True Stories of Cheating Wives
We always hear about men straying and having affairs. But we also know women can be capable of such things.
There are varied reasons why wives cheat on their husbands. Most often, unfaithfulness of wives stem from loneliness and boredom. Sometimes a liaison with another man is committed out of revenge for their cheating husbands. Here are some true stories:
Cheating Wife 1
A man notices his wife of twenty three years changes from being computer illiterate to an Internet addict in a matter of six months. His trust for her made him ignore the long hours she spent online with her "new friends" and even sending them gifts. Later on, her time for their children suffered too. It turned out she became obsessed with other men, even male ***** who solicit online.
His wife had become a totally different woman, influenced by the dark and perverted world she had embraced. She left her husband and family but not before doing as much damage as she can, making hideous accusations and horrid remarks to other family members.
Cheating Wife 2
Another man found out about his wife's three month long affair. She had slept with her lover several times over this period. Only after being confronted and being face-to-face with evidence did she confess. The husband was naturally devastated but forgave her so they can have a second chance and begin to rebuild their broken relationship. The wife was truly repentant and did her best to make up to her husband.
However, the pain remained inside. The husband did not know how to cope. He wondered if he should know more about the affair in order to get over it. The past just seemed to catch up and hurt him time and again. He forgave but could not forget.
Cheating Wife 3
Who could understand the madness that drove a man to kill his three year old daughter? A subsequent trial revealed the man had been depressed for months after finding out his wife was having an affair. He drugged his daughter with anti-depressant medication he had been taking and killed her with chloroform two days before her fourth birthday. He said he dealt with the deceit and wanted his wife to deal with the consequences for the rest of her life.
Cheating Wife 4
A couple got married after a year of meeting and falling in love while attending university. They later moved to Italy and back to Britain. A year after that, the wife filed for divorce. Minutes after that, he used a can of gasoline to set their home on fire.
But before the divorce papers, there were already marital troubles. Bad enough for the man to threaten his wife of burning their Italian flat so they can be together forever. Among his accusations were his suspicion of his wife having an affair.
Cheating Wife 4
One woman admitted to cheating on her husband everytime she got angry with him. She had one-night stands with different men which left her unfulfilled. She wanted to get back on her husband through her infidelity but ended up destroying herself.
Some cheating wives blame their husbands for driving them to enter into affairs. But for marriage to really work, it takes commitment and effort from both husband and wife. Cheating on your spouse is a selfish act.
YUP....my wife cheated on me in 2003 with the brother of my brothers ex-wife!!!!At the time my wife was 31 and the guy was 21. He is married with 4 kids and he has an additional 5 kids with 5 different women and one of those women is my wife.THATS RIGHT!!!!MY WIFE GOT PREGNANT BY HIM!!!! We have 2 daughters of our own and she had a son by him!! What sucks is this was his first born male child so they decided to name it after him...JODY JR.--------Jr. is now 8 years old and looks just like his father!!!He's a good kid partly because the father rarely comes around so he's learning our values. I guess i got a son afterall even after I got fixed!!!!My wife and I had to go through a lot to repair our marriage. I guess the good thing that came out was the truth....that was not the only time she cheated.....she had ben in a continuous pattern of cheating with some of my friends, my and her coworkers, and even the neighbor acrooss the street. It sucked because i had all these questions and hurt, and hearing the answers made it worse. From the smallest detail like were u on top? Oral? Condoms? Was he better? But we healed and I forgave her and trust her again
I lift my hat to you, commendable it is. There must have been something of a deeper level than the physical that would cause you to stay with her, which is missing from most relationships.
We all cheat, at some point or the other, but some take it to another level, some go all the way. It hurts to be cheated on, but it takes a real person with love and the disciplin to rise above the emotions and forgive.
I lift my cap to you.
She was? Oh my, how are you handling that?
Yes know the feeling here guys.
I have recently been starting a business, a lot of our relative money and all of my time spent on it. Working away for upto 10 days at a time and knocking in 80 hour weeks.
It was only temp for 2-3months max to start up anyhow. But anything i asked for in terms of help or support was a problem. Told her that we just finishing up and could spend lots of time together again and being as tender as possible when i was back. Noticed she had no sex drive or interest in me at all and was arrogant at times. Got suspect when she started trimming pubic regions and all that jazz...then a few cases of urinary tract infection. Noted a few guys on facebook profile that set alarm bells of, dont know why, just did.
