I want my ex boyfriend back... Very Upset

So my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago. I've been best friends with him since sophomore year in highschool, we went to prom together our junior year in highschool, and Im currently a junior in college so we were best friends almost 6 years before we dated. We dated for 6 months and I was skeptical about dating my best friend at first but it happened.
Throughout our relationship we had a lot of fun times and it was great. I loved and still cherish all the good times we had together. Everything was good in the beginning until the words "I Love You" came into play and I think it was a changing point in my life. To be honest I think I let everything go to my head. I went from being the girl with the attitude "it's whatever" about everything to "everything seemed to matter" even the stupid stuff. I feel it was a turning point in my life. To be honest like any little thing would start bothering me. Crazy questions started popping into my head that never would have before then. I feel at that point I wasn't the same person that I was, but I know that now... I didn't know that then.
Towards the end of our relationship, it was all about either fighting or having sex. I had forgotten what it truely was about which was our friendship. To be honest where did it go? They say without a friendship you can't have a relationship. Now I see what it should have been about and what it shouldn't have gotten to.
When we dated it was a long distance relationship. We are both from the same hometown and during our relationship I was going to college 2 1/2 hours away and he was working and going to college. This semester he transferred up here to my college but he didnt get the job he planned for, his housing is totally a screwed up situation, basically things aren't going the way that he wanted it. But what I can't figure out is why he took me out of the picture? He moved up here we could have been closer together... Why is it that our relationship worked out long distance but not close? It doesn't make any sense. The only logic I have behind it is that he had more time to get his stuff done when I wasn't always in the way of him doing things. I know what I did wrong now though and I honestly feel that if we were to date again I'd give him his space and we could make it work because honestly the REAL ME is the one that needs space myself.
The night he broke up with me I was devastated. I felt my life was over. He told me he broke up with me for me. He said he didn't want ME as in the clingy "everything seemed to matter" girl that I had become but that he wanted THE REAL ME the "its whatever" ME BACK. He told me he wanted to stay best friends and that there's a chance we could date again in the future. Some time has gone on and I am back to who I was to begin with. He recently has told me that he doesn't want a relationship with anyone including me because he wants to focus on school and work. Most guys would call this a cop out answer but Ive known him to not date someone for more than 2 years for more important obligations in his life. Basically he says he has a lot going on right now and doesn't have time. What I wonder is... is he ever going to date me ever again? Will he end up dating someone else before he dates me again?
He has told me every since we broke up all you talk about is "us." He keeps telling me there is no us.. so I don't want to talk about it. He told me recently, if you really want me back quit talking about "us". This happened soon after this: I grabbed his hand and said I'll make you a deal from now on you bring it up because I'm not going to deal with this anymore. Do you think he'll truly come back to me if totally drop "us"??
To be honest to this day right now I want him back but not how it was but for the right reasons. I care so much about the guy and my heart is with him. He has been my best friend since I've ever known him. How can I just throw that away? and How can he just throw me away? I don't know what to do anymore. I just wish he'd date me again and this would be so much easier. I'm miserable without him even though I haven't totally lost him. He hangs out with me a lot and he even tells me... I dont see why your upset you haven't really lost me... just the relationship/title part. I just wish he would come back to me, because I know what I did wrong in the first relationship we had and I know in my heart that I would never let it get that way ever again. I just wish he'd give me a second chance because I promise he'd never regret it. If anyone can give me any advice I'd appreciate it greatly. I'd do anything to get the love of my life back.

hi dawnb87 welcome to the forum.
did you tell him you want him back?

Yes sort of... like I think Ive told him those exact words but I've told him a lot of things. Not to mention his best friend dislikes me very much...so that doesn't help any. If my ex truly still cared about me then his best friend wouldn't have a say in what he does. My ex has told me that he wants to stay single and date noone. Honestly I don't know if that's true or not. I will say this... I did write him a letter last night a long one but the thing is recently he's been treating me like an ass so I think I might just try to avoid him this week and when I go home this coming weekend from college I think Im gonna slip it into his truck or something so maybe he'll find it. I dont want to give it to him personally because he probably wouldn't care. I dont know what to do anymore... any thoughts or advice would be great! Thanks for the little advice ya gave me though. Maybe I should say those exact words again if I havent already I cant really remember but I just dont know when a good time would be. I NEED HELP!

Sometimes it's better to keep it short and sweet, Dawn. A very simple and clear explanation of what you want right now and the question if he's interested in that should be a starting point to either try and solve things together, or....... unfortunately: end it and get on with your life..

Another approach you could take is: be 'the best friend' (if you can make yourself get over wanting to be his girl-friend for a while) - that way sharing experiences without the depending on one-another stuff could (could, not sure(!)) get you into his heart again for a future relationship. But this is a very hard part to fulfill.

To be honest... with these past couple days Ive actually been trying to avoid him to see if he has something to miss. I feel that if I'm around all the time...then he will never have anything to miss. The last I've seen him was Friday morning and the last I talked to him was saturday afternoon. It is currently monday morning. He normally calls me first, then comes up to my room and we walk to class together. I didnt have my 9am class today so therefore I didnt have to go. When I went to sleep last night I turned my phone off so maybe he called and was like fuck it or something who knows but I know he didnt leave a voicemail. I will probably see him when I get out of my class @ 11... since our class is in the same building. I dont know how Im gonna handle it though I will probably just make it brief or just see what he has to say ya know.

In my heart I want to see him so badly, but at the same time I want to avoid him, because I want him to realize things. This morning before I go to tan Im going to slip the letter into his truck window. Do you think this a good move? Im not giving it to him personally and I havent talked to him in a couple days, so maybe he'd be in shock. I dunno what he'll do to be honest. He might not even care, but it is a REALLY GOOD LETTER. You can ask any of the best friends I've let read it.

In the meantime, Im not sure if I need to avoid him or what. I mean if I see him Im not gonna just like walk away, but at the same time I cant sit and have an hour long convo with him either. Im starting to think he has another girlfriend, since his attitude of "I dont care" seems to stick out, but I have no proof. From what I know... he's been busy lately with work, school, lack of sleep, etc. So all this bothering me could be absolutley nothing. To be honest for all I know he could be doing nothing ya know and just being himself. I just wish he'd realize what he doesn't have. I want him to want me back for me ya know. I hope things work out for us, and like my dad says, yes Im a daddy's girl, he tells me if you and him are meant to be it'll happen regardless of what you do or dont do. So there ya go...
Bottom line I want him back and I dont want to wait forever for the guy. I just need help to get him back.

You don't have to avoid him Just 'act' as 'a friend' instead of a girlfriend. That way he'll get back to seeing the real you again that you were at the beginning of your relationship and take away the memories of the time you became more 'depending' on him.

Good luck

You know what's crazy is that you might be right. Yesterday, I slipped the letter into his truck. When I went to my class at 11, I went up to him and tried to like scare him and he jumped and he had a look of shock that I was standing right in front of him. I told him hey and he sed hey and then he was like what are you doing here? I was like I have lab at 11. Then he talked some more, then I said well I gotta go to class talk to you later. Then he gave me a hug and I left. After class, I sat outside the building for a couple minutes to see if he was coming out of class. Well I didnt see him so I headed back to my room.

