Don’t know how to handle the situation

My best friend started this illegal racing thing every Saturday night. She goes with her good friend who I don’t get along with. I asked her if we'd ever get to do anything on a Saturday night again and she said no. I was shocked! Part of me wants to cry. She would rather hang out with this other girl every weekend and I just don’t know how to handle it! Any advice??

Bryant, are you a 'he' or a 'she'? If you're a 'he' I'd say this way she's subtly telling you she's not interested in you anymore and if you were 'only' good friends then she's found a 'better' friend, who's got more in common with her probably.

Although, I must say that since you're talking about 'illegal racing' - I suspect gambling is involved. If that is so, then no friends are friends but the only 'friend' is the addiction of gambling.

Please correct me if I'm wrong....

Post edited by: ayngel, at: 2007/02/01 19:13

hi there i am the mother of two boys. my oldest boy is 13 here lately he has had this hate the world attitude, which i know is an every teen thing, but he and his dad are almost alike can not handle their emotions, dont like to talk about their feelings. a few days ago he copped an attitide with me i have just gotten out of the hospital from a hysterectomy so therefore i am not suppose to be stressed out etc. anyway
he threw my laptop down and stomped up the stairs just because i wanted to see it for a min, after that he stomped up the stairs. this has been going on for a week and my husband had , had enough he followed him up the stairs and shoved him a little bit through his door and told him to stay in his room until he can start to act nicer..


bigger problem he went to school today and mentioned it being part of his problem and the school called dhs on us,they went to the school to talk to him, and when she called me she said there was a mark on his back,,when he got home i looked there is nothing there. i talked with him and wanted to know why he even brought it up he said because he was mad, and didnt say it the way they all took it.
now they are coming here tommorow thinking that my husband is an abuser and he is not. '

i explained to the worker all that happened that night and i hate it when they judge a person without knowing all the facts..

what do i do with him, i have an appoinment set up with a counslor for him to talk to but i want him to talk to us
or his dad mostly since i dont know what its like to be a teenage boy. how do i get the teo of them to talk...

jake wrote a letter to his dad a little bit ago telling him sorry and he didnt mean for it to be taken the way everyone has taken it and he will get us out of this mess since he got us into it. my husband said well he has just figure out by telling half the truth he gets us into trouble\

what do i do???

Valnessia what else can you do but tell the truth? Sometimes it helps better if a third, non-related, person is attending and leading the conversation by directing the conversation. Don't you have a social worker that could help you with this in your hometown?

Vanessa, I can tell you that you are certainly going to really go through it and if you and hubby don't get this nipped in the bud right now it will just get worse.

Where is it written that you can't kick that boys ass if he gets out of line. What has happened and this is the bottom line.. that boy has rage inside and is failing because of hormones and lack of self discipline skills, to keep them in check. Your son threw something very valuable to the ground and disrespected his mother.

I think hubby did right.Your hubby should have immediately brought that situation to a halt and in any way he deemed appropriate brought that boy into reality and at least have taught to respect you as his mother. Your son should have came and appologized to you and made an effort to say if he had damaged that laptop, he would be paying for the repair.

Hold him accountable for his own actions because this is an affective way for him to see there is consequence for acting out of control.

Dad must demand respect and respect for you when you are not healthy enough to do it yourself you poor thing. I hope you are feeling better btw.

Anyway, I know that our ridiculous laws say parents are not to leave a mark on there kids but give me a break here. We all know why and how that came to be and fear of God or Fear of moms or dads wrath should be a reason to keep himself in line. I would haver thumped his butt for that and good. You may think this is harsh but I was a single mom so it was a very hard but I dared my kid to go crying to people like that because if that happened to me because she was mad and acting a fool I would make sure they had plenty of marks the next time. The nerve of the school . I'm sorry but they know your son is not being abused at home. That you can always see and always suspect. I think its ridiculous that it even went that far and I would march my ass into that school and tell them so too. How dare they. Grrr that is just utterly ridiculous.


Anyway you tell hubby to kick that boys butt if he loves him and feels that is what is needed. You will be doing the best thing for him.... but if you see him struggling with rage and frustration on a regular basis I would really encourage you to get him into a group of some sort that can teach him how to identify the problem and how to deal appropriately with getting it out in a more healthy and productive way.

Hope that wasn't to harsh for you but IMO the buck stops with sparing the rod. To do so is not showing love and I can tell you love your son. Teenage life is hell .. it was for us and it is for them. I truly did not think I would make it. But we did. Not as gracefully as if a man would have been there to help .. So don't stress too much.

bryant wrote:

My best friend started this illegal racing thing every Saturday night. She goes with her good friend who I don’t get along with. I asked her if we'd ever get to do anything on a Saturday night again and she said no. I was shocked! Part of me wants to cry. She would rather hang out with this other girl every weekend and I just don’t know how to handle it! Any advice??

Yeah, well I don't see that gambling is at all an issue. I do see that because it is illegal it holds an allure of excitement. Those people represent exciting and thrilling and sortof the bad boy image in her mind. She is not about to give that up.

My concern is if she is in danger. Is she in the car with the racing driver ? Are these kids drag racing? If its illegal it most be just that. Is she standing around in a crowd that if there were a mistake made in driving that she may be injured by an out of control vehicle?

You can't stop her from desires she has to walk on the wild side ... but you can suck it up and go at least once to find out if she is in danger on a weekly basis. If she or others are.. clearly we are talking about saving lives... I would see to it that a little birdy whispered in someones ear that may be able to put a halt to future races!!!

Clearly the drivers are at risk in any event so I think you know how to settle this once and for all. They will still hang out together until she gets hurt and she will!! But at least she will stay alive. Give her her space or you may just lose her all together. She will be back.