Dating a guy with kids and figuring out how to talk to him about it

Okay this is a very confusing situation for me. I have never dated a guy with kids before and never really had a problem dealing with kids before now. He thinks I have a problem with the fact that he has kids. Its not that, it me being afraid of getting to attached to them or crossing a line that I souldn't.
I love kids and have always been able to find a way to get along with all kids. Some say I am still a kid a heart and always will be. The problem is I gat so nervous around his kids that I can not be myself. I want them to like me and I want them to know that I do care about them. I just get so nervous that I pull away. Normally when I would be outside with any other kids, I would be down on the drive way coloring with the side walk chalk. With these 2 I sat on the steps and watched as they played. I am afraid of his kids.

When he is out of the room and they misbehave I am afraid to say anything. I don't know what he expects of me in that situation and don't know how to bring it up to him.
I have all these things I want to tell him but when I do he gets mad because he thinks I have a problem with his kids. I have tried and tried to prove to him that they are not an issue. I have taken them places, we are planning a toad trip with them, I have looked things up to help with them. I even went as far as spending several hours on the internet and in the store to find things to do with them. I don't know what else to do. Please if anyone can help me, I am desperate.

Thank you Miss confused

Have you told him what you've said here?

I have told him that I care about him and the kids. I told him that I had a similar conversation with a friends of mine. He just tells me that I need to take things slow with his kids and try not to force things on them. I don't think he truly understands what I am trying to say, because he can't get past the thought that I have a problem with him having kids. I am trying to find more things to do with the kids, in hopes that he can see that they are not a problem

missconfused wrote:

He just tells me that I need to take things slow with his kids and try not to force things on them.

I think that he's saying that you may be getting too comfortable with his kids than he would like.

I think you should tell him that you love his kids and you really don't have a problem with them, and ask him straight what he expects from you. Maybe he sees you nervous because of the things you said, and he thinks you are nervous because you don't like his kids, and you should make clear that you love them I would do that, ask him what he expects from me.

You need to talk to him, and explain in detail how you feel. It could be that he is very sautious of who is around his children, and wants to protect them just as any woman would want to protect her children as well. Communication is the key, and let the children form their own opinions of you, and they will eventually come around. This si a ver delicate area, and you should not be very pushy as it will destroy your relationship.

Getting involved with a guy and kids is so much work and you dont really know it until your there, and they are crying and calling for their mom and the dynamics between the two parents ebs and flows and sometimes you dont know what to think. Think of yourself as adopted into someone elses broken family, you dont really fit in and its you against them most times. It takes a really strong man to be able to break free from his family tree and trust to love another. He maybe really duty focused and just wanting to do his part in life and raise his kids with some action on the side.

I recently just told my guy that "putting his kids first never worked for their own mother, why the hell would it work for me?"

Amalgamated families are alot of work. It takes a guy who has a backbone to make to make it work with you, if he didnt get it right with his own family then your up against a guy who you will never find satisfaction with, probably someone who was never marriage material to begin with.

MEn with kids are so much work especially when they havent grown up themselves.

Good luck!

I tend to agree with jaded chick....I know all about it,because I am living with a guy thta has three girls and they are his life.We have them for three weekends thats Friday till Monday evening a month plus every wednesday and sometimes its hard.When they are with us,I feel likle an outsider,and I have told my man many times how he must let his children grow up.They were sleeping with him,until I put my foot down last fall,and still with the two younger ones (they are twins by the way)bedtime is a hassle.Also the mom and him are battling for joint parenting,and of course I am in the middle of that.I enjoy the girls here but I feel that he should want more alone for me and him.I do not disipline them I do not speak bad abt thier mother,I just go with the flow.They will remember that I hope when they grow up and respect me fopr it,but its a tiring process and if I had my time back,I wouldnt have allowed myself to fall so hard for this man.My advice to any woman out there...if a guy has kids just move on,it will make your life a whole lot easier in the longrun.