But i actually never even really suspected, i took the support and friendship as a dead cert as my wife always had from me. I take my vow's very seriously in that respect.
Then this weekend i am lying in bed two weeks after saying we are finished up with the long hours and being away....so look forward to the time together etc not suspecting a thing at all, i mean why would you (doh slaps head).
12.30 at night my mobile rings. "is that steven, can i speak to em"
"err wtf about my friend "
"well its urgent i am a work friend".
My wife goes on and is very ratty and aggressive with the guy...i instantly piece a jigsaw together as above, takes me like 3 seconds. Looking around my room i see a travel bag with spicy underwear everything fits like a glove.
He phones 3 more times and my wife says it is about work.
So i take phone back and there is a text message that comes within a minute. Nothing prepares for the sms message,m it was that bad i thought he was just a crack pot.
In hindsight and short this guy is angry because she has cheated on him with another man....and possibly two ....both behind my back. Several other flirting sessions with men online and a few dates.
My wifes last date had been the friday, this is the saturday. We had been to the same cinema screening that night as she had with this other guy the night before, nice touch i thought.
On the wednesday they had been out, she stayed at his and on the friday. She had lost a smart phone on the wednesday..told me at nigh-class. Again nonsense. It was lost when at a bar from her bag. She tells me later that a 10 hour period she has complete amnesia and remembers a powder in her drink at the bottom.
The chap did whatever he wanted with her on the night, which on a technicality is rape. Stole the phone gaining full profile email access and found about the other longer term affairs. And got offended.
Then a crisis of morality he thought he should tell me about it. The text stated that he did not believe the nonsense that she was coming out with and reading emails and texts/voicemail from her husband...he is a gent (thanks buddy!). Then continues to tell on her being ridden like a bike. Giving me details etc.
My wife claimed a semi plausible excuse of lunatic stalker.Hindsight he did become a lunatic stalker.
I left it until around 6 the next morning told her to take all passwords of emails and stand back. What i found was truly shocking. She had been sleeping with other men, thought that one loved her and may be a good catch, she had slept with him like 10 times over 10 weeks.
All of that made me shake with adrenalin. frankly how i did not beat her to within an inch i will never know. But i did not lay a hand on her. Remaining fairly moderate.
Got the full truth which is as above, met a few guys on date site, non of which married non dating etc...my thoughts yea whats wrong with them Sparky
Asked for the detail, knowing it would hurt more, and flew into an absolute rage.A few hours were blank in my life at that point, but i only found two of the culprits, the one apologized properly. The other was rude and condescending. The excuse of a man thought at this point that he was still in the running for taking my wife away. I am not ashamed to admit that the only answer was a violent but last resort. Luckily for me my life was not destroyed by my actions that day, but i could seriously have killed without thought of consequence.
The 3rd man that i want to see i can not get near. Again weak and can not face his actions and apologize or take the consequence of not. He is the long term scumbag. I learnt today that he has been diagnosed with very bad health. Which i would not wish upon any man....if they had seen decent to apologize.
My wife for her part had been going through a bad time with a close family member passing etc. She is attractive and looks very young, much younger than the 33 that she is. It came easily and i am pretty sure she was very unbalanced during this time.
All of the physical contact, intercourse and whatever else annoys me. But i am thankful that she is safe and ok. It was that betrayal of our friendship on a much deeper level that hurts badly. It was her doing entirely, no rational or reasonable excuse. She is treated well, costs me a lot of money and loved and cared for, supported comforted....when i am there.
The conversations between these people and my wife about me, mean that i will never forget. A marriage destroyed. I love her dearly and i know that feeling is returned.
I always imagined that the sexual aspect would bother me. But i figured through this that i am strong minded and confident, as a result i have no issue with competition or rivalry. These jokers could not please her anyway with low libido and physical stature despite good looks etc. But it is the thing that i can do nothing about and that is the undignified feeding to weak people with no moral stature of all i have given emotionally over 10 years that will always be raw and likely to explode upon any future incident or past, that affects me.
It is simply not fair to place the person that you love or that loves you, even if this has diminished, into such a situation.
The full extent of this is unfolding currently. So far due to the co worker involvement and email use at work, my wife has been sacked from a position she worked hard to get and loved as it gave her confidence and security. The main reason that she claims to have committed such levels of adultery are
1. get more confident
2. i was away
3. not enough i love you's in the day.
