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Love is supposed to have no boundaries. Love is supposed to be blind..it doesn’t care about age, looks, or religion, and most of all it doesn’t care about distance. I am currently in a long-distance relationship and am very very happy. The relationship I am in is the very first long-distance relationship I have ever been in, and I have learned a few rules to live by in order to make it work. Not only do I want to share with you the rules I have come to live by, but also my own personal story. The reason I share my story is because when I was really missing my man, and asking myself why I ever agree’d to get into this, it always helped to hear a success story.
My Rules:
trust
Trust by far is the most important thing to have when in a relationship, especially a long-distance one. My boyfriend is three hours away from me, just long enough to only see him on average once a month, Unlike me, he is not devoted to full-time work and full-time school, so when he isn’t working, he does a lot with his friends. He goes camping, to the lake, to the ocean, swimming, bonfire parties, house parties, drinking all night parties, even rock climbing. Now I know what your thinking, but it’s not as bad as it seems, if I didn’t have school and work to think about, I would be doing the same thing. My point is I trust him. He is a wonderful guy and I know that he has friends that are girls and I can 100% say that he would never cheat on me.
Now of course the trust has to be two-sided. As much as I work and go to school, i do have some what of a social life. I’ll go to a party or two, or the club once and awile, hang with some friends by the lake or hang at a friends apartment. I know that it doesn’t matter if Im hanging at my friends house who has two guy room mates that happen to be single, because my boyfriend trusts me and knows that I love him, and only him.
communication:
Because most of what you do in a long-distance relationship is over the phone, it is extrememly important to have good communication. If anything, and I mean anything, is bothering you, you need to speak up. Establishing where you are in your relationship is a must with communication. Long-distance relationships shouldn’t be for for couples who are just testing the waters, couples who are just physical, or couples where one of the individuals isn’t serious enough to be in a “Im only seeing you” setting. make sure both of you are on the same page; Im all for couples who are seeing other people, just make sure you both know that you will be seeing other people. I met my boyfriend through a friend, and we became pretty good friends. Six months later we both realized that we had feelings for one another. We kissed and I knew I wanted to be with him. We talked about the fact that we lived three hours away from eachother and whether or not we should take the risk. I told him that I wanted to take the risk becasue I wanted to be with only him. I made sure he knew that I would never cheat and I that if we got into a relationship I better bet he only one he is seeing as well. He gladly agree’d
make plans:
I reccomend that you plan the next time you will see eachother before your visit is up. It gives you something to look forward to, and it gives you both a good balance in the relationship. He comes to your town, you go to his town. He meets your friends, you meet his friends. It is always a good ides to take turns making the trip to see one another. Especially with expenses these days. With my busy schedule, I try to take one weekend off a month, so that I can go see my boyfriend. he trys to come see me once a month as well. So on a good month we see eachother twice. It works out quite nicely.
take it slow:
Now in some cases you are with your boyfriend and then one of you moves. You are forced to endure a long-distance relationship when at one time you were seeing eachother every night. This is a very hard change to go through. Taking it slow does not apply to these types of relationships. But..if you are in a situation like me where from the very beginning it was a long-distance relationship, it is very important to take things slow. And Im not just talking about physical stuff, Im talking serious conversations, breaking down your walls, and feeling of love.
I am 20 years old and have been with my boyfriend for six months. I knew I loved him at two months, but saying it is different than feeling. Because my boyfriend, in my opinion, is different than any other guy I have ever dated, I wanted to do things differently. I didn’t want to jump into anything serious or physical right away. I am proud to say that we did take things slow and I am so glad we did. Our relationship was able to really grow into something that will last. I love him and I know that he loves me. In another six months my boyfriend will be enlisted in the airforce and our love will really be tested. Seeing eachother one to two times a month may go down to once every six months. It will be incredibly hard and I dont even know if I will be able to do it, but I will try my absolute hardest because he is worth it.
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It sounds like it gives you both a great deal of freedom to pursue other interests in your life, and other relationships (non romantic - but friendships) that are a whole lot less possible when living very close.
At your age, it might be just what the Dr ordered.
i have been single for last 1 year, but in the process, i happened to get a gay on the net, we started our r/ship we have sofar spent six months, we communicate it being a long distance r/ship it takes us time to talk on phone bt we use mail, am happy with it, i have never met this guy, bt in the process of the r/ship he sent mi his pic as i also did the same. soem time i ask him wen to meet he has never told mi. i really love him very much though i have never seen him physically.
people do u thin this relationship is gona work out? or this gay is taking advantage of mi, some times we feel like uve got the perfect person but the end it turns upside down, but really love the gay very much even he proposed the introduction before we met.
