contemplating cheating on husband

Ive been married 6 years,have 4 children, have had problems since day 1. Im so tired of my marriage, my husband blames everything he does wrong on me, all the problems on me. I beleive him mostly that I am in fact the problem. I cause problems with him about everything. Everything that has a root to trust issues. I cannot trust him for nothing. Not even if he says he is going to work, I will doubt it. He says I have mental problems. I accepted at one point that I must be suffering from some sort of mental problem but then I went back to I just cant trust him. I have caught him with women, not fornicating , but with them, hanging out, chatting, Ive read letters from him to other women about his penis in the womens mouth but he claims it was a typo. There have been so many things, and at the end of the day he says that everyting is due to me and the life of hell that I offer him. He says that Im a no good wife and mother and so on. Im just at the point now where Ive contemplated doing wrong things. Like being flirtatious with men, talking with them on the net who knows. I feel I could never actually meet another man due to my children, they are always with me so theres no way anyhow. I really dont know what to do im just tired of my marriage and my life.Im not happy at all and neither is he. The kids are suffering big time. We have lived in seperate places before for a few months and he just recently moved back in with me less than a month ago and is looking for another flat again this week, he is decided to move out again but still staying married, refusing to pay any bills, al this because he is tired of me and not happy. Im tired of him and his lies and lifestyle as well but theres no way I could leave or let him leave due to the kids. I wanna cheat cuz I hate him but at the same time wonder if Im the cause of all of this and why would I cheat due to my own faults

Tired, welcome to the forum

Since he is moving out and refusing to pay any bills I would go for divorce. In that case he is out of the house anyway and forced to pay bills.

You have to make an end on this drama and not let it dragg on. You are probably young and life is full of lovely surprises. Break away from him and start living.