All of what she sought from these men has been reversed and left her in a hole that she could not climb out of.
For my part i believe in life long friendship. It wont be the same again. But life is to short as it is. I have forgiven with out a second thought, but the annoying irony is that after these vultures have finished circling, and Now my wife has stepped back and realized how bloody absurd the situation is and can see that it was a good shag they were looking for and not love or to act as therapists to """lonely married women"""" it is me that has to carry the can and be strong again and yet build esteem up in her.
I guess my other lessons focused around the level of sneaky deceit and planning. Even more around the fact of callousness and lack of compassion. Photos sent to me when away....in the email box to other men were labeled "an hour before i get it" My wife would text me that she was horny, WHILST with another man!
I guess people can either be trusted or not. No in-between. Just why is it me with this extreme example.
Another lesson is that some men are plane stupid. If you are with a married woman, when the partner finds out the emotions can completely take over. It is for that reason that people should just ask for the divorce, council-ling, talk and not do this.
I shall take it day by day and see where i end up.
Thanks that helped, hope others can relate in the future.
i had this terrible experience also, i work all the time sometime i am gone six weeks, and she does not want sex,one evening i came home unexpectedly from out of town,she was not home, i went to the washroom to wash and when i was about to put my towel in the laundry basket her panties were in full view, i noticed the crotch area soaked,so i turn it inside out,i was shocked,there were globs of thick ***** on it,we live alone and shes attractive. i confronted her, she admitted having sex with my best friend, i left her . now she calls me but thats her mistake. i work hard to make a living , well this how i found out. marry the older mature ones who respect you.
Interesting weekend, that was really your story and it must have taken much concentration to express it on paper. Let me hope that whatever the solution you find, is the right one.
I just want to say that there is not excuse for cheating, it is just that. People cheat for all type of reasons, but we cannot take responsibility for it, even if they say we contributed by not being there enough. No one can make you do anything you should not do.
Break it up if you do not want it and move on. Not sure how you are going to continue in a relationship with her, but where there is a will there is a way. I will forgive any violation of my relationship, but if the person is not repentant, then I must move on.
thanks for the kind words
Just checked back after a fair few months.
I agree 100% with your viewpoint.
My wife did not repent.....So she had to go. I would have forgiven, genuinely no problem long term, but to me she just was not sorry.
So a divorce was commenced, and looking back it was the correct action.
A few months later and i have started to see another lady. Life is on the up and i am very glad not to have been left with any issue of insecurity or mistrust.
Yeah!!! A positive response, and I will continue to say it, if we trust the world in rewarding us for waiting, making decisions because of our principle, then we are good and we will find love in the world.
I agree that cheaters, BOTH MALE AND FEMALE....will cause immense pain and trauma. Period.
I STRONGLY disagree with how Wife #3 and Wife #4 are portrayed here.
So it's the wife's fault that the husband killed his daughter?
I DON'T THINK SO!
As with every relationship, there are TWO sides to every story. That is a FACT. Sure, let's have a thread that deals with bashing all the cheating wives. Just like we can a thread that bashes all the cheating husbands. But use common sense folks. If a person is cheating on their spouse, the proper thing to do if a person was feeling that incredible amount of anxiety, would be get help immediately before something spiteful is done under "temporary insanity", or whatever. If the person went nuts and caused major damage as this post suggests, the person obviously had uncontrollable mental issues before the infidelity occurred, or is using the issue as an excuse for acting incomprehensible.
I'm shaking my head here.
Let's stop an ask another question here, forgive me for straying from the topic but my question is this: To everyone on here that has been cheated on or is now dating someone that has been through it, arent the effects always the same? It turns us into untrusting individuals, suspcicious even of new people coming into our lives. Cheating no matter the reason is always wrong. It doesnt teach anyone a lesson, it doesnt fix your problems, and it sure isnt the solution for when the going gets tough. Blaming either sex for what one person or it some cases sadly, more then one have done. Regardless of what you want to believe, there are good men and women out there. Sometimes they are just hard to find.
Here is my story:
About 6 years ago, after being married for 3 years and living with the woman for 7 years, I found that my wife was cheating on me with another man. I found that by accident as I returned home to pick up something and overheard a phone call where she was explaining to the dude that she is “risking her life to see him….” At that point, we had a 1.5 year old boy. She had a girlfriend that provided her an alibi - basically babysitting that friend’s daughter... (That lady friend was also a cheater on her husband - as my wife was telling me back then...)
