relationship where i felt unsure about it. I alwyas want him to be in my life, as my best friend for now until i figure out whats really good for me, unfortunately he doesnt want to be just my friend. But i had to accept that, cause i need to do whats wright for me, and thats to grow individually, i have school, family and alot of relationships blooming with friends, and i dont have time for a serious reltationship, he wants to be with me everyday and i cant do that. ive been holding out alot trying to fulfill what he wanted( and thats to be with me everyday) ive been trying so hard to do that but then i realized it got in the way of MY needs and what iiiiiii needed. Sorry to be rambling on about my relationship, i just really see this relating to your situation. Im not sure if we will ever get back together. We
re perfect for each other so i know in the future if it was real, we'll find each other again. Sometimes i think ill be really jealous if he meets another girl within this time we're away. but i accept that cause its what i need to do to grow. but i also cant have him waiting around for me. its not fair.
so my advice to you, would be that, he jsut wants time to grow indivually,you're not in the wrong what so ever. HE IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU. many of the other posts probably speaking from a bad experience. its not always having to do with someone cheating on you, sometimes we just gotta let go to let grow.
dont wait around for him. be there for him though. you guys still have afriendship without the RELATIONship. dont give that up.

Thanks for the response I am starting to move on. It has now been 4 weeks, we talked last night and he is still struggling with his feelings of not being content, even though he is alone. I feel bad for him because he is an amazing person, I love him to death. I told him that I still love and care about him so much and that I will always be there for him, and he was really happy to hear that. I think friends will be best, he needs to find out who he is and what he wants (although I am pretty sure he knows he just doesn't want to miss out or regret anything). Thanks for backing up the "he's not seeing anyone point" I know that, I know him, and he doesn't lie. Last night he truthfully told me he still loves me and cares deeply for me, he said he misses me and has feelings still but that he can't trust his head right now, he needs to be alone (even though he hates it). I am getting to a better place, I still hope that someday he will realise how amazing we were and what we had with each other, it may take being with another person, or it may never happen, and I am accepting that. I still love him and have some hope.

Thanks again for your response

Jess

Seriously Im having the exact same problem with my ex. Im worried that Ive already messed things up so he wont want to ever get back together in the long run. I swear your ex does not sound like hes cheating on you though I think what the other posters who thought that were being ridiculous. I hope everything works out for you chica, theres this book I read called The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure by Catherine HicklandIt really helps you gain confidence and self respect after a break up so itll keep you busy while hes trying to figure himself out... If anyone has advice for me please read my post--> http://www.relationshiptalk.net/on-new-years-eve-the- guy-i-spent-the-last-2-years-of-my-life...- 4537329.html#45380

thanks so much for the book suggestion, I will definately look into it.
Jess

just curious, how are things now? it's been 7 weeks for me...part of me has moved on but the other part is still holding on

Ok, Listen Up PLEASE! I have been in this very same scenario. After a one year relationship, he too said he needed some time to figure himself out and space. I too decided to hang on and let him miss me and figure it out. I spent so much time thinking of him, analyzing his situation and waiting. He finally came around. Then again he did the same thing, needed time to himself, figure himself out, and space. Again, I let him do this and waited around. I finally went for some life coaching, and through all of it, I talked about him and my life coach learn alot about him and not me. Finally, I got it. I needed to talk about myself. What I liked, my interest, and what I needed for my life. I needed to figure out why I continued to be in his business all the time, and what was my business for my life. I decided to do a dream that I have been talking about for a long long time. My history is being there for everyone else, all the time, and not being there for myself. So I walked into a travel agency and said I want to go to Africa and do some volunteer work and go on a safari. I booked it and started my journey. Up to the time to leave, there were so many challenges that were in my way to stop me from going. But I decided to work through all the obstacles and just focus on going. Just before leaving my apartment had a flood, my mom got sick and was in the hospital for 18 days, and the day I was leaving I had a flood in my bathroom. I just decided that I was going to go no matter what, but I made sure my mom was ok of course. So I went, and I experienced so many challenges along the way, I was outside my comfort zone the entire time, and experienced living the poverty of people in Africa. I want to tell you, this was the best thing I did for my life. I learn that I can do anything. I developed more confidence, I learned that I can overcome anything, and I found that all people all over the world have difficulties, and I wasn't alone. I realized that I can make dreams come true for myself, and I started not to focus all my time, energy and attention on one person. My history was always putting others before myself. I have lost many family members to illness, and the last one was my sister. This devastated me to no end. I needed something to jump start me to find myself again. I am a very capable person, with so so much potential, but somewhere along the line I lost that. So I attached myself to men that I felt I needed needed me. And I felt triggered by others achieving greatness, that I could not do for myself. So once I was aware of what I really needed to do in my life, which was to do something that I wanted to do, with all the challenges, Changed my life. Now, I do not need these men in my life, to focus all my time, energy and attention on....I realize they needed me more than I needed them. So I finally go into my own business, my own life, and now, this Africa trip, has jumped started me into more purpose for my life, and to finally be who I truly am.

