I want my ex girlfriend back. She's my first love. I miss her every day and night. I love this girl!

My first love dumped me a week ago. We were together for over 8 months. It was bliss. But when summer came around she started getting cold and distant. I didn't know what to do. When she dumped me she said she didn't want a boyfriend right now and she just wanted to have fun. She said that she wanted me to remain a part of her life and stay friends. My emotions forced me to agree. I'm in so much pain. She is already "with" another guy. One of her sisters friends. They've obviously been "talking" for a while. She does all the stuff she used to do with me with him like always being around him and constantly texting, talking on the phone, all the honeymoon stage stuff. She's already gone to the beach and the lake with him. He stays at her house till midnight like I used to. They're going camping next weekend. All of these activities are going to bond them so much more. I do know the real reason she dumped me. This was my first serious relationship. I was much too jealous and controlling. I made mistakes and my jealousy was stupid and at times extreme. But I did these things because I thought I was losing her. Very insecure and counter-productive I know. Also I wanted to be around her always because just being in her company brought me joy. I adore her. I know it appears I was needy and clingy and insecure. I'm self aware of all this now, I know how not to act in a relationship and I know we could have something amazing, because my jealousy was our only issue. The realization was late, but I believe I can overcome my faults since I know what went wrong. How can I show her that I can change and not be that way anymore if we're not together? She's 19, I'm 22. Another thing that drives me nuts is that she wants me to date other girls. How could she be over me that fast? And lose all interest in me? How can I bring out the feelings she had for me in the beginning if she's with somebody right now? How can I bring what we had back? We will have class together for the last time next week and then we won't see each other unless it's arranged. How should I act? I know not to show how much pain I'm in but I also don't want to act like I'm okay with the way she did me dirty with this dude. I've told her that I'm okay with the break and that we need space and that of course we should be friends. But I don't want to be doomed to the friend zone. I also don't want to lose her from my life. I know I should fall back for awhile and hope she misses me because I can't compete with the honeymoon stage feelings right now. She's not thinking of me because she's feeling this guy. How long till she thinks of me again? I know I have to improve my life for me and make it so my world doesn't revolve around a girl, but instead leave a place for a girl to be a part of it. I want that to be her. I miss her every morning when I wake up. I want her to realize that we can be great again. I'm madly in love with her and I just want my baby back.. What should I do? Thank you all..

What if they were seeing each other before the breakup? It doesn't necessarily mean that this breakup was your fault.

I don't think they were, but maybe.. But I have so much love for this girl that I just want her back in my arms..

You want her back in her arms even though she dumped you?

I see what you mean. It may seem foolish and might be. But I'm in love with her and I just want her back. She's so special to me and I had feelings for her that I've never felt for any other girls in my life. It felt amazing when we just hung out.. We could have fun just watching tv.. Things went sour and I just want to make her mine again. When I wake up in the morning I miss her.. I want to get "us" back.

Well, this other guy is in the picture. She will be distracted for some time. It would be better to get some things done instead of waiting for her, at least now.

ok, here's the scoop boy. she was your first love. ok. that says a lot.
second. she sounds like a ho. I don't understand how she can lose her feelings for you so quickly. And she told you she wants you "around". In my opinion that isn't fair to you! She is just taking what she wants from this, which is selfish of her, and she is winning. And that's a selfish and just plain mean way to dump somebody ... but u know what? there are so many people out there like that, who will dump you and forget about you.
u might have made some mistakes. but you gotta realize that it is too late right now. I am pretty sure, because from what you write it sounds like she isn't giving you any benefit of doubt. she has already made up her mind. now ... you must be "the man" and keep your pride or honor or whatever. in my opinion, walking away from this and beeing happy is the best you can get out of it (besides learning a lesson for the next time).

ok, going back to this being your first time and all. you don't know yet, but here is what you must do to "move on" << the only healthy option you have now >> you must avoid contact with her as HARD as it is, I know! Even if you think about her every morning, even if you think about her every second of every day ... it's just natural to feel after having such a close relationship with somebody.
And I know it's hard for u to believe now, but you will feel better slowly and slowly. Usually it takes twice as long your relationship was to get over somebody.
You have to really just do your own things now ... whenever you're too lost thinking about her, get ur mind away from it, it's almost impossible to do cus it takes so much effort, but rip ur thoughts off of focusing on her and talk with friends about the relationship.
Most important try to see that she is blaming you for the breakup and she is not willing to fix it. Sounds like it was an excuse for her perhaps to break up with you. If she really loved you, she'd been back already. Sorry man, that's the truth. Somebody has to do the durty work and tell you the most likely story >me<

Wow. This is all actually helpful advice.. I really do want her back but at the same time and most importantly I have to move on.. Make myself happy again and just improve me..
Any other opinions or perspectives would be greatly appreciated.. Thanks.