I did some investigation by looking at phone numbers, reverse phone search, and found the dude's address. On one of the "babysitting" nights, I loaded my 1.5 year old kid in the car, and we drove to the friend (babysitting) looking for “mama”. I was praying and hoping to find it... Of course I could not find the wife's car there... So we turned and drove to the dude's apartment building. And walla, I easily spotted the car parked on the street.
I confronted her about this, telling her that I know her story and I understand why she was somewhat distant from me, and in many cases avoiding sex. At first she would not admit, but after telling her what I know, she admitted being with him as she needed love and attention and that I wasn’t providing that to her enough. She claimed, (even until today), that she never had full sex with him and only had him sleep next to her, hug her, kiss her, and that he gave her *****, something that I never gave her. She insisted that she never had intercourse with him and her reason was that his “thing” was too small.
She said (crying) she was really sorry about it, and she would never hurt me again. I told her and to myself that I love/d her so much that I will do anything to forgive her. The only way for me to forgive her was to trust her MORE than I trusted her before. Basically knowing that a person can make a mistake once, but after realizing the mistake (cheating), he/she would never do that again, ever. So I gave her my full trust.
The dude kept calling her from time to time, she was telling me that he is really just a friend now and just helps here and there when she needs help. Whenever she wanted to order some food, he would run to restaurants and bring her. Many times, I wanted some food, and she would call him and let him bring it to her (me). He was kind of in loved with her, but whenever he would call she would make a fool out of him by blowing him on the speakerphone. We were both joking about him being there and the fact that she uses him for whatever she needs.
About 3 years later, we had our second kid. Our life was pretty much casual. Our sex life, to my knowledge and my wife’s feedback had improved and never been better. About a year ago, we had an issue with a plumbing leak and we had to call the insurance company. A subcontractor company came in and repaired the damage. A guy/foreman (dude from that company became very friendly. We invited him to a lunch one weekend. During the next couple of weeks, my wife started going out very often. She told me that she met the foreman’s (dude girlfriend and they became very good friends. Next month, I received the cell phone bill and discovered $500 bill vs. $100 we had before. I told her that I would not pay that bill and she got dude A to pay it for her…Most of it was running over the sms massages. We used to have 300 sms messages that were enough for her for the last year and that month she had 3000 messages. Most of them (90 %) were to same number. I confronted her with this bill…and she claimed that she started using text messaging with her friends and that it is very convenient. I called the number private and got to the VM of that foreman’s (dude company/cell phone. It was his voice in the voice mail. When I asked her about that same number she said that it is being used by his girlfriend as she doesn’t have her own cell phone. I called it couple of times but always got his VM. After couple of months, I asked her how come I never seen that girlfriend…I don’t know why and how, but somehow I never really wanted to find out about it as I fully trusted my wife. Unlike the (first) cheating, this time she (learned the lesson), and never showed any sign of not being interested in me. Pretty much every time I wanted to be with her, she would happily agree.
Raising the two kids and my busy work schedule (9 to 5 everyday), the time flew by. My wife was complaining to me that I don’t spend enough time with my older kid and helping him in reading and homework. She was not working and pretty much was staying at home with the little baby and driving my kid to and from school.
During the last year I noticed that the wife has a password on her cell phone. I did ask about couple of times, but she always answered that our kids are playing with her phone and sometimes delete phone numbers, etc, so she put a password on it. Two months ago, I got very nervous about something not related to her, but I was so **** that I came to her and she was texting something on the phone. I demanded the phone and asked her password. She would not give me the password. I told her that I would take the phone from her unless she tells me the password…she wouldn’t. So I took it and cracked the password out using some codes. I found many text messages from that dude B. I found picture messages with his privates in various positions, etc. I found voice mails left by him describing them together with much detail. I also found email (luckily) in her deleted items pretty much detailing their “great” sex life during the last year and her true and deep concern for him and her love to him.
I returned the phone to her after deleting it so that she would think that I simply erased it and wasn’t able to see the content. I did confront her on the password and she “admitted” that she was simply texting some inappropriate messages with a guy (that I know). That guy is actually just someone that is not involved in this. She didn’t mention the dude B’s name at all. Couple of times I have teased her with questions on having sex with other men, and she always demands that she never had any sex with other men except me. Looking back this year, she did add some interesting position to our experience in bed that she obviously learned with dude B.
