I really have no clue why im writing this blog, but i need to share this to someone, i wanna let it out badly.
An year ago, i proposed to this girl who i really din know why i did it in the first place; just felt like telling her how i felt but somewhere inside i wanted an answer, so i asked her n she told yes. everything was bliss bw us for one year. slowly we started losing time for each other, she got busy with her studies n i with mine...there were times where i wanted her so much n i din get her and similarly likewise for her, in my second year, i started spending more time with my frends n all, but i it was going ok, i thought...but she was left alone there...i din realize that. This is where i did the most stupidest mistake in my whole life, me n my frends were home partying and all drunk and at one point of time, me n my close frend ended up kissing each other. we accepted the fact that we were stupid and drunk and we made a stupid mistake.
there is one thing about consciousness tht u shud know, if u ve it..ur dead,if u don’t well ur the man. well im was not a man, the whole thing hit me hard, took me a month to open up to my girl, even she cudnt believe me tht i took one month to tell her this. she took some time to digest it but she eventually left it, she was not gud at forgiving...she cudnt take it becoz my close frend was there with me studyin with me....she was my batch...my classmate..n she asked me to stay away from her..i cudnt..its in my nature...i cant avoid a person i hate the most....so avoiding a person who is real close to me was defintly not gonna happen. We ended up in fights a lot, n i cudnt bear it. i started losing my grip, she did everything in her power to make me understand that she was missing me n she was upset n hurt becoz the attention she deserved was going over to my frend for the main reason tht she was a state away and my frend was 10 min away. I messed up and how shud i say....i took her for granted..i din realise that i was losing her slowly. finally it came to a point where we had to break up. She left me for good.
one month after the break up, i miss her ...i know it sounds stupid becoz i hurt her like **** n now wen shes gone im feeling all lonely n stuff...but im not able to concentrate on my work, im not able to work on my project, not able to sleep, no nothing..i jus feel numb..its been like this for the past month. i call her up n she laughs at me saying that she cant trust me anymore n she wont believe me no matter wat. i try my level best to get her back but shes gud at payback...n she been hurting me pretty nice for a while...she sez she doesnt wanna see me anymore or does she wanna come back, all i asked her is for another chance n she mocks me now. i know i ve hurt her real bad, but i realised my mistake, i know she deserves better, but don’t i deserve a better chance?????
i know how hurt she is, i realize tht...but i accept every mistake i ve done to her...im even ready to fall at her feet n beg....im tht desparate...yet she says pls don be like this n she can only see me as a frend.o
somebody pls tell me wat to do....all i know is she makes me smile....n i want her badly...nobody will ever feel like replying to this becoz wat ive written is fukd up...n i don deserve her at all...but pls i really don ve anyone to share this to...somebody pls help me.....im bloody losing it