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I read this article online somewhere and I thought many guys on here would relate to this. I think it’s true the older a woman gets, the wiser too.. I guess you can say that about a man but to me, it’s been more true to a woman in this generation. I think there’s a bigger difference between a 20 year old female and a 35 year old female than a 20 year old male and a 35 year old male. I was tutoring one of my students today, a 16 year old female, and was telling me how she wouldn’t marry a man who wasn’t rich. I thought she was joking at first and I can understand girls who want to be with a guy who can take care of her financially but my goodness… i guess she hasn’t learned from her divorced parents what a great marriage is all about. Anyway to the article..
Start of Article:
She cries because no guy “gets” her. She calls you for hours to tell you her problems and how she wishes she could find a nice guy like you to fall in love with. She comes over to your apartment with ice cream and some rented DVD to watch movies and “cuddle” on the couch with you. You are everything she’s always complaining about wanting in a boyfriend. You listen to her and can actually quote back whole sentences of what she’s said. You know her favorite color, book, food, movie, and childhood memory. You could, without hesitation, plan out the most romantic, seductive date to take her on simply because you know exactly what turns her on and what she wants in “the perfect night”. You are allowed to stroke her hair, pat her back, even occasionally hold her hand and “accidentally” brush her boobs more than once as you’re reaching for the remote. And once, in a moment of weakness, she made out with you and then afterward forced you to agree it was a mistake and should never happen again. Are you the man of her dreams? No, you are her friend.
Honestly, I get so sick and tired of hearing women complain about how they can’t find that perfect man–when most of the time they’re talking to him! Beautiful women seem to be the most insecure as well. The more beautiful she is, the worse off it gets. She’ll say she wants someone to love her for “her”, not just that pretty package. She says this to a guy who has listened to her entire life story and dating horror history for hours on end. She says this to a guy who has never failed to answer the phone when she called, even if he was with another girl. She says this to a guy who can tell her about every dimple she has, every twinkle she gets in her eyes when she talks about puppies, and even knows her bra size while never having seen the goods simply because she talks about how hard it is to find them on sale at Victoria’s Secret. She says this to a guy who is danger of losing his job for replying to the steady stream of text messages she sends throughout the day. This is the curse of every man: to find yourself the close friend to a woman who is perfect for you, and whom you are perfect for as well…but she is too stupid to admit it and give you a chance. man-feeding-girl1She says she doesn’t care about looks so much as finding her soulmate, but you know as well as I do that is a lie. Looks matter more to her than they do to anyone else, but you can’t say anything about it without revealing how you really feel. And let’s be honest: she knows how you feel. She may be stupid enough to constantly chase after “bad boys” when she knows they’re going to break her heart, but she’s not so stupid that she can’t read the wistful look in your eyes as you listen to her drone on again about your dreams and wishes for the future. We are the one man who would actually appreciate you. You wouldn’t have to call us to “see where this relationship is going”…you would never doubt how we feel.
When we kiss you, we are the one who doesn’t automatically add to you a tally of running chicks we’ve bagged, but who appreciates this for the amazing moment it is. And if some glorious day we are finally allowed to share your bed we are the one who will put everything we are into making that night incredible for you, and not just another notch in our bedpost for us. We may not look like Brad Pitt, but I swear we can make you feel like you’ve just experienced the living embodiment of love-making rather than the “Ok, I’m done, see you in the morning” sex you get from you “Mister Right Now”. You want what you see in the movies…that is us, given the chance. So here comes my gripe: Ladies, I am officially removing the heads privilege you have of talking to a lovestruck “friend” complaining about how you’ll never find someone to care about you. Complain to your girlfriends, your mom, or your sister, but don’t come to us about it. If we are important enough to you that you will invest 40% or more of your life to, then we are important enough to deserve a shot at your love. Hey, maybe we try and it won’t happen–and if not, we can live with that–but at least give us the opportunity to screw things up and not have to play “What If?” for the rest of our lives. Imagine this, ladies: one day you look across the kitchen table at the man bedtalkyou’ve woken up next to for the past ten years and suddenly realize he’s still your best friend in the world! He still listens to your boring childhood stories with rapt attention and knows the exact trinket to pick up at the mall for you on his way home to cheer you up when you’re depressed. And it all changed when you decided there was a certain sexiness in friendship after all. And you’ll be glad you gave him the chance. Oh, and when that happens, you can thank me for saying to your face what your “friend” has been telling his buddies over his beer for the past hundred months. Best friends can make the best lovers and spouses. And that’s the truth.
