I want my ex boyfriend back... Very Upset

Dawn, couldn't you just take a break from all this? You said you needed space and I think unconciously you expressed what you really need. Get out of that circle that's spinning round and round about the same thing all the time and let him come to grips with having to make a choice. Either you'll be his g/f or not. Let him decide and if he doesn't want then you have done everything you can and there is nothing left but to go on with your life.

Do you really think he'll come to terms about me? Honestly.. all he wants is for me to be his friend that's the only thing he's asked me to do that I haven't done but I feel that I can't do that without space first. I don't want him just out of my life forever... because I STILL BELIEVE HE'S THE ONE...

Honestly, I'm taking my space and it's better for me because I've been praying a lot to God about everything. He's helping me through this and making me feel a lot better too. I just hope that it's not too late once my ex comes to terms about me.. IF he ever comes to terms about me. I feel like I've gotten closure yesterday.. and it makes me feel somewhat better. I just wish things could go the way I want them too...but if time is what is needed then so be it.

Bottom line I think Im just gonna let things be and see where my ride in life goes...why try to force someone to be with me when they aren't ready or don't want to be?? God has a plan for me and I feel I'm ready to take the longest water rapid ride of my life and see what happens. I'm crazy about the boy yes...but he needs to see things for himself and the only way for that to happen is just step out of his life for a little while. Any more advice would help! Thanks for all of it!!

ok

Basically I told him I need my space. Didnt talk to him the whole weekend. Saw him Friday.. briefly.. didnt show up after class. that night he blew up my phone etc. Then he texted me and said I need to know if we are talking meaning are we friends anymore?? I talked to him 8am saturday monring and basically told him i can only be friends with you if you give me my space. Well after the weekend and last few days.. BASICALLY I JUST FEEL HE WANTS OTHER GIRLS LIKE FUCK BUDDIES OR SOMEONE ELSE TO REPLACE ME. MY LIFE IS OVER AND HE DOESNT WANT ME BACK I FEEL.. SO YA HE PRETTY MUCH HATES ME I FEEL AND IM NEVER GONNA GET HIM.. I GUESS ILL NEVER GET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BACK EVER

If he loves you he'll be back. This time would only be a confirmation for him then that you are the one for him.
The risk is that he doesn't chose you. However, if so, then it's better anyway this way since there is absolutely no use in hanging on to a hopeless dream.

So basically are you saying that he needs to do this to possibly see himself that I'm the girl for him??? Like do you feel truly if I'm the girl for him it'll be like a wakeup call?? Well he added this chick on myspace who is a year older than him... who has huge boobs etc. Like he's been messenging her back and forth and such like basically trying to date her or talk to her or whatever. Honestly I feel that he's just gonna go for her and never consider a relationship ever again with me. But then again like you said maybe this could be his "wakeup call" I dunno... I just dont want to associate with someone whos gonna be with a slut... sorry. I never was a slut and never had the reputation or even did anything of being one. So to me being with someone who has been with a slut or wants to be basically I dont want have anything to do with. Honestly he shouldn't have to go through this TO SEE IF IM THE GIRL FOR HIM. Ya get me??

In the meantime, I think Im just gonna stay out of his life period... then maybe it'll help him realize things then again my luck he probably wont. He'll probably end up marrying this girl and I get fucked over once again on every guy that I have ever liked or anything has been taken away from me from some slut or bimbo.

Well I just am heart broken and I dont want to wait for something that ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN! Well I hope that you're right... but at this point after everything I've been through I doubt he'll choose me. So tonight I'm going out with some old guy friends etc. Im gonna get fucked up and not give a shit!! I feel I need this... thanks for all of your advice and any more would help. I dont know what God has in store for me.. but in the meantime fuck him. I pray that he gets screwed over and like they say what goes around comes around. Well any more advice would help! I appreciate it greatly!

Bottom Line: I feel like the only guy I can trust is my daddy. I am a daddy's girl and he's the only one I can trust because all guys are assholes in my book at this point. I feel anything good as in a good guy that I ever get always gets taken away from me from some other girl. I just wish for once IT WOULD NOT BE THIS WAY!!

You need time away from him. It will sort out your thoughts and feelings and get you into touch with yourself without the daily influence of his presence. I think this is a good time for it since he indeed is acting like he isn't worth you. Those episodes of guys being taken away from you by sluts or bimbo's are not those girls to blame but the guys who chose to go with them. They are not good enough for you and you should be grateful they made that clear to you before it was too late

It is difficult, but if you are a believing (in God) person you probably know that your destiny lies in His hands and He will bring onto your path someone who IS deservant of you when time is right.

