Dating a man with children

I have been dating a guy for the past two months. We click on so many levels, and since we are both coming out of divorces, it is a much needed breath of fresh air. However, he has 2 daughters...I have no children. I am a teacher, and I have heard that we make the worst parents...I am slowly realizing that this may not be too far from the mark.

The man I am seeing is still searching for his "role" with his children, and it irks me to no end that there are no rules or boundaries when the girls come to visit. I can tell that there isn't a lot of structure when they aren't with their dad either. I try to think that if these were my students, I would have established rules for when they are at in my "class". The kids learn seem to thrive when they know what their schedule is and what thier limits are. I am only the new girlfriend, though.

What is my role? I am used to being in charge, but I do not feel comfortable sharing my opinions with him. I don't want to sound critical of his parenting, especially since I have no children of my own. I would like to have a relationship with his children, but since I feel I am always biting my tongue, I make myself scarce when they come to visit.

His ex feels that we should be taking them places when they come to visit every weekend. First, funds are limited, so I would only be able to go places with them that are inexpensive. They are kids of divorced parents, so they are used to being spoiled and going to NYC- no holds barred. Second, every time I have been with his children, she pumps them for info on what we did. She finds fault with random things that she ususally has deducted happened. (Mental note: we have only been dating 2 months and I have only been around his kids a few tiems...drama already forming in this short amount of time from their mom). Finally, I am concerned about liability. No joke. Maybe because I am a spec. ed. teacher, I am always concerned about lawsuits and accountability. Maybe I should have her sign a permission slip...even still, there is no insurace attached.

So, where do I go from here? I don't want to tell him how to raise his children, but then a big part of me wants to smack him upside the head letting for letting his children (they are 6 and 3) have no bedtime, eat whatever they want (chips for breakfast), watch TV for disgusting amount=s of time, use crayon all over the walls, hide my keys for my car so I have to stay when I need to go to home, paint the table with nail polish... Help!

Hi Loriana, welcome to the forum

If I were you I would not say a thing if the children are visiting their father in his home (I take it you don't live together?) - but wouldn't have them visit you in your home. Try to avoid meeting them in his home as well and if he asks why you are avoiding them you can tell him why.

As for going out with the kids: don't. Just don't. At least, that is what I would do. Sooner or later it must dawn upon him that there is something bothering you because you refuse to go out with them and then you can tell him. It's a tactical game reaching the same result but it is better when you approach it on these reserved terms (not mixing in and telling your opinion but as 'defense' explaining why you don't mingle with them).