I don't know if I'll ever get her back. Today she acted indifferent for me like we never had met before really. And we sat in class together. I saw her texting the new guy (I know I shouldn't have looked!) and basically found out she went straight to his house after school and they're gonna hump.. What the F! I'm feeling strong feelings of disappointment. How could this girl I was with for 8 months and in love with do these things & this quickly! She is not gonna take classes this summer and she'll be spending all her time with this guy, who I've seen and I absolutely know I'm better than him.. But she told me she didn't want to be with anyone.. I'm in a state of shock and as I said disappointment.. Wow.. How could she do this..

She did you a favor by dumping you. It would have been better than to cheat on you. That would have been more of a shock. Cut your losses and get out of there.

You're right... But I still want her back!! That's the messed up part.. I miss her!

Of course you miss her! I'm sure she'd miss you too if she wasnt distracted by her little bot toy she has now.
If you're really in love with her then it WILL take awhile for the pain to heal but keep in mind that nothing ever stays the same. You'll be happy and doing fine, in time, just be paitent. I know its hard. It always is but your strong enough to do it.
Don't let your emotions get in the way of what you
D E S E R V E.

Thank you BabyDee. Do you think this new dude is the reason she's acting indifferent towards me? Like she doesn't care if I'm in her life or not..

Your welcome. Yes, she may act like she doesn't care but deep down she does. Perhaps she hasn't realized it yet because she has someone else to fill in the hurt.
But I guarantee you she'll miss you when he's gone. Thats when the whole regret part of her starts coming out.

dude back off in situations like this you cant do anything ,woman dispise needy man work on yourself and dont call her dont email her and dont txt her ... that means you cut all contact you are full of emotions ,your emotions are telling you to talk to her ,but thats only pushes her away further and further and you would speed the process on her and the new rebound guy and you will push her right into his arms ... she lost her attraction towards you ,either you payed to much attention to her and didnt set boundries or prioritys ,,, woman disire a confident man ... you cut all contact you focus on yourself and hit your goals go out go to the gym ... you need to push emotions to the side and start thinking with your logic protect yourself ,woman speak out of emotions they say one thing one day then they change there mind they are geneticly programmed like that ,most guys dont know that and they cant handle themselfs after they break up thats why you see them cry plead and begged to girls that only does more damage and pushes her further away cause like i said woman hate needy wussy man ... they want a rock a confident man ,why do you think woman are so attracted to jerks and badboys not cause they jerks ,because they cant help it because they are attractive woman cant help themselfs ... now as you cut all contact she might miss you and will try to reach to you ,you always take your time to respond to her txt msgs or emails if i was you when she does contact you you take your time to respond ,if she calls you let it go to voicemail... and if she doesnt leave a message you let that phone keep ringing until she leaves a msg ,once she leaves a message you take you time to respond to her wait 1 day ... while you guys are apart focus on yourself let her go take off that pedestal ,she might come back to you but you sure wont give her you balls again she will respect you for that ...

another thing you will beging to heal ,and she will begin to miss you womans work tottaly the opposite then man ... also let that guy mess up hes filling that void you left ... but if you stay around you would be completely doomed so disapear from her ...

the purpose of this is to get yourself back into shape mentally ... so you can start thinking with your logic ,this aint a gurantee if she will come back ... but cutting all contact is the most effective thing you can do on a relationship repair at time it shocks the woman so much they come crawling back to you ... before you ask this question would she forget about you ? the answer is simple no because you just cant forget about somebody when you been intimate with her the longer the relationship the stronger the bond ,so just let her go give her space ... and switch focus to you ... hope this helps

You're very insightful NewGuy. And the first step of moving on is letting go right? Well things happened today that make me feel like I never want to see her again.. Things that make me realize that a reunion is unlikely. And of course I'll be on a rollercoaster with my emotions towards her.. But now that I'm being forced to realize we may never be again and the betrayal I feel, maybe now I can start to heal and move on.. And I hope that regret hits her hard. Because she's put me through misery.. I feel this way now, but if and likely when I start getting the itch for her, I'll be able to turn to you guys for your guidance and advice. I'm glad I found this board.

