I met him back in freshmen year, he had the biggest crush on my then best friend. We talked but we were not really close till tenth grade, we became very friendly. People would keep asking us if we were dating, real we weren’t. He always kept saying that I could only date guys with his name or every guy I liked would magically turn out to be gay or some excuse. At the end of sophomore year, I went out to eat with friends after school, I had changed into a dress and left. After he texted me asking me where I was going, my friend got the phone and said I was on a date, after that I didn’t text back. The next day he kept asking about the guy, I got annoyed so when class ended I yelled “if I kiss you, would you shut up about the date?” He said yes so we kissed. He texted me after school but nothing much happened after that. I thought I would give him his space, so he could hang out with his friends and do whatever he wanted and I would do what I wanted. Towards the end of summer I found out he got a girlfriend but he never once mentioned her to me, ever. I was shocked and angry, so I deleted and blocked him on Facebook (childish I know). When we got back to school, we started talking and he told me he regretted having a girlfriend, that he wanted me and I was the first girl in his mind and his heart. I would stop talking to him, but I always felt guilty and ended up talking to him because I felt like a bad friend. He kept being extra friendly and I would tell him to stop because of his girlfriend. At one point, he forgot her, took him 5 minutes to remember her name. One day, he told me to go upstairs with him (we had all our classes together), I said no but he kept insisting, so I said the it was the only and last time I would. We got upstairs and somehow we ended up kissing, more of a make out. Then he went to meet her to walk her to class like nothing happened. He texted me that night saying next time it was going to be more gentle, and I got mad because he wouldn’t leave her but he and wanted me, and I am not going to be the sideline girl. He wouldn’t break up with her because of a family issue. So I told him that he was only thinking with his dick. He agreed and wouldn’t text me back. The next day, he brought her over to where I sit with my friends and completely ignored me like always. I got mad, I saw red, and after lunch I went up to her, in front of him, I told her, he had cheated on her. He called me a liar and a **** so I slapped him. His girlfriend came to talk to me, she believed me at the beginning and even told me she had been knowing for awhile. Then she went to go talk to him and basically called me a liar too. After that, I tried talking to him, out of guilt. He said “there is nothing left to say” so we left it at that. He haven’t talked since, he blocked me on Facebook (I had unblocked him when we were friends then he blocked me), won’t look at me and talks bull about me behind my back. Yet, there are times I catch him looking at me. I don’t understand him, don’t bother him at all, if possible I try not to be in the same area as him, I try not to talk about him to anyone, I let him be happy with her, so why block me or even look at me? I don’t look at him, I only look because I feel someone staring at me and every time I catch him but he makes sure no one else does. Can someone explain to me what is going through his mind? I just want to know why he is looking at me, if he is so happy with her?
I know I made a lot of mistakes, I am not the easiest person to handle, and I am to blame but so is he.