he told me he loved me and couldnt live without me one day then told me he dont love me the next day

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and I had lost my job. Well we had to move back in with my parents and about a month after we did that he couldnt take it and left. 2 days passed and he apologized and we were back together but he wasnt allowed to move back in. He was more affectionate than ever. Then i broke up with him and i told him that we needed to talk because that is why we kept breaking up because we never talked about anything and i know he was stressing out because he was the only one paying all of the bills. But he didnt want to. He said he needed time. So i gave him time and later that day when he told me he needed time he told me to come up and see him at work on his lunch. So i did and we didnt really talk we just apologized again and he stated that he loved me and that he couldnt imagine life without me and that living apart was ruining us so he wanted me to move in with him where he was staying. SO i said ok. Well I know this sounds childish but i was on his myspace page and he had deleted me and low and behold there was a new girl as his number one and he had changed his status from engaged (i forgot to mention that we were engaged but i didnt really consider it being engaged cuz i didnt have my ring yet or a date set cuz we were waiting until we had money saved to do so) to in a relationship so i called him and asked who she was and he would not answer me. Instead he told me that he didnt care for me or love me anymore and he hasnt for a while. Then later that day i texted him and asked where and when he met her. He met her online and he met her the day that i broke up with him. And Its hurting me soo bad i dont know what to do. I still talk to him and he tells me that he still cares for me and he is destined to be alone and he is depressed and he thinks that it will be destructive if we get back together. And i told him that the only reason why he was so unhappy was because we never got to do anything together we were always workin and payin bills and thats it. and he never got to see his family because he didnt have a car and we didnt have money to drive and see them. I just dont understand why he said he doesnt love me anymore. How could you be with someone for that long and not love them or care about them. i kinda think that its because of the girl he met online. And the stupid thing is we live in michigan and she lives in california. So i need some input on what everyone thinks. I just need some support and someone to talk to cuz i dont have anyone and im sorry this is so long but the situation is easier to understand when you explain the whole story

That sucks. It always feel like shit to be rejected no matter what the reason is. You ask how could someone get over you so quickly? Well, my answer to that is that he has already started fallen out of love with you a long time ago. I know he told you that he loves you recently but a lot of times, people say that because they don't want to hurt the other person's feelings whether it's true or not. What's that thing I say on this board a lot??? Actions speak louder than words. And it doesn't sound like he really wants to be with you anymore as hurtful as that sounds to you. The way it sounds, it might not be a bad idea to work on your financial situation right now instead of him.

I know you wouldn't want to hear this(and guys will probably think I'm betraying them when I say this) but if a guy's broke and treats a girl like shit, the guy's a loser and is a dime a dozen.

I hope you feel better. It'll take time. But I know... easier said than done.

thanks that really helps when your hear what other people have to say. ITs just so hard and i hope that i will not have to go through this again with someone else.

You are not alone in your pain. I am going through a similar situation, except I refuse to look at his myspace out of fear of finding what you found. If anything you will come out of the situation a better person and learn from your experience. It's hard to believe, trust me I know.

yeah he actually messaged me a couple days ago and wanted me back. I dont get it. Is it just because the girl he is with now is in california so he doesnt have anybody there phisically? i dont know.

Yes, I think that you are right about why he wants you back. Keep in mind what he told you before though:

Janelanne88 wrote:

Instead he told me that he didnt care for me or love me anymore and he hasnt for a while.

I think you had some real good advice on here, I agree with Guy 100%.
Jewelman always says it how it is, you seem like a nice person love can be tough move on, he's no good.
Don't let one bad apple effect your future relations, rise above this learn from it and stay positive.

Good luck.

hi i have the same situation except im married . my husband left for the military for a year. i didn't want him to go becasue he has cheated on me in the past and i don't trust him. during that time i met a guy at work . were both 60yrs old but age doesn't mean anything. well i flirted with him and he like me alot. we started a relationship at work and he asked me out . well, moving on he taught me alot about myself and he told me he loved me an wanted to marry me. he was very different from my husband of 32 years and i never had anyone but my husband. he was starting to be the world to me. when my husband came home i was angry still and thought about all the times he cheated , so i asked for a divorce. i told my lover and he became cold to me and said we need time to get our problems straight. well anyway he told me that he loved me and that things haven't changed between but that we needed to fix our problems. i told him to call me when he wanted to talk . i have his password to his computer and saw he took up with some woman across the country. were NY and shes nevada. well i read that shes coming here after knowing each other for only 3 months on the computer. they wanted to spend there lives together and love each other. im doing the no contact rule. but still read all there compunications. its killing me but i will get through it. my husband and i r trying to work things out , but i really still love my lover . i know i will never have him but i remember 2 sayings, live your life with no regrets, becasue at one time it was exactly what you wanted. and trying to get over a man , put another one under you. hope you know you r not alone

If he treats her like crap yes he's a jerk. Being broke is stressful though and she says he was paying all her bills for a while no wonder he's broke and stressed out. In this era of equality I refuse to call men losers for not making enough money until womens "womenhood" also hinges on their salarys. If he's a looser while paying all her bills what is she for not even being able to pay her own , a winner of some sort ? What would he be if he'd lost his job and she'd been struggling to support him oh that's right he'd still be a loser and when she left him for another guy we'd all be patting her on the back.

