confused about relationship

we've had a relationship for 7 years now...she broke up with me in the end of april then came back to me a couple of months later and broke up with me again...she moved away...and there was problems with us in terms of me being "controlling"...she said that she didnt want to HAVE to tell me everything about her feelings..something along those lines...i took her back and forgave her for everything...only to have her break up with me again...she came back again and told me how she was going to tell her parents and that she was clear and not confused anymore about what she wanted...then she went out of the country now she came back and is telling me that we are not boyfriend/girlfriend and she doesnt know what our relationship is...and for me to not expect anything from her...

im really confused as to what i should do...when i told her that she's basically using me as a reserve she agreed thats what she was doing...she said that if i spoke her native language and was part of her religion she would have married me..i'm taking classes and trying to learn her language and at the same time working on my career...but if she is flirting with and still maintainig contact with guys who are in a similar position then is that really a good enough reason??? i'm trying to figure her out and i want her to be happy...but im loosing it in the process...

she basically wants to talk to me but feels guilty about it b/c she says she cant guurantee anything...in terms of a future...i dont know what to believe i can't focus on anything else...

to add to that in the period we broke up she went around fliriting with guys and mentioned of one guy actually kissing her on the cheek i don know if there is more to this story or not as of now im trusting her word...she still apparently talks to this guy but the guy likes her...

everyday she calls its either she thinks im perfect for her or wants me to move on and be happy as she puts it...when i ask her to be my girlfriend she says she does not want to be bound by me...i asked her what she meant by this she tells me that she doesnt want to have to tell me all her feelings...i don't know she means...

at this point she's all over the place and she is not stable at all..i'm not sure what the best way to go about this is...she says that she wants me to move on but calls me daily...i need help...i told her what exactly i want and she says that im free to move on if i want if im not happy with what she is giving me...

i don't know what to do...i really love this girl...but im so lost right now...any words of advice would help me out alot...

If she wanted you, then she would have wanted to stay with you to help you work on her language/religion. Instead, she broke up with you twice and has even confirmed that she is using you as a reserve while flirting with other guys. She means that she will consider you, but she's not serious about it.

she tells me that she is not in contact with anyone other than me right now the flirting had happened the first time we broke up she said that she was very lonely and she wasint her true self...

with the religion and language...i'm really involved with my work right now and she knows that i dont have enough time to spend on learning it i told her that i would learn but u are right she could do more...with the religion last time we saw each other she gave me a book which has english translations so i could know the principles...

in talking to her yesterday she says the language/religion is a big problem as she loves her parents very much and doenst want to go against them or hurt them...

and i asked her if she were to go for someone else then what happens to me...she said that then you would know my character and that would show you that ur better off without me anyways...and she also said that if i were to find some1 i would tell u straight up...

if she doesnt want to be with me then whats the point of keeping me around she has other friends she could talk to even that guy she flirted with...but she chooses to talk to me...

not to mention that the last few times she did come to visit she spent her whole time with me and not her friends and it was physical...

what is the best thing for me to do..when she first broke up i was afraid to let go but after time passed i'm okay with it...yes it still hurts but i'm not miserable as before...but my love for her hasn't changed i tell her this all the time...to add to that she calls me whenever she gets a chance...

she says that she doenst want to give me hope of me marrying her and then later on in the future...tell me no...b/c she is not sure of her future her self...btw she moved away b/c her parents moved away and she is going to grad school...she wanted me to visit and everything and says that i can visit anytime...

i feel like im blind right now...

anyone...????

so let me get this straight.

You have been together with her 7 years and then she decides her and your language is a problem?

It sounds to me like she has lost the interest of being and she is looking for something and she knows not what.

How did it get to be seven years with no story?

I don't buy her excuse of religion language barrier.

Most women that have been with someone for seven years have usually decided issues like that before hand.

Sounds like she really wants to get through school though and she is following her parents.

So after 7 years, shouldn't it be marriage?

How did it get to be 7 years?

the parents were always an issue she is really close (scared) of her dad he found about me and told her to break it off and she had lied to him at the time (about 6 years ago) as we considered that we were too young...we always thought we would get over the parents issue and she was would always tell me that when she gets done with school and gets established that she would tell them...

even recently before she went back home with her dad she told me how she was going to tell him in a written letter about me and that she wanted to me to write a letter with my intentions and i did that...she was here and she spent all of her time with me...and then when she came back from the vacation she was like "i need to move on and be happy" she has been in a state of flux after the break up everytime she came back she told me that she is no longer confused only to tell me that its not going to work out after a couple of weeks...

right now she doesnt want to be my "girlfriend" she says that i dont want you to have any expectations because im not sure of my future...yesterday i confronted her about being honest with me i asked her if she is going to be faithful and honest and she is like thats what a girlfriend does i dont want to be ur girlfriend...she doesnt want to define our relationship...if we were to have a relationship it would be a long distance relationship...

if she is confused i want to be there for her but i get the feelign that im just filling in the void and making it easier for her to move on when she does find that someone...or i believe her and try my best to show her that im the one for her...

she also mentioned that if she were to end up having feelings for someone she would tell me first...and that if she did that to me then i would know that she wasint the one for me anyways...

i had a problem with the fact that the guy who liked her was not of the same religion and nor spoke the language...when we were broken up they both flirted with each other...i asked her if there was anythign going on now, she says that he is thousands of miles away and that she is not interested in him and that there is no future between the two of them...and that it shouldnt matter to me how he feels about her..and that only how she feels...but she continues to talk to him

she wants me to expect nothing from her but be there talking to her as she enjoys talking to me and until she gets bored..is this her anger coming out? she has other people around her which she says she is close with now but she chooses to talk to me still...i dont know what to make of this or what i should or if what im doing is the right thing...i don't want to hurt her

i love this girl to death...we are highschool sweethearts we went through alot together and i have made mistakes i was young and i was controlling, over protective and acted like her dad as she was always comparing me to him in the early stages...instead of being a boyfriend. ive really changed ever since the break up (7 months has passed since the initial break up)...but she gives me no credit still feels i'm the same...

even now i was thinking long term with her i wanted to give her space and focus on my self...and get to where i need to be before anything but i feel so uncomfortable with the fact that she is not giving me anything to work with and i brought it up with her...and in that conversation she told me that she was going to talk to me and after 2 years if she liked me enough then she would proceed and if she didnt then she would leave which wasint very reassuring given the fact that she would still be "single"...then she said how i over analyzed everything and made her realize that if she were to go for someone else she wouldnt be able to tell me and that would just break my heart even more...basically ended up saying that she is going to stop talking to me since her school is starting and hasnt called me since...

to be more specific about the 7 years we were very close with each other..she was my everything and vice versa and then she when she was living on residence she met this girl who she said made her realize that i wasint the one for her...after trying to get her back i gave her space and time and she came back wanting to be my girlfriend, followed by friend with benefit, best friend, and the list goes on...i want her to be happy i feel bad about being controlling and i have changed but she doenst see it and i just dont know what to do anymore...i feel so alone and hurt everything i try to do reminds me of her...after she came back i thought she meant it and ive made career changes and in the process of moving closer to where she will be working and she was happy about that and now i dont know what to do...

sorry for the long reply...i still have hope that one day she will realize but i dont know how long i can hold on...whats the best thing for me?

anyone?

I know it's hard but you might have to just move on. Only she can decide what she wants and she deosn't sound very decisive... There is no point agonising over your relationship when clearly she's not in the mental state to be in a loving relationship.