how do i mend things with a cheating girlfriend?

first off, i am 22, my girlfriend is also 22. we have both been in relationships in which we were cheated on and had not cheated in the past. we have been together for about 7 months and i just found out she cheated on me. she was open about it, told me after a couple days. the problem is that she invited a guy over to hang out, got drunk and let him have sex with her. how do i take the apology? she said im a perfect boyfriend and never meant to hurt me, but she doesnt know if she can be with me because she feels like she hurt me too much. please help!!!!

you really have to take time to think here! i was in the same situation as you, being cheated on and believe me i know you are hurting badly! i choose to stay with my him, i truly loved him and was back with him within a week as i was scared of loosing him. yet the pain did not stop there! i turned into a person i did not want to be, paranoid, needy, etc and most of all untrustworthy. This caused arguments and i could not forget. gave him the cold shoulder sometimes, and couldnt give him my everything. sometimes i found it hard to be with him sexually or even kiss him. I have to tell you that all this was not intentional, i hadn't dealt with it as i was so quick to get back with him and the pain was always there.

so let me tell you my situation now....this cheating was over a year ago, its been 3 months that we have been broken up! i finished with him for a mixture of reasons. Anger to the way i was being treated, never forgiving him for that one night stand and also part of me was testing him whether or not he would fight for me, in other words, did he truly love me! Testing him was wrong, it was in the moment, but i would doubt often whether he cared about me as much as i cared about him based on the fact that he hurt me the way he did. Let me just say, the anger grew and grew, as i was never able to let go...and out of this anger i said it was over. do i regret it? YES!

Based on the fact that i love him, an hour after the break up i told him i didnt mean it and have tried to get him back ever since! I know i hurt him and can understand he is angry, however, i truly believe i needed this time apart to sort out my issues and get over his cheating. 1 year may sound a long time, trust me its not! My ex says i have to live with my decision and he will not give me that second chance! im hurting badly right now!

The reason i have shared my experience with you is to tell you that its not easy to forgive! i do believe people deserve second chances, depending on the situation and also whether they are genuinely sorry and have learned from their mistake! well im asking for a chance off my ex! You need to make sure you think about this for a while, you can forgive (it will take a while) but it is very hard to forget! Cheating is not acceptable! You are not ok with what has happened! think to yourself, does this girl really love you, i know its so much harder when your in the situation. Dont let it change who you are, dont let the anger fester inside, as it will explode over something small eventually! You deserve to be with someone who loves you equal to what you love them.

thank you for your input. its been a week tomorrow since the cheating happened. should i make time pass by before i forgive her? i am a good judge of character, and its so much different then when my ex wife cheated on me. i can see the signs that she is sorry and i think that she feels like she is no longer any good for me. i can't agree with this because like i said, she came out and let me know, i didn't have to find out from someone else. this is the first time anything like this has come up for us, and i am just lost for words how to reassure her that its going to be ok. but i also dont want her to think i took it too lightly and that i just dont care. confused! i dont think i am being impatient, i basically just want her to understand that we can work this out if we talk it out. am i being neive?

I cheated twice on the greatest love of my life. I wanted to marry this girl, but I had confused feelings over an ex girlfriend. I also didn't have my head screwed on, I was a very selfish person. So the first time I cheated she took me back and tried to get over it, but then I did it again which obviously really stuffed her up mentally. It was very stupid of me, but at the time I didnt have my head wrapped around what I was doing. I've since had counselling, which I think is very important to recovery, getting a professional to talk to helped me understand why I made decisions that looking now I think were so stupid. I doubt my love will take me back, I havent seen her for about 4 months and we have only communicated a couple of times.
Looking back, I just wish I had have taken counselling earlier because if I did I dont think I would have made such a stupid set of decisions. If your girl thought it was ok to do it the first time, then its all about whether she has retrained her brain never to fall for that again. When my girlfriend broke it off with me there was such considerable emotional strain that it rewired my thinking. Did she really feel so bad about doing it she will never do it again?
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, but there is a fine line. My girl forgave me to quickly the first time. Very little forgiveness the second time.

man listen I understand you have feelings and that she seems truly sorry....but ask yourself this..will you ever be able to really trust her 100% again. If the answer to that is no...then you gotta cut ties and go...mainly because if you cant 100% trust then the relationship is screwed..you will be in her business which in turn will make her irritable and more likely to sneak around again.

I have been cheated on as well..by my girl that I was with for 4 years...and yeah I wanted her back..I still kinda do, but at the same time I knew the trust was broken and it would take alot to work on it...and shes up at college now so it would be nearly impossible for me to trust her ya know....

whatever you do I hope it works out for the best. But I can tell you this..there are girls out there that will love you and NOT cheat on you..

I don't think you are being nieve at all. I personally have been faced with a situation where my boyfriend cheated on me. I chose to stay with him and didn't take any time for myself to heal only because I needed him in my life in order to heal. It's been 6 months since hes cheated and to be completly honest it's still a challenge. Sometimes I feel angry ane betrayed but I ask myself if it's worth it. I believe if you truly love someone then they should be given a second chance, that's if you can tell they are being honest and sensire. By the sounds of it you have a great love and can tell that she made a mistake and she hurts as well. It won't be easy to rebuild trust but it isn't impossible.. I hope this helps..

