Emotional abuse?

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4 months ago #1
Amssss
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A week before mine and my boyfriends 1 year anniversary, he broke up with me because of my anxiety. He said 'you need to sort yourself out, your anxiety is getting to me and I can't cope' my anxiety wasn't as bad as what it used to be. I never used to be able to go out.
I was able to do things I couldn't before because he made me feel confident. But he used it as an excuse to push me down and say I wasn't doing well with dealing with it. We got back together just before our 1 year and decided to ignore that we broke up and I agreed to change myself for him.
A month went by and it was all good. But it wasn't the same..
He always tells his friends and family about his financial issues but points it towards me as if I'm the reason. I don't ask him for anything but he makes me feel like I'm asking too much. All I've ever asked was to love me.
He'd say 'I'm skint this week again, people don't realise how much things cost' or 'I pay for this or that for both of us' he doesn't praise me to them.
I try to tell him how things make me feel and he turns it all on me and makes me feel like the bad one and says 'you need to get yourself a job you're not trying you're useless' or 'I can't deal with your **** anymore' or 'you haven't even changed like you said you would'.
This knocked me down a hell of a lot.
I apply for jobs but he says it's not good enough. I've self harmed because I'm so depressed now. I feel like life isn't worth living anymore.
I feel as if everything I do is wrong and nothing I can do will make him proud of me or love me like when we first met. We used to talk about our future and now he says he doesn't want it.
The last year as been tough and challenging, it's not healthy. I don't ever put him down because I care about his feelings and I proud of what he does. Just not proud of what he's done to me.
I'm broken and I don't think he'll ever love me again.
But is this emotional abuse? And what do i do?
I stay with him because i love him and I believe he'd stop but it hasn't.

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IPx avatar
4 months ago #2
IPx
Wiz
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Self Harm is not good. I would suggest talking to a train specialist on this because this is an important situation. It is emotional abuse if he blaming everything on you and he's always bringing you down. No one can tell you what to do but my advice would be staying away from him because from what you wrote, its not healthy.

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Johnny Nicks avatar
4 months ago #3
Johnny Nicks
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So sorry to hear.

Yes it's abusive and soul destroying. No wonder you are depressed

You don't need this kind of love. Maybe it's time to see your doctor and get some meds or therapy?

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4 months ago #4
Ams
Guest

It's not healthy you're right.. But I don't know what feels right anymore.

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Angela17 avatar
4 months ago #5
Angela17
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Hmmm...well, it's not easy to stay in a relationship with someone who has anxiety issue but what he's saying to you is not correct or helping.

You need to learn to help yourself or seek professional help.

Perhaps start with learning how to stop trying to earn his love and approval of what you are doing/saying first? Just be your genuine self and if he doesn't like it then show him the door.

Then you can start noticing the things that trigger your anxiety and how it builds up to reach it's peak. If you can go that then perhaps you can slowly learn to deal with your anxiety before it goes out of control by trying to self soothe and self reassure yourself through self talk/reasoning and positive thinking?

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4 months ago #6
Amssss
Guest

The thing is with my anxiety is that I'm able to control it, I know my triggers and I haven't had bad anxiety for months.. But he still uses it as an excuse and says I haven't changed when everyone can see I have

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Angela17 avatar
4 months ago #7
Angela17
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So is he one of the triggers now?

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4 months ago #8
Amssss
Guest

Yeah, the only thing now that is contributing to make my anxiety bad

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Angela17 avatar
4 months ago #9
Angela17
Wiz
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Then perhaps you need to remove the trigger..?

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wcidioti avatar
4 months ago #10
wcidioti
Gold Member
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Hes transfering all his issues on you, sadly since the door is open then it wont close. Either transfering or he personally thinks he deserves someone better than you now that hes got an idea of who u r. Id go with abruptly stopping everything and NC. That would make u look big instead of tiny in his mind. If not then it really isnt meant to be between you two. Either case theres a big problem here! After cutting him, u need to change urself before u get back months later. GL

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