So for my boyfriend to say to me that he needs his space, I say back, "go ahead" because I am not waiting around, and I am going on with my life. If he doesn't know, then he doesn't know. You have so much more within you, so please do not waste your time. Let it go, fully and completely. Life will show you the way. Do not hang on. This is telling you that it is not right. Either right now, for forever. Let it go, because life is telling you that there is something else that you need to do, you need to be, and you need for your life. You need to do this, build your own confidence, and realize that your life is not revolved around a guy that needs his space from you. Take the time to really do something out of the box you have created for yourself, and get out of your comfort zone, be brave, and do it. You will discover something amazing about yourself, and the rest will follow. Please, have faith in yourself. Trust your intuition, and go for it. You have lots to lose if you don't do it, and lots to lose if you stay. Trust in yourself. I support you. Don't you want to live a Grand Life, not a mediorce life....listen to yourself, the deep inner self, it is telling you. Don't live in fear, live in faith and trust in yourself. You can do it...

You need help!!!!

Betty you are right and I know its not anywhere close to a trip to Africa but im applying to a university 2 hrs from me and going to go for dorm life so I can make an exciting change and see what its like to be away from home.

That is so great to hear that you are doing something exciting for yourself. I think moving away from home is going to be a very growing experience for you, and you will never regret this decision. You are strong and brave, and just remember, we can never know the outcome of our decisions. We make decisions based on either how we feel or our thoughts about it. As long as the decision is not based on "fear", then you will always be on the right path. And when we make that decisions, feel good about it, it's usually just making the decision that is difficult, sometimes something is holding us back, and when you figure out what it is, and as hard as it is, you make the decision and then you can concentrate on the whats ahead. And just because you make a decision, and you want to still hold on, it's ok, because again, we can never know the outcome, and that is what I see as the excitement of all of it. You never ever know what is going to happen in any situation, so stay open. Keep open in life, then you will see all the positive energy you will attract into your life. Good for you, I am proud of you.

Thank you

HI

Very Very Interesting scenario. You must have been me 4 years ago. This story you have told sounds exactly my what I was experiencing at that time.

Firstly, let me tell you something. I am very proud of you to recognize what is going on, that your boyfriend needs to miss you and to go through it on his own. You can not help him. So this is very wise and brave of you to recognize this and to do something about it. Bravo to you.

In my situation, it was exactly what I have read in your case. Not only did this happen to me 4 years ago, but because I did not learn my lesson the first time, it happened again with the next relationship I had shortly after. And I don't want this to happen to you.

Firstly, focusing on your boyfriend (sorry, but ex-boyfriend), he needs to do some serious soul searching. Sounds like he is struggling with this, and is telling you that is what he needs. He doesn't want to let go fully, because you represent to him, love, safety and security. Which is good, but for some reason he feels deep down inside that he needs to do something else, and the relationship you to have is not what he wants right now, or ever...(sorry again, but this is true). He is having difficulties detaching, because he is AFRAID of what he is losing, but something inside him is telling him he wants something else...but he is AFRAID!

Secondly, for you, do you really want someone that is hanging on to you because he is afraid that he will not have a relationship again that is secure, loving and safe. Do you want to go through this again with him in a year or two from now, or even go through this with another person in the future. I would answer that you do not want this.

The fellow I went out with 4 years ago, did the same thing to me. We had ups and downs for 2 years. He finally told me that he needed his space and to seperate. But he was scared that I would find someone else. They do that because they do not want to fully let go, because they don't want you, but they don't want you with anyone else...now that is extremely selfish, and totally fear based. They want you to be around until they decide, and for you, you feel that there is hope...but honestly, and truthfully, there is no hope. The only thing you can do for your own pride, wellbeing, and confidence is to just Let Go...and the saying is, Let God. The universe will guide you to where you need to be, But you need to be fully Open. As scarey as it is, you need to be Open, and I mean to other wonderful things that will turn up in your life.

So for me, I allowed this guy, 4 years ago to string me along, and I allowed it to rob me of spending precious time with my sister when she was dieing. I hate to even think of it like this, but when I look back, I allowed this drama to rob me of time, when my sister was dieing, not all, but some of my attention was on him. I regret it to this day.

I put the relationship aside when I needed to be at my sister's side, but I allowed him to rent space in my head. But I did get to spend quality time with my sister. And maybe in some spiritual sense, it was mean to be, because it distracted me from the pain I was going through at that time.

After my sister passed away, I decided to totally end the relationship...I have learned my lesson, I thought. He started to come back into my life, call me, text me, and contact me by email. I started looking at his words more objectively. I finally realized that he sounded very mixed up, and I really didn't want to have that drama or that person in my life, now or ever. Even when I was starting a new relationship, he was there to wreck things for me. And that was not flattering at all.