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Its Is true that best friends make good lovers and spouses - I think a person needs to be a certain age and of certain experience to wake up and smell the coffee… give up on the “shopping lists” as in I want him tall dark silent handsome and rich, or whatever else the perfect man supposedly is, and realize that what we want and need is someone to be happy and to grow with …
I agree it comes with age, but most of the time my friends who I love dearly just aren’t that person. We are JUST friends. I have a ton of close guy friends and have even given some of them chances. It makes me angry though when every time I do get a guy friend he’s got to go fall in love with me. Is that fair? I should just give him a chance because “he” thinks we are going to be perfect together? Why can’t guys and girls just be friends and have a close relationship and that be enough?
Andi
Although if a guy loved me like the way you wrote it, I’d be on that in a minute.
Andi - you made me smile… no doubt a relationship has to be mutual, and you can’t force things - that is one of the greatest heart breaks - think of all the guys you have been really into and they have had only casual interest in you….Like you and your male buddies… It takes incredibly good timing amongst other things for the real click to happen…kind of like being in the right place at the right time with the right person… other wise forget it.
I think it’s true that a guy should make a move if he’s interested instead of playing the friend card. I think this article is more about girls who never gave those guys a chance when it’s obvious the guys like them more than a friend but she strings them along because she needs somebody. If you ever watched the Office, it’s like Pam and Jim(of course, right now the two are dating). But Jim took 2 years to realize that and had to break something great because she got engaged at the time.
I have a lot of great female friends too… which I’ll say MOST I really have no interest in other than a friendship. But there’s one or two… I won’t say who that I can see myself with but I’m ok with that right now. If it ever gets that drastic, I will just have to break off the friendship.
Did you ever see when Harry Met Sally?
Yes I did. I’ve seen it at least a couple of times actually.
It pretty much sums it up - don’t you think?
Not really. The movie states women and men cannot be friends. I think there’s a lot more to it. I think that’s only true if there is any attraction whatsoever. I have a female friend who I’m close with and we both have no interest in each other whatsoever outside of friendship. And not only that, we are just SO NOT right for each other. I think When Harry Met Sally was a cute movie but I think it’s just a movie and it’s not exactly true.
I actually find that there is (at least for a time) a sexual tension with male friends. It can start out like that, or it can creep in for a while and then leave … but it usually does occur at on point or other. It doesn’t have to be acted on…
With SOME female friends, it’s true. But not for all of them. There are some girls I know.. that I will never ever be attracted to. So that’s why I don’t think When Harry Met Sally really proves that point for me. Maybe with some other people.. not for me.
Whatever it is, not all are like that. But I’ve done my part of observation, and it is a common scenario. I have also posted a topic on ‘Girl with their interest in Bad Boys’. Some points relate this topic as well. No matter girls or boys, it happens to both. Just keep your eyes open and seriously start to appreciate what you have, because if you do, you will realize who really loves you.
These women are usually completely clueless. I don’t bother with them. If they are too blind to see that I am the one they have been searching for, then they deserve to spend the rest of their life futilely searching. The ones who aren’t clueless and know how you feel but string you along anyway are just cruel. They are toying with you to give you false hope, dangling you on a string for them to swat with their paws like a cat with a toy. These women, too, do not deserve to have you in their life. Let them find some other sucker to make a fool out of. Maybe one day both types of women will realize the tragedy of their error, but most probably won’t. Let them fester in their misery at having found and then lost the perfect man. By then you’ll hopefully have found the love of your life and are living the dream life she always hoped to but didn’t.
Hi.
I posted some ideas about this issue on another post. Curiously enough, no women posted replies at that post.