When I got there his truck was already gone. I walked up to my room and right when I pulled up the letter I had gave him on my computer he called. He was like hey whats up and such. I was like did u get out of class early? He said ya. Then I said did you find anything interesting in your truck? He was like no. I said o ok. Then he was like well actually I found a letter but that's all Im saying for now about it. I said ok I just wanted to make sure you got it. Then he asked me if I could do him a favor. I said no but what. LOL He said that his stomach has been making him feel nausious for a while and had nothing that worked as in medicine wise. Then he was like I know you have no reason to do anything for me, but could you call me if you decide too. I said Ill let you know something. Then I let him go on the phone.

So then I waited a while, then I decided to go pick him up something. When I called him, when I was outside his apartment to come let me in, He was like hello and I was like r u gonna come let me in? He was like your here? I was like ya come let me in. So he came to the door and I went up to his room and he was laying on his bed. I told him he needed to take some medicine. He told me the sticker on the letter was cute and he told me my belt was cute. I told him I was gonna leave as soon as one of my friends calls me. He was like you cant stay with me for a while? I was like no. I think it might have bothered him. He also told me that he entered the 8 ball pool tournament which is today at 5 and he wanted me to come watch him. I told him that I have to work at 6, but we'll see. I think that might have bothered him too. I did sit by him for a little bit though. He thanked me over and over for getting him the medicine. He fell asleep on his bed and when I left I gave him a kiss on his forehead. I told him to feel better and that I'd talk to him later and locked his door and left.

Well I went to lunch, my class @ 4:30, and work till 9 and study group till 11. He had called me while I was at work but I didnt answer. When I got off work, I called and said sorry I missed your call I guess call me whenever ttyl bye. At my study group he had called me back but I didnt answer. He left me a message saying Hey why dont you answer your phone? Well the reason why I didnt answer my phone is blah blah blah. I was kinda shocked...it was almost as if he owed me an explanation... but I didnt ask... any thoughts on this??? Well I didnt call him back. He ended up calling me again at like 11 something and I finally answered. He was like hey whats up? I talked to him briefly. He told me he really wanted to play a game of pool with me today and I told him I'll have to see ya know. So Im kinda like leaving my answers as not a no but not a yes. Before he hung up, I said I have one question... he was like what... I said did you read the letter? He told me yes. I said ok that's all I wanted to know. Well told eachother sweet dreams and goodnight then we hung up. Basically for the one time I called him which was calling him back, he had called me 3 times. so 3:1 isnt that bad.

Ok so I know that I said I was going to avoid him, and in a sense I am just not 100%. Here's how I see it...if I give him a little bit of me or a few minutes of seeing me but not for a long time, he'll want to keep coming back for more. Does that make any sense? I feel that it might be bothering him but I'm not sure. I want him to realize what he doesn't have. He might think that he wants space, but at the same time maybe he'll figure out that's not truly what he wants either. I do feel like me again and I am doing the "best friend" thing. It's very hard on my part, but at the same time I want him to want me back. I don't know how to do that or how long it's going to take. Any suggestions??? I want to know if he'll ever say anything about the letter that I wrote him as well. Do you think he'll ever say anything about it?? I just want the love of my life back but for the right reasons. I just hope all this is worth it. I STILL NEED MORE ADVICE!! ILL KEEP YOU POSTED THOUGH!

Well, those are a whole lot of interesting developments I think you act good. This is 'it' or no way jose. Indeed, he must want you as much as you want him or there is no hope for the relationship anyway.

I'm proud in you

So it's starting to get weird or something I dunno. So Tuesday: He called me while I was at lunch, but I ignored his call. He left me a voicemail just saying he was seeing what I was up too and to call him back. Well when I was leaving where I had eaten lunch he was walking up to where I had eaten on campus and I was thinking o shit...he knows I didnt answer and now he knows why. Well he was on the phone with his dad and I overheard him say that he went to a party on Saturday night and that he drank alcohol.. so in my mind I was thinking he probably has a new girlfriend or something like as in a fuck buddy or something ya know so thats why he was trying to avoid me I dunno. You know how us girls minds think. So it kinda upset me/pissed me off because he never mentioned a party to me when he told me about his weekend ya know. So he got off the phone and gave me a hug... he was like aren't you coming to play pool? I was like no so I left. I get back to my room and like not even 20 minutes goes ya and he calls. He's like Steven (the one who is his best friend in which who hates me and I still think has something to do with us breaking us up LONG STORY) stood me up. I was like ok. He was like are u gonna come play pool. I sed I dunno. He was like are you gonna come watch me play at my tournament at 5? I said we'll see. Well I ended up not going to play pool with him, because well HELLO I dont want him to want me to come play pool with him, because his friend left. It's like he just wanted someone to play pool with and not just me. So I felt like I'd be used if I did. Well before work, I swung by the tournament and like I felt unwanted there. Like he didnt want me to be there or something I dunno. Well I left when I had to go to work. When I was at work he had called me while I was at work. After work I called him when I got off and he didnt answer. Well he never called me back the rest of the night. It totally pissed me off.

So the next morning Wednesday... he calls me at like 8am and is like hey are you up? I was like umm no. He was like I'm at your door please come let me in. So I open the door and he was like goodmorning. I was like hi. He walks in my room and sits on my bed and I was like whats the deal? He was like what do you mean. I was like you never called me back last night, I felt unwanted yesterday at the pool tournament and you are acting weird around me. He was like well I was on the phone with my dad then mom then bro until like 1:30 in the morning and I figured u were asleep by the time I got off the phone with them so I never called u back. Well we ended up walking to class together then after my class I went tanning etc. He called me and was like hey theres free food by the LSC on campus you should come get some. So I was hungry already so I decided to go get some ya know. I show up and hes sitting by some girl. I was thinking what the hell?? So after the girl left, I was like so what are you guys friends or what? He was like no actually I sat down over here and she randomley sat down and we talked for a few min and she told me how she hated her name etc... I dunno. I still think he's lying I think he already knows her but I dunno how to tell who knows. So that in a sense pissed me off. I ate some free food and then he went and got me a snowcone... in which i didnt even ask for one... I dunno. Then they were playing some good music and starting dancing it was fun. I was like well Im gonna leave, because I was pissed inside but he didnt see it. He was like you dont want to go play pool with me?? I was like dude Im broke and he was like dont worry about it I'll pay for you to play. I was like I dunno... he was like please?? Finally after about 30 minutes I gave in. We went and played pool and it actually was fun. It reminded me of old times when we were friends BEFORE we ever dated. Then after our hour of pool was up he was like well im goin back to my apartment I'll catcha later. I was like ok.

