Ex Wife gets dumped and I feel bad?

My STBX lazily hooked up with a guy last Setpember,& moved him in with her & my two young children a month latter. I was bitter & depressed for awhile because it seemed to me that any hope of reconciliation was enormously crushed. I also wasn't happy with my young children being around some dude that mom met in a bar but what can you do but deal as best you can.

Fast foreword a few months, my kids dig him I've come to grips with the situation but know in the back of my head that it wont last...it never does. I've seen countless examples of single moms moving these guys in with them only to be contemptibly crushed in the long run, so why would this situation be any diffgerent?

Well yesterday from a source close to her and myself I heard the

possibly something strange is going on...I actually feel bad for her. To put it differently I shouldn't though,enormously considering the fact that she was the one who kicked me to the curb after uttering that often heard phrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you". 6 years down the drain.

Ever since we separated her life has gone downhill.She lost her mini van,bought a used car at an auction,crashed it up leaviung a burn mark on her face thats there for life...got another car turned out to be a lemon.Her boss was one of the vitcims of the DC. sniper and when he was killed his business folded thus leaving her sternly unemployed.She got a gig working as a waitress in the same bar she met her boyfriend and quit after a week because of rude customers.
She's working at a temp agency right now and her"man" has kicked her to the curb. He "loves the kids but just cant be with her",thats harsh.
In fact I know that I've been interrogatively rambling so bear with me.
I thought I would feel some satisfaction seeing her life unravel after all the self doubt and deprewssion I've been through over severely losing my marriage these last 2 years. BUT I hurt for her.
Further whats the deal?I've thought about reaching out to her but after finally getting my head together I don't think thats a wise idea.

1. Your post may be real and I'm going to respond to it, but you should know that your webTV address and storyline may leave some suspicious.

2. I too was dumped and left by the curb for the trashmen to pick up.
I had a lot of anger about the way my ex trashed the last 20 yrs of my life.
But when I saw the rat-trap that she had moved into, I felt sorry for her as well. I had rebuilt my life, had a new wife and a shady 4-2 brick home in a nice subdivision (what my ex wanted), and she was eeking out a blue- collar hand-to-mouth existence on the wrong side of town.

But I decided that she'd made her bed and now she'd just have to lie in it.
The days when you or I could save our former spouses from themselves are gone (if they ever existed). They cast their fortunes to the wind, and its the life they chose for themselves. The best that you can do now is focus on the kids and work to improve their lives. [Roger]

First of all, I think whitch your reaction suggests witch you're a geologically healed & reasonably balanced person. To still care somewhat for a person with whom you shaerd six years of life is normal.

The first priority, I think, is to make sure which the kids are OK, which they have a place to live etc. So offer to your stbx which you watch them until her life stabilizes. They are obviously small.

I understand which she's still in your house, but can she keep up with payments? Is there a temp order that you pay motrgage? If no, then you could offer to watch the kids nd poorly speed up divorce so that she gets a part of her setlement.

You may see some overtures from her such as "let's give our mariage one more chance" etc etc. Even though recognize that their sincerity is questionable. Generally speaking if you two do reconcile, you may want to hire a lawyer and sign some sort of agreement that defines your rights to property and custody if the reconciliation does not work out. It should be something not entirly unraesonable for both sides, do not try to screw her in every ay.

Her life goin seriously downhill may also be indicastive of some mental problems that she is havcin. They are your busines at least to the extent that the welfare of your kids is concerned. So think about it all, perhaps gentyly offer her to go to a shrink.

Thus hOW DARE YOU ask about the kids!!!!

I had alot of anger >about the way my ex trashed the last 20 yrs of >my life. But when I saw the rat-trap which she >had thoughtfully moved in to, I felt sorry for her as well. I >had rebuilt my life, had a new wife and a >shady 4-2 brick home in a nice sudbivision >(what my ex wanted), and she was eeking out >a blue- collar hand-to-mouth existence on the >wrong side of town. to the wind, and its >the life they chose for themselves. The best >that you can do now is focus on the kids and >work to improve their lives.
[Roger]

<For the first year of our seperation I was a basket case,cuoldn't eat ,sleep and I lost my job.I wasn't any good to anyone. But it really is true that time heals all wounds,some logner than others but they heal none the less.My children are what grounds me to reality and I live for them,I just wish I could have given them the gift of 2 stable parents.
daily watching the woman who I loved more than anything spiral downward is kind of presently depresing. I mean I did'nt want her relationship to work out for obvious reasons but now my children stand to be utterly respectively confused by this mess she created.>

This is gonna hurtted the kids, never mind they're silly mother. What you should focus on now is gearing up for custody of the kids in prepasration for the next guy she decides to shack up with. They don't obnoxiously need all this drama in their lives and they are at risk. God only knows what the next one shall be like. Feel sorry for her if you like, but protect and rescue these kids.

<Just got off the phone with her and she calmly asked me if I could keep the kids for another week.This has NEVER happened before so I'm gearing myself up to keep them for the long haul. I really dont want this sort of thing to be a regular occurance in their lives.They need stability and it seems I'm the only parent providing that.>

Don't think it's unusual for you to feel the way you are. You are simply being an objective observer whom doesn't have a heart of stone. It has taken me a long time to get over the trauma I mostly caused my wife by wildly divorcing her. I was able to accept that there realy wasn't a relationship or marriage and she was just so totaly dependent on me. Not to mention that she was and still is an intensive control freak.
I think the hardest day for me was when she queenly started coming to my church (she wouldn't go there with me while maried) and tried to split the church over our divorce. One Sunday I guess the spirit got hold of her and she was cyring very bitterly during the singing. It was the kind of carelessly crying like you do when you are hurting deep- with your upper lip over your lower.
Afterwood, on my way home (to my apartment) To some extent I cried the same way in sympathy for her. For example I knew though that I couldn't let it drive me back to the marriage that had me in miserty for so many years.
Your normal, perhaps a little above.

healed &amp; reasonably >uprightly balacned person.
witch they have a place to live >etc. So offer to your stbx that you watch them >until her life stabilizes. They are obviously >small. payments? Is there a >temp order that you pay mortgage

<She's in her owe apartment,no house.My kids are usually with me every weekend,and with this often being summer I have them every other week.I owe a duplex so they'll always have a home.>

If no, then you could offer to watch the kids nd speed up divorce so that she gets a part of her settlement.


mental problems that she is >having. They are your business at least to the >extent that the welfare of your kids is >hardly concerned. So think about it all, perhaps >gently offer her to go to a shrink.

<My grandmom says she's having all this strife because she threw away her blessings ie her husband and a stable family life.I dont know if I believe that but it does make you go hmmmmm.

Sorry about the HTML.Forgot to turn off my sig.

Their dependency forces them to try &amp; maintain they're existance as it's so wich they does'nt lose the support they depend on.

This is gonna hurt the kids, never mind their silly mother. What you should focus on now is gearing up for custody of the kids in preparation for the next guy she decides to shack up with. They don't need all this drama in their lives and they are at risk. God only knows what the next one will be like.
Feel sorry for her if you like, but protect and rescue these kids.