broken up with and so confused right now

I dated a guy for about 7 months. We met and it was crazy fireworks between us. Things just clicked and started moving really fast. A couple months into the relationship he started slowly pulling away from me and pushing me away from him. It was tearing me up inside. After feeling like this for a while I brought it to his attention, and of course he apologized and said he has this problem and this is the exact same thing his x=girlfriend said to him the night they broke up....blah blah blah. To make a long story short, after we had the conversation, things were much better for a couple weeks, but then again he got back into that same pattern of making me feel horrible, making me feel like I was making him miserable, etc. I of course needed to say something again about so one day I sent him an email that had stuff in it that he had written me in the beginning of the relationship and told him how great those things made me feel, etc. and that I really missed the person who wrote me that stuff. Out of nowhere he sends me this email that said he realized from the beginning of our relationship that we were different and our relationship would never be long term. Of course, this threw me completely off guard. I didn't know how to react or respond or what to do. We talked about it and agreed that we did not want to break up so we stayed together for about another month but it was not good, because I was obviously dieing inside because he has been the love of my life. I don't let myself fall for people very hard, and I was honest about this in the beginning of our relationship but he assured me I could trust him, so I did and I fell hard. We broke up a month ago and it was really said, we both cried and lots of things were said and feelings were hurt and feelings we didn't realize existed i think surfaced, etc. He finally told me that he just couldn't let someone in and was not at the stage in his life where he could care about someone that much or have someone care about him. He has some personal issues to work on and just isn't ready and is not where I am. In the last month, I have seen him twice as his birthday was immediately after the break-up and we have talked via email. My heart is still breaking and I am in so much pain. I have never needed someone or felt this way for anybody in my life. There is a part of me that wants to call him or show up on his door step and tell him i just want to try to work on things. We both said different time different place things would have worked and I just feel deep down in my gut that he was the one and I am always going to look back and wonder and never be able to truly move on. I don't know if he looking to date someone or else or what he is doing he said he was going to take a long break from that. I am definitely taking a break from that for a while myself. Should i wait a little longer and give myself more time, is it even worth calling him and tell him how much I miss him and how much I want to try to work things out? I don't want to make a fool out of myself but at the same time I know what I feel. I am in my mid-late twenties so I have had boyfriends, dated, etc. and never really cared when those relationships ended. This one has literally brought me to my knees and I don't know what to do.....any advice?

Often due to dynamics in early life with one of our parents, we tend to only fall for people who are fundamentally out of reach. There is an imprint in our mind that this is how love works.

It doesn't matter what these people SAY to us. This may actually be how they feel at that moment. OR they NEED us at that stage so they are willing to say what they know we want to hear.

However, these people are operating at two levels. The part which is proficient at getting their immediate needs met and the other part of them which is moving in a whole different direction.

It's impossible to save your self from these people by trying to read them and figure out if they are really into you or not. The only way to change this pattern is through deep down working on your self, to make a shift.

You have to come to the place where you FEEL that you deserve to have real love in your life, someone who is actually there for you.

But here is the the even bigger challenge for most people:
It is becoming ATTRACTED to those who are actually available.

Generally those who gravitate to out of reach partners, routinely bypass loads of love options who are actually INTO them.

They just don't feel attracted to these people, and this is the HARD truth.

Part of this is the fear that a giving person will also have expectations that you might not be in a position to fulfill.

My favorite energy exercise for shifting these realities is to lay down a little bit earlier than usual, in the evening, and just get very relaxed...

From this position: scan for a place in your own person where you FEEL alright. Where you feel a little love and goodness. Allow this feeling to expand and sink in deeper.

Take any hurt or worry, put it in a bubble of light and send it off to God...

Now: think about your deepest FEELING of what it would be like to experience total union and healing nurture with a lover. (This should not be any particular person.) Allow this feeling to expand and sink in deeper.

Try this simple exercise whenever you feel the need.

Over time it starts to shift your neurology towards strategies which are compatible with your deeper desires.

One more little exercise is to imagine that you are an Angel and go back to the times in your life when you were most hurt, alone and afraid as you were growing up. Hold the small self in your angel embrace. Comfort, strengthen, and let it know that things WILL be alright...

Find true love from the inside out! MoreLoveInside.com

Post edited by: dctommy, at: 2008/02/01 16:19

dctommy, another excellent post...I can't tell you how enlightening all your insights have been for me. You are describing me to a tee (unfortunately) I was eu for the OM in my relationship and basically said what he needed to hear...in the moment, I truly thought I wanted to move forward with him, but I wasn't honest with him and I saw MANY red flags...38 when I met him lived with his mom after his divorce, left his kids 3000 miles with his ex (who he had nothing good to say) and only saw them 2 months in the summer. He must have gotten over it, because two months after we broke up (after an on again off again relationship for 5 1/2 years) he moved in with his step brothers ex girlfrien of 7 years. EWWWWW. ANYWAY!!!! I wanted to tell you how correct you are.

Purple99dogs, don't contact him...people like us need to work on our issues before we can be there for anyone. We may think we want a relationship, but when we get in one we run for the hills until someone pulls back...then we run after...NOT AN ATTRACTIVE QUALITY.

dctommy I like you advise