breakup after 6years

I was living with my man for 5 years, we had many problems attributed to his drinking( he is a functioning alcoholic and smokes pot too). He seemed like he was getting better and better, but 1 month ago, he went drinking on his boat again, I left him alone, he called me and proceeded to make plans with me that he did not keep, basically treated me terribly, like so many times before, so I told him to leave. Now I keep wanting to spend time with him again, even though I broke it off, because when he doesnt drink our relationship is good. I hurt so much now, I have told him that I still love him no matter what, but he is acting all aloof about it, and told me right after that You are a beautiful woman and to go find someone else. He does not think that he has a problem with alcohol and pot now, even though he did admit it about 2 years ago. I have been dealing with this for so long, and yet I still want to be with him. I keep wondering if he is with someone else already. He says for us to be friends. But he never calls me or seems to care what is going on with me. He seems depressed at times, he is having a real hard time at work right now. He will answer the phone when I call, except not usually in the evening. I just want him to spend some time talking with me about how he really feels now, 1 month later, and just tell me the truth so I can go on either way. But he avoids wanting to talk about us, he always runs from situations. I hate all the games.
I just want honesty. I cAn not e-mail him, and I dont even know where he is living rightnow. Am I an idiot?? Please help and tell me straightforward. I also want to add that I am 55 and everyone allways tells me I am very pretty and look about 45. He is 48. I am telling this info, because it isnot that easy to meet someone at my age and have everything work out, so that is another reason that I wanted so much for this relationship to work. We had many difficulties to work out, and we did, all except for his drinking and pot smoking. And even though it was mostly on the weekends, the way he treated me was not so good, and he became a total turnoff to me when he drank to much. He acted like a child.
And thats the man that I told to leave, not the good man he was when he was sober. I sure could use some good advice and help to get me through this. Thank you

Hello Ilianna, welcome to the forum

I read this and understand you. It seems to me though that he already made up his mind. He doesn't seem interested in you if he has to give up on alcohol and pot. So.......

(analytically speaking) - you have two choices:

1. accept him the way he is
2. try to go on with your life without him.


I'm sorry to put this so bluntly (I honestly am) - but sometimes it is better to face reality even though it is hard.

Let me know what you think

Ilianna, it seems to me you have done the right thing in ending this relationship.
If he abuses alcohol you are going to continually be having issues with him and he is going to be treating you badly. You mention being 55, imagine things being the same when you are 65 if you stay with this guy. You also say it is not easy to meet someone else at your age. That is no reason for staying in an unsatisfactory relationship, apart from the fact it is not easy to meet others we are compatible with regardless of age.