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courtesy of Mossling
Jealousy is one of the biggest traps within relationships. The feeling of possession that usually accompanies love and being in love ignites jealousy, but it can sometimes become a bigger influence than the love itself. Many couples have been driven apart by an overdose of jealousy. There isn’t much you can do, when you tend to get jealous easily, however, this emotion is not harmful by itself if you know how to deal with it. It should not be the cause of mistrust in your partner, or even of the end of your relationship. A few tips on how to deal with your jealousy, can help you out:
Serious forms of jealousy can hinder your relationship. On the other hand, it is a sign of love after all. Don’t give to much power to jealousy. Jealousy is an expression of the fact that you feel comfortable with a certain person and that nobody is allowed to break this contact. Learn how to cope with fits of jealousy and your relationship will be the better for it.
Be clear about your feelings
When you are jealous, you should not hide it. Be open to your partner about your feelings. Explain what the situation is about and find a solution together. To communicate with your partner is essential within a relationship. You have to know what goes on in his or her head and this goes both ways. Only this way you can work together on an exaggerated form of jealousy.
Give trust
Give your partner the feeling that you trust him or her. It will have an opposite effect if your partner gets the idea that you suspect him or her of adultery. Suspicion will never work positively. You should believe that your partner cares as much about you as you care about him or her. If you are really convinced, that your suspicions are true, you need to talk.
Give each other space
Don’t jump up if your partner kisses somebody on the cheek or gives someone a compliment. A relationship should not be based on the possession of each other, but on freedom and trust. Allow your partner to have social contact with others. Don’t be alarmed by little things. And ask same of your partner.
Keep in mind that a light form of jealousy is positive.
Your jealousy should not take on huge shapes so it will not become disturbing. Light jealousy promotes attachment. Your jealousy should always remain an image of your love. So, as long as your jealousy doesn’t really stand in your way, it is an honorable feeling.
Hi,
I met one of my best friend’s friend and started liking him & even he was very friendly to me at first and I started liking him alot & told her. I am not sure if I misunderstood or he just changed, but his behaviour changed. So, I never told him about my feelings. After, a yr my same best friend told me that she started liking him now. I was ok with it first and told her it is ok. But now it is been over 2 yrs and she told me that she still really likes him, but the guy doesn’t know it and thinks she is just one of her good friend. But all of the sudden I am having hard time dealing with her liking him. I thought about talking to her abt it ,but then don’t know if it would resolve anything.. I am trying to ignore the whole situation and forget about it, but evertime she tells me she is meeting him. I get very jealous and just don’t want to be friends with her.
I am really lost. I don’t know if I still like the guy or is it something else. But I hate feeling this sad, angry feeling.
Any advise on this.
Thanks
It seems to me as if you have been holding on to a fantasy situation for several years now… fantasy isn’t life, and if you choose fantasy over life you will end up loosing out, with life passing you by. The guy has no idea what you feel, so couldn’t act accordingly. You avoid telling him because you are afraid of rejection, thus hang on to hope, and keep the status quo. You might be hurt if you speak to him or to your friend, but you will end up picking your self up, dusting off and carrying on with life, which is the best thing that could happen to you.
Move on.
Hi,
I’m in love with a friend of mine, and everyday, I can pick up something that really bugs me.
Maybe someone touching her hair, just because it pisses her off, normally stuff which I tell myself ‘Thats just stupid’.
But what does it mean?…………..
Should I tell her I get jelous of all these things?
She already knows I love her, but friends is all we’ve stayed.
Could you read my post, it’s explained more on there! Here’s a link.