Sounds to me like she's playing with your head. I think once you give her the impression that you're ok with things she'll eventually stop seeing you. I had one who used to cry and tell me I didn't deserve how she hurt me whenever she did something that really made me angry but she would keep doing things that pissed me off until I finally did catch her cheating and she didn't get away with the crocodile tears any longer. I ditched her like a stolen car and never regretted it.

Well I dated a girl for 2 years, within the first two weeks of us officially dating she cheated on me with her ex and we broke up, a couple months later she apoligised and we got back together and everything was great for a year and a half. I forgave her for it, as it was understandable that she still had feelings for her ex. Then she told me we should take a break to see other people but not break up, and proceeded to treat me like dirt for 6 months. I tried my hardest to fix what she told me was wrong with me, slept in my truck in minus forty weather with only a sleeping bag, and spent most of my saving living in a town where I had no home. I woke up every morning and drove her to work, and she would ditch me every night to hang out with other people. She told me so long as I trusted her everything would be ok. After all that, she said everything was going great and that we should get a place together, so I got us our own place, and set everything up. A week before we were going to move in together, she broke up with me. I found out that day she was leaving me for someone else, and that she had cheated on me with 6 other guys 15 times atleast in that six months. I lost my mind for a bit, and had never felt so much pain. I stopped talking to her for 2 months, and she came crawling back hard. After another 2 months of begging from her, I took her back. But after someone betrays you like that, its damn near impossible to forget. Needless to say, it didn't last. I did love her, but she did something to me that I never would have done to her, and now, I feel so much better without her, and hopefully she learned that when you get a person who truly cares about you, not to treat him like she did. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you, as you are able to truly love. And you will find someone else like you. The ones that cheat are a dime a dozen.

This exact same issue happened to me.. I would end it for the following reasons. 1. When i took my girl back I always had the thought of her cheating in my head. 2. I did not trust her when she was out. 3. I felt unappriciated after she cheated on me. It has been about a year and I ended it. I was sick of the feeling and being treated badly. She tries to talk to me but honestly I think Im more happy now. I am sorry for your pain and know what it feels like. Hope this helps. I would end the relationship and move on. That is my advice. Do not let her play mind games with you. You deserve better.

Hey,
I know you're feeling down at the moment and I can relate to the heart ache and head ache you're going through.
I was dating a girl for 6 years and engaged for 1 year and within the first year of our engagement she cheated on me with several guys, had three ways and was enjoying herself freely. Once I found out, I kicked her to the curb. All my feelings, out the window. There are plenty of fish in the sea and why the hell should I go back after she spreads her legs and acts like a hoe?
Man, I gotta be real with you, Don't go back, find yourself another woman... One who is not a hoe, two who has family values and three someone who you can respect... Seriously.. You're hurting... That's okay... find time, catch up with your hobbies... Fool around...
But once you have your head cleared... take time, find yourself a lovely girl who would do anything for you and vice versa... Also someone who doesn't need 24 hours of attention... Especially from guy friends...
Relationships are not complicated... only us people make it so complicated... people who cheat and secretly want to have an open relationship are just purely selfish...

Anyways that's all I gotta say...
Take care of yourself... and remember... the most important thing is your health, family and close friends...
Be true to yourself troop...

Another thing about this is that most people that are going though what everyone else has about making a stupid mistake, don't get help till they have actually realized that they have lost the one that they loved. I was just a ad liar. i didnt do anything to the extent of cheating, but my ex was very hard to live with at the time about 2 years after our marriage, i was upset a lot and disappointed because i was the only one working and i still came home cleaned, cooked most of the time, and took care of our daughter. she was usually depressed, and i tried to help her as much as i can. not arguing but offering to help. it got bad enough where we only had sex maybe once a month, i was starting to get depressed and i turned to video games for my entertainment, eventually i let those get in between us, forgetting to do things that she asked at times tho simple. or not realizing that i just blew her off when she was wanting to try to be close and cuddle. i also started watching porn cue to the lack of sex. i enjoyed it but she wasnt in the mood hardily. her sister came over at some point and had her external hd it was hooked up to my computer and she let me use it. she had some naughty pics in there and i saved one of her in lingerie. big mistake, wife found it and that was the end of that. she couldnt get over it. were still friends and living together now after shes been with a few boyfriends the year and a half weve been appart. she doesnt want anything but a friend. but it kills me to know that were living together and shes going out and sleeping at some guys house. because i still love her. ive made mistakes and tho i was mad at her for not being much of a wife then. i feel i can live with that happily if we were together again. and yes were still married. some ppl have said they admire how strong and dedicated i am to the woman i love. and others call me a fool, saying i should move on and find someone that deserves me. i am a very nice and sweet guy i would never cheat but ive been fighting for a second chance for a long long time and i havent been given a strait answer yet. i keep thinking if i got a strait answer i can maybe live on with someone else instead of keeping my hopes up.