I lied to my boyfriend, he broke up with me. How do I get him back to try to work things out?

My boyfriend of almost 3 years- the LOVE OF MY LIFE- broke up with me yesterday. I did something so incredibly stupid that I am still in shock that this is going on right now.

When we first met, I told him a series of lies. They weren't lies to be mean, but lies to impress him. For example, I told him I had a 4 year degree, that I played an instrument really well but I don't, that I own a house which I'm renting out, etc. They're lies that I either made up to make myself look good or I over-exaggerated the truth to impress him.

Just recently, he caught me in a lie regarding playing the instrument. He then called a friend to verify if I lied to him about it and she told him the truth. Then everything just skyrocketed from there. My friend knows I lied to him about all these things and came clean for me. Even worse, when he confronted me about it... I couldn't come clean right away. I kept making up little lies to back myself up until it was too late and I just admitted to everything.

Why did I lie in the first I place? I didn't know then, but I know now. THIS ALL HAPPENED A WEEK AGO, and he said that I needed to seek therapy. I totally agreed with him, and within this past week, I have gone to 3 therapy sessions and to 1 hypnotherapy session. All have told me the same thing... I have low self-esteem and I create these lies to be someone I'm not. I'm continuing therapy to deal with these issues, and I know I'm in it for all the right reasons- not just for myself but for everyone around me as well.

My boyfriend (or ex now) thinks I'm a compulsive liar and doesn't believe that my therapists didn't diagnose me as one. I keep inviting him to sessions with me and he won't go- just to prove to him that I'm doing the best I can to fix myself. So yesterday, he said he no longer wants to be with me. That he can't trust anything I say anymore. And that he doesn't want to go to therapy with me.

I keep trying to tell him that the reason why I lie is fixable because I'm willing to change so badly and I'm making the effort to do so. I also keep telling him that if the tables were turned, I wouldn't leave him- I'd try to help him. Yes, I may have lied about my education, owning a house, playing an instrument, etc... but there is so much more to me that I know he loves and that I know this relationship is worth fighting for together. Or to at least TRY to fight for. But he just won't do it. He says it's not worth it and that he's not in love with me anymore.

How do I get him back? My friends all want him to attend therapy, but he won't go and we don't know how to get him to go. Some friends keep telling him that her lies, regardless if they were the truth or not, are not the reasons why you fell in love with her. But he doesn't realize that. He's built this super thick wall that he can't break down and see the girl that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I want to contact his family and friends to apologize but I don't know if I should wait. I don't know what to do at all. I'm so depressed. Help!

you shouldn't be worrying about getting him back, instead you should get some help with your self-esteem issues.

maybe see a councelor? once you get your self-esteem working for you, you'll be in a better position to find a really nice and compatible guy.

when someone lies to you it really hurts and if he's not mature enough to see the potential in you as a woman/partner to help you grow (with councelling for you), then it's not going to work.

do some work on yourself and get happy, then you won't feel so insecure that you have to make up little things about your past.

you have so much potential as a person and you don't realize it.

Thanks, I am seeing a therapist right now for my issues. And I'm realizing a lot about myself. Seeing the therapist feels great... for a second... and then I start feeling absolutely terrible about my bex-boyfriend. And having to deal with facing everyone and explaining what happened.

I see your point-of-view that he loved you for more than these lies and should try to work through this. However, it's much more complicated than that. You lied about multiple things (doesn't matter if they are big or small), over and over, then continued to lie when he confronted you. This is a major problem of breaching someone's trust and I know that I would not ever get over it OR want to work through it. Life is too short, especially if you are not married and don't have kids together. He probably doesn't want to move forward in a relationship where he will question everything you tell him wondering if it's the truth. Honestly, you'll constantly be having to prove that you are being truthful and it will get old for you too.

I would continue therapy, gain confidence in yourself, and move on. Always be true to yourself and if you feel inadequate about not owning a home, playing an instrument, etc...start working towards those goals and accomplish them. Spend this time to be the person you want to be AND when you are ready to start dating again bring honesty into that relationship. Let this be a lesson learned.