i broke his heart, but now i want him back

me and my ex dated off and on for four years during high school. he became one of my best friends and we used to be together all the time. my senior year of high school all i wanted to do was have fun and experience other things, he was in college and apparently all he ever talked about was me. i strung him along because i used to tell him i liked him, but i didnt want a relationship yet, i kept breaking his heart because he would always hear rumors about me being with other guys. we eventually stopped talking as much and then he started dating this other girl. it took me a couple months to realize it but i really regret messing things up with him, i loved him, we loved eachother and he treated me like gold. i really want him back and ive tried hard by sending him messages trying to tell him how stupid i had been and stuff. i try to keep in contact with him, but its always me sending stuff. a couple months ago i started dating this new guy i met at college, and all i ever feel like im doing is comparing him to my ex. im always telling my ex how im never really happy. and he knows about my new boyfriend. lately though it kinda seems as if my ex isnt as happy as he makes himself out to be, although he wont admit it, its just this feeling in the way he says some stuff. i think hes really scared of me hurting again, but i realized all the crap i put him through and really would never do that to him again. i feel like such a horrible person to have hurt him in the first place. i just really want him back, and i dont know what else to do. i dont want to keep sending him messages cause i feel like that just makes me seem desperate and annoying. is there anything i can do? or do i just have to wait it out? i told him i would always be around whenever he decided to come back. i think i would be sad about ending things with my new bf, but if it meant getting to be with me ex again i would do it in a heartbeat.i just dont want to break my bf's heart because he really does care for me too, and i care for him aswell. help!!

Well you already gave a guaranteed that you'll be there for your ex, and you said your not happy in your current relationship. I would say just casually talk to your ex as friends would try to increase your interest in some things about what he's doing, but dont go to the extent that makes you seem like your stalking or something.

i broke my mans heart 4 times and now i understand how good he was to me. i felt so stupid and now im phisically hurting in my heart. the stupid thing was he openly told me that he loved me and for about 4 months he had no one else but me.i had never been in love before so i didnt know what to expect and now i cry myself to sleep every night and dream of looking into his beautiful blue eyes and kissing his perfect lips over and over again.i hate love songs because they remind me of him.his sandy blond hair reminds me of the beaches of my beloved homestate california. the sad thing is he knows nothing of my feelings and thinks i hate him. as far as i know he moved on or he is afraid to tell me how he feels for fear of rejection.his name is will and mine is alyssa the heartbroken. i wish he would come back to me. .he still texts me and i find myself wanting him more and more.this cold damn life sucks

Are you me??? haha really this is exactly what I've been struggling with, my I messed things up with an amazing boy 3 years ago and I now have a loving boyfriend that I just doesn't make me feel the same way that this other boy did...and I would too drop him in a heartbeat if I knew my Ex would take me back which is awful but true I know how you feel...

Enough about me though, I know you are probably feeling guilty for hurting your ex, guilty that you may hurt your current boyfriend, but I've learned to try to live in the moment with your current boyfriend and not to let yourself fall into thinking about the past and how much you loved eachother

I did this, I made a big mistake and i think I became more obsessed with the idea of my ex and our previously love and how happy i was than him at the moment...but i know its hard no matter how hard you try you'll never forget your first love ( its proven by psychologists!)

I think now that he knows you would take him back you should work on sort of starting over if that makes sense? how did you act with him before you were really close? Just work on winning him over again in a casual way =)

Good luck I hope it works out for you!

my story is almost the exacts same even the hair is blonde. He liked me for such a long time and broke up with him he still talks to me but every time i see him or talk to him i miss him more i just dont have the guts to say i like him

I think as others wisely stated, you should try to reintigrate that friendship you know can be great.

Connecting on an open level like that with no hidden agendas will inevitably bring what is or isn't meant to be to the forefront.

Apologies in advance for a quick highjack of this post, but having a few insightful ladies in one place is to good an opportunity to pass up.

I have initiated no contact after a breakup (her decision) and things were left on a civil and amicable level after my silly begging phase and a few cool down days, I just disappeared.

Is it possible she could she be resisting the urge to contact me even if she still felt for me as more time ticks by?

Well why are you in the relationship you are now if you have feelings for your ex at all? It doesnt matter if you care for your boyfriend thats not being very fair to him and it sounds like your doing the same thing to him that you did to your ex so he probably thinks you havent changed much.

i hurt my boyfriend really bad he says he carnt even look at me right now for something i said out of anger and hurt i dont know what to do i feel so guilty carnt stop crying i never ment what isaid i fear i have lost him forever which makes me want to curl up and die coz i love him sooooooooo much .

I'm going to put my $.02 in on this subject from the guy's perspective. Currently, my situation is very similar to the very guys you are writing about. My ex and I broke up because she needed some space to figure herself out, however she kept coming back to me. I got strung along for 3 months and 3 different guys. Having to hear about them from her was Hell. Nonetheless, I was there for her every time she needed me. I never turned her down, even though in my head I felt like the backup guy. She kept telling me she loved me, though. She kept telling me she knew that we would end up together again, and on my birthday even told me she knew she'd marry me one day. I put in a ton of effort over those 3 months to show her how great of a guy I am and would be to her again. I love her more than anything. I was the only one wanting to work on the relationship. The truth is, she only came to me when she had nobody else to comfort her. I was like a last resort. So here I was putting in all this effort and getting nothing back.

This brings me to my main point.. If you truly feel like you want him back and want to repair things, then you need to start putting in the effort. I know for a fact that if my ex came to me saying the things you're writing in this forum that I would be extremely weary to believe her after what she's put me through since the break up. Do you honestly expect him to jump right in and put his heart on the line again? He may be short sentenced or whatever, but you need to prove to him that you've figured yourself out and are willing to work just as hard as he is and truly do want this. If you try your absolute hardest to get to know him again and show interest, he may very well warm up to you again. I know that if my ex did this for me I would absolutely take her back after working it all out. If you truly did love then there isn't much that can remove that from the heart.

I agree with woodc5. If my recent ex were to try to work things out as hard as I was (I'm done trying now) than I would really consider it mainly because of the great bond that we had. The point is, if you want someone you have to work at it too. A relationship can't be 100-0. It has to be 50-50; both people need to put effort into the relationship or getting back together in order to make it work. If you play hard to get too hard then they'll move on because you're not showing any signs of liking them or wanting to be with them. Obviously after a breakup when you hurt someone they will be like a scared puppy it will walk up to you very cautiously because it doesn't know what will happen and it doesn't want to get hurt [again].

yes..that is entirely possible. Of course, it's impossible to know for sure, but as a woman who has and still is in this position, I can vouch for that (really do want contact from him and really do want to contact him but feel I can't..too scared to do so)

I disagree chev relationships need to be 100-100