Re:Giving up hope if him coming back

thanks for the advice....the whole ex thing was a rumour, not for one second did he believe it, and he said he was angry when he said it. it suprized both of us. its been around 3 weeks of no contact, would you say to wait a little longer or just take the chance...its been 2 half months apart but a lot has happpened and its only ben these last few weeks that the situation has cooled down. in that time i recieved a No each time so my last effort is the no contact thing. would you say asking them for a drink or something is not respecting their decision?

Because you have received a "no" each time, he could say "no" again. However, if you want to ask him for drinks after three weeks, you could try. Is that a risk that you want to take?

i dont really know....i have asked so many people advice and they all give me different answers! if he says no then i will deal with it, in fact it will push me away further. What would the risk be can i ask? what could i ask in the text?
do you think i should give it more time or just leave the whole situation be. even if i cant be with him i would like to be friends.

im actually expecting a no to be honest but i keep thinking about asking

If you're ready for what could happen either good or bad, then go for it. The risk would be that if you really get pushed away, then even friendship could be tricky.

Thats what i dont want to risk...u mean friendship could be tricky for me?...(ive been pushed away too far) Ive been reading posts that no contact is the best option as men want what they cant have, is this true?, we havent contacted eachother in 3 weeks and nothing has happened, maybe its not long enough or maybe its just pushing him away more? im confused as people give me different advice. thanks for yours. can i ask you what you would do in this situation?

No contact could either make him miss you or it could make him more distant. To answer your question: I would probably try to contact again unless things were really bad before.

if he love you he will call you back if he don't y should you go chasing for him?

he gave me the reply that he hasnt even thought about it as hes been busy working and then he rushed off! he is clearly not interested anymore. i still wont contact him....like you said, if he loves me we will be together eventually, although i dont think that will happen anymore. i have done everything to be with him, but nothing has worked. im fed up of even thinking about him, im not even going to think about how i can get him back anymore, its in his hands. i truly dont want to be with anyone who can walk away that easy. yeh i made mistakes, however if im not worthy of another chance after what i have gone through for him, im starting to think maybe he is not the guy for me. i would have done anything to get him back but if his happiness is not with me then so be it. im going to focus on myself and be the best person i can be. This will be the only way he realizes he shouldnt have let me go!

There you go, you said it yourself
"however if im not worthy of another chance after what i have gone through for him, im starting to think maybe he is not the guy for me."

Like Guys said, if you think you can handle both no or yes, then I don't see any problem trying to meet up again. IF you are willing to face a "no" and live with it, then go on. You got nothing to lose. Think of it as a final effort.

If he truly doesn't want you (after all said and done), then probably you are right. Hes not the one for you, and rather than trying to get back together why don't you start moving on.

that was my final effort. He is to busy to think about it. i believe he made his mind up a while ago. if he ever decides he would like to, of course i would be open to it. But i am not willing to try again any time soon. i am going to avoid seeing him now for the next 2 months and work on myself and move on. He is also in my uni so it is likely we will see eachother again quite often. i hope it hits him. its hard to know how you really feel about someone when they are out of sight. i just know that i have to close this chapter of my life for know, who knows what will happen in the future but i have gotten to the point were im pretty confused and that although i love him, maybe we are not meant to be for now, or ever again. The hardest thing now will be to deal with knowing he has found someone else. i will treasure the good memories and take this as experiece.
tuanijad, i hope your situation is better?

Well, I haven't met her for the last 2 months as its our semester break. In about 9 days I'll probably see her again, and I don't know how to react in the future. Consulted many individuals, but they have different opinions, still having lots on my mind.

But, maybe its a good thing for someone. Yesterday, at 3 am in the morning, she suddenly texted me and said how scared she was when she felt someone touching her leg. turned out to be her little brother. But nonetheless, we ended up texting till 4.30 am. she needed reassurance. What do u think?

hi! Angel how are you? wat i'am trying to say is don't hope its going to make you feel better.