Tomorrow is the last guaranteed time I'll see her for a long time, if ever. What should I say and do and how should I act? I've been acting like everything is all good but I feel so betrayed.. Is there any way to make sure she remembers me in a positive way so she'll think of me, even though she'll be having a summer of fun with the lucky chump she left me for?

I'm on an emotional rollercoaster for sure.. I miss the heck out of her right now. I want to tell her how I feel, but I know that won't mean jack. But I can't get her off of my mind! My heart feels like it's having a panic attack.

listen it takes courage and it takes a big leap of faith to cut all contact with your g.f ,it takes a heavy deal of guts ... but if you have any chances left this is the only way to do it ,dont over analyze things ,you cant over analyze woman they speak through there emotions ... let her have her fun ,you be thinking if she is missing you ... and to answer your question of course she is missing you even tho she initiated this breakup ... but you are missing the whole point all together man ,dont just apply this tactic is minset behind this tactic that makes it so powerful and like a bulletproof vest on your mind ... you have to feel it in your guts its either your her b.f or nothing at all ... you never go for the silver you always go for the gold ... give her the gift of missing you ... you are going through hell i'am not trying to discourage you and just letting you know so expect anything here in mean while you take you mind of this breakup its hard but you can do it go out with your friends engage conversation with woman dont have intentions but it will boost your confidence go to the gym it will make you feel better and not only that you will feel better ... and if you bump into her try to hide your emotions dont let her know your hurt and never bring up the relationship that has to come completely from her you share your hellos and you get on with your day... if you happend to bump into her at school you keep it limited contact ... how long should this go on for as long it has to ,you do this until she breaksdown or you get fed up with it ... theres no set days or months how much this has to go on for because every relationship is diffrent some couples reconcile months from there breakup and on some situations it takes yrs ... the window of oppotunity is always there but you will kill it if you call her or you try to patch things up by staying around ... now you are going to go through hell as i said ,but you stick your guns you stay without contact especially if shes dating that guy ... you are going go through grief cry if you have to get mad its normal get everything out ,but you dont contact her ... now you are going to begin to heal and she will start to remember the good times she had with you believe me ... now how do you go into no contact you drop off from the face of this earth ... and when she calls you ,you tell her that you need your space and your thoughts are clouded and you need time for yourself so its best if she doesnt contact you anymore .

you need to take her off that pedastal ,and you need to let go of her completely ... now if she does contact after she is inform its a good sign ,you always delay her txts msgs and her emails ,if she calls you let that phone ring ,if she leave a voicemail you return her call in a day or 2 what you are trying to accomplish is she is no longer your priority and she will have to get around you ... now you never act cold to her or mean cause karma is a bitch ... how do you talk to her when she calls after you have inform her not to call you anymore you act confidence and it has to be natural or else she will catch your bluff and you will be doomed ... if the conversation goes good and there alot of laughter ,thats great but never reveal your cards to her you have to give her the impression you might take her back theres no gurantess ... what you are trying to accomplish here is give her and ait of confidence ,because she lost her attraction towards you ... now if she invited you to go out you agree but if she wants it the same day ,you always tell her you cant and re-arrange in 1day or 2 ... hopes this helps man ,while you are with out contact you have to work on yourself make yourself more attractive go out like i said enjoy your life theres life out there without your ex ... another thing never go spying on her online social networks that can completely crush you ... if you happend to go to her facebook and you see you got demoted and the new guy is up there dont buy into that she is trying to play mindgames ... well enough info for you hope of you guys out there going through your breakup blues see this ,this is the only thing you can do to get your ex g.f back... but in order to do that you have to get yourself back first and push all emotional buttons to the side ,and start thinking with your logis is counter-intuaitive good luck !