I am the kind of guy that Andiwrites describes with so much disdain as "the friend that falls in love with me , making me angry" .
I can reply with the other side of the coin, Andi seems to be the woman that seductively drives me …( or other of these so called annoying friends that irritate her when they dare cross the line into dreaming about being her man.)…into her web. Her beauty, her personality, all those qualities that can create and are precursors to love and relationships, qualities that some times deceptively drive a man into a cul de sac, a situation that is hopeless and could end up being humilliating.
My theory, a theory I have "learnt" through life, after being the nice type of guy that ends up in that cul-de-sac area of dispear all the time, tells me that women see 2 kinds of men:
1) The man, the potential sexual partner, the male figure.
2) The friend, the "girlfriend", the castrated male.
Nice men can not elicit feelings of sexual nature in women, in the same way the sexual male can not elicit feelings of friendship and understanding in them. It is one or the other.
Some couples achieve an equilibrium, where a man that entered her life as a sexual male, after commitment, will add on a dab of niceness, at the expense of losing some of the sexual male appeal.
Women in this context always remember the "wild days" and long for those times, learning to settle with the new version because under commitment it seems more secure, less risky, better routine.
For a woman to be interested in a guy as a sexual male, there has to be the need to learn about this guy, the need to discover about him, and the need to try to tame him in a way. This is the inqyuisitive behavious women have had since our cave men days. At those times, a man that liked a certain woman would simply grab her, or perhaps would have to fight with another male that claimed rights over her, or a rival clan.
The female, interested in a male, would not directly walk towards him and present herself, that would had been extremely risky. Instead, she would had inquired about this man she likes, asking questions, "Who is this guy?" "Where does he come from?" "How is his personality?" "Is he a violent man or a civilized man?"…etc.
She inquired and later on she would present herself if it was deemed safe and only if she liked what she discovered about him.
That bug for information and discovery is well instilled in the female frame of mind. All through a relationship, the female will keep finding out about him, and he will not reveal his full story , not because he is secretive, but because men were less talkative back then. This situation went on for a million years at least ( Homo sapiens has like 300,000 years, before than Homo Erectus, Homo Ergaster, and previous branches and ancestors, as well as the contemporaneous to Homo Sapiens, his co existent species, the Neanderthals.) The only "friendly" males in a clan, in a community, were the elderly in the clan, the father or the brother, all males that did not have any sexual interest whatsoever in the woman in question .
This has been going on for all this time, except for a small window of oportunity for the last 100 years in western civilizations ( Europe, North America, Australia.) Third world countries are still very backwards in this male/female relation scenario, from the slight backwards ( South America ) to modern cave men societies like muslim poor countries and african nations that mutilate female genitals as well as domination of females by said societies.
Where women have gained their rights to be equal, I see that women chose to revert to the cave man days, at least when it comes to chosing a male. In western nations, women chose the jerk, the bad guy, over the nice guy, and that is due to the thousands to millions of years of conditioning . Woman can not erase the fact that nice men are not sexual partners , never been , while sexual males, the ones interested in them in that sexual manner, have never been the nice guys.
That is the problem why a guy that enters the life of a woman acting nice, will stay in that place forever ( unless he is Fabio or Brad Pitt, and all the script goes out the window.)
If you are a man that wants that female as a sexual partner, as a girl friend, then you can not enter her life as the nice guy. I commited that mistake over and over, thinking that these women would appreciate my candid personality and my sincerity, favoring me instread of going out of her limb for that loser. Surprise, more than once, these women went for the loser.
The loser, the jerk, the bad guy has that element of undisclosed, of unknown, that keeps the inquisitive side of a female at work. With the nice guy, there is nothing to find out, everything is right there to see. Her need for discovery is killed instantly.
The loser also treats women with less importance, forcing the woman to want to become part of his life, and making the woman fight for a place in his mind. The nice guy already advertised on his forhead that she is number 1, so there is no motivation at all on her side.
Woman always seem to run after guys that give them very little attention, guys that are selfish, guys that do not reveal their history or their minds outright, hence, becoming interesting and an ideal project for discovery.
