How long do you give your ex space and/or time to think about things?

Alright, I'll be as brief as possible. My girlfriend and I broke up. She has gone through a lot the past 6 months. Her parents split up and it's been pretty hard on her. I think it's harder going through a divorce when you're older opposed to younger (she's 21). She became very angry after the split of her parents. She was thrown in the middle of it and it has been very stressful on her. I think her insecurities from her family carried over to me. She often checked my email and facebook accounts thinking I was talking to other girls, which I wasn't. She was worried about me going to the bar at my college because she was worried about other females. She told me just a few weeks ago that she loved me, wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and she told me who she'd want at our wedding along with baby names. I took this as a good thing, it seemed to be she really loved me and although our relationship was currently going through a down moment, I truly thought everything was going to be alright. All of a sudden she flips on me and does a 180. She wants space, I was reluctant to give it to her because I didn't understand how she could say all these things and then suddenly change. The more I tried to talk to her, the further away and angrier she got. I have realized I need to let her be. She left me 3 weeks ago but I only stopped contacting her this past weekend. What's enough time to try to re-kindle things. I know I should wait until she contacts me but what if a month, 2 months, or even 3 months go by and she never does. Should I contact her or just let it be.

I would say after a month, if she hasen't contacted you, there is no harm in you giving her a call and seeing how she's doing.

Hi bct06001-

Your girlfriend is dealing with some serious emotional baggage right now concerning the deterioration of her family.

By PUSHING the relationship with her, you are actually reducing your chances of reconciliation in the future. Do not force the issue...simply accept her decision and allow her the freedom to heal on her own terms. The more you PUSH the more damage you are causing down the road.

There isn't a predetermined measure of time that you can put your finger on regarding the healing process. Typically, a 30-day window should be an appropriate amount of time. Everyone is different though...keep this mind.

I would suggest to eliminate contact with her during this time. If she has not contacted you once this time has elapsed, then give her a call but only as a supportive friend.

By the way, you can't make her be with you and there is no secret formula that will change this aspect either.

Who knows, she may contact you before this time is up.

Please keep us posted on your progress.

and might i add to this that when i did see her over that 2-3 week period she told me she tested herself. when i asked her what that meant she said she went out to dinner with a guy to see how she'd feel going out on a date with someone else. she said she had fun and was happy on their date. they've since hung out a few times and the last time i talked with her she said they went to the casino once night and they kissed. she said and i quote "it was fuckin weird kissing someone else." i asked what was becoming of her and this new guy. she said she doesn't know what's going on but she doesn't want to talk to me, not as of right now. i don't know if this guy is some kind of rebound or she is just confused. i have no idea but it's driving me crazy. i have not contacted her since this past weekend and i won't. as hard as it is i know that if i do she will just continue to be angry with me. if we don't talk she'll have time to think about me and miss me on her own terms. thanks for the above posts. all the advice and outlooks are greatly appreciated.

ok i haven't gotten much responses here but hopefully people will respond. i have some updates here. I hadn't talked to my ex girl since sunday night. she said she wanted me to leave her alone. so i did. well she texted me today saying "how are you" and i never responded. she texted me an hour later saying "i don't want us to hate each other. i miss my friend and i hope that one day things won't be the way they are. i do worry about you." i don't understand why she is texting me. i responded letting her know that i am willing to work on our relationship but if she doesn't want to to just leave me alone because i don't want to talk to her otherwise. any advice here?

Any progress? It concerns me that she didn't seem to trust you and checked your Facebook and messages. Have you given her any reason not to trust you in past? I think it is strange that she treated you that way yet she was the one who decided to go out with someone new, not you.

Hey, I am going through the same exact thing with my boyfriend too and I mean exactly the same thing! He's confused right now and doesn't know where wants us to go. So I'm giving him space as well. It's been 2 week so far since I contacted him. So tell me how this all worked out for you? If you are still going through this, I suggest to not bring up the relationship at all when you contact each other or even talk about how long it has been. Just talk totally neutral and as nothing has happened. Give me an update on what happened with this!!

I think Jayspop is right here: Your first order of business is to show your ex-partner respect by letting her be for a while. We all need to be alone sometimes to digest things that are difficult for us emotionally. Also, you cannot place a time limit on relationships. Things grow at their own pace, and you cannot rush your ex into coming back to you. If things are meant to be, have faith that she will not forget you. All my exes in some form have passed my way again, some to stay as friends or others to merely say hello. Your ex will come back around at some point, and if it is meant to be, you have a lifetime to love that person, so why rush?

Im going through the exact same thing. I had a girl do a 180 on me after she found out her ex boyfriend of 5 years cheated on her the entire time they were dating. her and i got together right when they broke up but after 2 months she said she needed time to figure herself out. Keep in mind her and I have dated/hooked up in the past and have known each other for over 10 years.

She too went out on dates and told me about them. It sucked to hear. A lot. Yet whoever said that in the long run its probably better is right. Of course the now, the short term, is whats roughest. You wonder what shes doing. You think about her. I got into the bad (read: unhealthy) habit of checking her facebook page. Dont do that. Find something to do with your time. Check in on her, but dont push it. I know thats been said but it cant be overstated.

Youll run the gamut of emotions, but find something to focus on. Go to the gym, get a new hobby, something. Check in on her, let her know youre there. But dont do that too much. People say things when theyre overwhelmed with emotion, so the things she said to you may have been true at the time but when people are going through tough times emotions are fickle and erratic at best. So stick it out man, and good luck,

she's going through a lot, understandibly. if she wants, needs the space, give it to her. if you pursue things, you will most definitely push her away. like some1 else suggested, if you don't hear from her for a few weeks, there's absolutely not harm in checking in on her, even if its only to check her mental health. you will just have to let things run their course, which hopefully leads back to you. good luck