Take care
Ayngel

OK update... Ive been better... Im trying this whole friend thing.. it kinda is working.. call me crazy but it is. Ok well here's something odd... so he just found out one of his best guy friends died... freak accident. The story is sad. But his wife.. has 2 little boys. He's like all the sudden.. talken to her... I dunno if it was because he was really good friends with her husband or what...

Do you think he's planning on getting with her?? I dont know.. he wont say much about it.. but I know he's talked to her at least once.. and expected her to call him today and she didnt.. I dunno what to think...

How can this be happening?? I dont have all details on why hes talken to her.. I mean for all I know it could be like about her husband that died ya know.. but it still makes me really wonder... what is he doing??

This is kinda odd and all the sudden after the freak accident... I hope he just doesnt like plan on marrying this girl out of nowheres?!? Am I losing my mind???? I dont know what to think....!! What do I do?!?

I WAS LIKE ALMOST OVER HIM.. AND NOW THIS AND ITS MAKING MY FEELINGS COME BACK EVEN STRONGER...

Did her husband die so she could take the love of my life away?? I dont get this... honestly.. maybe Im jumping to conclusions.. I'm not sure IM FREAKING MYSELF OUT HERE!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!! ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP ME GREATLY PLEASE!!!

Dawn, if he's talking to the widow of his friend that's a very sweet thing of him to do. Why would you be jealous?

Well... he has talked about his best friend and wife's kids a lot. Like he seems to know them really well and when he does get the chance to go home he's always seen them a lot. It's almost as if hes trying to like be a father like figure to them...

That's why it creeps me out a little considering he told me basically he doesnt know what the future holds and he really dont want anything...

Anywhos Im going to let God handle this to tell ya the truth. Whatever happens happens... IN GENERAL.. Like This whole friend thing is truly working and I can't explain why. Honestly, I feel that God is magically helping me be able to be his friend again ya know. And if by any chance something does happen randomely between us... o well.. it did it happened. Ive even started associating myself with other guys etc. I need more friends and ya never know what God has in store for ya ya know..??

Well any other advice that you could give me would be great! Ive put this in Gods hands and whatever happens does.. Im learned a few things and it might be advice to you as well.

1. Trust in God's word.
2. God's timing is perfect.
3. Your plan isn't always the plan God has for you

I believe if you just trust him, everything will happen like it should. I hope that helped anyone out there see things a little differently.

Any more advice would help about my ex! I appreciate all of it!Any thoughts or ideas that I should know that you may have please let me know... but for now Im just sitten back and whatever happens WILL!!

Nah, you don't need advise anymore about this subject, dawn. You have come to a conclusion and that conclusion is working for you and that's what's most important.

I'm done worrying about this... if he doesn't want me back then fine. If God has us meant to be together then it'll happen regardlessly.. but if not.. well then I guess there's someone better out there for me.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE!! ANY THOUGHTS I'D APPRECIATE THOUGH!

Nah, you don't need advise anymore. You think like I do, so there is nothing I can advise you on. Good luck

What do you mean I think like you do? You dont know that... Just curious but what do you mean by that?

Basically "It's whatever" hahaha I love that motto and it used to be mine until i turned into some psycho.. I dunno LOL But I really do appreciate all the help! I think it took me this long to figure this out but hey you gotta learn on your own ya know?? Well hope all is good for you 2!! Any random thoughts if ya have though would be cool... I will update if anything does happen interesting but other than that I'm just gonna live by my motto... "it's whatever" Does that sound good? God has a plan for me and I guess I'll know or not if my ex is in it through time. But thanks again! I appreciate everything!

"predestination" - that's how I meant it. Whatever is meant to be is meant to be.

I also like 'whatever' - it's my favorite state of mind

Ok so its been a while since Ive wrote anything... but like I tried the whole friends thing and it worked. Well last Monday night... he just started talking about other girls in my car.. etc.. I ended up blowing up and everything. I hit him.. not hard or anything but he like got all pissed off at me etc. He told me he was never kissing me again or any of that. I dont know. It just got out of wack... I stayed up all night bawling my eyes out.. etc. It was REDICULOUS! I dont see how any guy that I KNOW can be soo SWEET be soo HURTFUL...