Needless to say, the nice guy elicits no motivation at all, everything is ut there, like yesterday’s newspaper, who wants to read yesterday’s newspaper?
It is not her fault, females have been conditioned to act like that because the men in their lives were a certain type, and for thousands of years, women have developed that attraction to that kind of guy. The nice guy has always been the father, the elderly, the brother, not sexual partners, but protectors or men she did not need, men that are to be seen only when needed.
You guys are absolutely right. If you want to have a girlfriend, you’ll just have to treat her like shit the first time around.. be aggressive, stupid, it’s the only way. I didn’t say it would be a great relationship later on but at least you’ll be in one. Seriously, how many relationships do I see around me that are even going to last probably? LOL Has anyone checked our divorce rates in the US. Still climbing. And these are the ones who decided it’s a bad idea. Then who knows what the percentage is for the marriages that are even happy. Adultery happens all the time. Some women accept their husbands going out seeing someone else if it will keep them happy. It’s pretty damn sad because these women don’t want to be alone.
The nice guy always have been better partners on average than the bad boy. But girls don’t want that. They want the drama which the nice guy cannot provide for her on a consistent basis. Do I need examples? I should just send most of my female friends to AA and you’ll see the same shit in every relationship LOL And every girl will tell you what their type is which is obviously wrong for them if girls even use their head.
Girls don’t post on this article because they know what we are saying it’s true. Girls like to be right and can’t admit wrong. I knew a girl for 11 years who admitted to me she was the wrong for the first time!! And she’s been wrong more than that and it was SO HARD for her to do that. Let’s face, we guys know the real truth about girls. Most of us should follow lead and live our lives like Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men. Live alone in a nice place without a relationship, if we want sex, we’ll buy it. It actually can be cheaper than having a girlfriend oddly enough. LOL
EXCUSE ME -I AM A GIRL, (woman) and I can count at a glance at Least three comments that I have posted on the post, so guys, you need to look outside of your preconceived notions about what women are and aren’t, should and shouldn’t be, just as women need to get over looking for the glamorous knight in shinning armor who is going to enter her life with great drama romance and so on, and save her from all her troubles.
Being mature enough to recognize the right person, when he/she comes along is, in my humble opinion, a process that we need to go through. People tend to rush into things, and then not have the staying power or the stamina to work things out, which is why the divorce rates are so high…
If men would stop throwing this on women, and women would stop throwing the responsibility on men… maybe things would be different.
I think most people who divorce, most people see it coming before it even happens. I’m talking people who divorce in the first 10 years of their marriage, not when they’ve been married for 40 years. And women do like the bad boys at least in their 20s, maybe in their 30s and up, women mature and start understanding more that bad boy maybe isn’t the way to go. It’s what true for EVERY woman, I’ve encountered my entire life. I’ll admit women do mature faster than men but it’s the same thing everywhere I go. I rather be single if this is what it’s about. Women(at least in their 20s) don’t understand this. I feel bad for the men who deals with this.
Arlene.
My comments are based on experience, and on life. As experience I can tell you that my experience as a nice guy is sad. I am no slob, I work out, I am in excellent shape. I am not a guy with no backbone, I am not a guy that lacks ambition, a guy that is boring, and so forth ( the classic excuses people give towards nice guys.)
I can tell you that the minute a guy turns nice, something in the woman’s brain clicks in, and sets him aside as a girlfriend. I say girlfriend, because that is what the guy becomes. This woman would feel insulted, or as "Andiwrites" posted ( whom I assume is a girl ) "Extremely Angry" is this "girlfriend" dared cross the line and attemtp to become a boyfriend.
Think about it, before we ( humans ) became civilized, and even after that, before we as a society recognized that females are equal to males in all aspects ( which I endorse and agree 100% ), before all that, men that were interested in a female sexualy speaking, were not the nice male figures in town. So generation after generation, 7000 times more generations of humans grew up under those parameters of relations between male and females in our human species.
