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My fiancé the love of my life and mother of my child broke up with me on 2/5/2013 the week before Valentine’s Day. I was sad, mad and depressed at the same time because this was something that I did not see coming at all especially after just getting over my mother’s brain surgery that had just happened 2 months prior to the break up, so it was like 2 traumatic experiences back to back, but this was even worse because I was losing my family life and my fiancé at the same time. How it happened was that she had went to her Mother’s house at 8am on 2/5/2013 and stayed over there all day because her mom had just had a miss carriage the week before so she was over there all day that day and she was over there part of the day on 2/4/2013 what’s crazy is that on 2/4/2013 we talked and bonded normally we told each other that we loved each on the phone and just had our normal loving day. But the next day is when everything erupted because I said on 2/5/2013 and stayed over there all day because her mom had just had a miss carriage the week before so she was over there all day, and she had gave me a call about 1pm saying that we needed to talk and what’s crazy is that I kind of figured that was what she wanted to talk about. Because I kind of always felt like her mom didn’t like me that much because I was always trying to put structure into my own family which was her daughter and my sons life, also I didn’t go over there with her that day either because I had my own mom at our home and she was still recovering from brain surgery and her balance was still of and I did not want to leave her in the house by herself. But I do wish that I could have gone over there with her though, but anyways on 2/5/2013 after I got out of class 6:15pm I just drove straight over to her moms house to see what she had wanted to talk about because I just could wait no longer you know, well when I got there I knocked on the door and then she had came to the door, her mom was sitting in the chair and didn’t say nothing so I was like this is weird , so I stuck my head in the door and I told her mom hey and she then replied hey , then my fiancé closed the door and she came outside and looked me in my eyes and gave me the engagement ring back and told me that she didn’t want to be with anymore because she could not take it anymore and that she wanted to live her life for her and I’m like well what about our child and our family and she was like she didn’t care because she wants to be single and that we she has love for me but that she is not in love with me anymore and that only thing she wanted to talk about was what are going to do with the apartment and her option was to break the leases were both would have to move out, now both of were and are still are unemployed and living off unemployment benefits so thinking rationally I didn’t think that this would be a good idea for us to do. Background info: now her two best friends both have children but neither of them are with their child’s father either, we will call them A and B , friend A was her best friend but she didn’t like me because she told her that I was coming in between their friendship and that she was choosing me over her and they got into a argument over text because friend A had started disrespecting me , now 2 yrs later they make up and she starts hanging out with her 2 months before we break up she was even with her on new year’s eve. Friend A also has a child with a guy but they are not together because he already had two other children by two different women so she shares him with the other 2 women, so technically I don’t think that she is happy for our relationship. Now friend B split from her child’s father because they were having problems and so well she started living the single lifestyle which was clubbing hard every weekend, now knowing that we are engaged she would text or call and ask her to go to clubs with her, so then my fiancé would ask me and I would be like no because there is nothing in clubs but single people looking for other single people and if your friend is single then she is not going to want to think like someone in a relationship. So we would go back n forth about trusting each other, so finally I did give in let her go out with her friends but they started to go bar hoping and I was not too happy about that but I said well If you love someone and if you trust them you should not worry and I didn’t because we have been together 4.5 yrs, so she would go out and come back home to me around 1am to 3am when she went out with them. I always felt like her friends thought of me as someone in their way of having a friendship with their friends, which is why I think that they wanted to end our relationship because they were jealous that we had this good love n trust for each other. Back to the break up, Well the for the next couple of days I kept pleading with her to try to let use work it out and she was like no there is no working it she wants out and that she doesn’t care that we have child together, well anyways that Saturday she stayed out all day and around 6pm she texted me and told me that she was going out with her friend, when she told me that I started to cry to myself because I had already known where they were going and what this was going to lead too. Well they started drinking at her friend’s house then they went o the club where she then told me that she had seen her ex boyfriend there who had just got out of jail November 2012 and that she