So over THanksgiving break.. I didnt see him at all. THat was for like a week. I had talked to a friend over the week while I was home and she told me her story with the guy she had recently married a few months ago... surprisingly it was VERY SIMILAR TO MINE....she even told me that she could guarantee me 99% that he was going to miss me a lot when I got back and that he probably thought of me over the break.

I talked to each of them ONE ON ONE like to hear the sides of the story etc. I can't believe they are married now. But what gets me is.. the guy claimed he was a total jerk and was scared and didnt want to admit to her how he truly felt because he felt that he would get hurt etc. He even OFFERED to call my ex... to tell him exactly what an asshole he was being if he couldnt see what was right in front of him.. meaning ( ME!) I told him no no ya know because that would start stuff... but the girl I talked too about all of this with told me that she basically went through EVERYTHING that I had went through... but it was worth it...

HOW CAN IT BE WORTH IT?!? Sure.. it worked out for her.. but how do I know it'll turn out that way for me??? I just dont understand.. I wish my situation would turn out that way.. but I DONT KNOW! ya know!?

Back to other things... So I get back from Thanksgiving break... and my ex showed up over at my apartment. When he saw me he acted as if he hadnt seen me in a year.. the way he looked at me etc. He told me he missed me a lot over the week and he thought about me a lot. The only thing is... he wont tell me WHAT he thought about ya know?? Thats what makes me wonder if he really did think of me or what?!? The way he held me and everything was as if he had feelings for me again.. I dunno....

Well yesterday (Monday Night) he calls me before work and tells me hes been doing a lot of thinking... and he needed to talk to me when I got off work. I was thinking.. great I bet he dont want to talk to me anymore or like me anymore or something. I had all kinds of things running through my head. So.. I talk to him after work and he tells me that he wants to get closer to God. Also that hes been addicted to sexual things than before. It's getting out of wack ya know?! Then he tells me he can only give me hugs.. no more kisses. He also says he cant have a relationship with anyone.. he didnt even say me.. but Im assuming Im in the "anyone" who knows.. until he gets closer and right again with God.
So we were sitting in his living room and I tried to kiss him because he NORMALLY kisses me back. Well he pushed me off of him.. and like told me I need to RESPECT HIS WISHES..... I walked outside and slammed the door and sat in my car. Well I was on my way leaving and I ended up started my period.... so I went back inside to use his bathroom... Well he came in there and was like so is this how you want to end it?? I said no.. he said well do what you gotta do and then we can talk. Well I ended up sitting on his couch to talk and the next thing I knew I was passed out. I didnt even get a chance to talk to him or say what I wanted to say. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!?!!!!!!!! I honestly need some help!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN... YES I KNOW U THINK IM NUTS BUT ITS LIKE RIGHT WHEN IM TOTALLY FINE FOR A WHILE... HE TELLS ME HE WANTS ME BACK AND THEN THAT PIECE OF ME COMES BACK OUT..!! I CANT DEAL WITH THIS OR LIVE LIKE THIS !

THE LAST WORDS HE SAID TO ME WAS IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO END THIS...... I HAVENT TALKED TO HIM SINCE?!? Do you think hes just going to leave it at that?! I truly believe this time he will never talk to me again... He gets off work @ 5.. and told his roommate that he might talk to me later.. but for now Im going to leave him alone. Im done. I cant hurt myself anymore.

Ya know its funny the love of your life is the one that can hurt you most and I dont understand why.

In a sense.. maybe my prayers have been answered but at the same time there's still a part of me that still wants him back ya know?! I just dont understand it. I just he could just come to terms and work something out with me.

Here's my conclusion: Either A. He's scared of me..... OR B. He just doesn't know what he wants..... OR C. He doesn't want to get hurt if he committs to me. So therefore; he's jus avoiding the situation all together. I love him and I just wish there was a way I could assure him that I wouldn't hurt him.

I just dont know what to do anymore and I wish I just did Please I need advice!!!!!! I KNOW I SOUND DESPERATE BUT LIKE I JUST WANT TO FIND A WAY............. IM CRAZY ABOUT HIM AND I WISH HE COULD JUST SEE THAT!!! I NEED HELP! PLEASE!

Dawn, I think it's time you started living again. Meaning don't feel committed to him and try to meet other boys. I really hope I'm wrong but this is a very complicated relationship you both are having and it seems to hurt you too much. I think you are worth a better relationship with someone who can give you what you need.
Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Ok.. so shit hit the roof... after him telling ME he WANTS ME BACK... 3 DAYS LATER he tells me he cant see me, talk to me or anything. Dont try to contact him... etc. He told me he needs to figure out his life and he cant do that with me around.!?!? WHAT THE HELL???? He told me that hes not deleting my number but when he's ready to contact me he will but in the meantime to leave him alone....

