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*I tried to post this once if it shows up twice sorry!* I know it is so long but please read it, I feel most of that is important to see things as I do, or understand everything to come to your own conclusion. If anyone can help me or has been through this I could really use some advice on what to do. I was with this guy for about two years, and he flirted around with me for about 6 months to maybe a year before that. This was my first relationship and all so I was kinda unsure of stuff along the way. We didnt get to see each other too much because I hid this from my parents. This guy is black, I am white, and my father is racist. The whole time I tried to deal with this problem this guy was mostly patient and gave me the space i needed to do whatever about it. This guy is also in the army so he would go away occasionally. About 10 months after getting together he told me he had stopped. He was also leaving soon again for the army. Anyway said he didnt like going around behind my parents backs and such (I was trying deal with my father at this time). I was so upset and keep talking to him anytime I could. I told him I still wanted to be friends and he said he that he still liked me, but that a relationship was impossible right now. After he was back for a bit I told him I still like him. He told me that he like me too but that it would never work. I sent him a long text saying he cant just dip out and a bunch of other stuff. About a week later we were back together and this was about 4 or 5 months after he came back. We did hang out and talk to each other withing that time.
Well now about a year later he is going away to college (2 hours away from home). When he told me this and told me where he was going he also told me that he had tried to ask me out. He must not have said it clearly when he did because I would never have turned him down and I told him that. He said then that he would come around this summer to meet my parents and I knew he was still trying to be with me. After he said this I dealt with my father because to me this guy was worth it and I knew I didnt want to miss another chance of being with him. I nearly got disowned and kicked out, but in the end I got my dad to just leave me alone as long as he didnt have to see this guy. Well this guy didnt get to come around this summer due to the army. He went away twice, for a week or so at a time. I got to hang with him before he went away the first time and it was great. We just hung and it was so nice and we were a little silly, just playing with his pets. He however just kept smiling at me. He doesnt smile much, and he would smile at me occasionally, but this was way more often. And he got to come home on leave after going away the first time. I got to see him then and he was the same way all smiles and cuddly and sweet. The next time I saw him was when he stopped into my work with some friends (I work in a mall). Once again he kept smiling and at one point he stood next to me and just smiled down at me. The look in his eyes was different than I had ever seen, idk like I was the best thing ever (which I dont claim to be). When he looked at me before I could tell he like me, but this was definitly different, it really caught my attention.
Now I had been trying to talk to him about everything, I wanted to tell him that I just wanted to be with him and that I knew he would have a million things going on with college and the army and work, but that I had thought it all out and that it would still work, even if it was a bit hard at times. I didnt push him too much because I didnt want to stress him more but finally I did because I couldnt put it off any longer. Due to when I tried to tell him I ended up texting everything to him instead off sitting down with him like I had been trying to do. He said he texted me back, but I never got it. So the next day I said we needed to just sit down and talk and he agreed. The day after that he was at his friends house and said I could come down to talk. I was uncomfortable but I figured it couldnt be bad then. So I went and when his friends went into the other room he pretty much told me it was over. No matter how much I said or explained how things could work he would just say no. He gave me a chance to talk, but I'm not sure he was really listening, especially if his mind was made up. He can be VERY stubborn. He said he hadnt thought about me as much. Well duh he only has a million things going on right now. He told me he didnt like me anymore, but I dont believe him. He said it was hard for him too though he talked to people he trusted when making his decision, meaning his friends (sorry not the most romantic, intelligent people). He said we could still be friends though. The next day I texted him and told him that he was wrong and that he was confused and that he should think it over more. He broke it off 5 days after getting his college schedule and within a week of getting promoted in the army. He is 20 years old and now personally has his own soldiers under him to take care of, with whatever they need. Anyway he told me that no he wasnt confused and that he was moving on and that if I didnt get it too bad. We havent talked since after that week. Any time I did try to talk to him he just seemed as thought he would keep getting mad and continued to push me away. Last weekend he came into my work to say goodbye, that it was his last night in town. I was walking around the mall and so he went and found me. I could barely look at him because all my feelings came rushing back. He seemed to act normal, he is good at that though. I know that he is busy with school (taking 14 credits right now), sports, work 3 weekends a month and the free one for friends and maybe family (not as close to them), and he has the army also. I know he is busy and I am not trying to interrupt anything, especially not his future. It has always been important to him and I am proud of him. I do however want to be with him and just be by his side, be there for him. I really care for him and love him. I know he did too and I dont believe that those feelings can just die. Last time (stated above) when he got very busy he pushed me away also. Its not a good thing but we can deal with it. I am pretty sure that since he has done it before that he is just very overwhelmed, which he is. I just want to be there for him though. And also I am afraid that this time he is too stubborn to come around, he made it very final. I am afraid he may think that he cant do that to me either. Also He said there wasnt hope because he didnt like me anymore.I am not sure he would even want to be with me again, but I feel that his decision was too quick and I think he does still have feelings for me. And also everything was just the complete opposite of our other plans. One friend suggested I write him a letter. I NEED to do something, I NEED him in my life, but I dont know what. And I would probably only have one shot to make it work so it would have to be perfect. It has been about a month and a week that we have been split. I am willing to wait another month before doing anything because I want to let him settle into school and all, but I dont feel as though I can wait longer than that. He is not around this time so 4 or 5 months from now it wont be me, but someone else. Also I cant see why we would throw what we had away if all he needs is space. We never really fought or had problems with each other, we trusted each other (and had even said it), our relationship was pretty good. I miss him so much and I just want to be in his life and be by his side. I care for him and am not ready to lose him. It will take me forever to get over him anyway so I wann to at least try to do something. I am very emotional and sensitive, but regardless it has been over a month and I am still crying all the time, I cant sleep well or eat much, and every morning I wake up with a sinking feeling in my stomach and my heart. Anything I do to keep busy I cant focus on. I truely miss him, talking to him, his company, everything. So if anyone has any suggestions or has been through this and it worked out in the end please let me know! sorry it was so long and scattered, I just feel you need to see those things as I did. oh yeah and he does get a word in edgewise. I dont talk to people the way I type, I am actually really quiet and shy and dont usually say much. thank you!!!!
One more thing, he has an obsessive ex (they dated for a month). She even followed him away to college. He cant stand her. Anyway with anything I do I dont want to come off like her or remind him of her. I am not obsessive, I care for him and love him.
Post edited by: Angela141516, at: 2007/08/23 07:44
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