Doesnt know what she wants!

Keep it brief if i can. Got dumped in december after 4+ years together and 5 months after buying a house together. Didnt argue much, always enjoyed each others company and were trusting and thoughtful lovers. I broke down a bit and rightly or wrong she allowed me to lean on her for support. At times she broke down and leaned one me. throughout we stayed in regular contact and often talked about how much we still loved and missed each other. I was persistant thast we should try again and apart from a few times she showed some hope, generally she stubbornly refused.

Finally, just as I am accepting the situation, she has asked whether I think there is anyway back. She believes that i was never the problem, she simply couldnt handle everyday pressures, money, job she hates, family far away, infertility, let down by friends. And she acknowledges that i was only ever a positive in her life and thast leaving me and our lovely home has achieved nothing at all.

We meet tomorrow to discuss, and Im terrified. It would be easier now to not try again. But i desperately would love her back. I need to for once, be cool and controlled and find a way to work out if she really can be mine again or if i cannot trust her to let me down, panic and run form me again. Dont think i could handle more disappointment with her. Any suggestions for how to handle this?

it would seem to me that the pressures of every day life got too much for her and as always when we crack under pressure we take it out on the closest people to us.
i suggest meeting again-you have nothing to lose,listen to what she has to say maybe she can explain in depth why she felt she had to leave u,but i think she has realised it wasnt u that is her problem but something else...
i would advise explaing how hurt u were from her leaving u and that u cudnt do that again,she must be insecure and unsure of herself so be the strong one
good luck

It is a matter that you lost your trust in her. Let's hear what she has to say and base your conclusion on that meeting.

How would it be if you took control of your life and stepped into your masculine rather than letting her run your life? The three things a woman needs is to be cherished, complimented and above all to be given certainity. I would recommend you sit down and talk as communication is very important in a relationship. You both need from a calm space (if possible) talk about what is acceptable and not acceptable in your relationship even if this means you may not like to hear what either one of you is saying. If you can both speak from the heart and be totally honest with each other you will find out exactly what each other wants. Also remember her leaving you is all about what is going on with her not with you. Good luck and remember be true to yourself.

Thankyou all for the replies. We are not back together, 4 months apart will not be at all easy to repair. But we have taken the first little baby steps toward a new start. Yeah i let her run my life for a while and even now I am trying too hard to please her and being over available. A mistake i know, but im just a normal honest bloke and not skillful in emotional games nor do i possess much of a mean streak. But im in an ok situation in my head for now, and in a better condition to handle the next surprise bombshell that smacks me in the face. There is lots of talking to be done now and it has to be done slowly and honestly and none of it will be easy. The fact this reconcillliation occured just after i finally accepted it was all a lost cause was coincidental i think, but but after trying so hard for so long to reach her, giving up was the right thing to do and also the advice i would give to anyone in a similar position. Not to bluff someone but to to preserve sanity and self respect.

Next up, she is coming back to our home for a lunch tomorrow and we will bookm a holiday. The make or break holiday i think its called. I expect to carry on giving a little too much and cringeing at some of the efforts i make, but its all in the name of love and having hope that we can sustain our partnership into the future in a world where lots of people never bother to try hard enough.

power to you

You know LainCoubert, it very often is like the one giving too much and bumping his nose all the time at a particular time gets tired of it and is more ready to cut & go?