THIS DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE!?!? He also took me out of his profiles on myspace and facebook... this is REDICULOUS! I believe there's someone else.. and he cant do anything with me around. I dont know. But how can you tell someone ONE DAY THAT U WANT THEM BACK AND 3 DAYS LATER CHANGE UR MIND TOTALLY?!!! IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP! THE ONLY PERSON THATS HELPING ME THROUGH THIS ISSSSS GOD! I DONT KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN. PLEASE ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP ME BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME ANYMORE!

Dawn, can't you try to get him out of your mind (and heart)?
why do you let him play with your feelings so much?
chose for yourself, girl

I think I've figured out my problem. Any other ex's or guys in the past I have found for myself PROOF they were lying to me so its like they were out the door... With this guy I know that he has never lied to me for what I know. And I have an instinct he is lying to me this time I just dont know what about. I believe this BECAUSE none of this stuff MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME! So once I find some sort of proof on WHAT hes lying to me about... then Ill be totally over him and he'll be out the door. I just need the proof.. THEN ILL BE FINE!

It has CURED all of my other ex boyfriend relationships. I just need proof! Then Ill never trust him ever again. For instance I FOUND DRUGS with one and he lied to me about it so he was OUT! Another lied to me about cheating on me.. I CAUGHT THEM.. so he was out.. u see my drift??

The only thing is that he hasnt had anything hes LIED to me about yet.. Even after being 6 + years... I still havent FOUND anything hes lied to me about and I think this is the problem. If he is truly telling me the truth about finding himself and all of the stuff he said.. then I think he has some fucked up issues. But I believe hes lying.. so therefore if I find proof.. then Ill never want anything to do with him ever again. Just like all of my other exs.

I feel if I can get this proof.. it will all help me!

I appreciate everything.. I did go out last night it was different but good for the most part.

I just wish all this would come to terms ya know?? I even bet that he will never call me ever again.

Please I need more advice.. this just sucks ass and guys are fucking assholes and it just makes me never want to be with any other guy ever again. THIS SUCKS ASS BIG TIME!!!!!!!!

BOTTOM LINE: HE DOESNT WANT TO SEE OR TALK TO ME UNTIL HES READY TO CONTACT ME AGAIN ETC!!!!!!!! HE SAYS HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE OUT HISSSSS LIFE! WHAT DO I DO? YA KNOW I GUESS IM JUST GONNA GIVE IT TO HIM... I LOVE HIM AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESNT SEE THAT?? I MEAN IVE PRETTY MUCH BLUNTLY TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE.. BUT I DUNNO WHATS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD ANYMORE..... I WISH I DID.. BUTTTTT I DONT. THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THAT HE THINKSSSSSSS HE LOVES ME.. BUT DOESNT KNOW FOR SURE?!

DO U THINK BY ABSENCE OF ME? HE'LL SEE IF HE DOES OR NOT? I TRULY DONTTTT KNOW... I THINK IM GONNA GO INSANE AND LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE OF THISSSS. I WISH HE WOULD JUST FLAT OUT TELL ME I HATE YOU DONT EVER TLAK TO ME AGAIN OR I LOVE YOU AND I WAS WRONG...

WHAT DO U THINK??? IM SO LOST THAT I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO BE OVER ... I CANT DEAL WITH THIS........ I WANT HIM BACK SOOOO DEEPLY AND ID DO ANYTHING TO GET HIM BACK. HE JUST DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL OR HOW HE FEELS OBVIOUSLY !!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME........ IM GOING INSANE AND I SHOULDN'T BE!!!!!!

WHAT DO I DO???????????

Take it easy Dawn sometimes there are things that are not up to us. No control over it - unfortunately. But that's a fact.

I JUST WANT ALL OF THIS TO BE OVER!! EITHER GOOD OR BAD.. It's like I'm hanging from a tree by a rope and either he can cut me down so I can fall or pull me back up... I just dont know what to think anymore and it hurts so badly. How can he just NOT THINK OF ME?? Is he like so happy that he doesnt even care about me anymore or think of me or anything?? If thats true then he never cared about me in the first place.

I love him but I dont know what its going to have to take for him to realize he loves me or not. Like totally I think he just wants other girls so basically heres my plan or idea.