I decided to play it smart this time and get more evidence even though no more was really needed. I simply couldn’t believe that and needed extra proof (to wake me up from this nightmare).
So I hired a private investigator that was able to get her phone calls. I was unable to stand the two of them meeting and having sex, I decided to tell her that I’m all upset with here going out (with her friends) and that I want her to be home for the next month. No more going out alone expect with ME.
Since I had access to their conversations, I knew about the plans to meet. As I had “locked her” in the house, they decided to meet at our house. They did meet and she took care of his business plus fed him lunch. He was pretty quick so my wife asked him to rent a hotel room so that she could get more of his “time”. He did rent the room and in that evening the wife came to me asking to go for shopping. I knew where she was going…so I offered to bring in babysitter and go with her…she got very upset. I asked her why, she gave me many reason why she needs to go alone. That this was her way to get out of the house, out of the kids and “breath”. I didn’t let her go…so the dude B got very upset after that and demanded that she pay him for the hotel room he got in vain. She initiated 99% of the phone calls, and in many occasions tells him how much she misses him and loves him. Couple of times, she even asked him to tell her if he loves her…he never did. He also got upset for her asking him this question. I realized that she would call him every morning first, then she would call me 2nd…
I was disgusted by the whole scenario, and knowing exactly in detail about their relationship and all the various positions and actions she did with him. I also know that they were not using condoms while she had a birth control device that as far as I know meant for women after giving birth that are in a relation with one single man (husband) only… (to prevent infections).
I decided to run couple of experiments. Couple of days before their planned meeting, I would get really busy with her in bed such as to get her really “tired”, that still didn’t prevent her from calling him and asking him to come over and ***** her. I also did an experiment by being super nice to her one week, bring her flowers, etc to no avail. She still kept calling him anytime I wasn’t home. Again, during this time, she would never avoid me, and show no other sign.
During the last couple of years I was sometimes teasing with my wife about our 2nd kid not being mine…and the fact that I need to check that. She would always respond by saying that If I was to check that, I would never see them (wife and two kids) again. All this joking or what sounded like joking…
Well the situation got me to still do that test. I figured that this woman has being lying to me for at least twice already… So I decided to check this small issue once and for good.
Turns out the 2.5 year old baby is NOT my kid…while the older 7 year old is my kid. This was a real shock to me as it diminished the whole issue of the cheating and having other man messing with my wife. I realized that this baby that I have been attached to for the last 3 year plus… since the pregnancy begun belongs to someone else…it is not mine. It took me couple of hours and I realized that the dad is probably (not verified yet) dude A from 6 years ago. Yes, same dude that she never had intercourse with…I wonder how she got pregnant without having full sex…. I happened to find his picture online and indeed the kid looks somewhat like him.
Right now, I’m not sure if he is indeed the dad. Not sure if he knows about being the dad. She almost never talks to him on the phone now…as she is busy with dude B. I’m 100% sure that dude A doesn’t know about dude B and also that dude B doesn’t know about dude A.
It is most likely that the wife knows that I’m not the father…Even though at that time, I was sleeping with her though using withdrawal method and she was without the birth control device. This is a fiasco and I still didn’t blow it out. I’m waiting for the right moment but I’m not sure how to handle all this.
I know that if we get this fiasco exposed, it will ruin the wife. None of our friends knows about it and so is the family. My parents have the pictures of their grandkids all over their house…how will I get them that news that one of them is not their grandkid. Would they remove him from the pictures?
Should I fight for my (biological) kid and thus split him from his (half) brother? Should I disconnect completely from the 2nd kid…how would I do that? I still love him so much – he is such an adorable baby. Should I blow it all open by contacting the dudes and telling them about each other? Was she extremely selfish by cheating on me, then using my trust to continue cheating, getting pregnant by someone else, and not doing an abortion and still giving birth to such child… What a poor child that will have a messed up life and he is so innocent and absolutely not his fault that his mom is a whxxx. How will I be able to trust a woman again? Any woman?
same msg, so deleted it.