So we walk back up towards my apartment and I figured he was gonna leave and like he goes up to my room. I was like I thought you were leaving and he was like well I want to chill and stuff I was like well Im taking me a nap. Then I go to the bathroom and come back in my room and hes taking up my whole freaking bed. I was like MOVE OVER. LOL He was like why... lol I was like come on dude this is my bed. So I was laying there and he stole my pillow so like I had no pillow. Then he was like get your leg off my dick.. LOL I was like its not.. then he grabbed my leg and put it there and he was like now it is. OMG it was fun but at the same time I was thinking what the hell am I doin? Then it lead to some other things... but nothing like really sexual just kinda... So like I was like you know you want to do stuff or something as in JOKING! He was like well I've turned off my emotions right now because I have a bigger goal to worry about. He sed it like I have the big firecracker to worry about. He sed it something like that. To me it meant like back to the I need to focus on school and work thing. What do you think? I dunno. Well I know your gonna think im wrong, but we ended up messing around and such, but to be honest I dont think it meant anything to him... and it shouldnt if we are friends.. right? This is all so confusing.. sorta. Well bottom line... I havent heard from him since I saw him after he left yesterday after he gave me a hug. He had to work from like 4 until 11. I had classes from 4:30 until 9 and I passed out around 10 last night. Do you think he doesnt care about me anymore or what??

Like I know I told myself I wouldn't see him or try to avoid him but he always seems to find a way to see me or talk to me. The only way I talk to him is if he calls my phone like 2 or 3 times without me answering it then I'll finally answer my phone. So in a sense Im making him put effort to talk to me. I want him back but I honestly feel that he really truly doesnt want anyone right now. But at the same time Ive gotten busier with my job plus my classes are getting more difficult and such that Im too tired to do anything else. Does that make any sense? Well I want him back but maybe right now isnt the time... but if it isn't then when will be the time?? Do you honestly feel we'll date again? I truly believe we will...but I think time will tell. I dont want to wait around forever but at the same time... I'll always wonder what if. I want to keep him in my life, but if he just started dating someone else then it would be the end of it. How do you feel about all this? I truly believe that if he were to have a relationship with anyone again it would be me. But I have no guarantee on that. Maybe I should be his best friend for now and have him like what he sees and maybe it'll just happen. All in all, if we are meant to be... it'll happen regardless of what happens between us. ILL KEEP U POSTED!! So far.. i havent heard from him today or ne thing. PLEASE ANY ADVICE U HAVE FOR ME OR UR OPINION...DO TELL!! I APPRECIATE IT GREATLLY!

Well,well, well It's really getting confused (for me) - being 'just friends' doesn't exactly entail the things you wrote about hereabove
I must admit this goes a bit over my hat. Personally, I wouldn't want him messing with me physically if mentally he is not prepared to commit (in this case, I mean). I would call that eating the cake and leaving it whole.

But(!) this is you, so I am very curious to know where you will take this.

To update you... I think Ive totally blown it. Like I never even ended up seeing him Thursday at all. He did call me at like 3 something and we just chatted and I told him I had to work and such. Then he called me around like 10pm though after I had worked and like I was half asleep and talked to him for like 40 min or so on the phone then I passed back out.

On Friday he came over before our classes like he normally does and like we walked to class together. After his 9am class he had asked me if I was doing lunch with him and I said no I'm going home this weekend. Well when I walked with him to his 10am class I asked him ... Christian what are we doing?? He was like what do you mean?> I said well this is what you want but if we were to date again this would be fine. I like this. I don't have to see you all the time I like having my space etc. Then he was like well we aren't dating. I said well what are we doing then? He said I dunno. Well I left and I went back to my room. I packed my stuff and he called when he got out of class and I said look I need to finish what I started talking to u about. He sed ok that he'd call me later. I left him a note in his truck before I left to come home it was like just hey hope u have a good night at work dont stress yourself out. Dont forget to call me later tonight. etc. blah blah blah.

Well I dont think he got the note like when he had called me on my way home. WHen he called me I had brought up my solutions. I told him I was like you said that you dont have time for a girlfriend. Well the time you give me is enough. I said to him we could date again it could be like how it is now with a little extra. He basically said you dont know what I want and I dont want anyone. The only thing close to having anything remotely with any girl right now would be a one night stand and thats it. I dont have time for the bullshit that comes with a relationship all this crap I dunno.

Then he has the nerve to tell me that I make it complicated to be around him anyways because of his best friend. He said its so hard because his best friend hates me and it puts pressure on him to be around both of us at the same time.

Here Im going to fill you in: When I was mad and upset I told one of my "SO CALLED BEST FRIENDS" some things that I had thought about Steven (aka my ex's best friend). You know how when people ramble... they are like if they fuck with my life I'll fuck with theirs but THEY DONT MEAN IT. Well I sed that. And then I also said I think he had something to do with us breaking up. All this kinda stuff. She swore that she wouldnt say anything because we were just rambling. Well she went and told Steven EVERYTHING. He got pissed and now he hates me. Well Christian MY EX informed me of why Steven hates me and everything and it pissed him off as well. He told me well you did it for why he hates you, not anyone else its your fault. All this stuff. But he told me to swear to him (MY EX) that I wouldn't say anything to Jocie (AKA SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIEND). Christian told me if I tell either Steven or Jocie that Steven hates me or that I know any of the stuff I know he will never talk to me ever again *THIS IS CHRISTIAN TELLIN ME THIS*. So she thinks I dont know that she told Steven everything. She has NO CLUE that I know and like shes acting all innocent like saying well he has no reason to not like you I dont know what you did. I want to be like he only hates me because of you bitch. But I can't say anything.

She hasnt hung out with him for a while... well if she does Im afraid shes going to say MORE SHIT!! MY BEST FRIEND BACK HOME SAMANTHA THINKS SHE IS TWO FACED. The ONLY thing I've said SINCE all of that was either stuff I have ALREADY said or NOTHING at all. There's this one thing in which Steven had told me and he told me that if he were to tell Christian exactly what he thought... he'd tell him to drop me like an old hat. Well that slipped out one day after one of my counseling sessions to her. See Steven told me that was between me and him. well you know what to be honest Im sick of this dont tell shit and I really want Christian in my life. If she goes and tells Steven that she knows or even THINKS that he hates me or any of that slips out to where Christian wont talk to me again Im going to bitch her out and not even care anymore. I can't take this shit anymore seriously. It hurts me too much deep down and like Im scared all the time that she's going to go tell Steven.

I dont know what to do. ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP OMG!

Back to Christian: He told me on the phone that since Steven doesnt like me we couldn't do double dates etc. So like basically meaning it would never work out for us ever again he just never really said it I dunno. I want something to happen so that Christian will realize .. HEY MAYBE STEVEN ISNT SO GREAT AFTER ALL. LIKE HE NEEDS A WAKEUP CALL HONESTLY. STEVEN ISN'T GOD. SO YA HE NEEDS TO FACE THE FACTS.
He pretty much told me, I havent let the "NOT DATING" go not even for 2 weeks. All this bullshit and he was like I'm tired of talking about this... well my phone cut out because I was in a dead zone.