If he starts dating another girl, messes around with another girl, calls me after the time he promised, or anything that obtains to OTHER THAN FIGURING OUT HIS LIFE He's out.

The ONLY way he's going to win this is if he figures out truely how he feels about me because basically Im done with his stupid ass games and making me feel like shit. Im starting to dislike him very much at this point because how can someone who loves someone do THIS to them?!?! IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME!!!!!

DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO U?? If so.. I dont see how because people who LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SOMEONE DONT DO THIS TO THEM!

Please ANYMORE ADVICE WOULD HELP>>!! I JUST WISH I WAS IN CONTROL OF THIS SITUATION AND JUST MAKE HIM TELL ME STRAIGHT UP LOOK THIS OR THAT... NOT DONT TALK TO ME BECAUSE FRANKLY THATS NOT HOW PEOPLE TREAT EACHOTHER.....

I love him with all my heart but if I pretty much lay that out on the table theres nothing left for me to do. If he cant see that after I've done that then I believe he'll never see how much I care about him unless Im fully gone in which right now... the so called "FIGURING OUT HIS LIFE THING BY NOT TALKEN TO ME" I guess it could make him realize things but I dont know...

I JUST NEED HELP WITH THIS!!!!! IM STUCK AND I WANT OUT COMPLETELY!!!!! EITHER HE HAS TO TELL ME HE WAS WRONG AND HE LOVES ME OR HES OUT. ANY ADVICE WILL DO PLEASE AND THANK U!

I think that is what you should do actually. Lay your feelings down on the table and tell him everything. Then... ask him if he can respond to those feelings or not. Accept whatever he answers you, whether it's a positive or negative answer. And, if it is negative start the recuperating process by thinking this relationship is dead and go on with your life.

I can't do that because he wont contact me and he told me NOT to contact him... etc. SO theres NO WAY I can talk to him until he contacts to me. I will say this.. I noticed he finally read the messages I sent him on myspace. I think he might miss me.. because he waited to read the message until now.. but once there is no new messages to read it'll start bothering him ya know. I just wish that he will flat out tell me ya know??

I feel that I have already layed my feelings out on the table and he hasnt jumped to me... So basically I dont know and I just feel this is over unless he makes a come back.. if ya get my drift?!

Well I just pray that this all works out Im done trying to help the situation because it seems everything I do he doesnt get or what not. I even added a song to my myspace incase he looks at it .. its called STUPID BOY by Keith Urban and like maybe he'll get my drift.

In the meantime, I just dont know and I wish he would just talk to me... I love him with all my heart but it just doesn't seem to CLICK in his mind. Maybe when Im gone (in his mind) it will. I just dont know.

Don't wait for him to contact you. why? and your desires aren't just as important as are his? go to him, talk openly about if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not, and that's it. I don't understand how you can keep being under this lingering on and doubts. Just take it to him, ask him, and get it over with.

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!! IF I PROMISED TO NOT TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM CONTACT ME AND LET HIM HAVE HIS SPACE AND TO FIGURE OUT HIS LIFE.... THEN HOW IN THE HELL CAN I BREAK THAT PROMISE!!!! YA KNOW IM GETTING SO PISSED OFF THAT IM THROUGH WITH DEALING WITH HIS BULLSHIT! FRANKLY HES GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT ON HIS OWN IF HE EVEN GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME!!!!!!! FUCK HIM! I HOPE SOMETHING FUCKING BAD HAPPENS TO HIM SO HE'LL REALIZE WHAT A FUCK HEAD HE'S BEING!!! I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE AND IM HURT DEEPLY! FUCK THE WORLD! FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!! I HAVE NOTHING ELSE LEFT TO DO! HE'LL JUST NEVER SEE ME EVER AGAIN THEN BECAUSE IM SICK OF THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM SICK OF MIND GAMES, BULLSHIT ANSWERS, ETC!!!!!!!!

Dawn. Relax. Take some time off from all this Try to think what's important to YOU and how far this is realistic? You don't and will never have control over someone else's mind/feelings/logics.

Just make up a sum and see if this is what you can live with or you need to move on to explore if there are happier venues to fulfill your satisfaction.

DEAR AYNGEL: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! BOTTOM LINE: I GIVE UP!!!! My dad told me... as soon as he REALIZES IM GONE TRULY... then thats when he'll see things.. thats IF he cares. So basically he's never gonna realize anything because I believe he dont care... so I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!