Taunijad; She text you, so it shows she has been thinking about you! You need to make sure she isn't messing with your feelings by maybe keeping you there wanting her back as this will only hurt you more and you dont deserve that. no contact has paid off, she contacted you. Be proud of yourself for not giving into your feelings when you thought you needed to contact her. your obviously strong enough to get through anything that may now happen. i finished with my boyfriend in anger, but instantly done absolutely everything to try and get him back. I can tell you if you truly want to be with her and she is tying to get you back, look past the pride thing, everyone makes mistakes! if she is not what you want anymore then so be it.

if your fine being friends, then there is nothing wrong with that, reading advice, this can work two ways; you fall into the trap of staying friends, or it can be a starting point for trying again. I dont know how i am going to react when i see my ex again, because i want him to regret what he has lost im likely to be quite flirtatious (smile, kind, etc). However because i have hurt so much by this, i may not be able to do this. You only know how you react in the moment. Its obvious that you are not going to ignore her, this will only put a negative light on you.

However this all comes down to what you want! If you cant handle being friends and thats the only thing she is ever going to want then you need to think about your feelings and do whatever it takes to make you feel better! Obviously she needs to know you will not be around waiting forever if she is what you want.

Zac...i can honestly say for the first time in 3/4 months im feeling better. The last time i spoke to him when he said he hasnt thought about it. if he said he needed time, i would have waited, believe me but this is not the case. I really have giving up all hope of him coming back and accepted it. Life has to move on now. I have been moping around for so long, thinking back through the whole relationship, what i could have done better, but i guess things change, people change and its up to me to deal with it. Im working on myself and beginning to make big progress. im thinking about him less and less, although there is an empty and painful feeling there, i know that im going to be ok. i only reached this point when i stop wondering what i could do to make things right. if he decides one day i am the girl for him then i will analyze the situation. right now i feel like im loving him less and less, based on the reason that he found it so easy to walk away and like i said he didnt think i was worthy of that second chance if thats what you would call it. Apart of me hopes he is happy with the next person but also a big part of me wishes he realizes what he had with me.

All i can say to anyone going through this, is stop analyzing the situation, thats when it gets better. you are strong enough to get past anything! if its meant to be, it will be. you dont need someone else to make you happy, but you need to think that!

oh and can i ask....i have photos of me and my ex on facebook, do i delete this? he has not untagged himself in them.

That depends if you're comfortable having them or not.

I don't know if it was my pride, or my heart. But the next day after she texted me at 3 am, she texted me again. But this time, I waited for a while before I reply. I finally realized I need an answer. Why is she behaving this way, I needed to know if shes just messing with me or she misses me or whatever. So I asked her straight, and she answered "Well, I thought you would care about whats going on in my life."

I was frustrated, angry, sad and all in one time. I let the volcano erupt. I told her everything about how I felt during the last 2 months. I don't know whats the consequences of this, but I know it doesn't matter. She needs to know this. After several more messages, I know its enough telling her my feelings, no need for further argument so I ended the conversation.

What I can't accept is, SHE was the one abandoning me! She demands for a break up but I was still there for her, I was still devoted to her and would do absolutely anything. She was the one who decided not to care for me for the last 2 months. She doesn't even notify me when shes in my town. Honestly, she practically left me for good.

I have already decided I won't ever get back together with her, truly I think she doesn't deserve me one bit. Not when she could end it with no particular reason.

As for being friends, not for the time being. I still care for her, and I don't want to be around her. Not till I completely moved on.

Right now, I'm afraid to commit into anything. Seriously. The pain was processed by my brain as something I should not experience for a while.

It hurts, so badly.

so basically the last time i contacted my ex was about 2 weeks ago and i said that was the last time i was going to try. i asked him for a drink and he said he hadnt thought about it and rushed off. so i left it at that and hadnt contacted him since and also avoided all chances of talking to him such as facebook or night clubs etc.

anyway he contacted me today. asked what my uni results were and what i had been up too. anyway i was making convo then, he suddenly just said he has to go. why do you think he contacted me?

thats really similar to my contacting me. i have no idea still. i dont get it!!!!!

i know, tell me about it...im back to thinking once again! there hasnt been a day gone by where im not thinking about him, but lost all hope. Now im wondering why he started talking to me, maybe it was just to see about my results but a part of me wonders if he was expecting me to ask him whether or not he has come to a decision about the drink, after all he told me he had a week off because of illness. im confused!!! do you think i should ask him again or leave it be ?wouldnt it look desperate. there was no flirting or anything in the converstation but he hasnt contacted me in a while.