danced with him the whole night at the club. After the club they go back to her friend’s house and her friend is friends with my fiancés ex boyfriend too, so her friend calls him and his friend and tells them to come over and to bring more drinks over. When the guys get there she then tells my fiancé that she is going to out but that she can stay at apartment with the guys there and says that she will be back in the morning and then she leaves my fiancé at her apartment with her ex boyfriend and they had sex at her apartment only 4 days after we had broke up. Well that Sunday she comes home at 1pm and doesn’t say anything about having sex with her ex but tells me about how much fun she had at the club, she came in gave me a hug and our son a hug and told me that she had missed us and asked me what were we going to eat today how I found out was because the next morning she was nauseous and felt like she had to throw up with morning sickness, so I was like u might be pregnant you know, thinking that I may have a new child coming and she was like I hope I’m not pregnant and I was like why and she was like because I had sex with my ex this Saturday at my friends house. I was mad and sad at the same time but being a good person and wanting to keep my family together I told her that we can work through this and she was like no I don’t want too. I was crushed I can’t believe that she would throw away our 4.5 years relationship for and ex that already has a child with another woman. Well she moved out on 2/22/13 and we have been communicating excellently but I still have feelings for her and I do want her back because she is the mother of my one and only child, well ever since she has moved out into her new apartment she has been talking to her ex and tells me that they are just friends and tells that the only reason they had sex that night was because they were wasted drunk. I’m like if you are drunk u still know what you are doing to a certain extent so I’m like he had sex with her because he wanted to have sex with her you know. But she trusts him says they are nothing more than friends but I came to her house one night at 11pm and I noticed that her passenger car seat was push way back and her ex is tall so I knew he was in her apartment . well I called her and she didn’t answer so I texted her and she didn’t text back, so I walked up to her door and I could hear the TV so I knocked on the door and she didn’t answer or open the door, I was crushed. So I started texting her telling her how mad she made me and how disrespected she made me feel. Well the next morning around 6am I called her no answer so I text her no response so I told her that you know I can’t do this or be her friend anymore and that I was bringing her the rest of her stuff in like 30mins, well she texted me and was like can u wait on me I am coming back from grandparents house and I’m like really at 6:30 am in the morning So well, all that day she was texting me and calling saying stuff like can we talk, it’s not what you think, you are making this into something bigger than what it is, so the whole day I gave her no contact and finally when I did she tells me that they were just sitting in her house watching a movie and talking, and she said that she had started to cry when she had seen my texts and that her ex boyfriend had asked if she still loves me and she told him yes, and that she was thinking about giving us another shot before she read all the nasty texts that I had sent her. She also told me that the reason she didn’t open the door was because she thought that me and him would have probably got into a fight. Well one day when I am at her house with her and my son here comes her ex knocking on the door, and what’s crazy is that she actually opened the door and let him come in while I was there, I was like wow, well I was like since she let him in let me go ahead and introduce myself to let him know that I was not looking for any trouble between him and I. recently she has taken a trip a to Florida and she has told me that she had met someone down there and that they have been talking on the phone but not a lot. She has also told me that he has told her that he would like to come up to the state where we stay and visit her. she told me that she had told him that she doesn’t know about that because she doesn’t want to bring anybody around our son that she isn’t really for sure she is going to be with, she tells me that guy really likes her a lot but says that she doesn’t want any relationship right now with anyone. well it’s been 2 months since we have been broken up and miss and the family feeling everyday when wake up, I have tried so many times reason with her to get our family back together ,I have even offered marriage and she stills says no and says that we can be friends.. Close friends and nothing, but whenever I go over to her apartment to pick up my son or to drop him off she always gives me a two arm full hug tightly, and she even lets me sleep in her bed if I stay the night at her apartment. We also talk like every day on the phone and sometimes we even talk all night and fall asleep while talking on the phone, I love her so much she is my whole world she’s the mother of my child, so doing no contact is like torture for me and its impossible because we have to communicate because we have a child together. So my question is I want to know if there is any hope or chance of getting my family and the love of my life back.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a
.