… i have been in a realationship with a hudge distance for almost two yeas ( topic: what to do when you loose the love of your life) and if there is one thing that is maybe the most important; and that is what you wrote yourself too, is communication…but I lost him and trying to cope with it… very very hard… but all you wrote you were right about: go for it and I hope you both will be very happy togehter!
A vertual relationship can only go so far. If it is going to turn into a "real" relationship, you will need to meet him.
If he keeps on avoiding it - it might mean that he has something to hide.
Through my own experiences and observation from my friend’s, I’d say the only one thing that supports long distance relationship is TRUST. No matter how much you love someone, if you can’t seem to trust her/him its pointless; especially LDR. You gotta believe each word said since you can’t prove otherwise and you can only make assumptions. You can’t know what they are doing/thinking except for what they shared with you.
A good friend of mine once dated this girl from Australia he met through online game, and it went well for 4 months or so. They rarely argue (maybe 2 or 3 times over the months) and they had a great thing going on back then. Just as a rainbow that appear after a cloudy day, it’s not permanent. Suddenly one day she told him to stop contacting her as she said the relationship is going nowhere. I can assure you, my friend really cared for her and they both already planned on meeting over this summer.
As for myself, once is more than enough. I just could not stand LDR anymore. If you can trust someone more than anything, and if she/he is also trusting you and loving you the same way, then that is one hella rare situation and it might work for you. ;)
so what is everything was just perfect and all of a sudden he teles me the day after he told me he never loved me more than today and that i am the love of his life that is ain’t working anymore???
That is why i said, you just have to believe what they say. For instance, when he said you were the love of his life, you can either trust them 100%, or not at all. It is so extreme that you can never truly know if they say it just to tackle your heart or they really meant them.
the thing is I totally believed it… totally , we met many times with a distance of 1000km between us, so many dreams and hopes and should I now disbelieve what he has said all the time? he broke up.. because of? he hated to talk about things.. but when you are 1000km apart you need to tald about what you want in the end with eachother right? no not all the time but.. if you want to move on and somebody needs to leave her country… you gotaa make choices and talk.. maybe he wasnt that serious after all… ( i say this with a great deal of pain in my heart…)
Im so sorry to hear that. I might not understand how you feel but be tough there. He should talk to you..no matter how he hates it because relationship include two person. You and him. I dislike long distance relationship because my distant ex never told me why we broke up. She could just be bored of not having me there, or she could have met someone new, i can’t posibbly know. She just told me its not working, and stop contacting me in any way.
So no matter how much she said she loved me before, its pointless to continue hoping it was true because she ended it. I just have to accept the fact that she just doesn’t love me as much as i did. So i moved on.
Try to meet someone new, broaden your circle of friends, get involve in social events. This may not only allow you to move on but also you might someone new ;).
but he still contacts me, say sweet words but goes distance again afterwards and get close again…says: he loves me still,is still very much in love with me,says is still very close to me and that he misses me so very much and has many "what-if’s" in his mind…
I meet new people.. oh and guys that want to be with me.. the problem is that i deeply love him with all of my heart… it was good… but all of a sudden… it was broken… and not explaing makes things so very very hard… maybe that is why the struggle is still there..
the things is that he still tells me that he loves me, that he is still in love me,that he still very close to me and that he misses me very much and has many "what -if’s" about the break up… i meet other people and there are guys that are interested in me, but i believed in it so much… I didnt see this coming at all and the fact that he didn’t clearify it makes it probably so hard to let go of it.. because it is contradicting and his behavior is too… he comes close and pushes me away again… many unanswered questions here…
Iam in a long dstance relationship I had been talking to him
on the telephone about 6 weeks and never maet him, so I decide to to go where he is and now iin am in the city where he is i been with him 3 day now and i will be there for 4 more days
we been out to dinner an the moives and i am very please with him and he feel the same way about me. but i live about 700 hundreds from him what shall i do.
Juanita - I don’t think there are any set rule for long distance relationships, You need to do what makes sense and feels right to you.
follow your heart… but try to really know if he is serious about you… that is so important…and you have to be able to trust him and he needs to be able to trust you and the communications needs to be soo good,… because misunderstandings are easily there: i wish you all the luck in the world, it didnt work out for me.. we didnt want the same things so makes sure you want the same things out of it!