While she is living with parents she should save up, learn a skill , get an education , build a resume or just find a new job and then she can date guys with out the stess of them struggling to support them both.

sounds like he may have rebounded and just convinced himself he doesn't love her anymore or even if he did he'd still say otherwise if he didn't want her trying get back together because he could not take the relationship stress anymore.

Laurie siad

"hi i have the same situation except im married . my husband left for the military for a year. i didn't want him to go because he has cheated on me in the past and i don't trust him. during that time i met a guy at work . were both 60yrs old but age doesn't mean anything."

Sounds like you scared your lover off by telling him you were divorcing your husband to latch onto him. Maybe regardless of what your husband did your lover is not too keen on seriously dating a cheater and liar. He did break up with you to start a new relationship before it got physical with the other women so at least he has some morals. Then you spied on him. And your back with the husband only because the other guy is not there to cling to.

How about if you don't want to be with the husband you divorce him wither or not you have some fling or lover lined up. Then find a new man as you see fit.

Your husband is 60 years old and went off in the military ? and you think at 60 in the army he's cheating ? Is his name "Kernel Viagra" ?

or did you marry a much younger man ? I love that getting under another man is the best way to get over a man quote. If that works then you didn't really have anything real left to get over in the first place. Maybe your lovers new girlfriend is getting over someone.

I'll never understand how even some people in their 60's can have failed to grow up.

i have the same situation except im married . my husband left for the military for a year. i didn't want him to go because he has cheated on me in the past and i don't trust him. during that time i met a guy at work.

How good is your lovers character if he had no problem having an affair with a married women ? You can already see how much he values truth consideration for others and commitment by this can't you ? Why would you expect him to be the model of sincerity, selflessness honesty and true love ?

Good thing your hubby went away or it wouldn't have been as easy to cheat on him huh ? Shame you can't trust him or your lover, but there doesn't appear to be a lot of trust going on around you.

Until you place more value on sincerity and faithfulness in yourself you'll never attract that in another person and have no reason to worry about or expect anything more yourself.

If you stay with a cheater or let a cheater make you into a cheater then you've chosen to make that your way of life and your values and it's what you will find for yourself (dishonesty cheating, and betrayal). See the example of your lover if you doubt this. Your lover (unlike the kind of man you could have trusted and believed really loved you when he said so) had no problem with affairs with a married women (you in this case). See how this works ? You tend to attract and keep like people in your life and this is what you get. Same way your cheating but stays married anyway husband now has a cheating but stays married anyway wife. If you expect loyalty and people to be respectful and honest while you still treat anyone else otherwise who is not your current favorite then you've doomed yourself to hypocrisy and disappointment and it's only a matter of time until your no longer your lovers current favorite either.

yeah he actually messaged me a couple days ago and wanted me back. I dont get it. Is it just because the girl he is with now is in California so he doesnt have anybody there physically? i dont know.

YOU broke up with him though and didn't want him back until he had another women (well not really he just added some girl on myspace from across the country to his friends list the same day he removed you.) Why? because he was hurt and trying to make you jealous and it worked. Heck he might not even know her and maybe she is not even real.

I'm sure things got to be a mess with all the money stress and you both seemed to be unsure breaking up with each other then wanting each other back but he couldn't move back in with you and the parent's (was he not getting along with them did you trash talk about him to them after the first break up so they wouldn't let him back in the house ?) and playing these games. Sounds like he loved you too but the relationship just wasn't working due to inability to cope together with all the outside stuff and it was driving you both nuts. You didn't talk just apologized , you love but don't communicate and function together enough.

I'd say get you self financially together maybe keep in touch and give each other some actual time and see what happens. Maybe you'll be able to afford some relationship counseling in the future or maybe you just weren't the ideal match. Marriage would not have made the stress and money problems easier if you already were having trouble dealing with tough times.

So your BF is disrespectful.
So your BF couldn't make it two days at your house.
so your BF convinced you to move in to where he is to get you away from parents.
So your Bf lets you find out he has a contact.
So your BF let you know its YOUR FAULT he met her the day you broke up with him.
So your boyfriend is a game player and good at making it seem like your fault.

So your BF is controlling.

So your BF said look what you made me do.

Your boyfriend has been deceitful a little longer than you think.

He didn't just meet her the day you two broke up.
He didn't stop talking to you and controlling what you couldn't talk about the day you broke up.

He is moody, desrespectful, selfish and unsupporting.

Does he often seem angry for no reason and get mad and seem to be the punishing sort?

It's not over the girl. That is just a dangle to make you worry and jump hoops and to hurt you for making him deal with your parents and for your stupidity of losing your job and (which is not your fault).

What is your fault is dating a guy who feels inadequate about not being able to support a girl and hides it by making you look like its all your fault.