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The man I love has very many issues and problems that have hurt me beyond repair, but I want to help him somehow because after four years of building our relationship and love, I am not ready to give up forever. For now, I am not putting myself through the pain- but I'm in desperate search of answers so that maybe after some time and healing, things could change.
Most of the time things go along perfectly, he listens to my every need and puts up with my mood swings (I am bipolar) and is absolutely wonderful. Whenever something happens in his life that is hard, he battles something in his mind and it is hard to explain. He gets depressed, suicidal, and self-destructive. He cheats, not often but still, and he does many things which I think may be linked to a phobia of commitment. He'll break up with me for no reason, often either telling me that I deserve better or that he cant handle a "long distance relationship" (after we've already worked out everything for the temporary departure). He has made promises and broken them, and cannot seem to handle much at all in his life without breaking down.
What kills me about this is I can see how painful it is for him to make these mistakes and hurt me. He has almost committed suicide several times because he loves me so much yet still hurts me. He'll leave me, experience life, and decide he only wants to be with me. Then sooner or later he either cheats or leaves again. He'd never ever hit me or hurt me on purpose or directly, never has. These are all his own personal issues with commitment and self esteem...
He is very severely depressed and has talked about not knowing who he is, about hating himself, about lying to himself. He battles this off and on always, beating himself up and truely believing that there is no hope for him to find peace with himself.
I have recently found out that he was getting very close to somebody he doesnt love, somebody he doesnt want- but he still hurts me by being with her and flirting with her. We are broken up now, but he cant seem to let go of her he must always have her as an option of comfort or sex.
I do not understand how somebody can be so confused and depressed about everything that he drives me away and hurts me and cheats on me, the one person he has said he would die for. He refuses to try and figure out what is wrong because he's seen therapists and been medicated and all that many times before. He uses marijuana and sex and lies to mask reality almost so far that there is no turning back, it seems. Have I lost him forever?
What is wrong with him? Is there any hope that he can stop cheating and lying? I'm so confused I feel like I dont even know who he is, almost like he is two different people and it scares me. I dont want to give up on him, I want to help him.
What can be done? Can I save him before he hurts himself or hurts other women?
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