Females were approached by men that sexualy speaking were interested in them. These were selfish men ( not civilized, all they wanted was to satisfy their sexual urges and keep this woman under his control ) that were not polite nor nice. Women, by conditioning, learnt to like and love that man.
I believe this situation, repeating itself generation after generation, instilled in the brains of females a type of man that attracts them sexually. I am not saying it is right, I am saying it is a fact.
The nice guys in the lives of our ancestors were fathers ( the responsable ones, because there was probably a lot of incestous situations like it happens in todays societies amongst the uneducated and the ignorant ), brothers, and the elderly in the clan. These were men not interested in that woman in a sexual manner.
The "nice guy" as a potential sexual male is a fabrication of modern civilization, a product of becoming civilized. It is why it is so difficult for nice guys to hook up, it is difficult because women have been programmed through conditioning to reject the nice guy as a sexual partner/male immediately. To a woman, a sexual partner is like dating a brother, a father, the patriarch, in other words, we go full circle, to our origins, when those nice men in the lives of females were exactly those men, the father, the brother, the patriarch.
I am not being misogynistic, not at all, I love women dearly, I have 4 sisters whom I adore. I am just investigating the origins of this reality in which women run for the bad guy, rejecting the nice guy.
It is not that the nice guy is not good looking, boring, unappealing, etc, Nothing at all with those issues. The one and only reason for this rejection is that being nice, the attitude of being nice, is simply the killer of sexual tension, the antithesis of the sexual male figure.
A guy that is nice , ( wether a woman conciously thinks of it as such or wether it is an unconcious instinctive mental process ) is immediately taking the place of the girlfriend, the castrated male in the life of this woman.
Sometimes , many times I would say, a guy has the looks, the personality, the position, the sexual intention to catch theeye of a girl, and this results in dating.
Soon, this guy that thought he had a chance, will see this girl fade away, to the point that she either tells him she wants to be friends with him "only". Perhaps this woman will not even answer the phone anymore, she dislikes this nice guy so much at this point( although she liked him at one point ) after having discovered that the cool attractive man she was attracted to is indeed a man with a girlfriend’s brain.
A man can be nice to his mother, his sister, his actual female friends, but with those women he likes and wishes to establish a relationship as a couple, as a man and a woman ( not as a girl and her girlfriend ) he can not be a nice guy.
Women hate nice guys, I believe many times they do not even want them as friends. Nice guys are disgusting to women. Women make fun of them all the time.
How many times have you heard a woman that tells a nice guy that likes her that she wants to be friends with him ( because, as the speech goes, this nice guy is awesome, wonderfull, a great guy! )… how many times have you learnt this woman called that nice guy ( her new supposed "great guy" friend ) to go out as friends …how many times did she called her new friend to have fun??? Never!!!!! The sooner the nice guy dissappears from her life, the better!!!
Jamie and Jewelman
To be honest, I had my 20’s filled with bad boys. I was obviously not mature enough to recognize what it was i really needed, which was someone to partner with me in life and family, and that happened in my 30’s. I am now the partner of a very sweet very very nice man.
I am not sure that I would take the conditioning all the way back to caveman days, but I would certainly say that both men and women are culturally conditioned in a slightly warped manner. And I can tell you, that a lot of the bad boys from my 20’s are perfectly sweet, loving partners (to other women) at this point in life, so they got over the romance of being a bad boy, just like I got over the need to look for people who weren’t good for me.
Its all part of the fact that in the modern world, we mature a lot slower than previous generations, and I think that most people in there 20s have no clue yet.
I do think though, that it is important not to get bitter, because that would be the beginning of the end.
Arlene.
No bitterness at all, just laying out the facts of the matter. Women do not want nice guys as sexual partners, in the same way women do not want a jerk as a friend. Women want the nice guy as a girlfriend/castrated male. Women want the jerk as a lover.
Perhaps age brings in a notion of financial necesities, a notion of security, and a nicer guy feels safer to a jerk arrogant man. But that change does not indicate that females stop prefering jerks as lovers over nice men. It just proves that caution becomes more prevalent as we age.