I think cheaters are not cheaters coz they want to be cheaters but they have a reason how they turned out to be the cheaters..Cheating is something that hurts relationship between couples...and relationship is something where both man and the woman is involved. So if one cheated on the other, just the cheater is not to be blamed. There is equal contribution to what happened. If a wife/husband knows how to keep her/his husband/wife happy, there is no reason why either the husband or the wife would go ahead and cheat on him/her. But usually thats not the case...its society that says "CHEATERS" are "BAD"...but what about he reasons why the cheater is a cheater? I'm a girl and no i'm not a cheater but i know this since i'm a woman that woman usually cheat if their husbands act like an a* h* for a long long time, inspite of her hard hard try of changing him and yes his promises of changing, trying to change, on the process of changing, whatever but seeing no actual change, makes her sick of him one day or the other. And divorce is ofcourse an option in that case instead of cheating but hey the husband should also get the idea that she does not wanna be wid him nomore...but they usually don't...they keep on sticking like glue and that gives a sense of fear in woman that if she left him, he might be devastated..but the ugly fact is also that she can't really tolerate his bs nomore. And well, she finds happiness in other men instead..coz this husband is ****.
And forgiving a cheater is a hard thing to do that only a strong hearted, true lover can do. But does it really mend the relationship? does it still stay the same like it was before? and again, its for both parties..husband and wife !!
naturally speaking, lets say a wife cheated on her husband, confessed and got forgiven. But husband is still gonna talk about it on and on and on with bunch of questions every often even if the wife is trying to make a new life again with her husband..he's gonna get way annoying to her coz he's not gonna really get over what happened nor is he gonna let her get over her past.
So the consequence is she is not gonna be happy nor is the husband gonna be happy..either both need to get over it...and getting over means...not even simple stupid question...even if its polite..nothing about past at all...
Or the other option is going separate ways and getting over each other and doing their own thang !
Princess, You are very wrong in general and specifically in my case.
You claim that women would not leave their husband because they are afraid to hurt them....so they decide to stay with the husband, although not happy, and start cheating on the husband with another man...HOPING that he will never finds out. What happens when the husband finds out...He is getting hurt 100x fold than he had if she had simply left him and separated BEFORE starting to sleep with another man...
On another point, you say that the woman confesses about the affair, they reconcile, but the husband keeps asking her questions and hassle her over that past. And that it bothers their relationship.
In my case, I found out, but she NEVER confessed about her true actions with the OM. Still I forgave her, and really never bothered her with questions. I truly moved on. I thought we both did. However, now i know that she continued sleep with the OM AFTER i busted her...she simply hid it much better. Then she had a baby (probably with him), then got tired of him, and met a new guy (current OM)..
I reckon you have valid points
IN SOME CASES
But to try and bracket/explain/avoid responsibility on the above grounds would only be relevant if they were true and occurred.
Incidentally each person will have there own opinion of behaving like an a*+ *****&
My wife at the time may have considered me working all hours available on a business (after i supported her for 10 years) as being an **** hole.....Perhaps when i came home, kissed and hugged her, took her and the family out and spent quality time with her when i was back on a weekend......Perhaps because i only called twice a day and messaged 5 or 6 times a day? placed a roof over her head, new clothes and paid for an expensive equine pass time and lets not forget paid for my wife to go around fu&^%ing every guy in trousers and taking them out for dinner
The reality was she thought that me being tired and distant for 2- 3 months was me treating her badly enough to murder a marriage.
So, is this a two sided event....If a person believes that to be the case, then seriously don't get married as you have little chance of maintaining vows in my opinion!
Now if we are talking about nasty, abusive or demeaning partners.....Abuse. That is a different issue all together. It is an abusive relationship and should be ended...again in my opinion.
My Answer to this question regarding trust is simple
yes it does affect you moving forward.
Personally i have had to tutor/council myself to trust again and rid my mind of insecurity.
I am confident and mange for the best part. I know i deliver in a relationship (with normal healthy minded girls ) which helps. My current partner helps in that i believe she is happy and content and will say so.
Being pretty the current S/O gets lots of attention, i just gain confidence from the fact that she is with me and that i see the true side to her personality that nobody else glimpses.
But it was not easy.
The one thing i will say is that my tolerance is now absolutely 0. Any emotional commitment let alone suspected physical outside of our primary relationship would be immediately discussed....if not to my satisfaction then tough on both of us. It ends.
So i guess it does change us, but for the better or worse .....Who can say??