Anyone interested in giveing me advice, please?

I would say not to contact him again. Give him some more time to think about things and miss you-esp. if he didn't bring up together. 1. because if he just wanted to check in. You wont push him farther away. I know it really angers my ex when I'm always trying to get him back 2. If he is starting to miss you or maybe want you back, give him time to be sure of that. You don't want to jump the gun too quickly and him still be unsure. Give him more time to think things over and hopefully he will contact you again soon. How long you should wait I don't know? That's where I am. Or maybe the friendly thing is to initiate contact next- but I highly highly recommend waiting and getting a better idea where he is coming from.

i think your right. i dont want to assume anything as i am so scared of getting hurt! maybe i will wait to see if he contacts me again. a part of me wishes he didnt contact me as im back to the thinking. before i accepted that he didnt want anything to do with me. Sunflwr were in the exact same situation, do u have any hope left, when did you last try? its been 3 months for me now.

Well I was similar in that I was just giving up hope and convinced I meant NOTHING to him at all cause of how easily he could ignore me and care less, but him contacting me did prove that wrong. However, because he hasn't contacted me since I think it was just a day when he was missing me or thinking of me ( i think he's having a very boring summer) But not that it was a typical thing him missing me ya know? I have continued no contact cause if it worked once then it can work again I guess. However I am worried I was too happy when he contacted me. I am having fun and loving my job and my summer, but I wonder if I came across as too happy when deep down I am still miserable and hurt since the breakup (5 months ago) I haven't contacted him 4/26/09 was the last time I tried to get him back and his response was to stop contact

Whatever it is, just don't keep your hope high. Prepare for the worst possibility. Its all in your mind actually. When you don't hope, you won't get miserable.

I am also trying to remove any flint of hope I have left, trying to convince each day there is no point in waiting for a miracle to come. I don't know how am I doing, but I just saw her today at college for registration day, and I think Im doing okay.

But my friends ended up hanging with her right now, and I'm a bit sad that I'm not there with them. I felt like they are beginning to chose her over me. Well it might be too early to conclude anything, but I'm already telling myself if they prefer her over me, so be it.

No more hoping, and no more hurting for me.

yeh with no expectations, you cant get dissapointed right. well basically i just asked him how his reults went likie he asked mE and he ignored me! im ready to move on and let him know what he has just lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND I WILL! people have said i can do so much better by looks, ive never seen it as he was an amazing guy...but now i believe i can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fed up of fighting for him...hes not the guy for me!

angry!

ok so he didnt ignore me, thinking he was testing me somehow to see if i would ask again but i didnt! anyway i still have had enough! wish i wasnt in the same uni so i could get over him!

so we talk a bit, but he talks to me as though i meant nothing to him and like we haven't been together for 3 years, for e.g these were his words, 'im off now shag, catch ya l8r' or he may start talking and then not continue the convo, its messing with my head.also think hes talking to his ex. what you think this means? hes just pushing me away and im loosing all feelings for him. apart of me hates him now he has gone so cold, what does this say? help??

Stop talking to him. Stop wondering about him. You said: "you were fed up of fighting for him...hes not the guy for me!"

i know, i am fed up of hurting over him, but it doesnt make the pain go away. its hard not to talk to him. tonight he asked me if i was alright and if im working weekend ,etc. i answered and then said i had to go. ( the first time i have left the conversation). In its like when i dont talk to him he wants to know what im doing. can anyone help me please, why does he start talking to me? could it mean something? should i ask him. its weird, the last few times i talked to me it was like he didnt want to talk and then i just get on with my life and suddelnly he is talking to me. i went on a date last night and enjoyed it but dont want anyhting of it as still hung up on my ex! help

anyone know what i should do? i was ok and getting on with my life. its been over 3 months and ive just feel so depressed these last few days now he has contacted me as it gets me thinking!