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/the-one-i-love-is-so-confusing-3983624.html#39836
Thanks.
wow….. this says a lot to me!
thank you
Hey arlene,
My name scarlet and i been with my boyfriend for about a year and like 5months. Our love is stupendous and exciting. We have so much fun when were together and everything is great no complains. However, I am very jealous like we dont get to spend time together as much lately but when we can he sometimes goes and hangs out with his friends. I get so angry and controlling and jealous. I feel jealous because why cant he spend time with me like we already barely see each other and he goes and hangs out with this friends. Sometimes i be feeling like they are more important then me. Like he be choosing them over me and i hate it. Also i hate da i get jealous for almost everything i get jealous over normal stuff bu like lil tiny tings too. idk wa to do im scared im going to lose him one day and he will get tired of my jealousy. Before we started dating we were friends for abour 2 years An i tink that the fact that i kno how he was before we got together like flirt and all of that is wa gets me so jealous and worried about things. I really want us to work i love him with all my heart and soul i wish i could control my jealousy. I need some advice on this and i hope you can tell me some steps and things that could help me.
Scarlet - my best advice would be to discuss this with your boyfriend. Be honest about this. Not demanding. You probably feel like this because you are insecure in the relationship. Does he know you are insecure? Ask yourself what is driving your jealousy, it might be a previous bad experience or something from your child hood…. Share this with your boyfriend.
im not insecure and he has told me im not so i dont tink thats the problem idk what is it but i just want my jealousy to change. he is such a great and amazing guy. i would hate to lose him in the world my previous relationship wasnt da great but i never acted how i do now. i never showed my jealousy or said my opinion on things like i do now. in my relationship now i am open free and happy and i can talk about anything and we do talk about my jealousy but i feel like im not improving. like im not helping myself control it enough. he helps me alot and is a stupendous guy but i wanna know is the problem me? he like the jealous he loves knowing how i care and stuff but i just wanna kno is the probllem me?
Arlene I really like. Ur article on jealousy
Even I m trying hard to rite on d same topic but its really diffcult for me to find d words and sentence about it
Cz I never had experience of it
Headsoft to u
Lately I have been Having big time jelousy problems. Like my boyfreiend will go out n i think hes going to cheat on me. About a year ago him n i had a argument and he went and picked up some random girls number and that really hurt, especially that fact that i was pregnant at the time. Now today since then i have this hard time trusting him, and when he goes into stores i walk in after him and he wonders why i came in i spot in from far and hes got this blushing face with some girl. I get so frusterated with my feeling and dont know what to do, I have so much ander inside for what he does to me.
Can anyone help me?
My sister is involved with a man she dearly loves, but he is constantly suspicious and jealous. He makes something out of nothing and can’t keep it to himself. I realize communication is a good thing, but when confronted with his accusations, nothing she says convinces him that she is true and honest. And everything she tells him is true, I know. She’s been going through this with him for over four years and naturally the relationship is severely deteriorated at this point, even though she still loves him. She just wants him to stop. But he won’t accept responsibility for what I consider to be a very real emotional problem on his part. Any suggestions?
You are right. He needs to accept responsibility, and so does she, for being an enabler.
Thanks for the response, Arlene. I have been the ‘enabler’ myself, so I know what harm one can do, sometimes unwittingly. It’s frustrating for me to watch my sister’s friend constantly falsely accuse her and her constantly defend herself. Some might think I stand behind her and might lie for her, but I do not. In fact, I couldn’t care less whether or not she and her friend have a relationship, so I certainly wouldn’t lie to him on her behalf. I tried to reassure him once, told him exactly what I thought (he asked), told him how important trust was in a relationship and how destructive suspicion could be. But it’s like talking to a wall. He sees me talking, but nothing sinks in. This man has even gone so far as to have my sister take a lie detector test, which she passed, of course, but she’d have to take one every day, I guess for him to be pacified by it. I was outraged that he wanted her to take a lie detector test, but probably even more outraged that she took it. I told him, had it been me, that would have been the last words he ever enjoyed saying to me. She has her own issues obviously. But I know she thought once she ‘passed’ the test, everything would be good. Little did she know. Anyone have any suggestions as to how she should reply to some of his suspicions or accusations? Because I know one or the other of them will bring it all up again, even though right now they aren’t speaking. It’s a pretty pathetic circle they’ve got going.