Complicated Relationship, Please Help.

172 4
ApplaudNo VotesCriticize


I’m in my 30’s and I meet Mike a year and the half back. We started as friends and became closer. He has always been there for me and still is. However, the complicated part is this that I’m not sure where I stand in this relationship.

So Mike and I got closer and things were heated up but we didn’t made love cos he said that he believe that sex is meant to be after marriage. But we were still close, months passed and one day he told me that we shouldn’t be closer. We need to understand each other well and told me that he want to get to know me and don’t want the closeness between us to confuse us about how we actually feel about our selves. So I agreed and we became close friends ever since. No kisses and no hanky panky.

I have fall for him and told him about how I feel and he said ‘don’t put faith on me as we don’t know what our future is and if things are meant to be between us it will be. Plus I’m not ready for commitments’, as I have already fall for him it was just so hard for me to keep him out of my mind, so I agreed to what he said. Plus we are housemates and I have no other choice but to be seeing him all the time.

To complicate things more he is so caring towards me and is very protective towards me. Whenever he is going out and where he is going to he will tell me and when I’m going out I will tell him too. He has introduce me to his mom and sister as a friend and wants me to spend sometime with them whenever possible and as I like him so much that I couldn’t say no to him plus I do enjoy the time with his family. However, I have just recently discovered that he is in to an open relationship with another woman who has a boy friend and he has keep it secret from me. As per his handphone SMS they are planing to have this like a contract for few months or so and that no emotional should be involved.

Today, Mike is going to meet her as per the SMS and he lied to me saying that he is going someway else, what I don’t understand is this that he told me he is the type of a guy who wont be involved with a woman who has a boyfriend and don’t believe in open relationship or sex before marriage. I was very upset about all this and it was so clear on my face and he asked me what was the matter. I told him that I feel he is keeping something from me and he told me that he is not and that he is not in relationship with anyone and that he will never keep anything from me as I mean alot to him. That he appreciate all that I’m doing for him and he will not be able to get a best friend like me.

He is always there during my good times and my hard times and he always support my future. Always advice me to bring out the best out of me.

I’m just so confused, what is going on? Is this a red flag? Should I stay or should I leave?

Please advice what I could do in this situation? It will be very helpful to me. Thank you. =)

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a


  • mermaid88: You know what he is a good guy, he has told you from the beginning that you were just friend, though you were housemates he hasn’t take advantage of you. You have no right to tell him that he is keeping something from you as he is not your BF... you were just friend and housemate, considering he have had told you from the beginning that he don’t want to confuse how you & him feel to each other.
    He has his own right to run and decide for himself, whether he is in an open relationship, and he don’t mind if he would share with another guy. It’s not of your business!!!
    You mis-interpret the friendship. Your were introduced to his family as his friend and not his girlfriend. You fall for for him, and he’s not. Though he has said about marriage first before sex, maybe he just said it to you as being a gentleman and as a true friend that’s what come up to his mind on how to deal to your feelings towards him, without hurting you, he might also have a thought that what if he has something for you too, not just friend. But now you found out he’s into this girl, stop acting like he is cheating on you. Because he is not... girl stop are not his GF... SORRY I MAY SOUND MEAN...but I’m not, just want you to live in reality.
  • PrincyV:

    You know what your totally right. I’m just his friend. I guess I should be happy for what I have with him for now. Thank you for opening my eyes. I was so in the fantasy world. Whats wrong with me. So any idea how do I just be his friend and forget about how I feel for him as we are housemates?

  • mermaid88: There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s normal to think that we fell inlove to the good qualities of a person, but it’s not love it’s an admiration. Don’t confuse yourself between love and admiration...he is right by telling you don’t do sex... because it will just confused you once you’ve done it... he value his friendship with you... and he respect you as his friend and housemate, by telling you what he’s up to for the day so you won’t end up thinking why is not home yet or why he didn’t come home. I hope you’ve seen the whole picture of what am I trying to say here, don’t give other meaning on it, that is a normal practice of all people live in the same house.
    You admire his good qualities, don’t throw the friendship he’s worth keeping, it’s too hard to find true good friend, he is somebody you can rely on in time of troubles or when your down, I have few true good males friends with me for years... and if there’s a time i need to understand my LOVE’s behavior I turn to them... get their opinion on some issues... coz i want to make sure I don’t over react on the issues.
    I believe I have given you the idea, so control your feelings, why don’t you go out on a date, entertain suitors... go out with some friends it’s one way of meeting guys looking for a relationship, don’t lock yourself in the house waiting for him to come home, trying to act like a good GF. Enjoy life relationship comes unexpectedly. :)
  • PrincyV: Thank you so much for making me look into a whole picture. Btw he didn’t carry on with the open relationship as he told her that he is in love with someone. I’m not sure who but I wish him all the best. I’m happy I still have him as a friend =)

Add Your Own Comment:

By clicking 'Submit' you agree to the Site Terms
By entering this site you declare you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to its Terms, Rules & Privacy and you understand that your use of the site's content is made at your own risk and responsibility.
Copyright © 2006 - 2016 Relationship Talk