HELP: I still love my ex-boyfriend but I told him off

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 month ago because of the long distance relationship. We were going out for about 1 year and had a great time together; and then he went to overseas for 8 months; 2 months later broke up with me but he said still want to be friend with me.

I talked to him occasionally via Internet after broke up, trying to be 'friends'. However, I was still expecting him to talk to me about his life abroad and when he ignored me or kept quiet, I got upset and felt pain. So many times, our 'friendship' was up and down. A while ago, finally I made things clear, I said to him, finally I said something that I always want to let him know : I can't be friend with him, I can't have him to be around my life (even he's far away his acting still control my emotion), I want to finish/end everything with him. Then he sent me an e-mail said really want to be my friend and asked me to forgive him. However, I said I will never forgive him and I don't want to see him or talk to him again. That was the end. Since that day, he disappeared from my life.

I thought I've already over him. I moved on. I started to seeing new people and dating. However, all bad dates. Those man that I've dated with only wanna physical connection or one night things. They remind me to think about my ex, he was the only person said he loves my personality and wants to be together with me, he was the only person always made me laugh and shared my happiness and sadness, he was the only person made me meal and kiss me gently. After going through all these bad dates, I felt strongly miss my ex boyfriend and can't stop to think about him and also the time that we spent together.

It was too late. I told him off my life, I told him will never let him to be my friend. The date that he will come back from overseas is coming soon, if we were still good then at least we could catch up when he comes back, but now it's too late. I am still expecting that he would want to see me when he comes back, perhaps he wants to pick up some of his stuff at my house? Perhaps he forgot what I said to him and wanna chat over a coffee?

Well, perhaps I only love the feelings that we've been together or I only love the way that he loves me, rather than I am still in love with him. I just want to see him. Even if just know he is well, share some of his travel stories, see his smile and hear his voice, that's enough.

I think I gonna wait to see what will happen after he comes back. If he never call, should I make the first move to let him know that I didn't meant to hurt his dignity and I still want to see him just for a catch up chat?

What should I do? HELP!

You are trying to get together with him, but he has made it clear that it is over. If you must talk with him again, then be prepared to settle for friendship.

so then you dont love him any more

i'm going through the exact same thing as u. me and my ex split up and he went into raf training and he's come back for the week and he wants to see me, but.. i know that he'll just want sex and use me but.. i haven't seen him for about 3 months and that's the longest we've gone without seeing each other in about 2 years.. i still love him, not over hinm. ur not over him either, i can tell by the way u talk. u miss him. if he's coming back for good, then maybe u can get back together. ur lucky for that, because i can never get back with my ex because he cheated on me with my best friend. so i would never be able to trust him again. but i love being with him and laughing with him and cuddling. so i can be with him, have fun but know that i will never properly be with him again.
my advice for u is, just go to his house when u know that he's in and just smile and hope that he smiles back. he probably didn't contact u since that day because u told him not to. he most likely misses u and wants to see u. go for it.
good luck

Imo you should try to forget him. I think you like the feelings you have and those relations, but not him directly. Its over, search of a new worthy boyfriend may take time.

But if you decide to try something, find some information on how to provoke some interest from your ex.

Google will show you a lot of articles and you may start from this one http://hubpages.com/hub/Does-your-ex-boyfriend-still- love-you-Read-and-find-out-the-ways-of-getting-your-ex- boyfriend-back