Help! Husband emailing old girlfriend everyday...

Yes completely unacceptably so.

Deal with the issues that make you needy enough to stay with him then run.

HELL YES

He's full of it! You know it and he knows it. You're right not to trust him. He also doesn't respect you and your boundaries. You have a right to expect him not to text or call an ex. He's up to no good. Give him an ultimatum - stop texting or throw him out and really do it.

Well, Moonbaby, you have ruined this blogg. It was created by someone else and you took it over as your own. If you want personal support see a theripst. I think that you are a Hypocrite. So enjoy your lies, while you husband enjoys his...

This has to stop! It IS an emotional affair - I know because my partner has done the same and I have put a stop to it!
It is disrespectful of BOTH of them. She has no respect for you and for the fact he is married.
Sometimes this is because there are still feelings on the womans part - especially if the woman is not told in no uncertain terms that it is OVER. All my partners female friends thought that if they hung in there long enough he would want a relationship with them.
My friend who had bad relationships decided she wanted a great one and after catching her partner with the phone in the shower (!) sat him down and went through all his texts with him asking why such and such a woman was texting him in this way and then sat with the speakerphone on while he rang them all to tell them that if he came to see them he would be bringing her with him as they were together now. This brought out their true intentions and they either stayed friends with both of them or vanished! 2 years on they are very happily married with 2 lovely children. Best thing is he THANKED her for doing it - he hadn't got the bottle to do it for himself!
Never forget men have tiny egos which need constant massaging and what better boost than an ex or a female friend lavishing attention! Bless them!

all boys are like that dear when they sow old one start going on with her really all boys should go to hell

I wish I could take my own advice.

You sure are sneaky. Reading another's mail no matter what is very wrong. Hope he finds out and lets you have it.

Emailing, texting, checking on facebook, seeing an old gf seems innocent to me. However, most affairs start out as innocent conversations that get steamier by the second until both parties start dating and eventually having sexual relationship that is too hard to break once it started.

My take is, nip it in the bud, once you observe something is really going on. I think you've done the right thing in telling your husband your not comfortable. If it helps call the girl too and tell her to stop communicating with your husband.

If you are second-guessing your decision to be an email pal, that should tell you something does not feel right to you. If I were the wife, I would feel emotional pain over this. There are too many marriages and long term relationships falling apart over infidelity, both physical and emotional affairs. I,personally, think couples should guard against it by not putting themselves in positions for it to possibly happen. I know because I had an affair once that "just happened". Even though my husband contributed greatly and I could point fingers at him all day long, that affair was the most destructive result of a relationship becoming "ill" I could have ever imagined. Now, having had that experience and realizing it could happen to anyone at any time without their awareness, I am very careful now. I value marriage highly. I respect others' relationships, regardless of the model (long term vs newly dating vs parent/child, etc). I do not interfere, even if it appears seemingly innocent, especially crossing genders.

Thanks everyone for all the advice. Last year I was so hurt and lost. I honestly feel I stayed all these years of mental abuse being a doormat because I was afraid he would take my kids out of the country now I look back and wonder if that would have happened. I know I was scared to raise 3 kids on my own. Now they are raised and strong young women and a fine young man. When we married we couldnt even kiss at our wedding because of his custom, we couldnt show and public affection. I adapted to it. When I suggested we join the local lodge last year it was because I was tired of being bitched at for the finances, house and the gas cap to the lawn mower missing. We joined and my husband enjoyed it. I hated it. He was openly flirting staring and hugging these women and they got his affection where I never did because it was not proper and american women were sluts. Thats all I ever heard in our marriage is look at the american slut. I was told how to dress, act what was proper. I was always so shy and meeting him he was my first date, a blind date and he asked me to marry him after 3 weeks. At the time I thought it was romantic. My marriage has not been easy. I love my kids. They support me so much. I was jealous because he was showing these other women attention and I told him. He'd say stop acting like an arab bitch. I told him it was right. I would cry all the time. Our kids told him off numerous times. He never listened. An old girlfriend an american he said was just a friend never dated but only had sex with him met up with him. Nice. She is married too. They kissed. I found out. I was going to leave him. I know he was picturing the lady from the bar instead of his old friend when he kissed her. I told him that and I can not ever forget. He hit me in to the corner of the wall and I had two black eyes for 6 wks. I told his family he did it and left it at that he said we were playing. I first lied to my kids because I didnt want them to worry but they were smarter than that. My son said to his dad...you make mom cry one more time I'm going to make you cry. I'm a person of strength but how come I'm not a strong person. I do thank all of you for your help with my problem. Time will tell on me. I do feel like a loser though.

