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I met this guy over a year ago in March. We hit it off right away, and we exchanged numbers. We started communicating via text for about a week straight. I thought, wow, I really like this guy. The next time we hung out he told me that he had taken a job offer out in Texas, and that he would be leaving in 3 months. I was naturally bummed out, but I decided to hang out with him anyway because I thought you never know what could happen.

He told me that he was scared because he could see himself getting serious with me, but he was moving away and he didn’t want to deal with the hurt of getting close and then having to part ways. But, we found ourselves hanging out anyway.

Three months later he left for Texas, and I figured he would forget about me and we sort of lost contact for a little while. In the meantime I got a new boyfriend because I didn’t want to waste time on something if it wasnt going to work out. I figured if he wanted me he would eventually start missing me.

He came home to visit in August, and he asked me if I wanted to meet up with him. I said sure, but we are only going to do it on a friend to friend basis because I had a boyfriend at the time.

He expressed to me that he wasnt over me, that he thought about me everyday, and he wanted to see where this could go. I figured he just wanted to get in my pants so I didn’t really pay much attention to it. I figured that once he went back to Texas all would be forgotten because I wasnt in his immediate life.

When he got back to Texas I found him calling me everyday, he was mentioning how there were alot of job opportunities out here, and he seemed really excited about having me in his life again. I then broke up with my boyfriend because I found myself thinking about Texas.

We have been doing this call/text thing for about a year now, and neither of us have gone out of our way to see eachother. I have mentioned him making a commitment to me, but all he says is that he is not ready for a commitment right now but maybe later down the road. He has told me that I am the last person he was with, but for some reason I have trust issues with him.

My issue lies with this. He says one thing and acts another. He tells me he thinks about me everyday, cares about me, but yet he wont send me flowers, he doesnt call as much as he used to. And now I barely get a text/call. When I ask him what is going on he gets irritated and says “I told you that we cant be together right now.” whats the point? I’m supposed to sit and wait around while someone tells me they care, and yet they wont make the efforts? Not until he decides he wants to take the next step? I told him I feel like I’m missing out, and he said “thats not my fault, live your life.”

Please help me make sense of this situation....

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a


  • gummybears: one rule of thumb I learned.... always look at what they do, not what they say.
    if they don’t match then you know something is up.
    I would look away from what he might or might not want at this point, and loom inward.
    what do you want? and are you getting it here?
  • smarie330: I think that whenever I’m hinting towards where is this going he always says "we were never together long enough without distance to know if what we have is love, I’ve been wrong about it before." My guess is he is not over a past break up. So when I ask him what is going on, I haven’t been really hearing from him he tells me he has been busy, and that I shouldn’t put pressure on him, and that he thinks about me every day. yada yada yada... I’m honestly getting bored with the same old stuff, and I would like to find someone who is willing to be a real boyfriend to me, but in the back of my mind I’m also thinking where could it go with this guy? But from the way he is acting I’m honestly getting bored, and he isn’t really showing me the side of him that would make me want to have a commitment with him. It
  • smarie330: And most recently I have noticed that he has been ignoring my texts, and calls. So the last time I spoke with him I expressed to him that I see happy couples around and it makes me feel like I’m missing out. And if I am going to keep doing this with him then I would like to have something to show for it. He got angry, and told me that I’m being over bearing, pushy, and I’m pressuring him. So I asked him I said well if I’m overbearing, pushy, and needy then why dont you just stop contacting me all together? And he said that "because I like you, but right now you need to live your life. Who knows what could happen. I cant give you what you want right now, but that doesnt mean that I dont care about you." and that was it..
  • gummybears: :)
    - You would want a guy who would be a real boyfriend to you.
    . want to know where it might go with this guy?
    Let me put this into perspective.
    I would love to win the lottery! I can totally picture my beautiful life bathed in the millions of dollars, the pretty cars, the travel and the wonderful houses I could have! All of my dreams would come true! :) I sit sometimes and really wonder what my life would look like after winning the lottery...
    but I also don’t spend my life thinking about it and all my money buying tickets.
    I have to have a day job. hopefully one that I enjoy going to everyday, one that is fullfilling because waiting for my lottery numbers to come without a job makes for a poor life anyway you look at it.
    Sitting and waiting for the longshot is not the best plan for a fullfilling time. I have to eat, I have bills to pay. A day job might not be winning the lottery, but if I play it right, it can be just as good. I can find a job that makes me happy, provides food money and who knows what kinds of perks it might have?
    The important thing is that I am pretty much happy everyday, rather than sitting around every day waiting to be happy.
    Your guy is telling you in no uncertain words to live your life regardless of how he feels about you.
    I will say that if the time is right, and the situation is right, then it’ll work. Right now it doesn’t seem like your numbers for the lottery are coming in. :)
    However you could be having the time of your life, living like your enjoying it... and you still have a ticket to play.
    does the analogy make sense? lol!

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