I tried calling him back and left him two different voicemails on two different occasions. He never answered. Well then I got lost near close to home so I called him like 3 times in a row... he answered and was like WHAT! I was like he whats that road that you take etc to go back to 1130 like asking him directions and he was like well I didnt want to answer my phone because I'm eating lunch and didnt want to get it greasy. But if it was for this it's ok call me back if you need any other directions then we said bye.

Well bottom line: I think I pissed him off from the previous conversation and he hasn't called me back at all. I sent him a message on myspace and I could post it but I dont want like everyone to read it. I doubt he'll get it, but I dunno. I just think we are truly done. What I am worried about is though is Jocie (THE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIEND) is going to go hang out with Steven tonight or something and like tell him everything. I have no way to stop it if she does so what am I supposed to do??? PLEASE HELP ME! I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I do know NOT TO TELL HER ANYTHING ELSE EVER AGAIN... but like to be honest shes TWO FACED. What do you think??? If she NEVER would have said ANYTHING in the first place I wouldn't be in this situation and like honestly maybe Christian would be back with me because there would be no tension between his best friend and me in which he is civil around me but still I dunno. I dont know what to do anymore and I feel like dying. Please help me!!! ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP!!!!!! ID APPRECIATE IT GREATLY! I THINK IVE BLOWN IT FOR FOREVER.... I hope and pray that I'm wrong. Please help me I'll do anything for help. I think It's over for good. I think I've lost the love of my life for forever.

Honestly speaking I don't think you really lost a lot. If he is puting that much value on letting his friend decide who to date in his life he better sticks under the approval of his friend and live his life that way. Sounds to me like a guy with no backbone. Sorry. All together I think he's not interested in dating you anyway, he's 'somewhere else' with his head and not with you, except for when it's comfortable for him. "One night stands" is what he wants, so let him go. You might be in love with him but he is not in love with you for else he wouldn't listen to anyone but you. I know I' very harsh, but it seems to me this way. I would tell your 'best friend' to get lost - and tell her exactly how I think about her as well. You deserve a lot better than a treacherous "friend". Enemies are even better than two-faced so-called "friends". Release yourself from this spidernest and get yourself a best friend and a boyfriend that deserve you.

OK... so here's an update... Im goin to brief it since its been a while since I've typed anything. So Friday... He walked to class with me in the morning. Then I talked to him on the phone and I tried to bring up ways we could get back together... etc (this was on my way home etc.) He told me he didnt want to talk about it etc. Well my phone cut out because of loss of signal. I tried calling him back but he didnt answer. Well later when I got closer to home... I got lost so I called him 3 times in a row and he wouldnt answer. Well he finally answered and said he hadnt been answering his phone, because he was eating and he didnt want to get his phone greasy. But since I was calling for directions it was ok i dunno then he said bye.

Well I had turned my whole phone off the whole weekend. When I had turned my phone on around 3pm on Sunday on my way back to up to school he had left me a voicemail saying he wanted to see what I was up too etc. Well he had called when I was on my way back and I answered and he told me to call him when I got to my apartment so I did but when I called he didnt answer. He called me back like 1 hour later. We briefly talked about his weekend etc for a while then he like passed out on the phone and his friend (the one that doesnt like me) answered his phone and was like hey he passed out ill tell him to call you later. Well he never did.

TODAY Monday morning: My ex shows up over here to walk to class. He called me after his 10am class which he never does and after his 11am class. He did lunch and we went and played an hour of pool together. Then while we were walking back he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder for like no reason whatsoever. It was funny though even though I was screaming PUT ME DOWN!! LOL Then he insisted like pretty much begged me that I'd ride with him to go put money in his account at the bank so I did. He dropped me back off. He called me after I got out of work around 9. He asked if I was hungry I said yes. He sed he was gonna order some pizza and invited me to come eat with him and his best friend (the one that doesnt like me).

OK HERE COMES THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE: His best friend tells me that he needs to talk to me. I figured ok what did I do now?? This is the guy that supposively hates me etc. He tells me that he likes me. He's had feelings for me for a month... WHAT DO I DO?? HONESTLY! He told me that he was going to tell my ex which is his best friend TONIGHT! Right now it is like 2am and I cant go to sleep. Im still kind of in shock. This whole time that I thought my ex's best friend hated me... in reality he has feelings for me??? WHAT THE HECK? I need some major advice. I guess I'll know tommorrow if this has any effect on my ex boyfriend at all ya know. Steven.. the best friend who likes me.. told me its like playing a game of tennis. He's throwing a ball to me and I do what I wish with it. He's telling my ex how he feels about me so its like throwing a ball at him as well. Honestly I feel the only outcomes that can come of this is:
A. I CAN PERSUE SOMETHING WITH THE BEST FRIEND WHO LIKES ME
B. MY EX CAN COME TO HIS SENSES AND BE LIKE O SHIT I GOTTA GET HER BACK AND TRY TO GET ME BACK ASAP
C. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN AND IT STAYS AS IT IS
OR D. THEY COULD GET IN A HUGE FIGHT OVER ME...

What do you think will happen?? All I can say is that I guess I'll find out tommorrow...if anything. I'm supposed to be having lunch with the best friend who likes me. This is a major shock and I need some MAJOR ADVICE!! ID APPRECIATE IT GREATLY!! I NEED ADVICE ASAP! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!

...or..... they could decide their friendship isn't worth fighting over a girl for so they'll both decide to have nothing to do with you anymore?

Anyway, I hope that won't be the case and wish you luck. Hopefully your b/f will do what's right.

Ya know I didnt think of that one...but Steven (my ex's best friend) told me that wasn't going to happen. He'd fist fight or something before it came down to that. I think he told him all of this at like 3am or before so I havent recieved any phone calls or anything after he had told my ex. I wonder what his reaction was seriously. Im going to see what happens today so I will post later if anything happens or what not. I just told one of my friends about this and he goes well do you like the best friend? I sed I dunno, because hello how can one like someone who thought that person hated them for a month ya know? I honestly dont know at this moment because this is all so sudden.

Thanks for helping me!! Ya I hope my ex does whats right. It's funny I've been praying to God for answers. Also I've been saying he needs a wakeup call. Maybe this is it. If he truly never cared or doesnt care about me then he'll do nothing or be like whatever about all this. If he cares, maybe he'll be like I want her back something. Bottom line: Im confused on what to do etc. Thanks for all of your advice so far!! It's helped a lot! PLEASE POST MORE ADVICE IF YA CAN!! ILL KEEP YOU POSTED!!!

I don't think there is a whole lot you actually CAN do right now. I'm curious to know the outcome of that talk between your ex and his best friend. Thanks for updating

Ok... long time and no update... LOL So bottom line your gonna kill me but I kissed his best friend because I was curious and my ex boyfriend found out. He's not mad about the kiss but at the fact of when he had ASKED ME what had happened I basically gave him a brief and in his eyes... it was lying. So NOW.. Im kinda stuck again but once again I did kind of put myself into it. So this happened on Wednesday night (10/3) that I had kissed his best friend. Actually it happened 3 times but I knew in my heart that it wasn't my ex boyfriend's kiss and I want my ex back still.