And a 3 years later he emailed me and told me he was seeing a nice woman and he was happy. He asked me to add him to my facebook, which I did, and I can see how much better off he is with her than he would ever be with me. They are more suited for each other, and I still see him as immature and not for me. This has become very clear for me now.

I made the mistake once again, after that relationship to do the same thing. I did not listen or recognize the warning signs. I ignored them, actually I ignored my intuition...knowing something was not right. So I went through the same thing again.

So after that relationship, I did it again. So at this time, I starting really doing some inner work, and found out that it wasn't them, it was me. I figured out that I have this deep need to satisfy something within me....and that was to live my own life, do the things I want to do, and find out really who I am. A lot late in my life for sure, but at least I recognized that and was brave to admit this to myself...finally.

When this happened...WOW...did my life change. What my life needed was to do something for myself. So what I did, was I booked a trip to Africa and did some volunteer work and went on a camping trip to witness a safari. This was extreme, but I needed to do something totally out of the box, to show myself that I can do this, and build some confidence. I did this by myself, but I met up with 2 groups after being alone for two days in Africa. This was one of the best things I have done for my life, and my future.

My relationship with my family, which is only my mom and nephew now, my friends (which are my family too), my work, and my time I spend with myself is soooooooo much better. I feel like I am exactly who I am, I have confidence, more now, which I thought I had before, and I am independent. I now do not need a relationship with a man to fulfill my life. Nothing is wrong being single, it is actually wonderful. But now I am ready for a healthy relationship because I have worked on my self, and have done the work to recognize what I needed to get out of this BOX that I created for myself. My mind is Open, I am Open, my heart is Open, and I am now shining Bright in others, and in my life...the way I have always saw myself.

So you may have been the Best thing that ever happened to him, but he is not the Best thing that has happened to you.

When you wrote that he wants you back but doesn't want to hurt you....hear the word "Hurt", he knows that he will hurt you, and you do not want to be in that position again...not ever. So guide your own life, and create your own life, be strong and be the woman you want to be. You will never, never ever regret that.

So this is my advice to you...I hope it helps you to a Grand Life.

Marilyn

I have a question for you. The other day I was browsing around of face book, and noticed that my boyfriend had commented on his ex wife's photo. Twice it had said "you are so beautiful, and the most beautiful woman I have ever known. Both were within this past year. One was in french, and the other in english. I asked him about it, and he got defensive. We didn't talk that night on the phone after the conversation we had. I don't think I can see all angles of this situation. To me, whatever the reason is, whether he is trying to communicate to her to shed some positive vibes considering they are not on good terms. Anyway I look at this, it seems to be wrong.

I am not sensitive about me not being the beautiful one, it's not that. It is the type of message he is sending her. Like, what is that about. He tried to explain, and he said that he had a life with her, and he does think she is the most beautiful woman he has seen. But still, what is that? What is wrong with him, sending a message like that when I am in the picture. I thought I knew him, but he is wrong to do this.

Something doesn't add up.
Ask him, didn't you tell her she was beautiful when you were with her?

This is an on the fence issue.
He is defensive. That's a sign of him showing interest in her. Any reason he should still be in contact with her?

HI..Thanks for your message. We talked about it again, and he did apologize, but he was reluctant. I do know there is nothing going on, it's more that he is a free spirit and that we don't plan things together. We were really close for a year, and then he went through all this finding himself situation...he is 53 years old. He was going through changes in his life, and then had some family members die. But our relationship has been a lot revolved around his life, and not a life together. He still doesn't know if there is a future with us, and because of all his indecisions about the future, it has been turning me off the relationship and I don't have the passions nor energy to go forward. He is an Artist, and a world renowned one, and he is going through some career changes. And his free spirit is more like a Bohemian, and he is planning this Burning Man Trip, and is very excited about it. He said that he asked me to go last year, but I could tell he wanted to go along. How it was presented to me had so many obstacles, that it was difficult for me to go. I am very independent, so it's nothing to do with being co dependent, at all. It's about being a couple, making decisions together, feeling like part of each other's lives, planning time together, being a priority in each other's lives...things like that. He seems to make plans with others, fun things, than with me. But when I talk with him about it, it's like I am speaking another language, and that there is something wrong with me. Anyway, we have not talked in a couple of days. I was just so turned off by the message to his exwife, and seeing that he is so excited about his adventure, while I have asked many times to plan something with him. I have to consider my work situation, and other people I have to let know about taking time off, so I have to plan ahead. And he can not do this...with me. Nothing works out, unless I drive myself, make my way there, plan it myself....I don't feel supported. Anyway, I can feel it being over. This kind of resistants only last for so long. It would be nice to hear your comments. Thank you

I support your decision to walk away. This kind of situation never changes and is a waste of time you could be spending with someone who would like to share their life with you. I give you props for recognizing this and wish the very best of luck to you.

Thank you so very much. It's the inconsideration of my needs, and my feelings. I really don't think it's in him..just the way he is. And he has told me that "I am what I am". Thank you.