First Off , I'm tired of asking about my relationships and t...

5 years ago #1

First Off , I'm tired of asking about my relationships and the first response i get is "why do you care" , " you shouldn't want him anyway" , " just move on" , every relationship you get into has issues, i cant run from all of them . i also know that making excuses and hanging on to toxic relationships are just as question has to do with having a guy that treats you like a queen for a few months the acts like a ****...we broke up because frankly i had no intentions on staying with a guy who didnt want the break up didnt phase me...or atleast it appeared not to , i went on about my life and never contacted him again...we didnt talk for about 3 months , during summer because i knew we would be seeing each other alot i initiated first contact , surprisingly he was really happy , he cried and begged for me back....i can say this blew my head up a bit and this could have gone 2 ways..first off i really shouldn't get back with him because he didnt really deserve it , but clearly if i contacted him that shows that i did have feelings for him still..i was so confused...but i asked for time..i should have made my decision right then and there of whether i was going to take him back or not and work from there but i guess you can say i decided to play games..for about 2 weeks i started LIGHTLY dating a new guy but still tried to keep in contact with my ex...i did want my ex back but i was trying to test him....the thing is i didnt trust me ex anymore and i wasnt sure if he really wanted me back or was playing i played games kind of backfired because weeks later long after my ex realized i was seeing someone..i got really intoxicated at a party and went up to my ex who i hadnt spoken to for 2 weeks because of a small argument over the phone and spilled my heart out...told him that i was ready to get back together and that i was inlove with him *GIANT SCREETCHING SOUND PLAYS* he totally flips the completely cold to me and rejects me BIG TIME....and since then has completely cut me off and wont answer any of my texts or calls and is seeing someone this may be a result of a mixture of being drunk could have completely turned him off , me playing games , me waiting to long , me being there with another guy . . . true , but this is exactly what i was afraid does he all of a sudden have a happy relationship if he wasn't doing the EXACT same thing i was? ... my ex dishes out all this bad treatment and when i return the favor he hates me?....i cant tell if hes hurt...disgusted or if he never really loved me or wanted to fix it in the first place, im not sure if this is a reaction to what i did or if its what caused what i did...he's still ignoring me...see i'm not too sure with how guys deal with things...i didnt have sex with the new guy and in fact i kind of cut him off after that night because my ex rejecting me and ignoring me is just too much to deal with right now, how can you be inlove with me and weeks later tell me you dont even want to attempt to fix it....i was hurt because in his attempt to get me back he also told me about 2 girls he had slept with since the breakup....i wouldnt say i was being vengeful but i just hated his guts...i was trying to deal with it...but i'd never ignore him and reject him like that...i mean its clear he doesn't want me anymore...but my question is...i'm not really sure he ever he hurt? or just showing that he never really cared in the first feels as though the second i admitted my true feelings that never would have happened if it wasn't for alcohol, he was content and just moved along...Any advice here? HELP?!?!?!?!

Posted on Dating
Love is Blind avatar
5 years ago #2
Love is Blind
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Well, first of all, two wrongs don't make it right and by you going out and playing games with him, how did you expect him to react? He may have been genuinely wanting to work on things and take it slow, but then was slapped in the face by you going out and making it known about the other guy.. and what about the other guy, do you think that was fair to play with his emotions, he was just an innocent party in all of this.
Secondly, a guy will cope with things differently than a girl will, which in many cases, involved sex with other women to get help overcome the pain he is feeling. In general, Sex = Sex for Men and Sex = Love for Women.
Third, my question goes back to the reason you made to call him in the first place. Was it to seek out revenge and make him jealous or was it really to work on things with him? I question your motives.
I, personally, wouldn't ever call an ex if we had broken up and he had slept with someone else. It's just not something I would be able to handle. For me, if you're together and you truly want to be, you shouldn't have to go down that road to begin with. Seeing another person in between a break up would be the deal breaker for me for any chances of getting back together. Many men I've been in relationships did this.. but then were surprised after I wouldn't take them back. Well... DUH!
If he treated you this badly, but you want him back, be prepared that he won't be a changed man overnight. Many people NEVER change if they have deep, underlying issues that they have had all of their life. Best wishes to you both!

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