Broken Hearted

Over the summer in college i met a girl by chance at a party. Things started out easier than ever and we were very comfertable together. She was very beautiful and had a great personality. We talked and talked and after becoming a bit more intimate i asked what our situation was. She told me that she did not want to be in a relationship because when school started in the fall it would put a strain on whatever potential a relationship with me could have. The only problem is that while she did keep saying this she did not actually act upon it. For the next month and a half she treated me like a boyfriend and even worse she let me treat her like my girlfriend. We saw eachother everyday and it was like we were together. I would write her letters and tell her that i thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world and she really was. I had never been in a serious relationship before and she knew that and i felt like this was what it should be like. I was always nice to her (maybe too nice) and would bend over backwards to make her happy. I had never had a girl tell me that she cared about me or make me feel the way she did. She would get mad at me like a boyfriend at times and i would have to talk to her about it. She had bad relationships in the past and a history of shitty relationships that fell apart in her family. She told me the fall would be different and busy, i told her that no matter how busy i was i would never be too busy to tell her that i cared about her. I could not have been crazier about this girl. When summer school was over she had a week in our town that we both happened to live in before she returned for school a week early for sorority rush. Up to that point it was a very healthy relationship, even if i didn't see her she still let me know that she cared about our situation and that was enough for me. The problem came the second day she was up at college for rush. Ever since rush and school started she has been too busy to let me know she cares. It's not that big of a deal but when a girl who treated you like she wanted to be with you one minute and then ditches you to go out and party with her sorority friends you start to wonder if she really cares anymore. I would still say nice things to her which in the past she would respond to but now she would tell me that she didnt want me to think things are progressing. Anytime i told her that it was hard waiting on her like this and i would have to go and not see her anymore she would tell me she did care. then the next day it was back to her not caring. Every person ive asked has told me to move on and i have tried but when someone meant that much to you its difficult. I don't understand how someone can just put their feelings aside like that. I recently told her that i was done with it and would no longer be talking to her she told me that she wasn't the same not talking to me and that i was like her best friend. She told me she was so mad that i could just throw away a person like that just because I didn't get my way for a minute. i told her that it was more like a month and a half of waiting to see if she actually gave a shit about the situation to which she replied (of course), "but i do care about you." and then the next day, you guessed it, she was out partying with frat guys and what not. I am not a jealous person and i go out and party but what she says doesnt match up with her actions. Since then she as called me an asshole and a jerk. (keep in mind that i have never once said a mean thing to this girl. i did everything i could to treat her kindly and with respect that any girl deserves) so my question is how the fuck do i get over this girl? and how does someone just throw away their feelings like she did? i feel like she ruined any future relationship i can be in because i dont feel that i can trust someone like this again.

Have I met this girl before? Because you described a girl I met this year and she acted exactly like that. This girl I knew said we were "bffs" and that she loved me and treats me one day like that and another like I don't exist although she says "loves" me. It's cliche but action speaks louder than words and no matter what she says to you, it means nothing if the actions don't match up. It doesn't matter right now what she wants, it's what you want. And you seem like you want to be more than friends and it seems like she doesn't. It's hard to do but the best thing for you is to just let it go. It doesn't mean you can't talk to her but stop reaching out to her. You can be her friend(if your feelings aren't too strong) but don't put too much into it. You're in college and probably can meet new people especially that you don't sound at all introverted.

yea you probably did meet her lol. no she is absolutely beautiful and i put in 3 months with her and i really dont know college without her. she wants to be friends badly and when i didnt talk to her for a week and then one day asked if i could get my stuff back from her she said i was being rude for ignoring her and that she really thought one day when "things settled down for the both of us" that wed be together. which i replied and told her that no matter how busy i was i wanted to be with her but she pretty much rejected that. as of now i think shes dealing with me the way shes dealt with all her old boyfriend's. the ironic thing is is that she made it sound like she didnt want to lose me or have a bad relationship w. me because of being busy but because of her not wanting one its forcing me to never see her again. the other night i talked to her and when i told her that she was a completely different person than the girl i knew in summer she told me that she was the same but busier. when i told her that she was busy with the sorority that i helped get her into she called me an asshole. (let me just say that over summer this girl was tired one night and at my dorm. she was too tired to drive her car back to her dorm but couldnt spend the night because she had to wake up for an early class and to do hw. so being the nice guy i was i drove her and her car to the other side of campus, parked her car, walked her to her dorm, kissed her goodnight, and walked back to my dorm at like 2 in the morning.) this is just one of the countless things that i did being a genuinely nice person and never recieved anything in return. so when this girl decided to call me an asshole i simply remained calm, and told her that i treated her with respect and kindness, and that even though we didnt talk anymore i said a prayer for her every night that she was happy with whatever she was doing and that her financial problems would work out so she could stay at college and in her sorority that she literally replaced me with. I feel like im crazy. i dont know.