I would say that what we think at our peak years, as a human race, is what we really are. The subsequent changes are the result of aging, and caution that comes attached to it. If I could give a woman in her 40s or 50s her 20something year old body by magic, she would revert to her jerk lover manners, and I would say, that attraction to jerks as lovers is always present in women. Women with money, older females with great financial situations always go for the jerks, as the celebrities attest.
I am not bitter at all, I feel bad that it took me all this time to realize how lost I was in thinking that by being nice I was going to earn the love of that woman I liked. I lost so many precious women to this nice guy cancer. I am a nice guy by nature, so it takes me a great deal of effort to erradicate this stupid niceness off my head. I will succeed, because there is no other way, no alternative.
Jaime,
I can tell you that they don’t always manage to get it together the older they get. I once tried to get involved with a woman 11 years older than myself and she used to chase after bad boys, guys who would not only treat her like crap, but frequently they would beat her up as well. You can’t reason with these women at all, believe me, I’ve tried. She’s in her 50’s now, still chasing the bad boys, still getting beat up and treated like crap, and she still hasn’t changed. Her excuse for not getting involved with me was because I’m not like the guys she normally gets involved with. That was back before I learned my lesson to treat women like crap, at least in the beginning.
The thing that really bothers me, though, is the ones who whine "You know, I wish I could find someone nice like you". Huh? Excuse me! I’m right here! They want someone LIKE you, just NOT you. I’m convinced they’re all insane and not worth wasting any more time on.
I totally agree with you Joe. I have dated women older than me, with the illusion that an older woman would had gone passed what I thought was a phase in the mind of women, that jerk phase.
I learnt it is no phase, but a mind marker, it is the way females brains work. Some older women, like I mentioned before, and as Arlene said, do loosen up on the jerk preference.
I believe that holds true when that particular woman takes into account that most jerks, later in life, end up in bad financial situations, while more nice guys end up in a better position.
Not a rule, but an average, because while the nice guy is studying for a carreer, the jerk is doing drugs, living off women instead of building a rapport, etc. There are jerks with fortunes and nice guys that are broke, that is also true, but later in life, a jerk seems more risky and a nice guy gives some confort.
But a lot of women never stop going after the jerks, that is for sure, and the ones that do stop, do it compelled by the situation they are living in, financial constraints and perhaps medical condition that requires security over roller coaster living.
The woman that I dated , a few months ago, was older than me, in her 40s. She was good looking, but nothing like a supermodel, she was ok, but just ok. We dated. Initially she was very attracted to me, she told me so, and asked me for a second date.
She liked what she saw, phisically, and we had a good time that night. Later on, we went to a friend of hers, we had a good time too. We kissed, we played, no sex, but plenty of fun. She showed me her home upon picking her up one day, all things you would not do with a guy you just met and did not want to see ever again. My nice side was coming out, under my erroneous believe that she would appreciate me more by being polite, nice, by listening to her and sharing in on decisions.
We went to the movies too, and for dinner a couple times.
I opened and closed car doors, doors and more doors, I was polite. I allowed her to chose the restaurant because she wanted to go here and there. I could not care less, I grew up in a big family and bickering over a place to go is beyond me, I let her chose, not because I am a wimp, but because I am beyond that. She picked up the movie to see, not because I am a wimp, but because I care less about which movie we go see, I am not a movie person.
I mention the wimp thing, because I always here the comment about nice guys, as if niceness and politeness came in hand with being ugly looking, slob bodied, nerd faced, boring and wimpy in attitude. That is not the case, I would say with 99% of nice men. Certainly not my case.
Well, after all this, said woman decided she was not going to answer the phone one day, out of the blue. NO answering to the phone ( I called her very seldom, in fact, she did not respond to a call and I did not call her again for a week. )
She did not return a text message 2 days after the non replied phone call.
A week later I called her using a calling card, that messes up the caller ID screen, I wanted to find out if she was indeed busy or if it was just another woman lost by the nice guy, a girl that would just refuse to answer to my calls.
