breaking up was the best thing that could have ever happened

Although i am sad that i lost my girlfriend of three yrs i feel everyday that i sit here and think about my actions i realize more about myself. i figured out today after a big fight thta i had with her yesterday that i had several issues. today i sat back and thought about my life and put things in a different perspective. i realzied taht i needed her to make me happy.i never realized until the last two months when she went away to school be cause she was the one that was very dependent on me, or so i thought. when she was home we ignored all our problems and were happy never really discussed anything. once she left every issue came up and the relationship slowly detiorated unitl yesterdays final blowup. i realized that during this time i was very anxious, depressed, would be come suddenly anger and could hold back my emotions or would say plenty of things i would regret. and yes i know this happens to every one in a split but what i am getting at is this is how i always was. i was depressed for a very long time and never did anything about it. i would drink til i was drunk or throw up 3 or 4 nite a week and my excuse was i was out with friends and having a good time at a bar.afta we started fighting i would drink heavily to try and cope and forget all the problems. i realized that i was a big part of the problem. im not saying i was totally to blame but i def played a big part. today i made the first step to making myself happy. i admited to myself i have issues. i decided to see a psych and work them out. i have also decided to go to A.A.who would have thought at 24 i would be at an A.A. meeting. After our big blowout i dont think she will speak to me again she seemed very angry and i totally understand i was very out of line. i sent her a text today apologizing for the problems my issues caused and i thanked her for always being there for me. i also told her that im going to the psych to work on my issues and that i couldnt speak to her for quite some time. i told her this is something i needed to do for my self and speaking to her at this point would not be helpful to either one of us. she needs to find herself and i need to settle my issues. i also told her i would like to speak to her in the distant future maybe oneday we could be friends just not now i am not doing this for her it is for myself i cannot live like this anymore i cant rely on someone to make me happy anymore. i hit rock bottom today when i realized how depressed i was wit my life how my anxiety attacks were uncontrolable and how i cant control my drinkin. its funny because no one around besides her knew that side of me i would put up a wall to everyone but her. they all thought i was happy and fufilled in my life but i wasnt there is a huge void that i need to fill for myself. when i told my family about my issues i we were in tears they were shocked but very supportive. i was a good guy to her and was always there for her things just got complicated we never realized the issues we had with our selves till we had some distance between us and i truelly wish things could be different. i truelly care for her and hope one day we could speak again but at this point that is not my main concern i need to heal myself before i could ever speak to her again. i will alway be grateful for spending the best three yrs of my life with her. thank you for letting me post i find it to be therapuetic and helpin me sort out my emotions

Hello Peebee11, welcome to the forum I hope you will like it here.


As for your predicament:


I truly hope other forummers here will know what to advice you