Well my ex boyfriend found out THursday night... AKA HIS BDAY... and like bottom line his best friend like told him every SINGLE WORD THAT I HAD SED... I dont remember half of it and like honestly it was like he had a damn tape recorder or some shit up in the room from how much he had told him. O ya and he also told him this... he said that I SAID IN WHICH I DID NOT SAY THAT if MY EX wasn't going to want me back I was AUTOMATICALLY dating steven (the best friend). WTF DUDE! I went off on him and told him I NEVER HAD SAID THAT. ALL THIS STUFF. Well my ex went outside.. drank smoke whatever then he came back in and still told me that regardless of what had just happened he still wants to kiss me, etc and he doesn't know why.

Well he told me to give him the weekend to think about things and that I should too. Well I went home and I got my hair color back to my natural color because I had highlights before well anywhos...I didnt call or talk to him period. The only contact that he did was write on my facebook wall this: Thanks for the bday wish...Too BAD things didnt work out too well... but shit happens right?? He sent that to me at like 10pm on Sunday night.

Well Monday (yesterday) came along and I walked to class myself, because hello.. i wasn't waiting for him. Well he walked up the corner where my building was and he saw my hair. He said he loved it etc.... He held my hand like all day... he held me... he kisses me.... I dont know. Like its the "OLD" new different him like it was when we first started dating kind of like. Like I asked him what do you want and he says I dont know. He tells me that but yet does things that a couple would do.

Well after I got out of work he called and invited me over last night to make me dinner. I was doing homework so he knew NOT to bother me. Well he made me feel like a queen. He made me a pretty plate and everything and brought me it up to me like I was a goddess... lol He calls me his baby or sweetheart... Like do you think hes trying to feel the relationship part again to see if this is what he wants or what? Is he trying to play me? Im kind of confused... I want to be with him but at the same time I dont want to be played. I dont want to rush him into telling me anything but at the same time if I dont then what are we doing? ya know?

One more factor: his best friend sed i wasn't stayin over last night...because its a school night and I had my own apartment etc. He sed nooone is staying over and he was whining like a little bitch about it. It pissed me off and Christian knows EXACTLY how I feel about it. I told him that its bullshit and his friend shouldnt have a say. Like if my roomie told me that any of my friends couldnt stay id be like fuck you pretty much. Since I pay to live here too ya know.

I asked my friend about all of this and she told me she sed she doesnt know him very well but if he was playing me that he wouldnt be showing affection in public. She feels I should go with the flow and don't pressure him. If he starts showing NO affection in public, then he's playing me. If he keeps doing it in public then it might be ok. She feels that hes just seeing if this is what he wants.. I dunno. She did tell me this... if he's still doin the "i dont know what i want" thingy in a few weeks... then he's playing me.

I dont know what to think but as of now Im just letting things happen. Ill give a week maybe two at the most but if nothing pursues then I know Im being played. Even this... if he slips up on how hes acting or treating me then I'll know too if hes playing me. Honestly, I dont think he is.. but we'll have to wait and see. I really do think he might actually take me back but Ill have to find out ya know. Like since yesterday.. (monday) until today he's still acting like the "OLD" new him. Being all sweet to me, etc. Well Ill keep you informed but anything you could say or help me with would be great. THANKS SO MUCH!! I NEED ADVICE!!!! ASAP!!!!!! ILL KEEP U POSTED IF ANYTHING PURSUES!!

Wel, those are interesting, albeit unexpected, developments, Dawn I think you're doing the right thing: sit back tight and wait until it develops further. I don't think you're being played but one never knows cause else it wouldn't be called that way. So right-in girl and go with the flow while keeping your eyes wide open
Let me know what happens...

Update: So last night (Tuesday night) he calls and says hey I know your busy studying but can you come get me I want to talk? I just need to talk to someone about some stuff and it doesn't have to do with me and you so dont worry about that... LOL

So I went over there and he was upstairs talken to his roommate (the best friend.) Well I was sitting in his living room and I was on the phone with my best friend Samantha... waiting for him to come downstairs. Well I got off the phone with her and I overheard them talking. Well I kinda made an accusation I shouldnt.

I heard his best friend say damn she's fine I think you need to get to know her all this stuff. So without thinking... in which I SHOULD HAVE... went upstairs and in a bitchy way was like DO U WANT TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? he was like what... I was like just overheard part of your convo... he was like ITS MY COUSIN. all this stuff. he showed me her then he was like get out of my room... well then i went back in and i said look i shouldnt have accused of.. but you know you would have done the SAME THING TO ME.. all this. Well he came over STILL... and he spent the night last night. He gave me a kiss goodnight and told me sweet dreams.

Well today he acted like it didn't happen. He held my hand.. kissed me etc. We did lunch together and watched some tv. Well then his dad called...and he was like upstairs on the phone for like OVER AN HOUR.. omg. I was like look Im leaving I gotta go study. He was like then why are you still here if u need to study? I was like I wanted to hang out with you but you got on the phone how was I supposed to know? well he gave me a kiss goodbye...and i was like I want one of those hott exotic kisses like in the movies... lol he was like no... then when we went outside he put my leg up on him.. lol and gave me a really big makeout like kiss... then I left.

I came back to my room and studied... went to class then went to my test and I got out. He sent me 2 text messages that were forward.. lol haha they were quite funny. Well I still hadn't talked to him. Then when he got off work he called me and sed in a cute little voice hey what r u doing? Im just leaving work but my phone is going dead so I'll call you when I get to the apartment. I told him to be careful and I blew him a kiss over the phone and he did one back. Then we hung up.

That was like 20 min ago... So far he's still keeping up with this.. but I have no clue where it's gonna go if anywheres?!? Do you think he's gonna lead up to me asking me back out? Or do you think he's playing me?? I know I slipped up once... because I honestly thought he was looking at some other girl ya know and I know I shouldn't be jealous etc. But when you are in my situation... what should I think ya know? Honestly Im looking for any slip up and I think im looking TOO HARD... maybe I should just let things happen.

