ex wives

I am hoping to get a little help here because I am not sure what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now and living together for 3. I have two children and he has three children. The problem is his ex wife. Now my ex lives over an hour away and I mostly interact his him. But the problem is his ex wife she lives 15 minutes away. We have been through the ringer with all the issues. And let me tell you they have been alot in just the 4 years including seeking joint physical custody of his kids. I have gotten to the point where I have removed myself from any interacion with his ex at all(this has just happened within the last week and a half). She is a mean spirited women who basically does not take care of her kids espicially when she has something better to do. I really think 2 things are going on right now with her. 1) She is still not happy because we are still together. 2) She wants the money that he pays her for support.
My problem now is not so much with her as with him or maybe it is with me. About 2 months ago I told him I wanted to have as litle contact with her as possible. Even one of his friends told him to do that. But he keeps trying to put me into the middle of things. We had a blow up about a week in a half ago about this issue yet again. He was going away on buainess for several days and picked up his kids without talking to me about it. He thought it would be nice if I took his kids to the airport with us when I dropped him off.
Now I work nights and am just starting a new job. The catch to all this was I was going to have to drop his kids off at his ex house after dropping him off. My problem was this. He never asked me how I felt about it; never considered that I would be tired and not want the added stress of being up for 24+ hours with his kids; and that I would have to drop them off at his ex house and that she would not even be up. Now he is still mad at me because he thinks that I was angry about his kids and that I don't want them around. This is even after telling his it was about his ex not the kids. I love his kids. Why would I support him going thru all this custody stuff if I didn't want his kids around. I am wrong is it me? Could use alittle insite from someone not so close. Any help would be great.

Hi stacyJ, welcome to the forum


Perhaps -sometimes- it is better to be a bit flexible when it serves the overall cause. If you'd have to drop off his kids - then do so without even having to face that women. His kids are important to him and sometimes one just has to make the effort.

In the real world that would be great but the problem is that she is verbally abusive to me in front of my kids and their kids. I have been very flexible and have never talk bad about her to the kids or while the kids are around. I have been for the most part the go to person to help them both out when needed. She walk into our house withou permission and starts going thru the kids clothings and stuff. She calls at all hours of the night especially when she is drunk. She is the definition of mean. I for the most part don't deal well with person like that because of my childhood. I have gone out of my way to void her moods but nothing has helped. Even through it was my boyfriend and his lawyer dealling with the custody she take it out on me. The only way I can see to preserve myself is to not put myself in her line of fire, and remain invisible. She has even gone as far as to involve the kids into it now. Telling them things like things like we are not a family and that their dad and I does not care about them. Positive actions yield positive results but how do you deal with stuff like that. We are talking about young kids under the age of 10.

First of all I would advise you take each time at a time. like this bringing your husband to the airport and dropping the kids off at their mother's house: do it. try not to think about the past or anything beyond just dropping the kids off after having seen their father off.

she is nothing for you. she can only -I repeat ONLY- make you miserable if you give her that tool. she can phone during the night and she can tell the children whatever it is she wants to tell them. as long as you stay you and don't let her kidnap you into her meanness - you got nothing to be worried about.