another things ,you need move on with your life ,you cant be waiting by your phone when she will call ,because if you do that you will be setting yourself for failure . now i have another approach you might want to use donw the road after all the emotional turmoil is done ... and this is when your completely healed and you are no long acting out of desperation and neediness ... i mean by this if you stayed out of contact for a while im not talking weeks im talking 6 months to 1 yr ... if you accomplish that and you need to feel it deep inside maybe you find someone else and thats huge success :O). but lets says 6 months to 1 year has pass and you no longer need her in your life you just want her notice diffrence you just WANT HER ... because what matter here is your happiness but if you decide you still want to pursue this girl after a long time has pass ... then you can reconnect contact you give her call you feel her out ,you mirror her and you tellher you are just calling just to see how she is doing and what has she been up to ,if you feel her tone of voice she is suprise you called and the convo is high spirit then you tell her ... Hey i'am usually at the starbucs on saturday in the afternoon it would be nice if you come to catch up on things :O) ... and you just mirror you never talk about relationship you act over confidence what you are trying to accomplish is for her to be attracted to you again you use the pull and tug tactic that means you give 2 steps foward 1 step back being over confidence in this case you need to have a little luck if she is single you are in a good position but you need to treat this careful she also might be coming out of a new relationship you want to push her emotional buttons but dont be her emotional tampon ... now if you call her and she is stone cold you just tell you just wanted to know how she was doing thats all ,and you tell her you have to go and you cut your losses ... i think you can live with that listen things happend when you least expect them ...

Wow.. This whole thing is a lot more complicated than it should be.. My mistake was definitely giving my all to this person who dropped me like nothing... It was all good just a few weeks ago.. Things change I know, but f this sucks..

You miss her now, but in six months to a year you will see her for the two-timing ho she really is!

Haha.. It's gonna really suck since we're bound to have another class together in less than 6 months.. I'll still want the broad, but hopefully she won't have me trippin as much anymore.

man listen...I just got outta a relationship which was my first true love...you were with her 8 months I was with my girl 4 years...same boat she was 19 im 22...

listen to me..it hurts..but what you really really need to do is forget about her the best you can...go out with friends..go on some dates..nothing serious just keep it casual and see where things lead...you WILL realize things about ur ex that you never thought you would...

obviously with it being your first true love you will never forget her..and you will always want her back..at least a tiny part of you will, but its not up to you at this point its in her court...begging and pleading doesnt do a damn thing man..you gotta get out there and work on what really matters the most YOU!!!!!

its hard I know..ive been there...Im still there...and to be honest with you the only time my ex has ever reached out to me about anything was when I no contacted her ass and worked on moving on!...

everything will get better...and as cliche as it is everything gets better with time man..its the truth!..if you need anything let me know man...I know exactly where you are..

Thanks.. Time is my only option right now. I don't feel as bad as I did last week, but I still have a painful ache.. It's like I wake up and still can't believe it.. I know I can't keep dwelling, but dang I just want her again.

I'm just going to through in my 2 cents real quick since I myself am going through somewhat of a similar situation. I was my ex GF's first BF. I broke up with her about 5 months ago after a almost 2 year relationship. I quickly realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life, and because of the choices and decisions I made during what should have been a period of friendship between us. Long story short. She told me we needed to cut off all contact for a few months to get over this whole situation. She gave me the opportunity for another chance without telling me and I bombed it badly. I let my needs blind site me and because of that I only pushed her away. I'm not going to offer the typical advice of "Get over it and move on" I particularly find that type of advice insulting. It doesn't have to be over as many say. Yes you have too and will need to spend quality time with yourself and reflect on what has happened. This is your chance to really grow as a person. Typical, hit the gym or as other people have stated before me hangout with your friends. At some point if you really want to get your EX back, you have to improve not only yourself, but the choices that have put you where you are now. It's going to hurt and that's just the type of emotion your going to have to deal with IF you want her back.

My greatest inspiration is knowing that I personally know someone in my life who has been through the "Waiting Game" if you want to call it that. Her and I have created such a strong friendship. This woman waited 3 years for the man she has been married to now for 16 years. They had an off an on relationship at first, but because of her determination and what she knew was true in her heart, she got her man. =) This woman is also my EX GF's mother. Kind of a twist there, but hey. =p If your patient with the person and really feel confident of yourself and your feelings for them, you should be able to wait a million years, but by all means do go out and date other people if the opportunity arises, you can still wait for your ex and date other people as long as your date knows and understands your committed else where.

I hope this helps.

I'm sorry your situation didn't work out.. But your post inspired me and gave me some hope and a more positive outlook on the possibilities.. Of course there's no guarantee, but your words of patience and determination make it seem like it is in fact possible.. Thank you.

Frist i want how long is your breakup? to know do you realy love her? do you know what you are doing like have you been pushing your GF?