Being the nice guy, huh? Nothing wrong with it but one thing I've learned from all my years with girls is that a girl never likes a guy based on what he does for her. A girl will generally like you for something else and not what you do. Girls don't fall in love like that. I've done countless great things for girls that no guys would probably ever do for them but they won't like me anything more than just a friend. And I'm sure girls will back me up on that. Believe me, I have more platonic female friends than any guy I've ever met. I know the game. So these days, if there's a girl I want as more than a friend and nothing else, it's either that or nothing. I don't need to do things for them to make them like me more because they won't. Next girl.

Relationships are a 2-way street and if she can't reciprocate what you need, it won't work out. She can tell you I love you, I need you a million times but it won't mean anything if you don't really see it. She's telling you that she'll wed you one day? Maybe it will happen but the way she's acting it doesn't sound like it right now so you shouldn't concentrate on that and keep your hopes up. You're young, in college and probably have a lot more girls to choose from. I know she's beautiful but you shouldn't put all your energy on someone who couldn't give that back to you.

i understand completely that i need to move on. its the fact that since this is my first experience with a semi serious relationship and then the person changes completely it makes me weary of a future relationship. in other words how am i supposed to trust another person with my feelings when this person who seemed so legititmate screwed me over

I was just asked earlier today about the "trust" thing. One of my friends just broke up with a guy she really liked because she had a bad experience with her ex who screwed her over but she still loves him so she's scared of getting hurt again. How can you trust someone after this experience? One thing about trust is that it's something that's earned. A girl earns your trust by continually doing things that makes you feel comfortable without any doubt. And just like a credit score, when you feel she betrayed you on something, it takes a tumble. Trust takes time to build. The people I trust the most in my life are people who I've known for many years and I've never told them once I trust them although in my heart I do.

That is crazy to hear. My ex just threw me out to die too. Sadly is that from my expierience you will never understand why she was able to move on and give up your relationship just that easy. I tell you what that is the worst feeling to encounter. All you want is some sign that what you did for her actually stuck with her. My girl left me for another guy and even put the whole blame on me when I really didnt even do anything. But in your situation I think your suffering from your first heartbreak. If Im wrong tell me. But the first heartbreak is always the hardest so good news when you get through this you will know that it may not be the last time you get hurt but definetly will be the hardest. I know exactly how you feel. She runs through your mind all day long and waits for you in your dreams. I have been through this once or twice. But dont give up you will get through this. Take my advice first off put away anything such as pictures or letters that remind you of her. Put them so you will not see them on your daily routine. Also stay very busy during your day. Make sure you come home every night exhuasted from your day and of you get home and your friends want to go out, go out with them. Go out to have fun for yourself (I know its the last thing you want to do but trust me do it). Importantly I know you want to hurry and find someone new but I advise you no to look for anyhting. Let it come to you. Trust me when you get to the point where you are having fun with your friends that next person will pop into your life. Trust me it will happen. Just have to have faith. Another thing I want you to do try to aviod going places where you might think she will be. When you dont see her for a while that you will start to forget what is was like to be with her. It will happen. The last thing I want you to do is write something called the Last Love letter. I want you to write a letter to her with everything that goes through you mind everyday. Whether its things you want to say to her cruel things or just even memories that bother you. Act as if she will read this letter so be very specific in what you are trying to say. This will help your mind because now your mind will be able to release those memories or things you reherse in your mind that you want to say to her. You mind will let it go because you have all of those things written on paper. Its sort of getting things off your chest. Getting things off your mind. It will help majorly. You wont want to give to her because then you will be right back where you started. You cant allow yourself to let her know you still care because she will take that conttol and use it against you. Trust me. Sorry to say that your great relationship is over and will never be the same. Sorry pretty harsh but its reality. But even though you wont have a great relationship with the particular person doesnt mean you wont have a great relationship with another person. You will be able to love again I promise. Maybe not now but you will. So my main advice to you is give up hope in gaining what you had with her back. Once you give up hope you will fall out of love with her and will regain your strength to love again. It will happen. But do what I told you cause it will speed the proccess up. But you cant have any contact with her no matter what. Not until you are COMPLETELY over her. Cause if your not than you will lose everything you have gained. This will help you just do what I said. Good luck and stay strong.
DMC