When we talk about relationships, the first thing that comes to our minds are girlfriend/boyfriend, then we talk about husband and wife and of course children comes into play and then the extended group, but we do not go very far into the other types of relationships.
Just a couple days ago my mother was diagnosed with having dementia! I had no idea what that meant and so I went researching the word. The word dementia comes from the Latin de meaning “apart” and mens from the genitive mentis meaning “mind”. Dementia is the progressive deterioration in cognitive function - the ability to process thought (intelligence).
Progressive means the symptoms will gradually get worse. The deterioration is more than might be expected from normal aging and is due to damage or disease. Damage could be due to a stroke, while an example of a disease might be Alzheimer’s.
It hit me that my mother as I know her was going away from me, but before I got to that place in my mind the thought of this woman who has always been the center of my life was changing and no one could do anything about it. It started when we were travelling together to a far place, her first home as a child. While travelling we were talking about things, we spoke like that, then out of the blue she asked me how was my wife doing? I said, what do you mean? See my wife and I are divorced and have been separated for 4 years. My mother would call me all the time to check up on me, I could run over and have a meal when I needed a nicely done meal from my favourite girl in the world, now our conversation was different she was not comprehending some things.
I read about it, some of the symptoms of dementia. Memory loss - the patient may forget his way back home from the shops. He may forget names and places. He may find it hard to remember what happened earlier on during the day.
Moodiness - the patient may become more and more moody as parts of the brain that control emotion becomes damaged. Moods may also be affected by fear and anxiety - the patient is frightened about what is happening to him.
Communicative difficulties - the affected person finds it harder to talk read and/or write. As the dementia progresses, the patient’s ability to carry out everyday tasks diminishes and he/she may not be able to look after himself/herself.
What was surprising for me is that all of a sudden I felt extremely lonely; my only connection of consistency to the opposite sex was going away. No sister, a failed marriage, girlfriends who failed me or I failed them, whatever contributed to my life of failure with women and the one that kept me hoping was my relationship with my mother. The thing that got me the most was when she said, “Baron, remember your mother for who she was, but not who she is now”, that left my mind in a blaze and I had to exhale for a while.
It is amazing that I found RT after my wife walked out and then discovered the word Dementia after my mother was diagnosed with it, always behind and then I wonder what else is out there for me to know.
The purpose of this article is for me, just venting and saying that it is true that we need to live one day at a time and just love the persons in our lives, whether it is our family or friends. I never knew I was so bonded with my mother until the essence of our relationship changed, the good thing is, its still not too late to tell her how much I love her.