Okay let me start by saying I am a cheating wife. All of you on here are unfair. You don't know why a wife cheats, in my case I grew as a person from who I was when I got married. I am more independant and self confident. My husband however didn't grow, he expected things to be how they always were, basically me handling everything, finances, kids, even his sick mother. Well I got tired of it all, I spoke to him about it but he never heard or listened. I turned to the internet for something to do with the boredom I had, met someone, conversed, met,and yes made love (best sex I ever had). Me and the OM where very close, talked about our future but after about 1 year we got cold feet, we were afraid to hurt the kids. Some of you would say don't blame the kids I am not, they were old enough to understand but I also think we knew this wasnt the way to end things with our marriages. So we broke up, about 1 day after the break up my husband confronted me and I did tell him I had an affair. He was devistated but wanted to work it out, yes this would have been my time to leave but I felt truely bad about hurting him, so even though it was hard I decided to stay. It has been 4 years and let me tell you what a roller coaster ride, and let me say that as I write this I feel the same way I did 4 years ago...alone, bored and tired of trying to be the one to make the marriage work. A marriage needs to be 50/50 and mine is 80/20 when I want help the only way I get it is to ask and then I deal with his grumbles. I asked him 4 years ago to take over the finances and about 6 months ago I found out that we were always late on things and our credit rating had plummetted, now I am trying to repair that. So here I am feeling the same way I did 4 years ago, and guess who I heard from....the guy I had an affair with....and yes I met him. Guess once a cheater always a cheater, at least that is what my husband would say, because during the past 4 years he has said it when he thought I was cheating on him (which I never did). So why did I cheat because I needed the excitement, the love, the attention...will I continue, I actually think I will see the guy occassionally but I now know that I need to prepare for departure from a marriage that I am not happy in and will never change...preparing will take time as I have to make certain that I don't suffer financially because I have worked hard for the last 30 years......................So before you judge anyone for cheating get the whole story, don't just feel sorry for yourself....
While reading your post I thought that it would be good to note that we indeed hardly ever evaluate why a person cheats, but we do know that some folks are driven to it. To say leave the relationship before you do is easier said than done.
The facts are still the same, and we are not pointing a finger, but the person who cheats is hurting and the person cheated on hurts too, and all we are saying that when a relationship goes bad, is it better to try and rectify or to compound that issue which is what cheating does.
In my case my wife told me that she could not sleep in the same bed with me because of my snoring, I was wondering what the ? After a while we were getting distant from each other and then the bombshell, she was not sure she was in love with me anymore.
So for days I was walking around feeling sorry for myself, until I met a girl. We started hanging out and then one evening without planning it or anything, we slept together, I cheated. One night I was with her and she told me in the morning that I had sleep apnea and should get it checked out. When I went to the doctor I was told that i have a serious case of apnea, got it treated and now I am not snoring.
Well at least I had confronted my wife and told her that it was okay for her to go, it was for the best and she did. We did not have children and most of our assets were already separated, so divorce was easy. The thing is my cheating led to my life being spared because I was told if i had continued living like that it could end up giving me a heart attack because of the strain on the heart.
This may sound strange, but I am happy I cheated, but that does not make it right. All cases are different, but when you choose to cheat anyone out there, prepare to walk out on your relationship, prepare for hurt and pain just in case. My wife to date was never made aware of my cheating and it will stay that way, but even though it worked out in my case, I am not promoting cheating, there is too much pain involved.
there's absolutely no excuse for cheating. if u r not happy then leave. u have a choice. it may not be easy but u doing what's best for u. u don't want to hurt ur partners by leaving so the alternative is to disrespect and make a fool out of them. no one says that marriage would be easy. i'm sure if cheating was done to u, u would b speaking a different story.
I was cheated on and yes it sucks...
