Girls who pick jerks, seem to like men that are somewhat unavailable. Often if a nice guy gives them heart energy without limitations, she will turn around and give her sex energy to the jerk who most resembles her father.
Only really advanced girls are at a point of having sufficient center to actually move on from their dependency on abusive males. Working for approval just keeps them dialed into the wrong guys.
Often the nice guy pulls away in a healthy manner, once he realizes that the efforts are mostly fruitless, but when she feels the loss of his energy, she will use her considerable charms to pull him back in... but still keeping her self out of reach...
I think it IS possible for a nice guy to lure a **ready** woman into a more positive dynamic... But he has to be uncommonly centered and unclingy... He has to be able to offer several things that the bad boys offer as well as something new that she hasn't had before... a true heart connection...
Several things a bad boy has are as follows:
- his own agenda and momentum
- the sense that he doesn't really NEED her
However he may have more than one female at a time, or not actually like women as much as other men...
Nice guys tend to need a lot of affection and closeness. Usually what these types of females can offer isn't quite enough and the woman ends up feeling pressured to give more than she is comfortable with.
For this reason they gravitate to men who are more self sufficient even if they are unavailable in important ways.
I think it's important to keep on focusing on your own life and not get side tracked.. Notice other girls who give you attention.. Don't get in the habit of going for girls who are attached and otherwise unavailable..
There are basic psychological reasons for doing this which we all have. But you want to be sure that you aren't following suit into bad energy by using your resources to work for approval with people who really can't give back.
The only safe way to have any type of possibility with this girl is to keep your own life and center. This includes being open to other women who like you. She has more personal connection resources than you do at this moment, and this can destablize a man who refuses to take care of himself.
If you are going parallel with her in your own lane, so to speak, with your own resources, and your connection grows to the point where you both can offer what each other needs, then it will happen naturally. Meanwhile you have to keep being your own man in every way.
Just giving her attention indicates that you value her. In order to take it to the next level, she would have to put in a little bit of effort to let you know that she is actually interested.
If you put your self in the position of working for her, especially when she is already attached, you are sending the message that you have very little value in and of your self.
This is a very unsexy quality.
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Post edited by: dctommy, at: 2008/02/18 17:33