Im just wondering if you think he's gonna truely ask me back out or just keep doing this? Im a little confused on what he's trying to do here.... Ill keep u updated... Im wondering if he'll call when he gets to his apartment or even come over ya know? Im actually shocked he called me when he got off work... Im just playing all of this by ear. BUT... I guess I gotta sit back and relax and see what happens... but I do have my guard up for any slip ups ya know. Well any more advice you can give me PLEASE DO!!! I APPRECIATE IT GREATLY!! ILL KEEP U POSTEDD!! I WANT MY BABY BACK FOR THE RIGHT REASONS AND I PRAY THIS WORKS OUT!

the funny thing here is that i sorta lost track where you both are not an item, really you're both together most of the time, call and leave sms-msgs on a very frequent basis and even sleep together. i honestly cannot call this 'separated' or a 'break-up'

OK.. this is an odd accusation of yours... because hello.. I feel like we're dating... It's kinda odd. UPDATE: So Wednesday night... he called me when he got in and said hey ill call u when I'm done eating. Well I left my apartment and went to my study group from like 11pm till after midnight. He called me while I was over there and he was like be careful all this stuff when I leave etc. Well he came over and he spent the night AGAIN... LOL I had my test @ 9:30am the next morning (thursday)

I asked him when he was over LOOK WHAT ARE WE DOIN? He was like right now I have "bigger fish to fry" as in more important things to worry about than having a relationship. He told me he's doing what he feels is right... WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? He can do all this stuff with me, ETC... HANG OUT, SLEEP OVER, KISS, HOLD MY HAND ETCCC... BUT HE CANT DATE ME? I DONT UNDERSTAND! I REALLY NEED SOME HELP WITH THIS ONE TO BE HONEST.

LIKE IF HE FEELS THAT ALL OF THIS IS RIGHT??? THEN WHY ISN'T HE DATING ME?? I DONT UNDERSTAND. THE ONLY THING i can think of is that when he's in a relationship... he wants to always go do stuff... like movies out to eat etc. Well right now his financial ways aren't that good. He's even looking for ANOTHER job because the one he has isnt making him like any money.

The only solution that I feel that would be in his favor... is that he feels he can't the relationship that he wants and wants to go the way he wants without money and such... that he can't do it right now. But this is next best closest thing to it without doing it the wrong way in his eyes...

I dont know... but back to my story... He drove me to my 9:30am test on Thursday. THen after my classes...I ended up coming over there like in the afternoon. He came with me to get some groceries and such. Then we watched some tv over at his place. We came back here to drop off my car... then he drove his truck and dropped me off at work around 6pm. Well when I got off work he told me to call. He didn't answer both times that I called so I was pissed and wasn't going to wait. I walked across campus and back to my room. Well there was this creepy looking guy kinda following me and like I had to join this group of people walking and then ditch them without that weird guy seeing me. I was almost back to my room and he called me. He was like are you off work yet? I was like I got off like 20 minutes ago and almost back to my room walking. He was like OMG WHERE R U? ILL COME GET U... ETC. Well he KNEW I was pissed off ya know. He was like Im coming to get you and all this stuff. Well he came over and tried to get me to let him in my room. I finally opened the door and didnt say much to him. He was like Im sorry all this stuff. Then he got into all this stuff about he'll never do that again and that he was vaccuming when I had called and he didnt hear his phone go off all this stuff. I finally went over there with him after all this... and I had a drink and chilled out and stuff. He gave me kisses, etc. Before he brought me back he swung by and picked him food up etc. Then when he dropped me off he kissed me and such and held my hand all of this.

TODAY (FRIDAY): He pissed me off. I decided to go play some pool well so did he.. lol He kept telling me I was wrong and sucked at pool all this crap. I hate it when people tell me Im wrong etc. Then I ended up leaving and then he kept calling... I finally answered. He was like Im coming over. He was like what's your deal? I was like your pissing me off all this stuff. blah blah blah! Well I've been with him PRETTY MUCH ALL DAY... from riding with him to go get his check from work to playing with his baby snapping turtle he found at the lake etc. His dad and brother are coming up here this weekend... and his said stictly NO GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLS.. whatever. So.. he dropped me back off just recently. So I dunno when I'll see him again this weekend.. I probably wont. It kinda sucks that he is just shutting me out just because of what his dad said ya know. Like his brother didnt even bring his girlfriend up here so I can kinda understand boys night or whatever.

To be honest.. I truly feel like we are dating again.. but at the same time.. how can he do almost everything like a relationship but not say we are in one?? I honestly dont know. But he tells me he's doing what he feels is right? What does that mean seriously?!? Does that mean if he sees another girl he'll just do stuff with her if the chance comes up? Or do you think he has more respect for me than that?? Please help me... Im stuck and I dont know what to do.. If he TRULY MEANS HES DOING WHAT HE FEELS IS RIGHT.... THEN.. all the stuff he's doing IS RIGHT.. He just dont know that we should be dating.. LOL ANY ADVICE AT ALL THAT YOU CAN GIVE ME PLEASE DO!

Basically... his dad's comin up so THEREFORE I wont see him for a day or two... but I just hope his dad doesnt get him drunk to go do stuff with another girl.. LIKE HONESTLY I THINK IT WOULD BE FUCKED UP IF HE DID... I probably wont have anything to update for a day or so unless he calls unexpectedly or something ya know.. ILL KEEP U POSTED!! ANY ADVICE WILL HELP ME! THANKS!

I truly feel like we are dating again.. but at the same time.. how can he do almost everything like a relationship but not say we are in one?? I honestly dont know. But he tells me he's doing what he feels is right? What does that mean seriously?!?

That means that if he ever gets involved with another girl he can say 'what are you talking about? i told you we are not in a relationship"

it's all about commitment. he wants to leave his options open I think....

If that's the case then what do I need to do? I haven't heard from him since he dropped me off. I know his dad's up here etc.

What do I need to tell him?? Honestly. IM NOT GETTING HURT IN THIS SITUATION. He totally went bonkers when he found out that I kissed his best friend ya know... wouldn't you think that means anything that he cares about me and doesn't want anyone else to be with me? I dont know what to think anymore since you just wrote that to me...

Im so confused now. Please help me I dont know what to say to him or anything now. What should I tell him?? Do you think he's looking for another girl? He keeps saying he can see us together in 5 years and he can't explain why. I think I need to tell him I cant do anything period with him unless he dates me because it's kinda going back to the saying he's getting his cake and eating it too.

Im confused now and I'm NOT going to the be one that's going to get hurt. If he's doing what he feels is right... then why is he holding my hand etc?? If that feels right.. then why isn't he dating me?? Maybe I should ask him that question straight up. Maybe I'll just disappear for a while I dunno.

One more thing... you dont think that whole money situation has anything to do with this?? Like how he wants it to be.. and it cant be so he's not doing it right now?!? Could that be a possibility at all or no??

ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP ME ASAP .. PLEASE HELP ME!

Maybe I should tell him this... Look I'm tired of going in circles with you. What are you trying to do to me? Do you want to date me again or not? I dont want you hurting me it's not right. I dont want you to be like this with me and then once you find another girl be like o well Dawn who... Like I hope and pray that I mean something to you. But I cant take this... please just tell me what your goal is and if it's to hurt me then I'm going to just have to take myself out of the picture before that happens. That's the last thing I need is for you to hurt me.

Does that sound good or too demanding?? If you think I should say any of this then what should I say?? I just dont know anymore and I just want things to be the way I want them. O to add one more thing... he has always told me what is this not good enough for you? etc. Like I feel if I tell him that stuff up above.. he might feel that what he's doing right now isn't good enough for me? I dont want him feeling that way either. But honestly, I need to know what the hell is going on because I'm NOT going to be played.

Please any advice would help me greatly!

