Broke Up After 1.5 Years Teaching Abroad

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My ex and I live in different cities in Canada, but met abroad in Korea while teaching English there. We felt a strong connection immediately and decided to go back to Canada in our own cities to see if we miss each other. So we went back and we did. We stayed in Canada in separate cities for 6 months because I needed to finish a contract first. So he waited for me while we looked for a job abroad we could sign up for. Then we decided to work a year together in South Korea (since we both love that place, we thought it would work between us) and not having been together before. After the year, we traveled around in China, then I had to go back to my city to do some substitute teaching days to stay in the board. He wanted to travel Asia some more by himself. He traveled by himself for 2 months. The last month, I sensed that he was paying less attention to me through text. Then we had went back to his own city, he said how depressed he was. He didn’t want to stay there and then he said he doesn’t think things will work out between us. We live in different cities. (To put things in perspective, I’m 28 and he’s 29. So I think at our age we are able to make decisions where we could move to another city together and I would be willing to do that). We want different things. (I did tell him that maybe I would want to stay in my own city for a year this time around, but would still love to travel teach and maybe he wants to travel teach for the rest of his life??). Then he said at this moment he doesn’t feel like coming to see me in a few weeks (that was our original plan. After his own travels he would come see me in my city for a wedding). But then through sobs and crying he said he needs some time to think maybe his judgement is clouded since coming back from his travels. I said I understand that is how you feel, and that we would talk in a few days. The next day, I couldn’t wait, so I texted him like 4 sentences about how I think this is not a good idea, we spent a year together abroad, created memories, etc. He just replied, “I’m really sorry, but you have to give me some time.” The last message I sent him was, Okay I will give you some time and space because I do that best (: I want you to think things through thoroughly and have no regrets. We can talk in a few days. And since then no contact, but of course with technology these days, I can see his posts on facebook, etc.

My question is, what does he need time to think about? Is it to see if he can live without me? To think about his own life? What happened to him on his travels alone? I’ve been reading other people’s posts and suggestions. I even found a website that said you can write him a letter about GOOD memories, and send it to him while he’s making his decision. What do you think of that? It’s been 5 days so far since we last texted.

Of course my heart hurts. I really thought he was the one for me. Luckily I have many friends who I can rely on and call when I feel like lashing out and emailing him or calling him, etc.

Any suggestions or ideas would help me get through this. Thank you.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a


  • gummybears: Guys take time.... we aren’t raised to express our emotions and verbalize them in a positive and constructive way. So we do take time, go silent and try to sort it out.
    It sounds counterintuitive, but don’t contact him for about a week from the last text If he doesn’t message you first.
    Ignore the facebook if you can. looking at it and reading it will drive you nuts.
    Hang out with friends as much as possible and stay occupied.
  • guest: Black Dove, some people don’t understand it. And there are different styles of affection or attachment i guess, For us women, we cam easily express but then we get the label of "demanding women".. for men, if they ask such questions, they get the label of "clingy men".
    Space is needed but if you dont exist in that private space, and his private world, i would re-think about it. It’s just he is not mentally prepared and don’t want to take responsibility of any relationship..and dont want to feel tied...
    Ofcourse it hurts you. But in such case i would anytime withdraw myself completely. And drop the idea of having a life with such kind of man...
    A man who doesn’t know his actions from day one.

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