She indeed responded immediately. She was stumped and she stuttered. Oh…Jaime…hi. I pretended there was nothing wrong, I did not inquire at all, I just said, hey, how are you doing….she knew she fu#$%@d me up…so soon she goes…Jaime, we have to talk…..and there goes…the "friends" speech that I know by memory:
" You are such a great guy…I have nothing but great things to say about you….I think we should be friends…."
I just told her to think about it and cal me later on, when ever she had something to say….I know she will not call…or she might after being roughed up by a jerk….but I did not care….it was my way of saying…"I do not need a friend, I need a woman….so if you want me as a friend…go jump of a cliff"
Studying the issue, I can tell you she initially liked me a lot. But as soon as she had a tatse of the "nice guy" I was, she realized that the "cool dude" she met, was in fact a "nice" guy.
It must had been such a turn off that she decided she was not going to talk to me again! untill I called her under the disguise of a calling card number.
Had I not opened any doors, had I chosen the movie to see, the restaurant to eat, had I said on occassion, I am not hungry, we are not going to eat anything now, lets do this other thing….in other words, had I acted like a selfish jerk, arrogant man that only talks about himself and his achievements, about whatever it is but about her. Had I shown no concern for what she liked or wanted to do. Had I told her that day she invited me into her place that we had no time for nonsense, that we had to leave for the movie, had I chosen to treat her as unimportant, as one more of the rest of the women that jerks have floating around them, had I been a jerk, she would be all over me right now, begging for a place in my mind, for a few minutes every day to talk to me, for a time to hear my voice, she would be in hot pursuit.
That compelled me to go back into our ancestry, into why human beings act like they do. Women and men. The cave men issue makes total sense, the more we go back in time, the simpler and the more defined male and female places in society were demarcated, and the easier it is to study human behavior, because there were no technological issues nor society hangups. It was plain and simple muscular male taking by way of force the woman he liked, and he had no need nor compelling motives to be nice to any of these women.
Women had no advantage in confronting the jerk that conquered her, and she had to learn to love him and they got along.
Nice men in those days were fatherly figures, patriarchs , brothers and elderly men in a tribe that had no sexual interest in them.
Studying that context, which went on for many, many thousands of years more than the few decades we had been experiencing females in western societies having the freedom to select the man they want, studying that case shows that women, after conditioning for so long, once liberated from all those constraints, from tradition, from pre arranged marriage situations, from bully men that would take them over by force, free from primitive traditions, once free from all that crap and once free from ignorance and from our past days as cave humans, once free, these women voluntarily and explicitly select a jerk arrogant selfish man over a nice guy one an a million times over.
I am not blaming women nor attacking them, I am just feeling blessed for having found out. Most people, nice guys and jerks included, do not understand this issue, because they never stopped to meditate and to think about it.
Jerks act as such because they are jerks inherently. Nice guys do same.
What a great lesson. I learned this when I began dating after my divorce. When a woman tells me I am a really nice guy it is time for me to leave and find someone new. Hopefully not repeat the same mistakes, and find the soul mate I thought I had, prior to becoming a nice guy.
I agree with Jaime for all of his comments and thoughts. If he’s still reading this, or for anyone else, I want to ask this: Do women still prefer the jerks when it comes to marriage? The reason I ask is that in choosing a husband, and in my mind, would be to find the "nice guy," someone who can look after the kids, tend to the needs of the wife, etc etc. Sooner or later that women will be hitting her 30’s and of course, some may want to settle down. For those guys, how would you behave toward women who want to settle down? For example, there are dating sites out there geared for marriage minded people; in the examples given in this blog — that being a selfish person (within a reasonable boundary) is a turn-on for girls — would they still be valid while trying to court a woman with a long term relationship in mind?
My guess is that they still may be valid, although perhaps the degree of "selfishness" and "jerk-like behavior" might need to be changed. Any thoughts?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have only one thing to say: read a book called “The MANual” by Steve Santagati. It’s worth it. Men, you will understand why women like “bad boys”, not players, but “bad boys”…and by the way, there’s a reason why women don’t like “nice guys”. But here’s the deal, there’s a bad boy element in each one of you, even if you don’t realize it. Players are dicks and assholes who can’t think of anything except getting different women into bed with him and add her up to his list of “victims” just cus he’s such an idiotic dick; guys like that are uber dumb and girls who are falling head over heels on dudes like that are automatically problematic; you men should stay away from those types, cus they are the ones who are clueless about treating themselves with self respect and to get others to respect them. You’ll be wasting your heart,feelings and time dealing with those kinds of chicks. Nobody can care for them unless they start taking care of themselves first.