Dawn, I don't think he is wanting to hurt you. I think he is unsure about the whole thing himself and would not like to make any commitments before he is sure. Now he might love/like you but I think he has doubts if these feelings will persist if he would bump into a girl and suddenly he would start to feel these kind of feelings for her too in the future.
Now, always remember: I am not a witness to the situatiion and even if so, I can be very wrong...

It depends on you what you want really: give him time to regain his confidence about a commitment and go on like you both do now, or not accept this and this living in doubt.
You want commitment, security - he wants for the moment only you

"Now he might love/like you but I think he has doubts if these feelings will persist if he would bump into a girl and suddenly he would start to feel these kind of feelings for her too in the future."

Ok when u say this... do you mean that he DOES HAVE DOUBTS and that's going to happen?? Or do you mean he wants to make sure he's sure about how he feels about me so that wont happen??

Sorry I'm a little confused.. lol But do you honestly feels that he only wants me right now??

Well he ended up calling me yesterday.. surprisingly.. he was like hey you just passed us in your car. Also he said he had seen me earlier at one of the stop lights. I feel like maybe he's stalking me.. lol I dunno maybe its just cowincidence. Anyways I was like umm ok. He was like what do you mean ok? I was like well what do you want me to say? LOL Then he told me he had fun on Friday night. I asked what he did.. he said he got drunk at Chili's.. then it went to Lizards (a pool hall to play pool) then he said it lead to his apartment then they all passed out.. Ok to be honest.. I hope that he didnt pick up a girl or do something with a girl while he was drunk. I mean he WAS with his dad and brother.. do you think he would have done that? I think I might be worrying too much.. Well he talked to me for like 4 minutes.. then we hung up and we both said bye. I haven't heard from him sense. To be honest, I was even surprised that he had called me ya know...

Well apparently his dad stayed last night (saturday night) too. I'm scared to find out what he did honestly. Like I realy am starting to think he did stuff with another girl this weekend... I also could be jumping to conclusions as well like thinking of the worst. But then I think back in my mind... he was with his dad and bro so why would he just do that ya know?? Well I think he works today.. not sure. If he calls or something I will update. But other than the phone call...no contact whatsoever. I will say this whenever he did call he sounded happy to hear my voice... I dunno.

Well honestly I want him to want me ONLY! Not anyone else... when you said he wants for the moment only me... I dont want him to want me JUST FOR THE MOMENT... I want him to want me ALL THE TIME... but at least it's something I guess.

Any advice you can give me PLEASE DO! I APPRECIATE IT!

No doubts, just unsure. It is not so irregular for people feeling insecure when they think about the future -

especially when they're young.

It sounds like he wasn't up to misschief during his weekend with his kin. I don't think you need to worry about that

Ok so update: I ended up calling him yesterday afternoon.. I was like hey whatcha doin? He was like hey I'm in Beaumont. I ended up going home with my family Saturday and spent the night at my house last night. I was like o ok cool... I guess. He talked to me for a little bit ya know well then he said he'd call me on his way back up here.

I went to work and when I got off at 9 and still hadn't heard from him. So I texted him.. so did u ever make it back?? He called me and was like hey whatcha doin?? all this stuff.. He explained to me he didnt call me on the way back because he knew I was at work.. then he was gonna call me at like 9 somethin but his dad called him.. I dunno. He sed he was goin to walmart and sed he'd call me when he got back. Well he called me when i was half asleep at like 12am somethin and was like hey Im leaving walmart... then he called me when he got back to his place and asked if I still wanted to him to come over. I was like whatever I hung up and passed out. Well he came over and ended up spending the night...

Today.. ok well hey hes on his way... so.. ill update today tomm.. lol

Ok so big turn around and it's bad. So... Monday morning we went to class together etc. I saw him after my lab on Monday... we got some free food from the LSC stuff etc. I asked him more in depth about his weekend... and he told me that two girls ended up going over to his apartment on Friday night.. He said he only talked to one of the girls for like 5 minutes. Then he claimed he passed out. Ok to be honest.. he TOLD ME THERE WAS SPECIFICALLY SUPPOSED TO BE NO GIRLS BUT HE LIED TO ME. He went over to the party down the street to get free beer and a cigarette from some girl before this happened. Then according to him.. his best friend Steven had invited the girls over and not him. Well I was really pissed. I told him well obviously I dont mean as much to you as I thought I did.

We left the LSC and I ended up goin to run some errands with him, etc. I came back to my room... went to class, then went to work that night. He called me when I got off work and said hey you can wash your stuff over here if you want too. I was like ok I guess but you gotta come get me because I'm not driving anywhere. I took a shower, he came and got me, we went and got some food then went to his apartment. When I got there the surprise was he bought a lot of pumpkins and stuff to carve pumpkins. I was kinda excited. Well we were sitting in the living room and his best friend Steven walked in and said hey I saw Lauren in the computer lab and I invited her over to carve pumpkins. I got pissed off at this point went to the top of his stairs and sat there. He followed me up. Basically I was like are you trying to piss me off? Are you trying to hurt me? I was like what the hell is going on? Do you like her or what? He was like yes I do... all this stuff. I was upset and pissed off. He even WALKED OVER THERE and invited her IN PERSON and she said "aww you guys are so sweet" some bullshit like that. She ended up not coming. I ended up carving my pumpkin... and before I knew it it was like 4 in the morning.
I ended up falling asleep on his bed... I have 8am class the next morning but I slept through it. TUESDAY MORNING THE SAME DAY When I got up I wrote him a note and put on his bathroom counter on what I thought etc.. I walked ALL THE WAY FROM HIS APARTMENTS TO MY CLASS AT 9:30... then I took a shower went to my other class... then went and saw one of my best girl friends. We ate lunch, then I went talked to my couselor. I came back.. and since I hadn't slept I fell asleep from like 2 in the afternoon until 6 something. Then he kept calling my phone and I finally answered. He asked me if I wanted to come over to eat dinner. Then I overheard his best friend in the background say you're inviting Lauren over right to eat as well right? He was like ya. I was like what the fuck. He was like what? I was like you better tell me right now what the fucks going on. You dating her or what the hell? He was like I like her all this blah blah blah... Then it got into me saying HOW THE HELL CAN U DO THIS TO ME? YOU'VE ACTED LIKE YOU WANTED TO DATE ME THIS LAST WEEK AND IT COMES DOWN TO THIS?? ALL THIS CRAPP!!!!! Well he was like call me when your gonna come get your clothes and if you're gonna come eat. I was like ok whatever bye.

I fell back asleep until like 11 pm something I dunno. Apparently my phone went dead... and he had been blowing up my phone but it was off. He banged on my door etc. Finally it woke me up. He said that he was worried about me since my phone had been off, and I had never called him back. He thought something bad had happened to me. He was over for like 30 minutes talken to me about everything and it just pissed me off even more. He tried to say everything was FOR ME AND WHAT I WANT and never FOR HIM AND WHAT HE WANTS... At this moment all I knew was that he's liked this other girl for a couple days and how could he like her when he's been doing all this stuff to me when he SAID HE WAS DOING WHAT FELT RIGHT. Then he also tried to throw in my face that he said from the start of all that it wouldn't mean anything and I know for a fact he never said that. He ended up leaving and I was like bye.