8 Comments:

  • gummybears: looks to me like she doesn’t want the same thing you want. she is giving you mixed signals by letting you stay and showing affection right now.
    unless you have had a talk with her that the relationship is fixable... keep away.
    have you had that talk, or tried that talk? if you did what happened?
    otherwise, keep conversations limited to the child, regarding visiting, food etc. you are still a parent.
    keep the romance, and relationship talk to a minimum.
  • Kratos: Well when I did talk to her about fixing our relationship she replied that she doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now with anyone. but she is still hanging out with her ex and has even taken our child over to her exes house to play with his son. she says that she is not attracted to him and that she only considers him to be a friend and she said that she told him that she has met new person from Floridia that she may be interested in talking to, but she told me that she is not going go with him either because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.
    But what gets me is that she considers her ex as a friend when she had sex with him like 4weeks ago and she still hangs out with daily. And she also told me that she met the Florida guy at house party and that she grind danced with him the whole night. And says that he has told her that he wants to come up where she stays to see her me I think he just wants sex but what do I know. But in nutshell no she hasn’t reached out nor tried to give me and her chance to fix our relationship.
  • malmn: Man, I feel for you. Your situation really sucks.
    I’m sorry to tell this to you, but at this time, I don’t think you can salvage anything. I mean your ex has her heart and mind set and you can’t change that. No matter what your thinking or hoping, you can’t change that. I’m sorry.
    My advice for you is to keep your head up, stay strong, keep yourself together, don’t act desperate, always do the right thing, and don’t make any decisions based on emotions.
    Another really important piece of advice is not to try and understand what she is thinking and feeling. Your ex sounds messed up so whatever that’s going on inside of her it will never make sense and you’ll never understand. Just make sense of your thoughts and feelings and do what you need to move forward in a smart and healthy manner.
    Take care of yourself. Get out, get active and make new friends. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your beautiful child.
    I’m really sorry. I hope you get better real soon.
  • Kratos: Ty for the advice but for someone reason I still do want to believe that there is still hope, I have tried begging and giving her what she wanted by still talking to her and giving her advice by still letting her in emotionally to me. But right now I am trying the No contact by just talking to her about my son and only my son and not really giving her any parts of me no more because we are no longer together. This is the 3rd day of NC so we will se how it goes .But hopefully one day she realizes that I love her like no other man will.... U know I thought she was my soulmate for life.
  • gummybears: just tbink of it this way: she was your soulmate for that part of your life.
  • Kratos: I understand what you are saying but are you saying that there is no hope in salvaging any parts of our relationship and that I should go ahead and just except my lover as my friend even though I care and still love her unconditionally.
    When I start to reject her it’s like also start to hate her because I told her and we both agreed in the beginning that if we had a child that we stay together as family until the end. But now it like she’s only thinking about only herself and how she feels, it’s like a side that I never new exited inside of her. I want it to work so bad because I want a better life for us as a whole.
  • gummybears: no, I didn’t say that there’s no hope of salvaging any part of your relationship with her. :). I meant that we are with people throughout our lives somtimes for a reason. those kinds of people are what I now call soulmate.
    besides brother, you ate talking to a guy who was married for ten years and has grown children and is recently divorced.
    me and my kid’s mom have a different relationship now. we still have one, its just evolved into something else.
    you are pretty fresh into your break up, and first you need to heal from the loss and rejection. doing no contact will help speed that healing up.
    :)
  • Kratos: Doing no contact for the last 4 days has helped me realize that I love her so much that I can forgive her for what she has done to me and except her as a friend but more then a friend because I can now see that she will never hate me unless I hate her and that no matter what her friends other do is always going to be just about what I feel as a person and how she makes me feel as a person/ I know friendship is not something that u except with your ex but for some reason i believe that when there is a child involved that u have to put ur emotions aside and try to make it happy for the child . Do u think that it’s okay to break the no contact this is the fifth day and I do miss our friendship and I’m starting to believe that it’s going to be what it’s going to be so what does anyone think?

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