And women,when you read this book, you’ll realize that there’s no way you could not be interested or want to be with a “bad boy”; cus ultimately, bad boys are those guys with confidence, self-assured,appreative towards all kinds of women; and that’s why they get a lot of chicks and female friends..even if things don’t work out after they hook up with different women, they’d still be able to remain as friends. This guy, a real life “bad boy” is telling you everything you need to know about them, and beating them in their own game by playing it smart.
You don’t have to be a bitch to get the man you want. And men, you don’t have to be dicks and assholes just to get women to fall and chase you around. You wanna always keep your choices open when you’re single; you’d still want to keep your options open even after you’ve started seeing someone. You wanna pick the best person for you and that takes time and that takes you to not be clingy,both men and women. Play a little bit hard to get. Don’t be too available. Make it like an auction, the highest bidder, in this case the most worthy,should be the one you pick to be your partner. Each one of us have values that only we can determine how high or low it actually is. People can only see how valuable you are through the way you treat yourselves. If you’re being too easy, then obviously they’d think you’re cheap, and vice versa. So yeah, check that book out…it could be the one thing that might be able to change the course of your love lives. Cheers!.
people fail to realize that life is a process or in math you could say is about "sequential learning". Everything in human existance has to be established during the foundation period or childhood!!! This means when a women or man learns how to crawl how does he do it??? He’s taught!! Its certain things that life will teach you if you havent been taught at certain stage!! Thats why its soooo important for a women and a man to have both parent figures in their lives because it creates balance. Its just like math…..when you fail to learn a particular step in math the next step cannot be learned!! Why?? because there was essential material in the first step that was needed to learn the following step!!! My point is that a human beings foundation period in life is his childhood…. When certain things arent present you lose balance! This does not go only for human beings but in life itself!!!! If a women does not have the most important man in her life(which is her father)she sometimes turns to the ways of the world to learn things about men that her father should have taught her. Basically she seeks unattainable men. This goes for the men too. If a father figure is not present how will he be able to see how a man is suppose to carry himself accordingly??? Or How to treat a woman with respect and kindness??? It just wont happen. I have a saying I like to go buy "whats not taught during childhood will eventually show up during your adulthood"!! So ladies and gentlemen dont always be in a rush to be with someone either because if you could have everything you wanted at particular time what would you do??? IF you could have that lady friend or male friend of your dreams how would you treat them?? Sometimes in life you have to be spiritually and emotionally ready for certain things in your life….Such as relationships. Its not all about women liking "bad boys" and men who cant get these particular type of women. Its your outlook at the in of the day or your way of thinking that determine each and every situation. So remember ladies and gentlemen there’s a time and a season for all things to flourish and when the season comes for love to flourish in your life than you’ll be better for it. ALWAYS REMEMBER "WE CONTROL THE OUT IN LIFE" PEACE AND LOVE
RYAN DONALDSON
Chen,
I can tell you that they don’t always choose the nice guy when it comes to marriage. After giving up on my older woman, I got involved with someone else for a year and a half. When that ended I decided to pay a visit to my ex and see how things turned out for her. I found out she moved away and married the same jerk who used to get drunk and beat her up before she met me. She always used to tell me, "Oh, it’s only when he drinks" but that’s no excuse. An abuser is an abuser and being drunk is no excuse. I didn’t hear anything about her again for another 2 years but I found her recently online and she says she regrets getting married and isn’t living with him anymore and she wants to come back to the area after she takes some classes so she can find a better job and get her life in order. I don’t know if I’ll see her again because I have misgivings about how serious she is about leaving the past behind her but the nice guy in me keeps telling me to try again.