I have been married for 2 years.. Both Virgins befOre marriage and met 4 years ago. Love eachother to death. As we got comfortable with eachother before marriage we got pretty addicted with ***** with eachother.. N would give my wife all the pleasures in the book. Now after 2years of marriage she is working at a male dominant construction supply company as an accountant. She has a male co worker that she is always calling n texting away from work. He has a gf as well but is very un happy with her from wat my wife explains. My wife and him go for lunch together everyday.. N she comes home to tell me how sorry she feels for such a nice guy that his gf is so mean to him as he explains to my wife. My wife also cooks for him n buys him lunches and gifts as so does he. We recently went to my wifes work x-mas party n he was there but with his gf. My wife told me if i didnt go then she would attend the cruise party with her male co worker. So i went and her friend did not come around much n nore did he talk to me much.. But him n my wife were texting eachother! My wife is always talkin about him n has called me by his name on many ocassions even during sex! "ouch!!" my wife tells me how much she loves guyz of his culture now.. Before marriage she was into black men but not sexually.. Now my wife loves to get social n get attention and she is beautiful that im sure she does not have trouble with men approaching her. Now every other day she comes home telling me how horny she is and mentions she has to change first thing when she gets home because she is wet.. N i have checked and it is true she comes home extremely wet. I think she is enjoying the attention she is getting and she explains to me that she couldnt have imagined if she was this socialy attached to men in high school it would have been bad news? Wats next??
The reason why i came to discuss this was because she came home this evening from work in black ***** n a top with a hole in the ***** at her inner thigh.. N it showd if she stood with her legs apart! Her top was too high to cover it.. What does our community make of this?
She is discovering new things about herself, she is experimenting with her sexuality, now this can be a good thing or a bad thing, that depends on you guys as a couple. The worst thing is to try to make her feel that what she is feeling is bad, because it really isn't, and men being attracted to her and coming on to her, should not seem like something different, but natural and normal is if managed well should not interfere with your marriage.
Do not freak out on her because this is not a side of her that you know, she is no virgin anymore, she is a grown woman, and should not be dictated to about how she should feel. Not easy for a man, in fact it sucks, all of us at some point when we see our women changeing freak out! But we just need to have dialogue with our partner and treat them the same way we would if we had just been learning about them.
You need to take her out, compliment her, tell her how beautiful she looks, because I get the feeling that she is looking for empowerment, she wants to feel attractive and sexy, and if are not providing that, then she will seek it outside of you.
It is going to be okay, no need to worry about the changes you are seeing, it is normal.
Sit down and tell her your fears and if that dosn't faze her then let her know that if you find out that she's cheating it's over and she's out of there, because I hate to say this but as a former therapist it sounds to me that she's heading there fast.
Sympathies. That's a terrible thing to go through.
I would not get too hung up on if she has low self-esteem if I were you: I think that's just an excuse women give out because it's easier than taking responsibility for the terrible thing they've done. Young women are full of hormones and mood swings so she'll always get attracted to other men. The question is, what she does about it and if at that moment when she's tempted, she knows there'll be some terrible consequencies.
I had a girlfriend who used to have drinks with men she knew and she always made a point of telling me exactly where they'd been and she'd assure me everything was OK by saying: 'Oh, you don't have to worry, I tell him all about you'. Of course, when women tell you what they did with other men it's not in order to seek redemption and get forgiveness as we do, or even to show you they now have a spiritual understanding about how valuable trust between you two is now. No, if that were the case they'd tell us as soon as the first betrayal happened. No, they do it because it off-loads their guilt and stops them having to take responsibility for their own actions. Now she's told you, she can say to herself 'Well, he knows exactly what I'm like now. If he stays with me he's got no right to blame me if I cheat again'. The fact is that she cheated because she could get away with it. Yet she came back to you because she still wants something with you. I was naive so I believed her and let her carry on. I didn't know then, like I do now, that that was the start of her cheating. I should have laid down the law right then. Now I know, that the only way to deal with a women like that is to set some clear rules and stick to them. Like: if she does anything like that again it's over between you. And to get her believing you'd carry out the promise, then set some other rule, like as long as she's living with you, you can read all her text messages and e-mails. And then go ahead and do it, no matter how she screams later. Ok, that's the stick. And the reward is to take her out, buy her flowers and so on.
I lost that girl but in a way I'm not sorry. A girl who cheats once will cheat again. Now I've got a great wife and we have a great understanding, yet I'm much stricter in certain things than I was with the other one. For example, if she insults me just because she's in a bad mood I don't let her off the hook until she's said sorry. So I don't think it's touchy-feely sympathy women need, although it's good for them to have us listen to them, and compliment them, even if it's all nonsense. What women respect is just a man who can promise to do something and then goes and does it. A women who's subject to fleeting affections and mood-swings needs a man to be her rock.
When you cheat you make it easy for people to judge you, because not a single reason you gave in your story justified you cheating on your husband. And I bet if we were to talk to your husband he would have just as many gripes about you.SomebodyNH