I want her back, but she doesn't want me.....a month ago she wanted marriage & kids!!

Hi Guys, this is my first post!

I was dating a girl for nearly 2 years, we had been together for a year about 4 years previous but things didn't work out then, both young and stupid etc

Since then she'd had some bad relationships and we got together and it was awesome, we got on amazingly well, loved the same things, I took her away last year and had promised to propose to her when I was drunk....it never happened and it hurt her lots! About six weeks ago I checked her facebook and she'd been talking of a guy who was attractive to her sister, I mentioned it to her and we split up as she thought I didn't trust her and was snooping, I was just being nosey! I know she wasn't a cheat. Anyway she said we could get back together but she wanted promises of kids, marriage, engagement and all soon! I went to think about it and kinda wasn't sure as she never really contributed in the past and thought it would all be on me financially. Anyway I thought about it and she then strated ignoring me, then she finished at, she'd made me realise I wanted all of these things then just ended it!! I'm heartbroken!
I've tried texting, calling, emailing for weeks and she's not interested!
We were meant to go away a few weeks ago but we had to cancel it as she didn't want to get back!
She popped over on Sunday and she'd made an effort to dress up, I got a bit emotional and we kissed and hugged for a few hours, then she left. The next day I said for her to move in and we'll sort it all out but she said no, its too late, she doesn't love me anymore, Sunday was a moment of madness, she was very blunt.
She goes on holiday on Sunday with her sister which has annoyed me as she ditched our holiday! Then she's booked another holiday for August with another friend!
I'm really lonely without her, I miss her cuteness, hugs, smiles etc
She is quite moody but I could handle that, she tends to shut things out alot but she gets teary and emotional over little things.
I've sent her emails being mega nice, accepting the blame, telling her I love her etc and made myself look like a sucker.
I don't know what to do now but I want to know if I should try for her back and how I should go about it, she loved me so much and now nothing at all!! I've stopped texting her now, coz i know she'll just ignore me, I miss her badly and my heart hurts so much! I'd made my mind up to marry her and she's thrown it in my face and said no, I had my chance and she wanted to be swept off her feet!!

Dude, obviously she was serious enough when she wants promises of children, marriage and engagement. She's thinking in the long run, not the short one like you are.

You already put it in your head she didn't really contributed anything in the past, and you're afraid you're gonna be the sole provider in your relationship. You already rejected the idea of marriage with her when you decide she DIDN'T contribute anything in the past. Seriously?

Why are you thinking about stuff like that? It has been like forever that male are suppose to be a provider for his family. You can always talk it out on asking her to help you financially in the future. You didn't have to conclude something you don't have control over.

Of course she wouldn't reply any of your text/calls. She wants someone who she can rely on in the future, the one she want to walk the isle with. She wants someone who are willing to sacrifice for her.

Don't worry, with your emotions blinding your common sense, I strongly think she still loves you, but you hurt her. She is hurt, and she doesn't want to get hurt again, that is why she said she doesn't love you anymore, to ease her own pain by making you feel pain too. Its perfectly normal.

As for the facebook thingy, apologize truthfully, thats a small problem.

If you really want to make it work for her and you, stop sending gifts telling her you love her, instead change your attitude into something she wants! She wants nothing more than you having the same wants and dreams with her.

If you truly love this girl, and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with her, I think its time to swallow your pride, your insecurities and don't jump to wild conclusions about the future. Change your attitude, change your point of view. Show effort in making it work, do something she never thought you would do. Make her believe you are serious this time in one way or the other. Once she realize you have changed, and if she didn't gave up on you, I think you know exactly what you should do.

Sounds to me shes quite sensitive, you know her best, work it out. ::

Thanks for your advice but I've tried everything, she doesn't want to talk to me or marry me or anything anymore! She's said she cares but doesn't love me!

I can't just ask her to marry me and buy a ring, she'd say no for sure!

She won't reply to anything, she's been so blunt, should I give her time, let her go away on holiday and then what?!?!

Should I not contact her for a month, I don't want her to find anyone else

So confused!

No of course, If you ask her to marry you now it'll be total breakdown for you.

Hmm. You know her well, you know her likes and dislikes. I mean, have she told you to change something and you refused? Lets say your hairstyle, your attitude, your lifestyle. Anything that might show her that you are ready to take the next step, and you're not the same as before. Try to put that into advantage.

Like maybe you don't look or think like someone whos capable of starting a family, stuff like that. Something major that even she wouldn't see it coming.

She loved me how I was, she wanted me to ask her to marry her and make future plans!

I'm unsure what to do!

Do I try and see her again tonight or just leave it!

I've more or less begged her to take me back, asked her to marry me, told her I want kids etc, I don't think she believes me though!

Should I let her go away and leave it be until she gets back??? I don't want her to find anyone else

Hmm. Seems like she is harder to crack than imagined.

Well, how well is your persuasion technique? What do you think if I tell you to start buying baby's cloth, or even cradle. Start trading your sweet hot ride for a family car or even start taking parental classes.

I think she'd think I was a mentalist!!

She said once she's made her mind up thats it, she can just switch her love off!!

I know she still wants me after sunday night, should I let her go away and just see what happens when she gets back?? I don't want to start feeling better and then have the heartache again in a week and a half

Dude noone is capable of turning their love OFF! unless you're a cyborg, or you DON'T have any love for them before and after.

Are you giving up? Sounds like it. Listen I can tell you anything, and you can always tell me its not gonna work. It pretty much sounds like you made up your mind nothing you gonna do is gonna make things better between you and her.