Very interesting to read your situation with your husband contacting his old girlfriend. I guess, in your scenario, I would be that old girlfriend. I mean, I'm not YOUR husbands old girlfriend but recently an old boyfriend who's married contacted me thru FB. We chatted and caught up on the last 20+ years talking about my life and his, nothing excluded or inappropriate. Then just as suddenly as we re-friended one another we were talking EVERYday. I wouldn't contact him but he began pursuing me. At first it was sweet, an old crush, but then we met in person for lunch and then a weekend away at work (at my house). I was, as you are, extremely frustrated and confused. If he loved his wife, why would he be here with me but since he has a wife, why is he here with me.

My point is, sometimes it raises just as many questions, hurt and confusion for the old girlfriend as it does for the wife. The good news is, married men rarely leave so he'll be back. The question you should REALLY ask is why do you want him?

Thanks. My husband had many girlfriends. I met most of them. I've seen this one's picture and her family. I didn't think anything of it. The good news is we have quit the lodge and he doesn't drink as much. But you have a point you are right. Why would I want him? I know he shamed me. Only if it was just a kiss I never kissed anyone but my husband and he dirty himself to me. I think it's because I made my life around him. He's family never thought we would make it because I was an American. The divorce rate is high here they said. They are Arabs and from his family to my husband all I ever heard was about American women and I'd say you can't say that about all American women and it fell on deaf ears. My husband did fall from grace because I built him up so high and why? I left him before when he smashed my head into the wall after my son was born because I froze a whole chicken before I cut it up and I didn't do it he did and blamed me. I went to a women's shelter and I came back because we wanted our marriage to work and I was scared. The police has a record of it. Marriage to him hasnt been easy. So why do I feel so hurt. This should be easy for me. I mean my husband stopped me right after our marriage vows and told me to stop saying I love you to him. He says married people don't love each other it takes years of knowing each other and building that relationship to say that. I asked him if he loved me because we have been married a long time and he said it wasn't in him. He said I have the other woman to thank for him staying with me because she got him to admit that he does care for me. I guess I need to give her credit for that and what makes him think she would give up her family and husband. Still why would I want him? I'm so messed up and I didn't mean to ignore this site. You have helped me so much but I'm scared. I'm scared to be by myself and if I lasted all these years if I leave I'll feel like I failed. No I not sneaky...he gave his password and I gave him mine. He's use to check my emails and when I came home from lunch and he'd be there he tell me who emailed me and what they said. I know his password it is easy to remember because it is my name. Weird right. He must not be happy because why would he do all this and I'm not happy because why aren't I stronger.

Armymom, your response to my post told me more about your state of affairs than did your original post. I think your relationship with your husband has been challenging for you WAY before his cheating. We women are MUCH stronger than we give ourselves credit for but when it comes to love and men, we politely let them call the shots. It's noble, it seems proper (especially in other cultures!) but it's not.

I hope you find happiness for yourself. My married ex that I mentioned said in one of our conversations that he would someday have to put himself first. I think those were the truest words he's ever shared with me and it made me sad for him. He has placed himself last, he is first the family provider, father, husband and he is unhappy. Not miserable, mind you...but unhappy. I could easily take advantage of his vulnerability b/c he would gladly let me but I want a whole, healthy man. I don't think marriage is what we think it will be and before we know it we're too involved and lost. Our whole life is identified by the contents of a marriage. When did this become ok?? Now, it seems you must put yourself first for a while and see where it leads you. I wish you well and thank you for not hating all girlfriends of married men. We're not all trashy whores. Sometimes we might want more but we know better.

Thank you for listening and trying to help me.

My husband just left me and my daughter for his college girlfriend that he found on classmates, I found out that he was emailing and talking to her for over a year and I had no clue. She is married too with 4 kids and her husband was as clueless as I was.
Now they say they are in love.
Watch out. You can't trust anyone.

Oh, I so wish armymom could leave.

It's true i have been going around with this hing with my husband for years. On and off he tells me that he was done talking to her because it got me so upset. He also used the excuses that its just friend related. it moved on to emails, text messages, phone calls, and now back to technology that i just cant seem to keep up with. I accidently found a email tnat said I love you and she loved him more. that was it for me. so i told him if he can do it i can do it too. since nothing was wrong with it.I did contact an ex and it got my husbands's attention. sad to say is that now i have fallen for my ex. and it's a bigger mess than i expected. You can never have a friendship with someone you have had an intimate relationship ship. old conversations always goes back to those intimate times and it's easy to start having those feeeling again. Finally my husband confessed to his affair with her.