TODAY: WEDNESDAY MORNING: I woke up... went to class didn't walk with him to class. After class I saw him.. he walked up to me and gave me a huge hug. I didnt say much while walking with him to his class. Then he was like I thought we resolved all of this last night. I said it takes time. He was like it's been 2 months dont give me that. I said no I mean its been a couple days for the other. He was like what do you mean? I said well its been 2 days since you told me you like someone else. He goes it hasnt been 2 days.. I've liked her for 3 weeks....

WHY DIDNT HE TELL ME?? I DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME? YA KNOW HONESTLY THEY SAY WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND... I HOPE THINGS DONT WORK OUT FOR HIM TO BE HONEST> HOW CAN SOME GUY DO THIS TO ME??? LOOK I GUESS NOW I KNOW. DO YOU THINK HE'LL EVER FIGURE OUT THINGS?? IF HE DOES.. DO U THINK IT'LL BE TOO LATE? I DO.. LOOK ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME I'D GREATLY APPRECIATE. AS FAR AS HE GOES.. I CANT DO IT ANYMORE AND I GUESS GOD WANTS IT TO BE THIS WAY. I JUST WANT YOUR OPINION... LIKE THEY SAY IF YOU'RE MEANT TO BE.. YOU WILL BE REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH TO GET IT. ANY ADVICE WILL HELP~! PLEASE!??? THANKS SO MUCH...

Ok so after I saw him after walking with him to his class I basically told him screw you. I went to a bench near the library and just cried my eyes out. My friend Shannon came and got me and we went over to her apartment. She's kinda going something similar that I'm going through it's kinda crazy... Anyways I went over there and she's a really strong believer in God. She gave me this book to read and borrow about God and we listened to some religious tapes etc. Well my ex called me while I was over there and he was like hey whats up and stuff. I was like I'm at my friend's place. He thought I said it was some guy he was like do I know him? I was like I dont think so maybe maybe not. He was like this isn't a trick question. I said no a girl friend dance's apartment you idiot. Then he said o ok and stuff. Well then he was like are you ok? are we ok? do you hate me or what? I paused for a few moments and then I said look I can't talk to you right now. He said ok bye.

Well Shannon brought me back to my apartment around 1 in the afternoonish. When I got in my apartment I took some of her advice about praying to God and such. Well I did and when I was done I felt light headed and such and I wasn't even laying down when I had talked to God. I called her and told her about it... she told me Dawn I'm telling you he heard everything you had to say he was listening to you.

I left my room and picked up my friend for lunch. Well my clothes and my pink pillow that had been over there forever was still at his apartment. I drove over there and knocked on the door but noone was there. So then I called him. He came over from whereever he was to let me in. In the meantime, his "bestfriend" steven.. was laughing at me and was like your a stupid bitch. You had everything handed to you on a silver platter but you couldn't figure a way to just get him to date you again could you. I said haven't you ever thought o ya wait... IT DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING SO THEREFORE IT WASNT HANDED TO ME!!!!! I told him to fuck off because he pissed me off SO BADLY! OMG!!

I went in and started taking my stuff outta the dryer etc. He was like why are you doing this? I was like what do you mean? I said what do you want me to do? You like someone else I can't deal with this. Then he went into I have made everything so easy for you to get through this... everything I do is for you. I invite you to do things, etc. blah blah blah!! He was like what do you want from me? I said the honest truth I want you back.. but you cant seem to give me that. Instead you want to give me everything else BUT that. I dont want all the other stuff I just want one thing. Then he told me I was being greedy. Then STEVEN BEING THE INSTIGATOR THAT HE IS CALLS ME A SELFISH BITCH. I told him to stay the fuck outta my life and leave me the hell alone. I feel from DAY ONE he's hated me and has ruined my love life of ever happening ever again with Christian... well FUCK HIM!!! Anyways I had it all together and put my clothes in my car. Then I went upstairs to his room to get my pink pillow. Well when I walked in the song "Because Of You" by Kelly Clarkson came on and I just lost it. I fell to the floor and just bawled and bawled. Then my ex came up there and was like what's wrong with you? I was like just turn it off I can't do this anymore etc. Then Steven barged in the room etc... So I grabbed my keys and such and went and sat in my car and just cried. He came outside and was like are you not going to tell me bye?? I was like well obviously Steven is more important to you than me so why should I? Then he asked me what do I want? I said you know what I want Christian you've always known why do you keep asking me etc. Then he was like look if you just did what I said in the first place... then we'd never have gotten this bad and none of this would have never happened... MEANING If I just would have been his friend none of this would have happened... YA RIGHT! I DOUBT IT! I told him ya if I was your friend then I'll never get the chance with you ever again. He was like how do you figure? He was like you were my friend before the first time we ever dated... so why can't it happen again? He was like why can't you just ride this out like see what happens instead of forcing things etc... I said because I have no guarantees... etc. Then he asked me again what I want BESIDES him back... I said you know what.. I need A LOT OF SPACE... He said ok however much you need I understand... Well then he gave me a hug and said forgive me for this and he gave me a kiss. He then said can I call you? I said that's for you to decide. If you feel that you want to talk to me and you feel it's ok to call then call if you dont then dont. I said to just go with your instinct. I said whatever you do don't delete me out of your phone. He said he wouldn't and that he couldn't even if he tried. After all that I said bye and then I left.

I haven't talked to him since, and I dont intend too.. If I told him I need space I'm not going to go back on my word. Apparently he likes multiple girls in which he feels he's attracted too.. but at the same time I dunno if he'll end up dating one of them or not. I have no clue what the future holds for me but I know in my heart and still truely believe that he's in that future... he just doesn't know it yet. I love the boy to death regardless of what he has put me through. I believe in fate, I always have, and I always will. As far as Steven goes.. I believe he's going to fuck up soon and Christian will even kick himself in the ass over how much he trusted him in reality he's lied to christian this whole time. He even told me HIMSELF> He told me that he knows that he made up things that night that he found out we kissed... meaning the things he said that I said in which I DID NOT SAY. Christian apologized to me for it and said I didnt see that coming etc. I know in my heart that Christian's the guy for me and he's just going to have to figure that out for himself even if it's too late. Only time will tell and to be honest I hope sooner than later. Any advice would help please... I DO KNOW THIS I LOVE HIM AND I ALWAYS WILL AND STEVEN CAN LEAVE HIMSELF THE FUCK OUT OF THIS AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED BECAUSE ITS NOT AN ABC RELATIONSHIP DEAL ITS AN AB SO HE NEEDS TO C HIS WAY OUT OF IT!! I dont know what to do now... I guess just when I feel ready enough to be his friend again I will.. I just dont know when that'll be to be honest... ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!! THANKS!