What Im trying to tell you is, you gotta bust your ass to work it out. Truthfully, I don't know her at all. YOU do. If you already think she made up her mind and nothing you will do is gonna help, than who am I to say anything?

Sorry if Im being rough, but I need to get to my point. Nobody can change the way she thinks but YOU! We are just here to help you see the options.

I think you need to stop deciding something you don't know for sure. Seriously, if you think you are absolutely right that she made up her mind and she doesn't love you anymore, then maybe you should just give up.

I'll repeat, because I don't know her. You do.

Maybe and this is just my 2 cents, you should try a different approach. Maybe you should look at the situation from a different angle. USUALLY talk of marriage and stuff is a girls way of feeling out the seriousness of a relationship. She might not even actually intend to get married yet. It seems as though she was testing your maturity. My advice in the situation...Give her space and work on yourself. Are you REALLY ready to get married? Is that what you really want? Get your head together and then you can work on what, if anything, is still between you guys.

Like I said, just my 2 cents.

Best thing to do is just give her space, ignore her for awhile and let her choose to come back to you.

What happens when you chase a shawdow? You can never catch up, its when you walk away thats when the shawdow follows you.

As mentioned, give her space and time to think.

You told her what you are willing to do to keep her, let her think about that i'm sure it meant something to her.

um, yeah.

okay......

You're serious and we all believe you.
You're not a bad guy.
We all know you wanted this so bad.

Ever heard of a Cubic Zirconia?

Oh, we know, you wouldn't do that.

Nor would we think you would ever not admit there is no real ring on lay away.

Because, you're a great and amazing guy.

And, you would never stoop to that because....
It's too good for her and you would never do anything so cheezy.

If it isn't the real deal..... blah blah blah

Someone call Pinnochio and Peter Pan.
They'll know what to do.

Hello P&P guys?
yeah.
we got a guy who wont do the only thing he has to do because she is going to say no.

well, he said so. yeah. it must be true. what to do?

yeah. cutthroat poker bluffing from her.
um, well, he says he was drunk and said the M word.
not his fault. the poor thing was drunk.
she has been hung up on the rediculous notion ever since.

Call who?

Now is that the Wizard of Oz himself or should we speak directly to Dorothy??

Anyone know if she still resides in Kansas?
Or did she move to hollywood like everyone else?

Hello, is this thee Rocky Balboa??? Yeah, do you think Adrian would have said no if you had lost the fight?

Really? Can I talk to Adrian?

No?? Oh, okay.

Okay, as far as I know, you are suppose to go out and win some huge fight and make a lot of money.

Go sweep her off her feet or forever hold your beer.

Trying to get back a women is not a fight, the harder you try, the more you beg, be nice blah blah the more you push them away.

Guest is very right. I recently had a situation very similar to the one at the top of the page. She was in a hurry to marry and all that comes with it, I wasn't. After a while though she started to sway me. Then one day a fight, then bam! All gone. I was nice the first few times we spoke afterward. I was met with hatred. Then I really figured out that I did love her, but I was just fine by myself, made a call to gather my things. She was mean, but I told her she could shove it, but not quite that nice. (I don't advise being mean, but make sure to stand up for yourself) She ended up apologizing via voice-mail. Week and a half later, I was kicking around just happy as can be and ran into her. I showed no emotion, except that I was happy and self confident. Well, now we are back together. Instead of pressure from her to get married..etc, etc. We don't even worry about it, we just enjoy the time we do have together. Honestly its the way I wanted the relationship to be from the start. I have since identified the two factors that contributed to this outcome. Also I've realized the second factor can not stand without the first. The first and most important was my own independent happiness and confidence in myself. The second factor was that she really did/does care for me. (Remember, if you have a relationship with someone for a decent amount of time, there is no way at all that they can flip a switch and all of the sudden not care at all for you. So the question of "does she still care about me?" is a bit silly. Of course she does, for a while. Just quit worrying about it and start taking care of yourself, everything else tends to find its place.)

Also wanted to add something. When I ran into her I kinda figured she may be around before I went. It didn't bother me, I was planning on just doing my thing.

Also sometimes a woman won't pursue because they are trying to be strong. In this case sometimes all it takes is to see your face, hear your voice, etc. But never right after a break up. You need time. Both parties do. To become happy and confident again in their own right. My particular situation took almost 7 weeks, with only a few phone calls, and absolutely no face time. Every situation is going to be different and not all will work out. Some just don't but as long as your happy with yourself and confident, (and honestly there is no excuse ever to not be you'll be okay with it.

The thing is doesnt matter what the outcome is just gotta accept it like a real man and move on regardless of the outcome.

If you know the arrow is gonna hit you in the heart dont be a wimp and cover you eyes its still gonna hit you. Face it with your chest wide open and take it like a man.

I honestly think she's mad at you but give her time and if she still love you she'll come back don't bother her anymore just worry about you and trying to get over this stage because break ups are always painfull and remember if your ment to be everything will fall back into place if not then you learn from you mistakes

i know exacly how you feel only 4 days ago i split up with my lauren, she said that she loved me but was not in love with me no more, at first i was apsolutely devastated i love this girl more than life in it's self i didnt know how i was going to be happy but if you claim to love someone and it will make them happy by bieng alone you have to do it. letting go of my childhood sweetheart is the hardest thing i have every done and i know when people say just move on you take no notice but time is the best healer if your x partner is happy alone and you claim to love her i know it hurts but you should want her to be happy and let her go. and i belive the egnoring bit is becuase they are hurt too maybe me x never texts me or speaks to me only when i speak to her first but you just have to let her move on and be happy i know it hurts but go out with your friends and be there for her good luck x

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